Large age gap between 1st and 2nd

[Countrylife]

Hi all,
I'm new to this and I wasn't sure where to even start with trying to find any threads about this..
I'm a solo mum, 1 child, my daughter has just turned 10 in july. Recently her dad and I have reconnected and I've just found out I'm pregnant.
I'm really struggling to wrap my head around it all as we've only just gotten back together, he was absent for the first 6 years of her life and he has a 2 year old son to his ex. What are everybody's experiences with step children and large age gaps between kids?
I'm really scared as he doesnt think it's a good idea to be having a baby and starting all over again and I'm all over the place in my thought process. I just dont want things to backfire with my daughter, shes my number 1.

Thanks in advance..

 

[vampysgirl]

Hi all,
I'm new to this and I wasn't sure where to even start with trying to find any threads about this..
I'm a solo mum, 1 child, my daughter has just turned 10 in july. Recently her dad and I have reconnected and I've just found out I'm pregnant.
I'm really struggling to wrap my head around it all as we've only just gotten back together, he was absent for the first 6 years of her life and he has a 2 year old son to his ex. What are everybody's experiences with step children and large age gaps between kids?
I'm really scared as he doesnt think it's a good idea to be having a baby and starting all over again and I'm all over the place in my thought process. I just dont want things to backfire with my daughter, shes my number 1.

Thanks in advance..

Hi,
I have an 11 year age gap between my 1st and 2nd child. Different dads though as I was a single mum with my first.
Like yourself I was very scared at first but as soon baby was here all the doubt disappeared. We just seem to adjust to the new situation. My oldest was so excited when he found out he was finally going to be a big brother.
I'm now pregnant again ( not planned ) and my oldest will be 16 tomorrow, again, I am super scared but he is really happy.

My sister and I have a 13 year age gap, situation was like yourself, my parents split and then rekindled and had another baby. I remember i was over the moon when my mum told me she was pregnant.

I can't comment on the step child of things but can only give comfort that you would have nothing to worry about with a big age gap between children. I actually found it was easier because my older son understood that the baby needed a bit more attention at the beginning. We still have a very close bond to this day, after all, we were alone for nearly 10 years before I met my now OH.

Maybe it's best to sit down and talk. I can understand your OH that he doesn't want to start all over again. How do you feel about having a baby?

 

[WinterWolf]

There's positives and negatives with any age gap, none of them are perfect. I know a few people with 8-10yr age gaps. Most say it's good as the older one doesn't get jealous of the baby like a toddler would and they can help you by holding the baby or whatever. They're also not as heavily reliant on you as a toddler so again that makes it easier. The downside is that the siblings don't usually have that kind of close bond that they would with a small age gap.

With regards to the toddler, I don't see how he would be an issue. I assume be lives with his mother most of the time? He can be a good friend for this little baby as he will be it's half-brother. Your daughter will be alright, just make sure you have something that just the two of you do so she still gets time alone with you x

 

[Countrylife]

Hi,
I have an 11 year age gap between my 1st and 2nd child. Different dads though as I was a single mum with my first.
Like yourself I was very scared at first but as soon baby was here all the doubt disappeared. We just seem to adjust to the new situation. My oldest was so excited when he found out he was finally going to be a big brother.
I'm now pregnant again ( not planned ) and my oldest will be 16 tomorrow, again, I am super scared but he is really happy.

My sister and I have a 13 year age gap, situation was like yourself, my parents split and then rekindled and had another baby. I remember i was over the moon when my mum told me she was pregnant.

I can't comment on the step child of things but can only give comfort that you would have nothing to worry about with a big age gap between children. I actually found it was easier because my older son understood that the baby needed a bit more attention at the beginning. We still have a very close bond to this day, after all, we were alone for nearly 10 years before I met my now OH.

Maybe it's best to sit down and talk. I can understand your OH that he doesn't want to start all over again. How do you feel about having a baby?

So I managed to sit down and talk with the dad, he has alot going on in his life but has said he will support me either way. I think I'm just really scared about the changes of everything.

In my heart I really want this baby and I'm just scared of starting all over again, I was 18 when i had my daughter and now I'm 28 and pregnant to the same guy.
My daughter is amazing with everybody's kids and I just dont want her to hate me, I dont think she would but its sitting in the back of my mind.
Thanks so much for the reply, definitely helps hearing from others that have been through it!

 

[Countrylife]

There's positives and negatives with any age gap, none of them are perfect. I know a few people with 8-10yr age gaps. Most say it's good as the older one doesn't get jealous of the baby like a toddler would and they can help you by holding the baby or whatever. They're also not as heavily reliant on you as a toddler so again that makes it easier. The downside is that the siblings don't usually have that kind of close bond that they would with a small age gap.

With regards to the toddler, I don't see how he would be an issue. I assume be lives with his mother most of the time? He can be a good friend for this little baby as he will be it's half-brother. Your daughter will be alright, just make sure you have something that just the two of you do so she still gets time alone with you x

I am really worried about the jealous as it's been my daughter and I for the last 10 years together and she hates having to share me, but then I think she will understand.
I'm scared of the moments when she wont and the idea of having a teenager and toddler as such but in my heart I think I want this baby and I'm just scared.
I feel crazy even thinking about 2 kids, I'm not even sure how I've managed with one but shes the best thing that ever happened to me and I kind of feel like things happen for a reason (accidental pregnancy) however theres been times in the past it could've happened and it hasn't.
Now to hope my animals also cope

 

[vampysgirl]

I am really worried about the jealous as it's been my daughter and I for the last 10 years together and she hates having to share me, but then I think she will understand.
I'm scared of the moments when she wont and the idea of having a teenager and toddler as such but in my heart I think I want this baby and I'm just scared.
I feel crazy even thinking about 2 kids, I'm not even sure how I've managed with one but shes the best thing that ever happened to me and I kind of feel like things happen for a reason (accidental pregnancy) however theres been times in the past it could've happened and it hasn't.
Now to hope my animals also cope

I've involved my oldest one as soon I had my first scan and later when baby was born. Let him help with dressing etc. I made him part of it.
He's never been jealous of little one.
Now, nearly 5 years on, they have a fantastic bond. It's daunting having a toddler and a teenager but trust me, it's also rewarding.
At the end of the day, if you really want this baby you will make it all work.

Like I mentioned above, my sister is 13 years younger and we are still very close. I actually loved having a baby sister

 

[Countrylife]

I've involved my oldest one as soon I had my first scan and later when baby was born. Let him help with dressing etc. I made him part of it.
He's never been jealous of little one.
Now, nearly 5 years on, they have a fantastic bond. It's daunting having a toddler and a teenager but trust me, it's also rewarding.
At the end of the day, if you really want this baby you will make it all work.

Like I mentioned above, my sister is 13 years younger and we are still very close. I actually loved having a baby sister

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences, I think I know deep down that everything will work out, just very daunting. Now to cross my fingers as I'm kind of hoping its a girl as at least I've had one before even though either way itll be exciting either way eventually

 

[Countrylife]

Not I'm have a panic attack and feeling really claustrophobic right now..
After the weekend and feeling semi comforted after seeing my partner, hes had a huge turn from his ex refusing him to see his son so I'm trying to help him from distance as I'm back home.. but my doctor has called me to check how I'm feeling after my scan and just told me I'm carrying twins.. I'm back to square one with feeling scared and not knowing what to do..

 

[Sparklisam]

I have 16 / 13 year old step daughters. 6 year old son whose mine. Then we are 30 weeks into having a baby together. Big age gap - complex family. But we will just embrace it.

Now twins ... wow !! Life has a funny way of throwing things at us. I never expected to have 4 kids in the family but we just adapt and cope and things have worked out. I hope things do for you to.

Stay positive xx

 

[Countrylife]

I have 16 / 13 year old step daughters. 6 year old son whose mine. Then we are 30 weeks into having a baby together. Big age gap - complex family. But we will just embrace it.

Now twins ... wow !! Life has a funny way of throwing things at us. I never expected to have 4 kids in the family but we just adapt and cope and things have worked out. I hope things do for you to.

Stay positive xx

Definitely feeling like life has thrown something big at me! I've got constant sickness wo I've ended up telling my daughter I'm pregnant even though it's still early days, she's over the moon and I couldn't have asked for a better reaction! I know it wont always been excitement or easy but I'm so grateful shes ok with it all so far. Hopefully she's old enough to understand if something was to happen (touch wood it doesnt but I'm freaking myself out, need to stay off google!)
Shes now wanting to learn to cook which is great and I'm just trying to make sure these little things stay put and I get some exercise in so I'm not the size of a house!