Just decided to try for a baby, and its just so strange!

[scandicmum85]

Hi!

We have just decided to try for a baby, and we "started" last night..None of us have really tried for baby before, I already got a child (5) and got pregnant straight after being on pill..

We dont really know much about "trying" but decided to have sex as often we can this month, and last night he asked me " Should we try now??" .. And we did... But it was so strange And it was difficult for him, so I dont think we were very relaxed.. Tried again this month not very good either..

And I am worrying if this is turning into some pressure for him.. Any advices how we could be relaxed about this etc? We really want a baby soon hopefully get a bfp end of august!

 

[LouiseB]

Hiya

Well, if you have sex fairly regularly like 2-3 days or if you don't care when it happens then it might just be better to go on like normal but without protection and making an sneaky extra effort to keep the sperm in there a bit longer and get your legs up afterwards for 10 mins or so.

If, like myself, sex is a bit less regular and more spare of the moment normally and/or if you want a baby yesterday, then i'm afraid you can't avoid having to force the issue and it does tend to be a passion killer.

Once this month i had to work really hard just to get my husband... ummm... hard and thats never happened before.

All i can suggest is taking more initiative and making your husband feel very desirable and letting him be lazy really!

The women being a bit more assertive seems to make up for the pressure to perform and in the bedroom department, the pressure is all on the guy to perform and the reality is that he has very little control over it - especially when the nerves or pressure sets in.

If you get your dates sorted then you'll only really have to have sex to make a baby 3 or 4 times a month.

 

[scandicmum85]

Thanks for advices

I think I should follow your advice and let him be lazy, and I will do more umm work..
The problem is we are a little stressed right now aswell, we wont be together next week and trying to figure out my ovulation dates, I am not 100% sure when I ovulate, and last night i catch him looking at fertile monitors on internet ( never seen that before maybe an idea to have?) As currently Im in Norway and we will be meeting 2 times a month this month, and we want to make sure its right time too, and then that it is too much pressure on the intercourse part... But he is really really passionated about trying for a baby

 

[LouiseB]

It sounds like your husband might be putting a lot of extra pressure on himself - i think i'd try to reassure him and gently insist that he lets you worry about your fertility.

It's important that the women isn't stressed to conceive but if the man is too stressed you might not even get shot - literally

Monitors are great if your cycle is a bit screwy and you really think you need help, but you've only just got going and they can just add to the stress and confusion when it isn't necessary.

To find out when you are ovulating, a good starting point is finding out how long your cycles are. Then ovulation is typically 14 days before your next cycle starts and there are sympoms associated with it such as sharp pains and lots of discharge.

There is lots of things on the internet to help you calculate it but people on here will be more than happy to help if you get stuck

 

[Annie050408]

Hi hon,

We started 'trying' on 1st Jan this year and you've pretty much described exactly how it was for us during the first couple of days - very strange indeed. Once we got into it things were fine but going from preventing to trying can be a bit of a mood killer. You'll probably find that your OH will relax the more you do it- I found that a few glasses of wine helped to take the pressure off!

 

[xbeax]

We tend not too mention about babies in a serious way when we together any more to help with pressure. we find it helps, as when we first decided it was umm... slightly uncomfortable. sometimes it will come up obviously tho As we both want it so bad. x