Not too sure.

[Robyn_]

Right this may be pretty long so i am going to tell you that now,
sorry in advance.
basically

some of you know the situation with Dave,
like we split up when i was 7 months pregnant,cos he didnt want to be in a long term relationship.. ever since hes been giving me hassle about everything saying that its all my fault cos i kept the baby =( that he never wanted him,
the babys last name, and stuff
saying im selfish because hes not going to have Daves last name,
and then he started on me, saying that i should burn and im scum,
after a while i got so annoyed with it i just told him to stop talking to me and not to bother, cos hes not having Jack to do with LO when hes born becasue he has said some nasty things aboiut him, and he cant tell me he cares then he says nasty things, and i wanted to enjoy the end part of pregnancy. its been hard enough anyways without him causing me problems.
anyway he was saying all the nasty stuff becasue i said i didnt want him there at the birth because i couldnt handle the stress of knowing hes there, i said id ring him afterwards and maybe if we were on talking temrs he could come to the hospital, and he started again, sayying im nasty, selfish and saying if he saw me hed spit in my face.
i tried so hard to sort things out but he wasnt having any of it, after he said that i gave up and blocked him from everything and i wasnt talking to him or anything.
mum was so angry cos i was cry and stuff she wanted to ring his mum ands i said no,
but his mum rang us and didnt have a clue what hed been saying to me, so she had a word with him,
and then he randomly emailed me saying
" we need to sort this"

so tonight cilvily i have been talking to him he got all upset and stuff apparently and had to go out for a walk and stuff and then my friend went and talked to him and told him some home truths and said that hes got to pull himself together if he wants it sorted,

when he got back he said how he wanted to meet, so i agreed, but i said im not arguing and hes got to come to me, the only thing is, im worried that hes going to try and sweet talk me into doing certains things like, letting him at the hospital, but i still dont want him there, its going to take more than him only just making the effort to have everything rosy.
so its crossing my mind if like its worth it, or are we just guna argue?

i dunno what do you think..????

just need a bit of advice?! please.

sorry its long

 

[Babylicious]

Just be clear in your mind if you don't want him there, make sure someone else is with you hun so you don't get upset. I'm sorry but it's hard to forgive all that when he's been such a dick to you

 

[leckershell]

I'd agree - have someone else there too, he's threatened you on several occasions and he's a bit temperamental with his moods so you wouldn't want him actually carrying any of it out on you...

I think you'll need to let him know he's been out of order, and how it's made you feel (which might anger him anyway, hence having someone else there that's neutral might help). If you don't want him at the hospital then don't let him sweet talk you. You've got the final say, and I know if you were in your right state of mind you wouldn't let him be there LOL.

I'm all up for you two getting along as friends as it will be good for little Jay, who didn't ask for his mom and dad to fall out, but not unless you're the one in charge. You still might want to consider whether his name goes on the birth certificate or not as I think that changes his rights on things, and don't let him sweet talk you into giving Jay his surname, as he may only be being nice at the moment and then turn on you again.

I might sound really harsh to everyone else, but Robyn's been talking to me on MSN through the whole Dave thing so I know what it's been like!!!

m

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

You need to let him know that his previous behaviour is unacceptable, that you dont trust him and that his presence at the birth is YOUR choice and yours alone, and because of his previous behaviour, you just dont want him there. Tell him that he now needs to prove to you that he wants to be a responsible part of your babies life, but its going to take time.

If you let him at the birth his not going to have any consequences for his actions, and as he has been so immature - you need to treat it as you would treat a naughty child. Dont give in hun, he needs to learn that immaturity will cost him in the long run - he needs to grow up and sharpish!

Good luck

 

[M&Ms]

My ex, who I split with after he hit me at 5 months pregnant, was trying the same thing about the birth. I didn't want him there, he thought if he crawled round me I would give in and let him be there. Believe me, you won't want anyone you don't want to be there, there at the birth. I just had my mum there when my son was born and the hospital had been ordered that under no circumstances was my ex to be allowed on the labour ward. I presume all hospitals will be like that now?

Marcus hasn't got his surname either and I haven't put his dad on the birth certificate - no way is he getting automatic parental responsibility

Anyway, stick to your guns!

 

[jenna]

i agree, you have to know what you want first and make sure you stick to it. Dont let him sweet talk you into anything, stick to whats best for you

 

[Robyn_]

Thank you all so much for replying and stuff to this, i didnt think anyone would.

well to make things clear i will let him know what hes done isnt acceptable and if he doesnt like it he can go whistle,
he will NOT be at Jays birth, and he isnt going on the Birth Cetificate, if he hadnt been dso fucking immature in the first place we wouldnt even have this problem.
he needs to understand what hes done does have consequences,
and hes bought them on himself,

i know i will stick to my guns i just cant handle the shouting and stuff,
hopefully it wil be fine, but i am the one in charge here, and ill let him know
again
thanks

ill tell you all how it went when i meet him, as it may be tonight now

 

[Babylicious]

 

[Robyn_]

ok hes put it off twice now,
he said he would thursday then it was saturday now its tomorrow
i will kill him if he doesnt meet me tomorrow,
fuck i had such a massive go at him aswell
i said its going to be just the same when Jay gets here.
grrr

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

hey hun first of all tell the hospital u dont want him there at all and he wont be allowed in - i did this with my ex, he turned up and was turned away.

second of all if u dont want him on the birth certifate, thats ok but if he is serious enough he could take u to court and get parental reponsiblity that way, but he would have to pay for a dna test etc and the solicitor so he would have to be so serious but if u do decide to put him on there remember even if he is not seeing Jay u still have to ask him if u can take jay abroad etc (i put my ex on it and so regret it)

ur situation sounds so much like mine 2 yrs ago men are such asses aint they

 

[Robyn_]

well sarah,(and everyone else)
he came round yeaturday with his mum and mine and his mum sat in the kitchen and me and him went in to the liing room to "talk"
all he did was say nasty things basically. and like we tried to sort it out he couldnt understand why i didnt wat my child having a different surname to me. :S its obvious isnt it.
and he said the worst thing to me cos i was like
" if i was having a girl we wouldnt be having this problem cos you wouldnt fucking want her" and he was like "nah i wouldnt i wouldnt waste my time here"
so how can he say he cares, its exactly the same thing a boy a girl.. and yet he thinks that i want him to se Jay after he can say that. :S

then like i just got annoyed and was like "what do you want" (i actually think i nearly made mhim cry)
and he was like "to know when i can see him afterwards and when he can come to mine" etc, and i was like, well he aint going to yours without me for a long time dave, (explained why)
and he was like blah.
and then he fecked it all up by being like
"your so going to stop being a dick when hes here then"
it made me so angry , how could he say that when ew were finally getting somewhere, in the end he walked out saying something like "this is never gunna sort with you being lik this" and i was like "well now its your problem cos you the one walking away"
and he went out and slammed the door,
i sat and cried for a while and mum came in and told me not to worry cos id been worrying that Jay wont have a dad, and then she said "but he will have loads more role models that are men around anyways" which made me cry even more
but ive left it now, imma wait till Jay gets here cos hopefully he will be alot different, when OUR little boy is sat in front of us

sorry its pretty long. but meh.
i had enough of him now.
do what he wants.

 

[Robyn_]

Well, i now dont have anything to do with him at all,
if i see him in the street i ignore him, and im not contacting him when i had Jay cos i dont feel i should, i will contact his mum, but hes put me through too much, i want to enjoy my birth and my new baby without some prick there annoying me saying nasty stuff

so yeah im hapy now,
hes pathetic and no he should treat anyone like that after all i am carrying his child.
whats wrong with him