May 2017 Mummies

[Rachel82]

Oh no, Lisey, I was hoping that the 4 month sleep regression was just a myth. Harper is 3 months on Weds and I feel like I'm getting used to the 3-5 hour sleeps she allows at a time. Do not want to think about hourly wake ups!

 

[lisey]

I hadn't even heard of it before, it was only because I thought it was odd that her sleep had changed so much, so looked it up! It was like I had written it about her. I do hope it improves, I followed some of the advice and I do have to say, she napped much better today, she is usually terrible at having naps, apparently it should be hour and half awake and then nap, I think 4 naps a day, she had 3 though.

Does anyone else feel like their OHs don't do enough? Mine goes to work to support us (I do work too though, just don't earn anywhere near his wage) but is home by 4. He cooks dinner which helps but I do everything else. I do every single nappy (he even tells me when she has done a poo, rather than using his initiative and changing her nappy himself) and feeds, I always settle her when she is upset and I always get her to sleep at night, I walk the dog, do all the washing, cleaning etc. I don't get five minutes, when baby is asleep for the night, I have my son to look after, he stays up until late and because of the learning difficulties and autism, it can be quite lively, so not very relaxing for me. My OH pops out to see his friend, pops to his parents, has 45 minute baths as he watches a programme on his phone and there's me, sometimes not even able to have a cup of tea! Sometimes I don't get to have a bath until 11 at night. Its really annoying me now, its probably not helped by the fact that I am not getting a lot of sleep and each time I am up, he is there snoring away whilst I can barely keep my eyes open! xx

 

[snowbee]

Can you wake him to take some of the night settling or are you bfing when she wakes? My oh is working 6am-10pm at the moment so I'm doing everything, it is tiring especially as he seems incapable of cleaning up after himself. Came down this morning and his tea plate is in the middle of the floor! Every blinking day! He also trails mud and straw through the house, he needs better training to shake himself and his clothes outside first lol. If he could manage these couple of things it would be so much easier for me. G also won't nap in the day unless it is on me so I have to do everything once he is home from work at 10. Still I do love holding him so I don't mind too much

 

[lisey]

I am not feeding her every time but my OH would be useless at waking in the night. He is the same and leaves cups and plates about. He also leaves his dirty washing on the washing basket!! On it, would take two seconds to put inside xx

 

[Rachel82]

Lisey, I do have moments where I feel so annoyed at my OH for not helping me during the night. We are mixed feeding with formula and EBM so no reason that he couldn't take over a feed, especially at the weekend when he's not working the next day. I have to sit Harper up after her feeds for 15-20 minutes because of reflux (although this does seem to finally be getting better) and I look at him snoozing away and I do get irritated. But, I'm a bit of a control freak and, because of her feeding issues, I would probably be awake watching him anyway, so I just let it go. If I asked he'd probably be fine with it but I guess I think I can do it better myself, lol!

 

[Rachel82]

Oh and it really annoys me when he brings washing in and then says "there's a pile of Harper's clothes here." He just seems to think it's my job to put her clothes away. So annoying!

 

[BettyHoop]

Hi all. Hope olly is OK missy. Well done Emily xx

I've not been doing great. I feel like everything that's happened is just too much at the moment and daisy is just so frantic all the time I don't get a break. My oh is trying to be supportive but he works so he's tired when he gets home. He wanted us to go to a festival this weekend but I don't want to go as I'm hardly coping at home let alone trekking across England to stay in a field in a caravan for a few days! He's going to go on his own instead. So now I'm dreading my weekend. I basically dread most days now as awful as that sounds. People keep telling me it gets better, or that daisy will be less intense in time but I'm not so sure! I tried to go back to work recently (from home) but she doesn't like sleeping and prefers screaming so I don't get a moment to myself, or if I do its to grab some water or a wash. So I've decided to wait until she's old enough for nursery and luckily I have my oh to support me til then, as long as our relationship lasts. I think he's getting a bit tired of how crazy this has all been and how I seem to pull it together some days then fail miserably on other days!

I've got a drs appointment Friday and hoping they'll refer me for sterilisation. I'm terrified of getting pregnant again so we're just not having sex for now.

I can't help but feel broken by everything, and really sad that this has all been so negative. I can't help but wish just a bit of this journey had been easier. I feel like I'm missing out on the enjoyment of having a baby. I know it's not meant to be easy but if it was like this for everyone no one would have multiple children! Sorry for the negativity. I probably won't be on here for a while because I don't want to just moan and seem ungrateful. We've all been through such hard times to get our babies and I feel awful but I just want to take a break for a day or two to get my thoughts in order! Xx

 

[lisey]

Lisey, I do have moments where I feel so annoyed at my OH for not helping me during the night. We are mixed feeding with formula and EBM so no reason that he couldn't take over a feed, especially at the weekend when he's not working the next day. I have to sit Harper up after her feeds for 15-20 minutes because of reflux (although this does seem to finally be getting better) and I look at him snoozing away and I do get irritated. But, I'm a bit of a control freak and, because of her feeding issues, I would probably be awake watching him anyway, so I just let it go. If I asked he'd probably be fine with it but I guess I think I can do it better myself, lol!

I would be the same, would stay up to make sure he didn't fall asleep holding her so may as well do it myself. It's more in the evenings I could do with more help so I can spend some quality time with my son too xx

 

[lisey]

Hi all. Hope olly is OK missy. Well done Emily xx

I've not been doing great. I feel like everything that's happened is just too much at the moment and daisy is just so frantic all the time I don't get a break. My oh is trying to be supportive but he works so he's tired when he gets home. He wanted us to go to a festival this weekend but I don't want to go as I'm hardly coping at home let alone trekking across England to stay in a field in a caravan for a few days! He's going to go on his own instead. So now I'm dreading my weekend. I basically dread most days now as awful as that sounds. People keep telling me it gets better, or that daisy will be less intense in time but I'm not so sure! I tried to go back to work recently (from home) but she doesn't like sleeping and prefers screaming so I don't get a moment to myself, or if I do its to grab some water or a wash. So I've decided to wait until she's old enough for nursery and luckily I have my oh to support me til then, as long as our relationship lasts. I think he's getting a bit tired of how crazy this has all been and how I seem to pull it together some days then fail miserably on other days!

I've got a drs appointment Friday and hoping they'll refer me for sterilisation. I'm terrified of getting pregnant again so we're just not having sex for now.

I can't help but feel broken by everything, and really sad that this has all been so negative. I can't help but wish just a bit of this journey had been easier. I feel like I'm missing out on the enjoyment of having a baby. I know it's not meant to be easy but if it was like this for everyone no one would have multiple children! Sorry for the negativity. I probably won't be on here for a while because I don't want to just moan and seem ungrateful. We've all been through such hard times to get our babies and I feel awful but I just want to take a break for a day or two to get my thoughts in order! Xx

Betty, please don't stay away, if you're feeling low then we are here to listen, it can be an outlet for you.
Do you feel you could have post natal depression, I don't mean to offend, it's just I think it remember you saying you have had depression in the past? I have too and we are more prone to PND.
I wish we all lived closer to meet up and help Each other through the tough times, I promise it will get easier, it doesn't feel like it but it will. Have you got anyone around who can watch her for a couple of hours so you can have some time to yourself? Xx

 

[Rachel82]

I agree with Lisey, Betty, don't stay away. We all understand how difficult it is and I for one definitely don't think you're moaning or being ungrateful. Having Harper has been such a massive upheaval for me and I totally underestimated the extent of this upheaval. Do you feel anxious as it's possible to have post natal anxiety even if you don't feel depressed? I definitely feel like I can get a bit anxious sometimes but it's manageable for me at the moment. It's good that you are seeing a doctor.

 

[Emily0505]

Oh Betty

Please don't leave. We're here to support you and help you, not just to ignore you if things are tough. I really think you should see your gp asap and discuss exactly how you're feeling as there could be more that can be done to help you feel better


Don't be afraid of asking friends or family for help - people like to feel useful. Could you get a cleaner in once a week to help you with the house? One less thing to worry about? Maybe see if your oh can take responsibility for Daisy so you can have some time for yourself? Spend an afternoon batch cooking and fill your freezer so you don't have to worry about cooking every night?

Like Lisey says, I really wish we all lived closer so could help properly.

XX

 

[Rachel82]

Lisey, have you told him how you feel? My OH is quite good on the whole when he gets in from work. I can definitely pass her over and he'll look after her for the evening while I have a bath, get bottles ready etc. He'll also cook dinner if I ask him but he doesn't generally use his initiative and just do it. I don't think that's how most men are wired though.

 

[Emily0505]

I'm struggling with Intrusive Thoughts at the moment.
Generally to do with my children being at risk. For example we went to the zoo on Saturday and that night as I was trying to fall asleep, all I could think about was all these different scenarios involving a gorilla getting loose and coming after me and the kids. How would I get them safe? Would I be able to get Eleanor out of her pram quick enough? Could i run fast enoug carrying them both? Could I even carry them both? What if the glass broke and i fell into the enclosure holding Eleanor? How would I get her out before a gorilla got her?

Nobody is alone in having or dealing with anxiety or depression or even just the day to day trials and tribulations of life!

XX

 

[BettyHoop]

Thanks lisey. There's no one nearby unfortunately- I left everyone I knew when I moved here with oh and our parents live at either end of the country with us in the middle!

The last couple of days I've almost hoped I can blame how I feel on PND! I have struggled in the past and was diagnosed with ptsd a few years back but moved before therapy started and also felt better anyway so didn't feel I needed to pursue it. I'm worried about daisy's behaviour. Everyone who knows us says she is unusually fidgety and upset and intense. So obviously my sleep deprived mind is now wondering if she has some disability that the won't be picked up on for a while yet, and I wonder how I will cope. Oh says he would probably leave if that were the case as it's been hard enough as it is! I love daisy so much but I so need a break! Xx

 

[millielaura]

Betty is she still struggling reflux wise? I honestly did not enjoy Imogen one bit until she started solids. I dreaded everyday. All she did was scream and scream and scream it was like she was a bomb waiting to go off. She would wake up screaming and I'd feed her and put her in swing and when she stopped screaming she slept and I crept around the house knowing the minute she woke up it would be non stop screaming. for hours. It just goes on and on and on doesn't it. My husband had 2 seperate weeks off work using his holiday as I said he needed to be off. The only way I still wanted and want another is because my friend who went through it said her second baby didn't have reflux at all and I just clung onto that and the fact she said it would stop. I felt so guilty for not enjoying her after years of wanting her. Reflux babies are such hard work!!!She is so easy now compared. She only cries when overtired. I know some people who have newborns who only cry when hungry or tired etc and it seems so crazy! I would of loved a newborn like that. Imogen used to have Calpol most days she was in so much pain ,gaviscon and ranitidine did nothing for her reflux. We had some success on omeprazole and carobel thickener. But even so shed be hysterical in pain so needed Calpol. Will never forget what it was like watching my baby in pain all day everyday. a few people mentioned PND to me but it was just the fact I had a baby that screamed all day everyday that made me feel down! Reflux babies aren't general newborns it's defo not like it for everyone so you shouldn't feel guilty for moaning. Everytime I felt guilty for moaning I just thought to myself how surely no one wants to see their baby suffer all.the.time. Lots of mums I knew cried at babies 8 weeks injections. I just said "oh that sounds exactly like what she does all day everyday but injection day was easier because she had 3 doses of Calpol and was in less pain reflux wise." Think that's when i realised just how much pain the poor thing was in. Anyway just wanted to let you know it's totally valid everything you feel and you shouldn't apologise for it. It really does get better I promise.. i never believed anyone who said that either!Going to message you this on fb as well in case you do come off here for a bit lol. xx

Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk

 

[millielaura]

Just seen you replied on here so guessing you're stillcon haha.. everyone I know said Imogen was abnormally upset and intense too ! Now she can go to a class and be the happiest baby in the room. I used to be scared she would be a miserable person for the rest of her life but she is a really happy baby now! Silent reflux burns their throat like our heartburncin pregnancy does. Add any wind issues to that and they're spending their whole day in pain not able to help themselves

Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk

 

[BettyHoop]

I agree with Lisey, Betty, don't stay away. We all understand how difficult it is and I for one definitely don't think you're moaning or being ungrateful. Having Harper has been such a massive upheaval for me and I totally underestimated the extent of this upheaval. Do you feel anxious as it's possible to have post natal anxiety even if you don't feel depressed? I definitely feel like I can get a bit anxious sometimes but it's manageable for me at the moment. It's good that you are seeing a doctor.

I do think I'm quite anxious. I think our traumatic birth left me feeling hypervigilant and I'm always anxious about daisy's wellbeing. Lately my silly brain keeps flashing horrible images of terrible things that could happen, for example the other day there was a wasp in the house which I manged to hoover up! But as I was coming back into the living room with the hoover from across the room I looked at daisy and thought I saw lots of wasps crawling out her mouth ????!!!!! Obviously it wasn't the case at all but I keep having images like this. Also don't want my oh to drive because I keep imagining him in a car crash. I know this is just anxiety but it's horrible xx

 

[BettyHoop]

I'm struggling with Intrusive Thoughts at the moment.
Generally to do with my children being at risk. For example we went to the zoo on Saturday and that night as I was trying to fall asleep, all I could think about was all these different scenarios involving a gorilla getting loose and coming after me and the kids. How would I get them safe? Would I be able to get Eleanor out of her pram quick enough? Could i run fast enoug carrying them both? Could I even carry them both? What if the glass broke and i fell into the enclosure holding Eleanor? How would I get her out before a gorilla got her?

Nobody is alone in having or dealing with anxiety or depression or even just the day to day trials and tribulations of life!

XX

OMG this is me all over :/ xx

 

[BettyHoop]

Oh Betty

Please don't leave. We're here to support you and help you, not just to ignore you if things are tough. I really think you should see your gp asap and discuss exactly how you're feeling as there could be more that can be done to help you feel better


Don't be afraid of asking friends or family for help - people like to feel useful. Could you get a cleaner in once a week to help you with the house? One less thing to worry about? Maybe see if your oh can take responsibility for Daisy so you can have some time for yourself? Spend an afternoon batch cooking and fill your freezer so you don't have to worry about cooking every night?

Like Lisey says, I really wish we all lived closer so could help properly.

XX

Trying to get to the gp is a massive mission! Leaving the house with daisy is like organising a trip to the moon! Also it's just so embarrassing and stressful because she screams and screams and won't be held or calmed by me most of the time let alone anyone else. Oh is finishing work early Friday so I can go and talk about sterilisation, I'll mention how I feel then. I'm about bit wary of talking to certain GPS at my surgery now after being fobbed off so much before.

I've been trying to find a registered childminder to come to our home but they seem to be gold dust round here. Trouble is they probably wouldn't last long after a couple of hours here! Xx

 

[Emily0505]

At the moment I'm finding that this helps to deal with it: rather than fight the thought, I allow myself to have it, all the while telling myself this is just an intrusive thought, this did not happen, my children are safe and tucked up in their beds asleep. Telling myself this is just an intrusive thought and it will pass.

XX