Long termers 6 months or more

[liz85]

I’m so sorry to hear this. Did the doctor give any advice ? Is there nothing he could take to help? I heard wellman was good I put my husband on those to help with his xxx

 

[_GG_]

So my DH had his SA last week, today I went back to the doctors to get the results of my 21 day bloods confirmed - consistent with ovulation on 2 months out of 3 - hooray! However it then came to my husband's results for his SA last week, low count, low motility and abnormal shape. The doctor said we would be incredibly luck to ever conceive naturally with results like that. He has to do another test to compare it but not looking positive at all, I just want to cry my eyes out!

Oh Wilson, I am so sorry to read that. Awful blow for you both. How is your husband doing? I feel so much for the men in our lives through this whole process when things aren't going well as I just don't think they have many doors open to them to talk about it or feel able to feel much of anything as it's so much about us. How is he doing with the news?

Remember it only actually takes one sperm and one egg to make a baby, so it may be almost impossible to conceive naturally, but little of our lives are natural nowadays so I really really hope you get referred for IVF. I know of quite a few people who have successfully had IVF abroad as well when NHS coverage ran out because it's a lot more affordable and they've had superb care.

Please take some time to look after yourselves, both of you. Must be a terrible shock. xxx

 

[Wilson14]

No advice at this stage other than a good luck and that look. He's booking his next SA today. He was a little upset about it, more at the thought of having to go for more testing. He's adamant he won't do IVF so if the next analysis comes back bad then that's it for us. I'm absolutely devastated. What makes it worse is his son (from a previous relationship) posted pictures just yesterday of his girlfriends scan, his brother's girlfriend has just had a baby and one of our best friends is also pregnant. I could just scream at anyone announcing that they are pregnant. Just can't deal with it anymore.

 

[_GG_]

No advice at this stage other than a good luck and that look. He's booking his next SA today. He was a little upset about it, more at the thought of having to go for more testing. He's adamant he won't do IVF so if the next analysis comes back bad then that's it for us. I'm absolutely devastated. What makes it worse is his son (from a previous relationship) posted pictures just yesterday of his girlfriends scan, his brother's girlfriend has just had a baby and one of our best friends is also pregnant. I could just scream at anyone announcing that they are pregnant. Just can't deal with it anymore.

Oh blimey, that is really awful for you. I really don't know what to say. I know Dan and I discussed and were both open to IVF and even fostering and adopting as we will foster in the future anyway hopefully, but it sounds like all those options may be unavailable to you. I have no idea how I'd cope with that, so sending you huge huge hugs xxx

 

[Wilson14]

Thanks _GG_
Going to wait for the results of his next SA and hope they are better but really messed up right now about how I think the rest of my life is going to go.

 

[_GG_]

Thanks _GG_
Going to wait for the results of his next SA and hope they are better but really messed up right now about how I think the rest of my life is going to go.

Slightly off kilter, but had you discussed this in the early days before it got serious between you? I feel so sad for you Wilson. Every woman deserves to be able to bear their child or have a child by other means if it's what they really want. Six years ago, I was facing the prospect of a Hysterectomy and Dan, my OH and I knew from very early on in our relationship that having children was supremely important to both of us. I remember sitting him down the day before my tests and telling him that if I did need the operation and it was important to him to have his own biological child and we couldn't find a surrogate or donor, that I would rather he went off and started a new life with someone that could give him a child as I'm not sure I'd have ever got over the feeling of denying him something so very very important. I knew he would tell me what he did, but it made no difference to how I felt. I felt I would have not been enough had I needed the op.

As it happens, he actually got quite angry with me for thinking that way and told me having a life with me and our children, even if we had to adopt from abroad, was far more important to him than a life with a biological child that didn't have me in it.

I have no idea where you go from here but I really hope your lines of communication are open. I'm always around if you need a vent as are all the ladies on here. If you're on facebook, my name on there is Cheryl Ann Stray, feel free to look me up as I'm always around if you need a virtual shoulder.

Huge hugs. It's a hell of a lot for you to take in and I'm sure it will take some time. I'll keeo my fingers firmly crossed that the next SA is more positive for you. xxx

 

[Wilson14]

My husband has two children from a previous relationship, there's a 10 year age gap between us so when we met I didn't want children and didn't think I was ever likely to, I was focused on my career and have never had a maternal instinct so never thought that would change. He had two children and said at the time it suited him that I didn't want children as he didn't want any more. We've been together 15 years and about 2 and a half years ago my best friend got pregnant and it started me thinking about if i really didn't want children. I came to the conclusion that I would like to try and after a few months of thinking about it more, probably longer I mentioned it to my husband. He was quite shocked and perhaps angry at first and sometimes he still gets angry that I've tricked him and now changed my mind. I never knew I would and really honestly didn't believe I would, but now it's all I can think about.
We have a joint FB account and he'd be angry if he knew I was on here talking about our personal business but there's no-one I can talk to. He's just making a joke out of it (I presume because he's upset), but I know he could probably do something to improve our chances and that would be to stop smoking and drinking. He says he will but I know him and he won't. I'm worried this is going to drive a wedge between us, he's very headstrong and I've always gone along with things for an easy life. Just not sure how I'm going to feel if he won't help us in try to make this happen. I'm probably being unfair and writing him off before he's had the chance to try - really mixed emotions right now. Thanks for your support though, I feel a bit better having somewhere to vent!

 

[liz85]

So sorry Wilson I hope you get better news. Sending you a virtual hug xxx

 

[_GG_]

It's always worth staying open and having a really honest chat...in which you give the other person a chance to surprise you. He may just have no idea how important this has become to you. Whichever way you look at it...ultimately, only you can know what's most important to you...your marriage and life with him or having children of your own. If it's your marriage and life with him, I'd strongly advise some marriage/couples counselling as I've had two friends end up with divorces due to just this child issue because one or the other could never really stop feeling resentment and it ate away at them. One actually went on to find a sperm donor and had two of her children as a single woman and is now pregnant with her third with her new husband. The other friend was a man and his ex has gone on to have children while he hasn't as he never wanted them and he is thrilled for her. In his words, "I don't have to live with the guilt of being the reason her dream would never come true".

It's a position I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy so yes, please keep coming in here to vent and just get things off your chest, no matter how trivial or small they may seem or if you worry the problems are too big...just share and lean on us.

Remember...talk to him, be honest with him and above all, be honest with yourself. The need to be a mum, when you feel it, is like nothing else in life. Xx

 

[Wilson14]

Thanks so much _GG_ you've been so kind to me today and I feel a little better, got to go home and see him soon so need to put a brave face on it or it will escalate into an argument at this point I fear.

Speak soon xx

 

[_GG_]

Thanks so much _GG_ you've been so kind to me today and I feel a little better, got to go home and see him soon so need to put a brave face on it or it will escalate into an argument at this point I fear.

Speak soon xx

Put your brave face on for now as nothing is set in stone with his next SA not yet done. After that though, don't Put a brave face on. Your husband is the one person in life you should be able to be totally open and putting on a brave face will only mean that emotions build up to unhealthy levels. Remember you are the only true advocate for yourself in life, so be your own protector, defender and best friend as well. Big hugs xxx

 

[MoominGirl]

So my DH had his SA last week, today I went back to the doctors to get the results of my 21 day bloods confirmed - consistent with ovulation on 2 months out of 3 - hooray! However it then came to my husband's results for his SA last week, low count, low motility and abnormal shape. The doctor said we would be incredibly luck to ever conceive naturally with results like that. He has to do another test to compare it but not looking positive at all, I just want to cry my eyes out!

Wilson, I'm so sorry. Male factor issues can be very difficult to deal with so I thought I'd share some of our experience and hopefully it can help you.

When my OH did his first SA, it came back with low motility, all other parameters were normal. He did a repeat and it was pretty much the same. He tried to put a brave face on it but he's since admitted he found it really difficult. Men feel so protective of their sperm quality and he said he felt like he was letting the side down. I never ever felt that way and for me it was more like his problem was our problem and I notice a lot of ladies on here seem to see it that way too.

We decided to make some improvements to his diet and he started exercising a bit more. He's never smoked and alcohol and caffeine have always been minimal. He also started taking conception vitamins and after doing all this for about 6 months he had also lost about 1.5 stone without really trying. He did another sample and all parameters were normal. That was several months ago but he still maintained this in his most recent sample last month.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to end this story with a natural pregnancy as we're still trying and IVF is going to be the likely next step for us. However, I do think there are more to our issues than just a low motility. Also, your OH has fathered 2 children in the past so maybe some lifestyle improvements will be all that's needed.

Have you explored the reasons why he is so against fertility treatment? I think it will be important for you to understand that if you're to move forward. Good luck!

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Wilson how awful. Don't ever let him feel guilty for having a change of heart. What you really need to decide between you is how important all the aspects are....can you be happy with or without children and if not where does that take you forward. Echo GG in that communication is so key....our toughest times so far ttc has been when we have both shut down and stopped talking. When the doors are open again we often realise we both felt the same just were frightened to say it out loud to each other. Good luck x

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

So I'm 8 or 9 dpo caved and poas of course it was stark white BFN. Don't know why I insist on torturing myself. Losing all hope for this month no symptoms other than being shattered but that's life I'm always knackered lol. Suppose have had a few pulling twinges on my bikini line region but that's probably just wind or something. On the negative bus this morning. No doubt the witch will show her ugly face early next week. So just preparing myself. Hope everyone else is feeling more upbeat today x

 

[liz85]

Sorry nikkibiscuit maybe its still early days. Hang in there. I’m not feeling overly upbeat. I’m maybe 2/3 days post op. Just don’t have that feeling it’s my month.

 

[liz85]

Dpo

 

[Sunflower1]

So I'm 8 or 9 dpo caved and poas of course it was stark white BFN. Don't know why I insist on torturing myself. Losing all hope for this month no symptoms other than being shattered but that's life I'm always knackered lol. Suppose have had a few pulling twinges on my bikini line region but that's probably just wind or something. On the negative bus this morning. No doubt the witch will show her ugly face early next week. So just preparing myself. Hope everyone else is feeling more upbeat today x

That's very early to test. Maybe distract yourself for a bit! xx

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

So I'm 8 or 9 dpo caved and poas of course it was stark white BFN. Don't know why I insist on torturing myself. Losing all hope for this month no symptoms other than being shattered but that's life I'm always knackered lol. Suppose have had a few pulling twinges on my bikini line region but that's probably just wind or something. On the negative bus this morning. No doubt the witch will show her ugly face early next week. So just preparing myself. Hope everyone else is feeling more upbeat today x

That's very early to test. Maybe distract yourself for a bit! xx

I know trying to lol. Work doing my head in Not helping. I'm off tomorrow though so have a nice horsey day planned hitting the sales at local tack shop then going riding so that will keep my mind off it for at least one day lol. If I can get through until at least Monday that would be best. Hopefully by then will either show some signs of AF as usually miserable cow few days before lol. But even better if that doesn't show x

 

[Wilson14]

I’m so sorry to hear this. Did the doctor give any advice ? Is there nothing he could take to help? I heard wellman was good I put my husband on those to help with his xxx

I've got him so Wellman so let's see how that goes - if he takes them!!

 

[Wilson14]

Wilson, I'm so sorry. Male factor issues can be very difficult to deal with so I thought I'd share some of our experience and hopefully it can help you.

When my OH did his first SA, it came back with low motility, all other parameters were normal. He did a repeat and it was pretty much the same. He tried to put a brave face on it but he's since admitted he found it really difficult. Men feel so protective of their sperm quality and he said he felt like he was letting the side down. I never ever felt that way and for me it was more like his problem was our problem and I notice a lot of ladies on here seem to see it that way too.

We decided to make some improvements to his diet and he started exercising a bit more. He's never smoked and alcohol and caffeine have always been minimal. He also started taking conception vitamins and after doing all this for about 6 months he had also lost about 1.5 stone without really trying. He did another sample and all parameters were normal. That was several months ago but he still maintained this in his most recent sample last month.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to end this story with a natural pregnancy as we're still trying and IVF is going to be the likely next step for us. However, I do think there are more to our issues than just a low motility. Also, your OH has fathered 2 children in the past so maybe some lifestyle improvements will be all that's needed.

Have you explored the reasons why he is so against fertility treatment? I think it will be important for you to understand that if you're to move forward. Good luck!

It's his age for one, he thinks it would take too long, second thing is we can't afford it and I doubt we'd be able to get it on the NHS, we have friends in the area that ended up forking out £15000 for theirs (and that was 17 years ago), we don't have that kind of money. We had an argument about it Tuesday night as he said I was being selfish and that he didn't care about changing his diet or quitting smoking and drinking, then later on he calmed down a bit and got upset and said he's sorry it's his fault and asked me if I was going to leave him because of it to which I said no. But I think if the next SA is just as bad we will just have to forget about having a family. Just not sure I can deal with the fact that I will never have children.