***** JANUARY 2018 testing thread *****

[Sara1990]

This is just so hard... especially seeing people who conceive without any problems... I am so depressed today... I am actually considering private intrauterine insemination... any experiences ?

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Yeah My worl can be heavy as need to push heavy machines around and lift 3 litre bags of fluids from head height to floor so I wouldn't want to do that but wouldn't need to tell everyone in work or get time off....can a go sign you off from work when your having ivf? I dunno I reckon my manager wouldn't be able to give me lighter duties without everyone else knowing why. I can't even think about it...it sounds stressful already

One of my team went through IVF and you absolutely can get signed off at various stages of the process. She worked throughout the treatment part as such but then took about 3 week off I believe after the implantation bit. She was my direct report so I dealt with all the FIT notes. I'm pretty sure if your work is heavy too they can sign you off at other stages or give a fit note for amended duties. She had a fit note for amended duties straight after she fell pregnant cos she had hyperemisis.

So don't feel you have to tell the world if you don't want to. Your manager can't disclose why you off sick. So if for any reason it didn't work you wouldn't have to deal with all the questions and false sympathy. (That would be my worry people sticmonf their oar in) xx

 

[MoominGirl]

Yeah My worl can be heavy as need to push heavy machines around and lift 3 litre bags of fluids from head height to floor so I wouldn't want to do that but wouldn't need to tell everyone in work or get time off....can a go sign you off from work when your having ivf? I dunno I reckon my manager wouldn't be able to give me lighter duties without everyone else knowing why. I can't even think about it...it sounds stressful already

One of my team went through IVF and you absolutely can get signed off at various stages of the process. She worked throughout the treatment part as such but then took about 3 week off I believe after the implantation bit. She was my direct report so I dealt with all the FIT notes. I'm pretty sure if your work is heavy too they can sign you off at other stages or give a fit note for amended duties. She had a fit note for amended duties straight after she fell pregnant cos she had hyperemisis.

So don't feel you have to tell the world if you don't want to. Your manager can't disclose why you off sick. So if for any reason it didn't work you wouldn't have to deal with all the questions and false sympathy. (That would be my worry people sticmonf their oar in) xx

I think that kinda sums it up for me. I actually won't care one bit if people know we've gone through IVF afterwards. It's all the questions before that would get to me and I just think if it goes wrong, the less people that know the better. As lovely as people are, I know I won't thank them for their 'advice'. I'd need amended duties to such an extent that everyone would just know so for me it's tell everyone or get signed off. It's pretty black and white in my case so I'm not letting it stress me out. Getting signed off would mean I wouldn't have to worry about going for appointments either so it seems the better option in my case.

 

[_GG_]

Yeah My worl can be heavy as need to push heavy machines around and lift 3 litre bags of fluids from head height to floor so I wouldn't want to do that but wouldn't need to tell everyone in work or get time off....can a go sign you off from work when your having ivf? I dunno I reckon my manager wouldn't be able to give me lighter duties without everyone else knowing why. I can't even think about it...it sounds stressful already

One of my team went through IVF and you absolutely can get signed off at various stages of the process. She worked throughout the treatment part as such but then took about 3 week off I believe after the implantation bit. She was my direct report so I dealt with all the FIT notes. I'm pretty sure if your work is heavy too they can sign you off at other stages or give a fit note for amended duties. She had a fit note for amended duties straight after she fell pregnant cos she had hyperemisis.

So don't feel you have to tell the world if you don't want to. Your manager can't disclose why you off sick. So if for any reason it didn't work you wouldn't have to deal with all the questions and false sympathy. (That would be my worry people sticmonf their oar in) xx

I think that kinda sums it up for me. I actually won't care one bit if people know we've gone through IVF afterwards. It's all the questions before that would get to me and I just think if it goes wrong, the less people that know the better. As lovely as people are, I know I won't thank them for their 'advice'. I'd need amended duties to such an extent that everyone would just know so for me it's tell everyone or get signed off. It's pretty black and white in my case so I'm not letting it stress me out. Getting signed off would mean I wouldn't have to worry about going for appointments either so it seems the better option in my case.

I find this so sad. It just pisses me off so much that people feel they have the right to even bring the subject up. Told my neighbour our news yesterday and he said, "Well, congratulations if it's what you want, if it's not, remember our door is always open for a chat or any help you need". It was perfect. His wonderful way of showing how no assumptions should be made, just kindness.
In your shoes, I think you're absolutely right that getting signed off would be better xx

 

[Pidgeridoo]

I couldn't take all the sympathy from others if our IVF attempt failed! I think I would probably just tell people i'm close to about us getting IVF also! I work with a couple of quite traditional people and I have heard them say that it's up to the higher powers if you have kids or not and that we shouldn't mess with nature so I think they would be quite judgemental about me having IVF and I don't want their attitude directed at me lol I am generally quite a live and let live person though they can believe what they want I just think OH and I have had a hard enough time TTC without others making negative comments. I think in the long run I would only tell my mum and aunts (basically second mums to me), OH's parents and likely my manager before I get caught out in my excuses lol

 

[millielaura]

I couldn't take all the sympathy from others if our IVF attempt failed! I think I would probably just tell people i'm close to about us getting IVF also! I work with a couple of quite traditional people and I have heard them say that it's up to the higher powers if you have kids or not and that we shouldn't mess with nature so I think they would be quite judgemental about me having IVF and I don't want their attitude directed at me lol I am generally quite a live and let live person though they can believe what they want I just think OH and I have had a hard enough time TTC without others making negative comments. I think in the long run I would only tell my mum and aunts (basically second mums to me), OH's parents and likely my manager before I get caught out in my excuses lol

Oh I get really angry when I see people saying that lol poor you! When I was pregnant with my daughter my friend when we were discussing my struggles etc said if she ever struggled she wouldn't get treatment if it wasn't meant to be and would 'just' adopt instead . Which is great for her but I just thought erm helloo don't say it to me in that context. My daughter wouldnt be here if it wasnt for meds and science! xxx

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[Pidgeridoo]

I couldn't take all the sympathy from others if our IVF attempt failed! I think I would probably just tell people i'm close to about us getting IVF also! I work with a couple of quite traditional people and I have heard them say that it's up to the higher powers if you have kids or not and that we shouldn't mess with nature so I think they would be quite judgemental about me having IVF and I don't want their attitude directed at me lol I am generally quite a live and let live person though they can believe what they want I just think OH and I have had a hard enough time TTC without others making negative comments. I think in the long run I would only tell my mum and aunts (basically second mums to me), OH's parents and likely my manager before I get caught out in my excuses lol

Oh I get really angry when I see people saying that lol poor you! When I was pregnant with my daughter my friend when we were discussing my struggles etc said if she ever struggled she wouldn't get treatment if it wasn't meant to be and would 'just' adopt instead . Which is great for her but I just thought erm helloo don't say it to me in that context. My daughter wouldnt be here if it wasnt for meds and science! xxx

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I know it's their feelings on the subject, but I do think if you believe something controversial like that your workplace is not the place to air those views! But saying that the people who say those things at my work will never know I had IVF lol I'm pretty much willing to take any pill or potion at the minute if I think it will end in a BFP lol I think being signed off would be ideal too, I would just be concerned that it would open the floodgates of questions asking why I was off etc as obviously only my maager would know the real reason! Though if the IVF was successful I could hopefully write it off as pregnancy sickness later on when i announce lol I'm sure nobody would do the nitty gritty working out the dates lol

 

[_GG_]

It's never right in my opinion to air views like that in work, in front of people with or without children. It's the kind of thing you can think and believe and even discuss in certain company but to say that to someone who has had or might have IVF is disgraceful.

 

[tara_46]

Ladies..... I think I got my BFP!!!!! 12dpo it came up with in a minute!

 

[LuckyLaura]

Yeah My worl can be heavy as need to push heavy machines around and lift 3 litre bags of fluids from head height to floor so I wouldn't want to do that but wouldn't need to tell everyone in work or get time off....can a go sign you off from work when your having ivf? I dunno I reckon my manager wouldn't be able to give me lighter duties without everyone else knowing why. I can't even think about it...it sounds stressful already

One of my team went through IVF and you absolutely can get signed off at various stages of the process. She worked throughout the treatment part as such but then took about 3 week off I believe after the implantation bit. She was my direct report so I dealt with all the FIT notes. I'm pretty sure if your work is heavy too they can sign you off at other stages or give a fit note for amended duties. She had a fit note for amended duties straight after she fell pregnant cos she had hyperemisis.

So don't feel you have to tell the world if you don't want to. Your manager can't disclose why you off sick. So if for any reason it didn't work you wouldn't have to deal with all the questions and false sympathy. (That would be my worry people sticmonf their oar in) xx

I think that kinda sums it up for me. I actually won't care one bit if people know we've gone through IVF afterwards. It's all the questions before that would get to me and I just think if it goes wrong, the less people that know the better. As lovely as people are, I know I won't thank them for their 'advice'. I'd need amended duties to such an extent that everyone would just know so for me it's tell everyone or get signed off. It's pretty black and white in my case so I'm not letting it stress me out. Getting signed off would mean I wouldn't have to worry about going for appointments either so it seems the better option in my case.

I find this so sad. It just pisses me off so much that people feel they have the right to even bring the subject up. Told my neighbour our news yesterday and he said, "Well, congratulations if it's what you want, if it's not, remember our door is always open for a chat or any help you need". It was perfect. His wonderful way of showing how no assumptions should be made, just kindness.
In your shoes, I think you're absolutely right that getting signed off would be better xx

My manager was like that too. When I told him he was like is this a positive thing for you? And I said yes very much so and he was like great congrats! Haha he didn't assume either way. It sounds weird but you had to be there as he did it in such an understanding way xx

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[LuckyLaura]

Ladies..... I think I got my BFP!!!!! 12dpo it came up with in a minute!

Wow congrats! Yayyyy xxx

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[Sunflower1]

Ladies..... I think I got my BFP!!!!! 12dpo it came up with in a minute!

Congratulations!

 

[tara_46]

I am very cautious as I have been having some lower back pain, but my temps are still up. Hopefully the mild cramps are just my womb expanding!

 

[Alexis2017]

I am very cautious as I have been having some lower back pain, but my temps are still up. Hopefully the mild cramps are just my womb expanding!

Congrats Tara!! Awesome news!!! Happy and healthy 9 months to you hunni x

 

[Alexis2017]

Speaking of ivf one if our doctors had ivf to have his son so least Imsomeone in our team would understand. It's always baby and child chat on our break as everyone has small kids and babies. I find work environment very hard and it's why I find it stressful at the thought if them all knowing. I also find I am given a lot of the heavy work so just dunno how to get around it. I am sure we will need ivf now as moving on to month 14!

 

[Elven]

Ladies..... I think I got my BFP!!!!! 12dpo it came up with in a minute!

Congratulations! xx

 

[Nikkibiscuit]

Congrats Tara. Some good news for January at last! Xx

 

[MoominGirl]

Yeah My worl can be heavy as need to push heavy machines around and lift 3 litre bags of fluids from head height to floor so I wouldn't want to do that but wouldn't need to tell everyone in work or get time off....can a go sign you off from work when your having ivf? I dunno I reckon my manager wouldn't be able to give me lighter duties without everyone else knowing why. I can't even think about it...it sounds stressful already

One of my team went through IVF and you absolutely can get signed off at various stages of the process. She worked throughout the treatment part as such but then took about 3 week off I believe after the implantation bit. She was my direct report so I dealt with all the FIT notes. I'm pretty sure if your work is heavy too they can sign you off at other stages or give a fit note for amended duties. She had a fit note for amended duties straight after she fell pregnant cos she had hyperemisis.

So don't feel you have to tell the world if you don't want to. Your manager can't disclose why you off sick. So if for any reason it didn't work you wouldn't have to deal with all the questions and false sympathy. (That would be my worry people sticmonf their oar in) xx

I think that kinda sums it up for me. I actually won't care one bit if people know we've gone through IVF afterwards. It's all the questions before that would get to me and I just think if it goes wrong, the less people that know the better. As lovely as people are, I know I won't thank them for their 'advice'. I'd need amended duties to such an extent that everyone would just know so for me it's tell everyone or get signed off. It's pretty black and white in my case so I'm not letting it stress me out. Getting signed off would mean I wouldn't have to worry about going for appointments either so it seems the better option in my case.

I find this so sad. It just pisses me off so much that people feel they have the right to even bring the subject up. Told my neighbour our news yesterday and he said, "Well, congratulations if it's what you want, if it's not, remember our door is always open for a chat or any help you need". It was perfect. His wonderful way of showing how no assumptions should be made, just kindness.
In your shoes, I think you're absolutely right that getting signed off would be better xx

I'm a fairly private person and I don't like a fuss. I hope I didn't give a bad impression of my department because I actually have a really lovely team who I know would be really supportive and non-judgmental and if I'm honest I probably couldn't ask for better if I did feel I wanted to be upfront about it. I think it's the fact that they are so lovely and I know everything would come from a good place that I'd just feel like I was letting even more people down if it all ends badly.

 

[MoominGirl]

I couldn't take all the sympathy from others if our IVF attempt failed! I think I would probably just tell people i'm close to about us getting IVF also! I work with a couple of quite traditional people and I have heard them say that it's up to the higher powers if you have kids or not and that we shouldn't mess with nature so I think they would be quite judgemental about me having IVF and I don't want their attitude directed at me lol I am generally quite a live and let live person though they can believe what they want I just think OH and I have had a hard enough time TTC without others making negative comments. I think in the long run I would only tell my mum and aunts (basically second mums to me), OH's parents and likely my manager before I get caught out in my excuses lol

Oh I get really angry when I see people saying that lol poor you! When I was pregnant with my daughter my friend when we were discussing my struggles etc said if she ever struggled she wouldn't get treatment if it wasn't meant to be and would 'just' adopt instead . Which is great for her but I just thought erm helloo don't say it to me in that context. My daughter wouldnt be here if it wasnt for meds and science! xxx

Sent from my SM-G928F using Tapatalk

I think what I find most irritating about those comments is 'if she ever struggled'. It's a totally different ball game when you actually do struggle. Of course I'm now a lot more open to interventions than I thought I would be as now I'm actually in this situation and having to deal with it. I've been met with a few attitudes, sadly from close family members, so it's made our situation all the more difficult as our support network is now even more limited. I accept that these comments came from a place of ignorance and narrow-mindedness but it would mean so much to have someone else in real life that I felt I could count on. I don't like feeling like I'm bringing OH down with me.

 

[MoominGirl]

Speaking of ivf one if our doctors had ivf to have his son so least Imsomeone in our team would understand. It's always baby and child chat on our break as everyone has small kids and babies. I find work environment very hard and it's why I find it stressful at the thought if them all knowing. I also find I am given a lot of the heavy work so just dunno how to get around it. I am sure we will need ivf now as moving on to month 14!

My strategy is if they're going to bore me with child chat then I'm going to bore them about my nephew!! He really gets me through many a difficult conversation!!

If you find it stressful for everyone to know then take the time off. Either annual leave if you want to be really discreet as then you don't have to justify yourself to anyone or get signed off from your GP. I'm sure they will be able to write something other then 'fertility treatment' on there if you don't want to tell your manager. I have told my manager so I don't care what they put on the line but one person isn't the same as the whole department. My problem isn't people knowing as such, it's breaking that bad news afterwards if it goes wrong. I feel it's just one less thing to worry about.

Only you will know how much your job will impact you. Our guidelines are clear in that if I did fall pregnant naturally I would be disclosing as soon as I knew rather than waiting til the usual 12 weeks and my role would have to be adjusted in such an obvious way that everyone would know anyway. That's why the 2ww would be such an issue for me as all this would apply after the embryo transfer. If I had a different role, I would definitely want to be at work and keep busy.