**** july mummies 2018 *****

[Shanivy]

Hey girls I'm here to join the pissed off group. Sorry.

Just had a call from work saying my shift has had to be changed and I'm doing Christmas day. AM I FUCK. Its new year or xmas and I said I would do New Year and they said I could have it. I've did Christmas day two years running now. And I know for a FACT theres people with kids that haven't EVER worked Christmas day. OHs cousin works there too and shes got three kids and NEVER worked xmas day in five years. This is my last Christmas day with Ivy before the baby comes next year.

I said um no I'm not I was promised it off. She said I have to and shes sure i know my contract. I said fire me then cause I know people havent done it and I'm not doing 3 years. SO mad. Fuck them, actually fuck them! I know its my job and all, I really do. But I really dont want to do another Christmas day when so many single people have it off. And people with kids haven't ever had to. I know that because I know who isnt doing it.


PB Bless, they always cry. I cried the first time too lol. Hop her on calpol and hopefully shes okay the rest of the day. If you're worried get checked cause nobody will be able to make you feel better if its bothering you hun. But it will be from tensing probably like JR said. Baby is still pretty protected in there. We're covered in black ice took me and Ivy an hour to get home from nursery instead of 10 minutes. xx

GG they sound like assholes. Fuck that, you shouldn't have to deal with people like that. I really don't think you'll sound mean to us lol. Seriously girl you need a medal! xx

 

[_GG_]

Hey girls I'm here to join the pissed off group. Sorry.

Just had a call from work saying my shift has had to be changed and I'm doing Christmas day. AM I FUCK. Its new year or xmas and I said I would do New Year and they said I could have it. I've did Christmas day two years running now. And I know for a FACT theres people with kids that haven't EVER worked Christmas day. OHs cousin works there too and shes got three kids and NEVER worked xmas day in five years. This is my last Christmas day with Ivy before the baby comes next year.

I said um no I'm not I was promised it off. She said I have to and shes sure i know my contract. I said fire me then cause I know people havent done it and I'm not doing 3 years. SO mad. Fuck them, actually fuck them! I know its my job and all, I really do. But I really dont want to do another Christmas day when so many single people have it off. And people with kids haven't ever had to. I know that because I know who isnt doing it.


PB Bless, they always cry. I cried the first time too lol. Hop her on calpol and hopefully shes okay the rest of the day. If you're worried get checked cause nobody will be able to make you feel better if its bothering you hun. But it will be from tensing probably like JR said. Baby is still pretty protected in there. We're covered in black ice took me and Ivy an hour to get home from nursery instead of 10 minutes. xx

GG they sound like assholes. Fuck that, you shouldn't have to deal with people like that. I really don't think you'll sound mean to us lol. Seriously girl you need a medal! xx

Oh my god Shan...nail them to the fucking wall! Call CAB if you're worried, but if you refuse, which you absolutely should, you will most likely be able sue the backside off them if they even try to give you a disciplinary for insubordination or refusal to accept rota etc.

Personally, I would put into an email that you were assured you would have Christmas off after working it for the previous two years and that you confirm that, due to that assurance, other plans have been made and you will not be available for work on December 25th, but, as previously stated, you are happy to work New Year.

Also point out that many other employees have never worked a Christmas and so you expect the company to act fairly on behalf of all employees.

Doing it by email covers you if they keep you on the Rota and try to nail you for not showing up. It also provides you written proof of that and shows them that you expect them to be professional.

 

[JemRose]

Fuck that Shan I wouldn't do it either!!! They should make it fair and if you've worked the past 2 years you definitely shouldn't have to this year!! When I worked in care with LD we had a rolling rota so there was a tally of who worked Christmas last year and that meant this year you'd get Christmas off!

Your work are being so unfair. Hope they don't sack you though lol, you might want that maternity pay!


I will shed some happiness on this moaning Friday - my manager has come to me and said she is advertising for a part time secretary to relieve me of some of the insane workload. Either they've realised the work is too much or they sense the pregnancy haha, either way it's a massive breakthrough and hopefully the person will be good once I've trained them and they can do my maternity cover.
This week I've had a retired secretary in for 1 day to help with the backlog and I am pleased to say that at the moment in time I am up to date!!! Feel so happy and relieved and I'm just going to bugger off home early now and go to sleep

 

[JemRose]

Just thinking Shan, not only that but are they allowed to change your rota 10 days in advance? Did they already publish the original rota where you're not working Christmas day?

Just wondering cos if they've already handed out the Christmas rota and are now trying to change your shift, that is only allowed to change if you accept it because you've already had the confirmed rota x

 

[Fela]

Shan that sounds really unfair, I think GG is right, I'd email them... I din't suppose you have the prior agreement in writing? So you can point back at it and say that you were told you could have it as leave?

If some people have never worked a Christmas and you're all on similar terms and conditions, then I think it's fair they take their turn, regardless of their parental status (so the single people as well as those with kids ought to be also working their fair share..... Where I used to work I'd get stuffed on shifts during school holidays until I really kicked off with them).

For the first time last night, for some reason everything just hit me and I ended up having a massive cry.... I've been on work trips overseas, working long days and it's just been neverending! DH was lovely but I felt like a massive wimp... even more so given I've just had the day off... I had a BT guy coming anyway and I just text my boss and said I was going to take the day off.. I'm actually v lucky with my current job, it's flexitime and they are good in that they treat you like grown ups If you a) Have the time accrued and b) Have no pressing meetings or other stuff going on, it's quite ok to just say you're taking the day even if it's on the day itself.

Doesn't stop me feeling like a bit of a fraud, but I've managed to make some progess on incredibly messy house and am now feeling a bit better...

I"M sorry people are a bit stressed, I think it's going to be a bit full on for all of us until christmas!

 

[Shanivy]

Thanks everyone. Im still mad. Just left Oh about a 3 minute voicemail haha.

I'm not really sure what to do. Unfortunately there's nothing in my contract about Christmas. They say they try and make it fair but there's no tally or anything. From a legal standpoint I dont think I have any recourse? Fucking joke. I also didn't have any written confirmation I wouldn't have to work it just that my manager said she'd make sure I got it off.


And yes they can change my rota any time as I'm technically still on the flexi team even though I've had a permanent position for years now. That's how I end up covering for people at the other LD placements. I could literally get a call on xmas eve if they wanted to. They fucking know it too. Aside from that my rotas are fortnightly (which I hate!) I just got a text from one of the girls on the xmas shift with me. She has two kids and did last year with me.

JR I really do want the maternity!! My maternity is actually pretty good. OH has a really good wage thankfully but I still dont want to lose it despite how mad I am now lol

GG thanks hun I think we're both going to email in about it. Im waiting for OH to call me back first to let him know and see what he says but I'm def not working it.

Thanks for listening ladies I know I'm being boring and whiny and that. I do love this forum xxx

 

[Shanivy]

Oh JR I was in my own moaning bubble I didn't see that part about your work, Thats fantastic you're getting some help in, I know how worried you were about the workload. They obviously realise how valuable you are. Great news!! xx

 

[Shanivy]

Shan that sounds really unfair, I think GG is right, I'd email them... I din't suppose you have the prior agreement in writing? So you can point back at it and say that you were told you could have it as leave?

If some people have never worked a Christmas and you're all on similar terms and conditions, then I think it's fair they take their turn, regardless of their parental status (so the single people as well as those with kids ought to be also working their fair share..... Where I used to work I'd get stuffed on shifts during school holidays until I really kicked off with them).

For the first time last night, for some reason everything just hit me and I ended up having a massive cry.... I've been on work trips overseas, working long days and it's just been neverending! DH was lovely but I felt like a massive wimp... even more so given I've just had the day off... I had a BT guy coming anyway and I just text my boss and said I was going to take the day off.. I'm actually v lucky with my current job, it's flexitime and they are good in that they treat you like grown ups If you a) Have the time accrued and b) Have no pressing meetings or other stuff going on, it's quite ok to just say you're taking the day even if it's on the day itself.

Doesn't stop me feeling like a bit of a fraud, but I've managed to make some progess on incredibly messy house and am now feeling a bit better...

I"M sorry people are a bit stressed, I think it's going to be a bit full on for all of us until christmas!

Hormones can do that to you hun. Sound like you've been non stop too. Maybe leave the rest of the house and treat yourself to a nice relaxing day. First tri can be sooo hard but it does get better and easier in a few weeks. Roll on 2nd tri for the lot of us xx

 

[LuckyLaura]

Thanks I know she realises that too cuz she keeps spitting out at me in bursts of anger about how I'm using her and when I move out I'll probably not even bother with her and just acting hurt and abandoned. I can't remember a time in my life she wasn't guilting me about something ugh xx

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[LuckyLaura]

LuckyLaura that's definitely not on at all. Any of it! She certainly had no right to announce anything that wasn't hers to announce. And her comments are outrageous hun. I'm sorry you're dealing with that but I'm glad to hear your hubby is a good support for you xx

Thank you I dont mean to come on here and moan but my hubby gets really stressed out when he hears stuff happening like that. He gets frustrated that he can't really say what he really thinks cuz he wants to try keep a relationship with his in laws and also we are living in their house. They wouldn't cast us out but it would be awful to have that atmosphere... Xx

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[LuckyLaura]

Ikno you're living with your mum, but if my mom said anything like that, she can get fucked if she thinks she'll see me or my baby. What a nasty thing to say. & if she announced it is be really pissed off, wouldn't speak for a while. Just sounds she's trying to be a dick on purpose.

I'm glad you don't think I'm overreacting honestly. I feel like I'm too hard on her sometimes but I feel like this was MY news. it's not even 9 weeks yet and my family know and now if something goes wrong I have to face them all and they'll all know xx

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[LuckyLaura]

Laura i am sorry you haven't been feeling so great lately, I hope it improves for you soon. First Tri has been a ride for all of us but it is now coming to an end which means we should start feeling better! My symptoms started to improve from week 8, I still get an odd shit day but not everyday x

You mum has a problem, not you. She should seek help for her toxic behaviour. I suspect you are forced to live with her but best thing would be to distance yourself from her and as soon as you can xxx

Thank you. Big hugs! I'm glad you ladies are feeling better as we approach tri 2. I'm nowhere near it yet haha feels like a lifetime away.

My mum will never change as she doesn't recognise herself as ever doing anything wrong. I swear if she could blame world poverty on me she would, she blames me for everything else from as little as she forgot to do something cuz I distracted her (by sitting quietly and out of the way (how!?)) or she did something wrong because of me- either I've said or done something and upset her so she was preoccupied so did it wrong. Or she'll even try to claim it was me that did it wrong when I didn't even do the thing she also distorts reality and will outright claim she never said things that she clearly said and I can tell her word for word what she said. She will deny things I can show her she said via text then when I show her will say she didn't mean it that way and I twisted it or changed it. It's ludicrous xx

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[LuckyLaura]

Laura please don't feel left out either or that we all know each other so well, I think it's just because we all seem to constantly be on here lol.

Honestly don't understand why people, including family members feel the need to completely shit all over people's happy news. She has taken the power away from you being able to share your amazing news, what a bitch. My OH's twin has done that for us and my sister has also been a cow about it (think it's jealousy as her boy is 1 now and guess the attention isn't on her). I have decided I am no longer going to be talking to anyone about my pregnancy anymore as they don't deserve it. Your mum certainly doesn't deserve anything!!! Don't even think about believing her stupid words about feeling sorry for the baby having you as a mum, clearly by experience you will know everything that a mother shouldn't be! You will be a wonderful mum

We're all here for you!

As for symptoms, I would love to tell you they go away (you might be lucky). For the past week or so my nausea has gone, but the tiredness seems to be ramping up a level every single day!! Since last night the nausea is back in full force and worse than ever, if I eat anything it feels like it just sits on top of my stomach threatening to come back up. Keep getting heart burn (I think??? no idea what it feels like) and this morning I had to pull over on the way to work just to get out and breathe the fresh air and I could see myself vomiting all over my windscreen lol.

How is everyone today? Hope some better night sleeps were had last night xx

Thank you JemRose. Hehe I think I'm not good with sudden change haha one min I'm in my comfort zone in ttc with all my ttc buddies and next I was in tri 1 looking at all these new names and feeling like my first day of school haha

 

[LuckyLaura]

Moan away PB. We are allowed. I was told the other day not to feel guilty about moaning by one of you lovelies so I'm running with it.

Laura, tiredness may become your worst enemy. I think, aside from my back, it's the one symptom that's got progressively worse. My back is a pain but I'm kind of getting used to occasionally walking around like en extra from The Walking Dead.

Please don't worry about us all being so chatty...you are absolutely part of this group and I guarantee you, we all come on here from time to time and think WTF have these women been taking and where can I get some...because it's like a million posts have been typed, lol.
You don't need to keep up, just know we are all here for you.

I also think you and I could have great fun over Christmas with mutual moaning about controlling/manipulative, selfish, childish relatives.

Me and Dan have been anxious for the last two months about his family coming for Christmas. I'm genuinely excited to tell them about the baby, his mum will scream, cry and it'll be really lovely for about 5 minutes. After That, we'll be wanting to pack their bags and send them home.
His sister aborted twins many years ago...but felt it acceptable to tell me she knew exactly how I felt after losing my pregnancies this year. She totally understood. I totally understand what a difficult decision she made and hold no judgement, she did what was right for her, but telling me she knew exactly what I was feeling, losing 3 babies, 4 including one in my 20's, that were very much wanted and longed for is not exactly the same!
She Will, at some point, be fed up with the attention not being all on her and I fully expect her to do or say something to ruin it for me and Dan. Her mum and dad don't know about the twins, so she'll probably let slip (on purpose) and set in motion a whole drama between her and her mum about it all. It will put the attention back on her.

His mum will be endless as always. She's approaching her 70's but will sit on the sofa, lift her arms in the air and clamp her hands like a baby trying to be picked up...because she wants a hug. She won't get off her arse to come to you, she won't use those things...you know, words, out of her mouth, to ask. She'll just sir there like a Weeble (who remembers those) arms outstretched, like a toddler, eyes closed, waiting for you to lean down and give her a hug. When you do...she doesn't fucking let go.
I just walk by and ignore it now. When she gets upset and asks why I didn't cuddle her, I say, "sorry, didn't see you...perhaps if you used words I'd know what you wanted!"

I've just lost all ability to hold back now. They're all toxic and selfish and both Dan and I quite happily face it head on now.

His mum: Are we going to the Christmas Market then?

Me and/or Dan: No point, it's 4pm and it shuts at 5.

His mum: (dramatic sad face and sticky out bottom lip, talking like a child) Awwww, but I was really looking forward to It.

Me and/or Dan: Well, you didn't get out if bed til three and spent an hour in the shower, so maybe you should have woken up earlier.

His mum: (mad face, angry tone) Well I did ask you to wake me up at 10.

Me and/or Dan: We did, at 10, 11, 12 and 1...and you kept saying you'd get up in a minute but didn't.

His mum: My CFS is bad today. Good job we can't go I suppose as I'm not sure I'd cope, it's really bad today. I might go back to bed.

Literally 5 minutes later...

His sister: shall we go anyway...we can catch the end of the market and then do some late night shopping.

His mum: (makes miraculous...could make Jesus jealous...recovery and is at the door, full of energy) Yay, let's go.

I swear, if we put cameras up around the house and put the videos online, people would be absolutely gobsmacked!

I'm sure it'll be no time before I'm chatting away again myself I just feel at the moment I'm just a moan hahaha other than whinging about how crap I feel I've not had much else in the way of a topic of conversation. I'm sure my hubby is going to lose the will to live soon.

OMG your MIL sounds a total nightmare. I can totally understand what it's like to be at the mercy of manipulative controlling and narcissistic people! Why would u wanna hug her anyway? Also what the hell is with the acting like a toddler.

His sister sounds a total disaster. I hate it when people say they understand when all u want to say is NO, NO, NO U COMPLETELY DON'T AND EVEN U SAYING THAT YOU DO- SHOWS THAT YOU DON'T.

Her "loss" is not the same as yours at all. That's crazy. She made a decision and chose to have an abortion. You didn't choose any of what happens to you. Big hugs. I want to fly over and slap her! Xx

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[LuckyLaura]

Chances of us ever leaving them looking after this baby...ZERO!

I relate to this so much hahahaha I'm so worried my child will get influenced and turn out like my mother! Aaaahh it's too much to bear thinking about xx

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[LuckyLaura]

morning ladies

my 12 weeks scan today went Great! baby was very lazy lying on it's back twirling it's fingers around. she's dated me at 12+4 which is great as I had 12+2 so pretty much bang on. and the NT measurement was 1.5 which is a relief.

I haven't been able to upload a picture with this useless phone but we got some beautiful ones. I'll maybe try with the laptop later.

just about to pick up DD and tell her the news over a pub lunch.

Yaaaaay congrats! Really pleased it all went well xx

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[Shepherdess]

sorry so many of you are having difficult days, family and work can be havoc

shanivy I'd just refuse to do it. there's no way I'd work Christmas day with my lo at home no chance. I used to work Christmases before I had her as I always feel its more important for people with children to be at home but there's no way I'd do a job like that now. my family comes first

well I've told DD our news she was very excited, for all of 3 minutes before she started talking about tractors haha but she can't wait to read stories to her sibling. got my 20 week scan date today to, 5th Feb at 9am. already can't wait to find out

 

[PeanutButter]

Just back from Drs. I went in with stomach pain, had for weeks. He was worried about baby so tried to listen to heartbeat, said he should
e able to hear it at this point ... Couldn't get one, so he's sending me for an emergency scan on Monday. Tried to get me in tonight but couldn't. So yay a whole weekend of wondering if my baby is alive.

 

[_GG_]

Just back from Drs. I went in with stomach pain, had for weeks. He was worried about baby so tried to listen to heartbeat, said he should
e able to hear it at this point ... Couldn't get one, so he's sending me for an emergency scan on Monday. Tried to get me in tonight but couldn't. So yay a whole weekend of wondering if my baby is alive.

Oh PB what an awful stress for you. I must say, I think GP's can be pretty useless at some things so I wouldn't worry about them not being able to hear it...it's not that easy at this stage.

Will be keeping my fingers firmly crossed for you xxx

 

[Shanivy]

LuckyLaura that's definitely not on at all. Any of it! She certainly had no right to announce anything that wasn't hers to announce. And her comments are outrageous hun. I'm sorry you're dealing with that but I'm glad to hear your hubby is a good support for you xx

Thank you I dont mean to come on here and moan but my hubby gets really stressed out when he hears stuff happening like that. He gets frustrated that he can't really say what he really thinks cuz he wants to try keep a relationship with his in laws and also we are living in their house. They wouldn't cast us out but it would be awful to have that atmosphere... Xx

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Have you seen us? Moaning is fine here honestly lol. It must be hard for both of you. I'm sure he hates seeing you dealing with this too. Will you be able to move out beforehand baby comes? I had to live with my in laws for 2 months when dd was one. I understand how difficult that must be right now. You definitely deserve better from your family, living in their house doesn't give them the automatic right to say and do whatever xx