Just found out my baby has died......

[capsy7]

Katkin72, i just want to tell you sorry.

 

[Katkin72]

Thanks jojo, I really am so shocked at how many women have had such terrible experiences following a mc The NHS really need to get their act together!!!

I'm definately looking forward to a bottle of wine tonight - I've already smoked about 20 cigarettes since I heard I had lost my baby I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant but at the moment I don't care!! Once I am feeling better I will stop again - I was surprised at how easy it was when I knew I had a previous life to look after

 

[netty]

^^ this is so me hun! the day i found out i went to the shop and bought fags and booze loL!xx

 

[Katkin72]

^^ this is so me hun! the day i found out i went to the shop and bought fags and booze loL!xx

Lol, it had to be done Once this is all over I will start being healthy again hehe xxx

 

[netty]

do whatever you need to do lovely xxxx

 

[H16]

I know what you mean about OH bottling things up. Mine said we had to just get over it as we couldn't change it etc, insisted he was fine and didn't need to talk and now 3 weeks later he had a melt down which resulted in him being signed off work because he is only just starting to open up about his feelings. He said he was trying to be strong for me and thought he would be fine by throwing himself into working.....at least he is gradually starting to talk now..

 

[Katkin72]

I know what you mean about OH bottling things up. Mine said we had to just get over it as we couldn't change it etc, insisted he was fine and didn't need to talk and now 3 weeks later he had a melt down which resulted in him being signed off work because he is only just starting to open up about his feelings. He said he was trying to be strong for me and thought he would be fine by throwing himself into working.....at least he is gradually starting to talk now..

I'm so sorry to hear your OH took it so badly - it really doesn't help to bottle things up does it. I'm worried about how my OH is coping as he is currently doing his final nursing placement before he qualifies in September. He is working on an eating disorder ward and the work is very emotionally draining, plus he has just started letting go and grieving for his mum who died 3 years ago so he's not in a good place to start with I have been giving him space when he asks for it, and hugs when he wants them. I'm sure a lot of it is him trying to be strong for me, as your OH did. I guess it is just going to take time and lots of talking xxx

 

[flisstebbs]

^^ this is so me hun! the day i found out i went to the shop and bought fags and booze loL!xx

Lol, it had to be done Once this is all over I will start being healthy again hehe xxx

I got roquefort cheese too

And btw, after 2 losses my DH is on anti-depressants.... they just don't have the support network and the brain hardwiring to talk things out. I think they have to just have time. If anything, DH has taken our losses worse than i have....

 

[Happyfeet]

I'm definately looking forward to a bottle of wine tonight - I've already smoked about 20 cigarettes since I heard I had lost my baby I stopped as soon as I found out I was pregnant but at the moment I don't care!! Once I am feeling better I will stop again - I was surprised at how easy it was when I knew I had a previous life to look after

After I received the definite news that my last pregnancy was a blighted ovum and a baby wasn't going to appear and announce they'd been hiding from the U/S techs I went to my friend's pamper party and drank, almost an entire bottle of malibu, was pretty wankered, normally t-total lol... Oddly enough the MC started two days later (not that I'm saying you should get drunk to bring it on )

 

[Sunshine_1]

I find it horrible that you all had such terrible experiences, perhaps it's because I knew nothing until the bleeding had well and truly started, my experience with the hospital was nothing but good, in fact I've sent the ward staff a thank you card for the care they showed me. But it all started for me so suddenly, and I was taken straight in to hospital and cared for until the scan showed it was basically over.....so sad that you've all been treated so badly.

I am still as tee-total now as I have ever been, but I am giving myself a few days of not worrying about my blood sugars though, and chocolate is my comfort, must have looked a bit gross in Tesco in Tuesday with a trolley full of sanitary towels and chocolate cookies, muffins and a bar of galaxy. As soon as the bleeding stops and my blood count recovers I will soon work the calories back off again, I tend to work my anger and pain off (I just want to go to the gym, which sounds weird for a fat lass like me, when I asked the nurse in the hospital when I could go she looked at me like she wanted to send me downstairs to the phyc ward)

 

[Katkin72]

Hi Sunshine_1 its good to hear a positive experience, despite the tragic situation. I'm getting more and more anxious about my appt on Wednesday. My body obviously doesn't want to let go so I guess I need to resign myself to the fact that I will probably need a D&C to clear everything I was dead against it when I was told my baby had died but over the past few days I've had time to rationalise everything and I realise it will help me move on. I'm so fed up with my body refusing to let go - I feel like I am in limbo and can't move on till it's all gone. I'm getting lots of stomach cramps but still nothing more than slight spotting when I wipe. I'm getting angry with my body now!!! I guess this is normal?

 

[Happyfeet]

Yeah totally normal, I was so pissed off with my body for holding on so long. I didn't want to be constantly reminded of the pregnancy but I was everyday when I looked in the mirror and saw my thickened stomach and big boobs. It felt so cruel.

 

[Katkin72]

Just had a text from my best friend who is pregnant - she was about 6 weeks ahead of me and we had been excitedly planning our pregnancies together and sharing notes on symptoms. We were bump buddies and it was always my fear that something would happen to one of us and it would be unbearable for the other one to carry on and provide support. Well looks like my worst fears were confirmed! She has been fantastic and has said she will come over to see me and wants to support me however she can. When i found out my baby had died on Wednesday, I said I wanted her to keep me up to date on how her pregnancy was going and not to keep away as that would kill me. I promised I would be ok seeing her and her increasing baby bump. When I said this I hoped I would be able to cope with it but now I don't think I can she is coming over to see me Tues night as my OH will be working late. I'm dreading it.......... I don't know if I can hold it together and pretend I'm ok seeing her. I have told her I may be in a bad way as I have my follow up EPU appt the next day. I gave her the option of not coming if she couldn't face it, but it's really a get out clause for me if I can't see her I'm sure she will see right through me!!

I feel so crappy and emotional this evening - we went out for Sunday lunch today to bring back some 'normality' but the restaurant was full of pregnant women and babies. I wanted to cry. Then we went for a very short walk by the river - we had only gone about 5 minutes as far as the lock and I was shattered. All my energy had just drained away! We came home and my mood deteriorated, now I'm sitting here sinking lower and lower, trying not to break down in tears. My OH has to go back to work tomorrow and I am trying to reassure him I will be ok. I know he will be worrying about me and I dont want to concern him further I just want this over with and to feel 'normal' and happy again. I have no energy, no motivation, no interest in anything and I'm fighting a losing battle to pull myself out of it tonight........

 

[Katkin72]

I'm also feeling guilty for not going into work this week as it will be my 2nd week off - I'm sure people will understand but I can't help feeling like I am taking the piss and I should pull myself together and go in. What if the 3rd week arrives and I still can't face going in? I guess if I have to return to hospital for a D&C then I have a valid reason for taking a few days off, but if my body has cleared everything out naturally there is no reason for me not to go in. I'm panicking so much

 

[Merfairy]

I am so sorry for your loss; I have had two miscarriages and each time it has been hard and both times different and both beween 6 and 7 weeks. All I can say is if you miscarried there was a genetic reason for the loss, this doesn't make it okay, but it is how nature works and we have no control over it unfortunately. I really hope you can find some peace with this loss and I truly understand how hard it is really, as do others who have commented on here.

I hope things work out for you my love, but what my doctor told me is that we are more fertile after MC and I fell pregnant within 3 months of miscarrying and I had a baby girl you may not want to hear it, but it gave me hope, so you will become a mum I promise.... thinking of you and your loss xxx

 

[Katkin72]

Thank you merfairy so sorry to hear about your mcs xxx

Really struggling to hold it together - fighting back tears, eye are stinging and I have a lump in my throat. Can't break down as my OH will really struggle to go back to work tomorrow if he knows I am falling apart. Just feel totally overwhelmed and hopeless I just want to go to sleep and for the pain to have gone away when I wake up.
Sore boobs are really getting me down as is my bloated stomach I feel like a fraud as I was only 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, not further along like a lot of ladies on here. I'd only known for about 5 weeks.
Does anyone have any coping methods? I just want to stop feeling so worthless

 

[Katkin72]

Well, another restless night again last night. Absolutely shattered and this permanent headache is really getting me down.
OH went back to work this morning after a week off, so I have a few hours to myself and then my mum is coming round. She is going to help me do the back garden which is getting quite overgrown. hopefully the fresh air and exercise will help to pull me out of this hole

 

[knopk@]

Sorry to hear you are feeling low, hope your mum takes your mind off things.
I didnt want to see any pregnant.friends/babies for a while, its totally normal. Not because i didnt like them but i didnt want a reminder.
It will up and down for a while hun, sending you a big hug

Sent from my GT-I9100 using Tapatalk 2

 

[netty]

aww sweety

my best advice is to let it all out!

dont try and 'cope' or bottle it sweetness, just let it out when you need to its a naturla thing you are feeling darling xx

i hope the garden and your mum cheers you up today x

 

[H16]

Katkin, if you feel you need more time off work to try and get your head around things then go for it. I got made redundant the same week I miscarried so was a double crap week for me and my doctor has signed me off from even looking for a job until September due to how low I feel. I have come to think that health is far more important than a job iykwim. Look after yourself hun, it's important to go at your own pace, everyone is different.

I know what you mean about your body not letting go etc, my baby had died inside me 3 weeks before I even knew anything was wrong and that killed me more than anything else. I already had quite a big bump when I miscarried and it is taking forever for my tummy to go back down, everytime I look in the mirror it's a constant reminder. I know how you feel xxx