Aww Betty, I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time of it. Feelings of being a failure threatened to bring me down for a little while initially. I felt like a failure that Harper's birth didn't go to plan and I ended up having a section instead of the gas and air natural birth I'd hoped for. I felt like a failure because she had a tongue tie and I couldn't breastfeed for 4 weeks. Then when she could latch on I felt crap that her reflux meant she hated feeding on me and I also felt a little disappointed in myself that I took the "easy" route of expressing 2-3 feeds a day and using formula for the rest. But then I decided that no, I couldn't let all these issues be bigger than enjoying the moments with my precious girl, who will never be this age again and who will grow so quickly that I'll look back and wish I could have slowed down time. I decided that I needed to realise that I was doing good and that Harper won't care when she's older that she fed from my breast or not, or whether I birthed her naturally or by section. These aren't the things that will shape her. What will shape her is the love my OH and I shower on her and the time we take to help her learn new things. I thought about the thousands of mums and dads every year who have to leave the hospital without their babies and who had just a moment of time with them before saying goodbye, because their babies were stillborn. I'm not trying to belittle what you've experienced; it's been awful for you and I really hope that your daughter suffers no ill effects from her birth, but don't let these things take over and destroy these precious moments with your baby girl cos you'll never get them again!
