Depression support thread

[MrsDraven]

Kinda glad I found this thread. I've suffered with depression on and off for years, started off in highschool due to a few things I'd rather not go into, but I saw counsellors, took pills allsorts and nothing seemed to work. I developed anorexia because of all this and eventually it seemed that what I needed was to get out of the situation. Worked for a while but then I wound up in a crap situation again. So I got out of that and now I'm yet again being stuck in a crap, unecessary situation and feel like I'm back to square 1. I constantly feel like crap now and because I feel crap I can't be bothered eating, I just have no appetite. Only thing making me eat is Pregnacare conception pills because you have to, but 9x10 I even forget to take those. I literally don't have anyone to talk to because they either twist it so it's all about them, or get tired of listening to constant whining, but I've tried counsellors before and I really never got along with them at all. Pills didn't work either. I can't talk to OH about any of this because his main concern would be what set it off, and I don't 100% know the answer to that. We have other people that have similar problems in our life and it's enough trying to help them without me having a random kickoff again. The simplest stupidest things set me off getting upset and it's doing my head in. I started writing this with a cleared head now I'm crying like a prat and I couldn't even tell you why. I don't like feeling like this, I'm getting married soon I'm meant to be giddy and happy and sometimes I am but I'm up and down more than a hookers knickers lately. I was fine about half an hour ago, now I feel like utter shite. It's really bugging me. Sorry for the random outburst but I didn't really know where-else to vent and if I kept it inside my head I'd wind up doing something I'd regret later.

 

[DaisyPurple]

You are not alone, you can talk here any time you need to the best thing you can do is just vent all your feelings xx

 

[Toonlass]

your crying while writing your post because you are letting your feelings out. It's a good thing!!

I'm pleased you posted here and got The thread started again TBH coz I am hitting a low again too. Been cutting myself again and started feeling suicidal again. We can all be here for each other xx

 

[MrsDraven]

*hugs toonlass* Thanks DaisyPurple. It's stressing me out but I don't really know what else to do about it. I suffer from stress induced epilepsy so I'm supposed to avoid crap like this, not working. I don't really know what else to do about it though other than vent, and I don't even know what I'm venting about.

 

[DaisyPurple]

Oh god girls I am sorry you both feel shit right now. Please know that how you are feeling will pass and I'm always gonna be here to listen to you, I've come through the other side of what your feeling now and I do understand xx

 

[MrsDraven]

seriously thank you. Eugh I haven't felt this badly in years it's worrying me.
Toonlass do you have a punchbag as odd as that sounds?

 

[Toonlass]

Thanks DP xx

No mrsD , I don't but I want one. I have a garage to hang it in and think it would be very useful.

Try not to stress to much, epilepsy is awful and I'd hate you to have a 'turn' xx

 

[LuW]

How on earth have I never come across this before! I'm coming through my big depression now, but suffering with S.A.D. and P.M.D.D. means I have horrific trips back every so often and with L being away it doesn't make it any easier with me worrying about him too!


Always here to help anyone who needs it too XXX

 

[MrsDraven]

I haven't had a turn in almost 2 years so I'm really hoping not. Depression and SIE do not work well together. Feels odd though, I haven't had a bout of depression in going on 4 years now so why now?

Reason I ask Toon is cause what I used to do when I felt like self harming was beat the living crap out of a punchbag. Before I got one though my other method when trying to stop SH was to get a piercing. Dunno whether I'm meant to encourage that but meh. I've taken most of mine out bar my ears now but whenever I felt the need for physical pain, I'd go get a professionally done piercing in the most painful place I could think of. All the pain release of SH, less of the danger when done by a good piercer.

 

[Toonlass]

I tend to get tattoo's when I need pain. I also seem to SH when I deserve it. For example I got wound up a few weeks ago and shouted at Lucas, a nasty scream type shout and afterwards I took a knife to me leg and cut it deep. I felt I needed to punish myself for being bad but if I had a punch bag I suppose I would have took my frustration out on that

Having BPD I seem to be up and down a lot. It's like bi polar but the roundabout moves faster. I have also been diagnosed with bi polar so if the BPD lows coincide with BP low it's really shit. Having OH away on business doesn't help xx

 

[MrsDraven]

You shouldn't feel the need to punish yourself sweetheart you've got nothing to punish yourself for. You didn't ask for BPD, it's not your fault. *hugs*
Punchbags are fun!! Not only do they release frustration but they tone your arms up too!!!! Although don't make the same mistake I once did, I was so pissed off I punched it harder than I even thought I had the strength to and pulled the hook out of the ceiling... Oops.

 

[pinkymum]

Just saw the recent posts girls

The punch bag is a good idea. I haven't sh'd for a year and a half, can't quite believe it. I haven't had the urge to. But I have been struggling more with my moods lately and I got overly upset about being single and about to turn 30, last week. I was actually sobbing!?!?!? But my gp put me back on a lower dose of my sleeping tablets a month and a half ago and depending on my mood they can make my moods feel more extreme. So I've stopped taking them. A therapist/psychaitrist told me earlier this year he didn't think I fitted into the BPD criteria anymore but my own psychiatrist told me in August that BPD is a lifelong illness. So I'm slightly confused as to where I fit in. I always thought it was lifelong and you learn to manage it and then when my group therapist basically said I didn't 'have' BPD anymore I was over the moon. I think I just manage it alot better than I did in the past but I do worry about things like what if the urges to cut come back? Cutting was a huge part of my life for 13 years, how does that just disappear?
I know that I'm tired and emotional and struggling but I'm also a single mum, who's due her period with a baby who has croup - so most people would be feeling tired And emotional? I think......? Hmmmm who knows what normal is eh?

 

[MrsDraven]

I guess you would feel tired and emotional in that situation *hugs*. Mother Nature does like to play with our moods to annoy us, and on top of trying to take care of a poorly baby that's bound to take it out of you. xxx

 

[pinkymum]

I guess you would feel tired and emotional in that situation *hugs*. Mother Nature does like to play with our moods to annoy us, and on top of trying to take care of a poorly baby that's bound to take it out of you. xxx

Yep very true hun. I think that after living with the erratic mood swings that go along with BPD all of my adult life and then finally learning to manage them makes question myself when I do sit and think about how I'm really feeling. Like 'is this a BPD thing or is it just normal feelings that someone without BPD would have.

Anyway how are you all doing? I'm doing ok, a bit gutted that I had to cancel all my 30th birthday plans and I'm not getting a break this weekend at all :/

 

[BumbleTumble]

my own psychiatrist told me in August that BPD is a lifelong illness

ive always been told that with the right treatment (DBT) and sometimes meds combo, BPD is 50% 'curable'. there is hope!

i also have BPD, but have been diagnosed with many things the last 7 years, psych wards have been a big part of my life since 14 years old.
i found out i was pregnant yesterday, and i am feeling happy, but that could change, i am probably more susceptable to PND too.
im terrified im going to be an awful mum, or terrified that i will lose the baby. i know its a quite a while away, but i tend to panic about things.
im still under mental health services, my community psych nurse doesnt know yet, but she, like my mum, will freak out.

sorry for rambling, i just hope that this was the right place to voice these kind of concerns.
x

 

[nikki8092]

Cant believe i havent seen this thread before... My sister suffers with BPD and my dad used to suffer with depression. After my dad died i started with the odd bout but then got PND after my 2nd baby was born. Im quite worried i will suffer again after this birth but have my fingers crossed xx

 

[BumbleTumble]

how did you cope with the PND after your 2nd? did you have lots of help and support around?
xxx

 

[nikki8092]

Luckily i have an incredibly supportive husband. Was really hard as i didnt really get treated till after Jake was a year old... Just thought if i ignored it it would go away. I have been told there is a chance i could get it during/after pregnancy and i have the odd off day but i think thats just normal. I didnt take any meds as i wanted to see if i could cope without. xx

 

[BumbleTumble]

thats fantastic you have a supportive husband
im not sure pregnancy-wise, but with depression in general, it helps so much to have supportive people around you.

if you feel like you cant cope this time, dont be afraid to try medication, it can really help sometimes.
try not to worry too much about it right now, just enjoy the pregnancy while its happening.
xxx

 

[nikki8092]

Yeah he is definately one in a million, think if i get it this time round i will be straight to docs as i feel i left it far too long before. Thanks x