Long termers 6 months or more

[_GG_]

Wilson, I'm so sorry. Male factor issues can be very difficult to deal with so I thought I'd share some of our experience and hopefully it can help you.

When my OH did his first SA, it came back with low motility, all other parameters were normal. He did a repeat and it was pretty much the same. He tried to put a brave face on it but he's since admitted he found it really difficult. Men feel so protective of their sperm quality and he said he felt like he was letting the side down. I never ever felt that way and for me it was more like his problem was our problem and I notice a lot of ladies on here seem to see it that way too.

We decided to make some improvements to his diet and he started exercising a bit more. He's never smoked and alcohol and caffeine have always been minimal. He also started taking conception vitamins and after doing all this for about 6 months he had also lost about 1.5 stone without really trying. He did another sample and all parameters were normal. That was several months ago but he still maintained this in his most recent sample last month.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to end this story with a natural pregnancy as we're still trying and IVF is going to be the likely next step for us. However, I do think there are more to our issues than just a low motility. Also, your OH has fathered 2 children in the past so maybe some lifestyle improvements will be all that's needed.

Have you explored the reasons why he is so against fertility treatment? I think it will be important for you to understand that if you're to move forward. Good luck!

It's his age for one, he thinks it would take too long, second thing is we can't afford it and I doubt we'd be able to get it on the NHS, we have friends in the area that ended up forking out £15000 for theirs (and that was 17 years ago), we don't have that kind of money. We had an argument about it Tuesday night as he said I was being selfish and that he didn't care about changing his diet or quitting smoking and drinking, then later on he calmed down a bit and got upset and said he's sorry it's his fault and asked me if I was going to leave him because of it to which I said no. But I think if the next SA is just as bad we will just have to forget about having a family. Just not sure I can deal with the fact that I will never have children.

Oh Wilson...firstly, you're not there yet. Secondly, IVF isn't the only route to having a child. Have you thought about fostering and/or adopting. Honestly, Dan and I would even have adopted from abroad had we needed to. Having children, ours or others is just a huge thing to both of us so we really would have explored all options and still considering fostering in the future.

Wait for the SA and go from there but be kind to yourself and tell hubby to do the same.

 

[millielaura]

Oh Wilson big hugs! My OH sperm analyses in august came back low motility and the consultant said if we wanted another to look at ivf which was a shock because his sperm has always been fine before our daughter. I got in touch with Serum clinic in Greece by filling out their online questionnaire on the website and they prescribed him antibiotics and said to take high dose vitamin C and E for 40 days I think it was . It was only around £13 for the private prescription. After he completed it his sperm analyses came back normal! Xx

 

[MoominGirl]

Wilson, I'm so sorry. Male factor issues can be very difficult to deal with so I thought I'd share some of our experience and hopefully it can help you.

When my OH did his first SA, it came back with low motility, all other parameters were normal. He did a repeat and it was pretty much the same. He tried to put a brave face on it but he's since admitted he found it really difficult. Men feel so protective of their sperm quality and he said he felt like he was letting the side down. I never ever felt that way and for me it was more like his problem was our problem and I notice a lot of ladies on here seem to see it that way too.

We decided to make some improvements to his diet and he started exercising a bit more. He's never smoked and alcohol and caffeine have always been minimal. He also started taking conception vitamins and after doing all this for about 6 months he had also lost about 1.5 stone without really trying. He did another sample and all parameters were normal. That was several months ago but he still maintained this in his most recent sample last month.

Unfortunately, I'm not going to end this story with a natural pregnancy as we're still trying and IVF is going to be the likely next step for us. However, I do think there are more to our issues than just a low motility. Also, your OH has fathered 2 children in the past so maybe some lifestyle improvements will be all that's needed.

Have you explored the reasons why he is so against fertility treatment? I think it will be important for you to understand that if you're to move forward. Good luck!

It's his age for one, he thinks it would take too long, second thing is we can't afford it and I doubt we'd be able to get it on the NHS, we have friends in the area that ended up forking out £15000 for theirs (and that was 17 years ago), we don't have that kind of money. We had an argument about it Tuesday night as he said I was being selfish and that he didn't care about changing his diet or quitting smoking and drinking, then later on he calmed down a bit and got upset and said he's sorry it's his fault and asked me if I was going to leave him because of it to which I said no. But I think if the next SA is just as bad we will just have to forget about having a family. Just not sure I can deal with the fact that I will never have children.

I think it's important that you explore all the possible outcomes together even if it's not your first choice. As GG said, there are lots of ways to make a family but only you will know which methods will fulfill that dream for you. I also think it's important for you to understand what this means for both of you as it seems that this means much more to you than it does to him. It will build up a lot of resentment between you if this is the case and you have to change your vision of your future. I hope that doesn't sound too blunt but I think open communication between the 2 of you will be so important at a time like this as you need to look after each other.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Well slipping back to rock bottom today. Feeling snappy and ratty today which is usually pms....grrr. poas because I'm an idiot and of course still BFN. Why do I never learn? Just feel like waiting for AF next week now. Few people know we thinking of a family....mainly cos I had tried to sell my horse. And harmlessly when they say oooo do u want a girl to have a pony for....or how many kids do u want...its like a kick in the guts. I smile sweetly and say it's not always as straight forward as that you have to get pregnant first. Luckily that seems to stop any further questions. Sorry to be negative girls but just feels like it's docs time for us and I am dreading it x

 

[_GG_]

Well slipping back to rock bottom today. Feeling snappy and ratty today which is usually pms....grrr. poas because I'm an idiot and of course still BFN. Why do I never learn? Just feel like waiting for AF next week now. Few people know we thinking of a family....mainly cos I had tried to sell my horse. And harmlessly when they say oooo do u want a girl to have a pony for....or how many kids do u want...its like a kick in the guts. I smile sweetly and say it's not always as straight forward as that you have to get pregnant first. Luckily that seems to stop any further questions. Sorry to be negative girls but just feels like it's docs time for us and I am dreading it x

I'm really sorry you're feeling it on your shoulders again Nikki...but really glad you say what you do to people. Nothing wrong in innocent comments and questions but brilliant to give a little reminder to let you initiate any of that talk. Xx

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Thanks GG one of the pros of still having my fur baby is that it stops quite a few questions bout whether or not you are pregnant when you are still showjumping lol. Had few tears to myself tonight...yet another sign of pms for me at this point in my cycle. Usually couple day feeling sorry for myself then I perk up again right as AF lands. Will see what the new week brings. On a positive note just got this week then have a week off work to relax although lots of pony time....hubby time and chaos planned as parents coming to visit. But no doubt will be welcome distractions x

 

[Alexis2017]

Sorry your feeling blue Nikki. I went for checks after 6 months thinking I was just being silly but figured out it would just be a matter of time. I found it hard going to the doctors at 1st but now I am so glad I went earlier. We are now 15 months down the line and have accepted we will need ivf.

I really hope you get a natural bfp soon but if you need helo to get their then you have lots of support on here. Enjoy your time off with your pony and DH.

 

[MoominGirl]

Oh Nikki, it's such a tough time. I'm with Alexis though - better to get the ball rolling. Nothing is quick on the NHS so better to get started sooner rather than later as there's nothing to say you won't get a BFP while you're waiting.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Well the torture continues. Stuck at work just went to the toilet and low and behold brown spotting when I wiped. Not sure if it's best I'm at work or not just literally want to sob my heart out. Feel totally numb. Going to call the docs probably Tues as working tomorrow and don't want to have that conversation in earshot of people. I think it's hit me hardest this month. So that will be 9 Cycles TTC plus 2 before that ntnp. Don't know how you ladies are still hanging in there after so many. This game is just heartbreaking x

 

[MoominGirl]

Well the torture continues. Stuck at work just went to the toilet and low and behold brown spotting when I wiped. Not sure if it's best I'm at work or not just literally want to sob my heart out. Feel totally numb. Going to call the docs probably Tues as working tomorrow and don't want to have that conversation in earshot of people. I think it's hit me hardest this month. So that will be 9 Cycles TTC plus 2 before that ntnp. Don't know how you ladies are still hanging in there after so many. This game is just heartbreaking x

Oh Nikki it really is the pits. I think for me there was just a natural turning point where I just accept the inevitable every month. Doesn't mean I still don't have hope and disappointment but the whole thing is generally more manageable apart from a few off days. I'm sorry if that's not even slightly reassuring but what I'm trying to say is it does get easier emotionally even if you don't get the outcome you want. I remember the times when af would get me at work and I'd just spend the rest of the day in a trance.

When you have in your mind that this is the last cycle before going to the docs, you're going to have a lot riding on it emotionally so accept that this one is going to hit you harder and be kind to yourself. On the other hand, look at seeing the doctor as a positive step in the right direction. Yes the waiting for appointments etc will be tedious and you'll find patience that you never knew existed but it will be worth it if you get some answers and a way forward. Take care.

 

[liz85]

Sorry Nikki your right it does suck hun. I’m not coping so well myself this cycle I’m driving myself mad. Chatting to a good doctor takes some weight off your shoulders. It feels good to get it off your chest and for someone to make a plan. X

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Thanks ladies. Still just brown discharge but pretty sure AF will be in flow by morning. Oddly I think I brought it on cos checked my cervix this morning and then felt a bit odd afterwards so think I just opened the floodgates by prodding her lol. Initial frustration has worn off a little now. Hubby thinks we should stop trying as such as we gave it our all this cycle. So try a more relaxed approach as we both feeling the stress a bit and as he has suffered with some anxiety about other issues maybe it's the best way. Tomorrow is another day I guess so will see what the morning brings x

 

[MoominGirl]

Glad you're feeling a bit better. We have also switched to a more relaxed approach and both of us feel so much less pressure and stress.

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

How's everyone doing? Any updates on treatment dates?

I'm phoning docs today. Currently hiding from the snow in bed hoping it clears enough to sort the horses out lol. Will see what doc can tell us and start the ball rolling.

This period is a strange one. Very light...although def red blood. Only filling half a regular tampon if that in 4 hours and waking up to a white sanitary towel. Altho sometimes I think thats gravity depending on how you sleep lol. Had no cramps at all either or generally achey in that region. Xx

 

[_GG_]

Nikki, my periods have been the same since they started. Then, after my first chemical pregnancy, the period I expected to be heavier with clotting, was ridiculously light. So we're the next two periods after chemicals, each one lighter than the previous. All GP's, nurses and consultants at the hospital have since agreed that it was likely my body "waking up" triggered by the first loss and that it took a few to kick my hormones, especially progesterone into action and that I wasn't entirely shedding my womb lining after the losses in order to keep it in a better state for a next implantation. 4th implantation and it worked.
Only saying this as it's a possibility that it's happened to you this month with such a different period and no cramping. I was always sad, but also took the positive outlook that at least something was trying to happen. Xx

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Wish I could figure out how to attach pics cos would share my cycle history. But basically after coil I had 4 months of steady 28/29 day cycles then had another 4 months where I fluctuated massively from as short as 23 days up to as long as 37 days. Then the last 4 months it's settled a little back to 29/31/27/25 so this one seems like we getting shorter again. After so many years on birth control I guess it's no surprise our bodies take a while to get straight again.

Docs booked now for the 13th March. Earliest I could get so will see what that brings for us and keep trying with a more laid back approach in the meantime. x

 

[_GG_]

Wish I could figure out how to attach pics cos would share my cycle history. But basically after coil I had 4 months of steady 28/29 day cycles then had another 4 months where I fluctuated massively from as short as 23 days up to as long as 37 days. Then the last 4 months it's settled a little back to 29/31/27/25 so this one seems like we getting shorter again. After so many years on birth control I guess it's no surprise our bodies take a while to get straight again.

Docs booked now for the 13th March. Earliest I could get so will see what that brings for us and keep trying with a more laid back approach in the meantime. x

The laid back approach has worked for so many people. I gave up over thinking it all in this last cycle as well. Glad you've got an appointment booked in...nice to have a set thing to look forward to. Xx

 

[liz85]

Good luck for the doctors it’s good to chat and get some advice. As for the photos I’m the same. I tried to upload one yesterday and couldn’t lol I thought I uploaded it on Facebook at one point lol xxx

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Thanks GG and Liz it's giving me a focus. No idea What to expect really so will just go with it. Hope that maybe getting the ball rolling is enough to get us some natural luck. I really don't know if IVF is for me so trying not to think that far ahead yet x

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

This is def the lightest period I have had since coming off the coil. Go caught short at the stables without a spare tampon so ended up just taking out the one I had in. Had black undies on so took the chance I would last till I got home lol. As usual with horses took far longer than expected so went 5 hours without pad or tampon. Whilst riding I should add so exercising. And have just got home and not a drop on my underwear and only browny pink when I wiped. It's just bizarre. I used to need super tampons as a teenager.changed to regulars when on the pill and they have done me since last year. This is heading for a pantyliner and nowt else. Pad was white again from last night too. Sorry for TMI but has got me puzzled. Xx