Thanks GG
Your whole first paragraph is the conversation we have had this morning and frustratingly the conversation we have had a few times over the last few months.
He genuinely seems to believe that when we are debt free he will feel fine about everything. But i know there is deeper issues that he resents my time spent with the horses if he is off work.
We have never been a super co dependent couple as in we always have had our own hobbies and our own time. And I've always found that means I enjoy our time together so much more because it's special.
I am trying to encourage him to do more hobby wise. We are coming back into golf season so I am hopeful that it might help to get him out and about more x
Oh Nikki, I get it. Dan used to go on about my horse time so much. Eventually I snapped at a snide comment from him and listed all the times he'd been out for whole days on the bike in Wales or beyond or spent days and weekends in the garage with friends fixing their bikes. I went a bit mental on him and told him to stop being such moany twat, open his eyes and realise how fucking lucky he is.
A few years back, he was in a very dark place as he has debt we are paying off as well. I left him to hus funk for months as he wouldn't talk, then one night, asking him what he wanted for dinner and being grunted at for the 18 millionth time I snapped. I basically told him that being down was fine but being blatantly fucking rude would not be tolerated so to fucking tell me what was going on before I started to believe he was just a twat.
His issue was all around so many of our friends buying houses and being on the property ladder. That he'd be unable to do that for years. He was really upset bless him. Until I asked him to tell me what friends. As he named them, I told him the truth. One got £25k deposit from his nan. One got £75k off his dad to buy a coach house. Then he said, "okay, but what about Phil...he earns £150k a year and has been able to buy that gorgeous house". Um, no, Phil earns £46k a year and he could only buy that house because he had £125k left to him by his nan and he got another £100k off his dad because the family are all about status. If he told you he's on £150k he's a lying ******* because I recruited him in to that role...even the company director doesn't take that much home.
Dan couldn't believe it. I told him to stop comparing the worst version of his life against the best version of other peoples as they never advertise that shit stuff.
Now, we rent here and will shortly be moving into a massive 5 bed farmhouse with the yard here just off the driveway. We'll still only be paying the same £625 a month rent that we pay on this 2 bed bungalow. We get to raise our baby in the most idyllic setting, with a long tree lined driveway, huge garden orchards, the yard right next door that we overlook. We'll have huge rooms and loads of them, a massive kitchen, walk in pantry, loads od outbuilding in the garden. It's a stunning property we could never buy but we don't care. Why would we live on an estate when we can be here. We will do buy to lets when the debt is gone so we own property but we will never leave this farm.
Sometimes, it's just too easy to get caught up in what we think our lives should be. Happiness is not giving a shit what other people do and just doing what gives you joy. Your horse is part of that for you Nikki. He needs to have something for him.
