Depression, support, advice & is anyone on Citalopram?

[Princess_Puddles]

I was prescribed these last week as I have been diagnosed with depression, I've always known i've had it but never wanted to do anything cause as the years went on I dealt with it in my own way but since Febuary last year it has gotten worse & I broke down when my HV came round last week cause I cannot cope anymore. I wont go out the house, I don't get dressed, I want to sleep all day, I cant look after my Son (I'm struggling to look after myself let alone Harrison too) i'm feeling very suicidal and have started harming myself again
I'm finding it extremely hard to put my thoughts into paragrahs so I do apologise if its all muddled.

I feel I don't have any support and Im all alone, I have 2 friends, one who is pregnant (she also has a 3yr old boy) but she smokes like a trooper and If I were to go out I dont want to take my Son there because I don't want him to breathe in smoke and neither do i and also I think what she is doing to her 3yr old boy and her unborn baby with her smoking (her partner and brother live there and smoke too) and the other mate is a girl who only contacts me when she has no one else and all she ever talks about is money & what new car shes getting, what shes gonna buy herself, millie her daughter etc.. yeah shes minted cause her partner is a Solicitor (she doesnt work) but then she tells me hes ugly and that. I know in my situation I shouldnt be so judgemental because I do only have 2 mates but I cant help it, I know no one is perfect...I miss my old friends
My Mum is giving me an extremely hard time because shes had to have Harrison atleast 2/3days a week because I'm so ill I cant do it myself, we have never been close, when ive needed her she was never there for me it was always my fault to her (but my brother is an angel). She knows a bit about how im feeling but shes not interested as usual. Shes just taken Harrison away because I'm having a bad day with side effects from tablets and shes not talking to me, ok she was ok to give me a boll*king but never asks how I am or anything and I feel bad for asking for help to look after my Son now, I dont understand...would she prefer I didnt look after him? people always say if u need help ask for help we would prefer you to do that but then when u do?? dont get me wrong I love my son to pieces he never fails to make me smile but (anyone with depression may undertstand) I just cannot cope at the moment, he needs someone to look after him, play with him! My OH is really good, but I think I am becoming too much for him he's so distant, we row alot, arent close anymore the list goes on I am seeing a shrink too but I find it hard to tell her everything because although things are really difficult at the moment I dont want my Son taken away from me, I'm no danger to him, I would never ever ever harm him, do anything infront of him to myself and I ask for help as much as I can if I need it. All I want is some support but dont feel im getting any

I'm so sorry this is a load of mumbo jumbo but I just needed to write things down.

Also with regards to my antidepressants is anyone else taking these, im only on 10mg because im worried about the side effects (im still getting side effects though) and wondered how long did they last? i know everyone is different.

Just to add I may sound like a nut job but please dont think I would harm my Son, I love him with all my heart, hes just amazing and so so special! and because of that, thats why I am getting help! sorry had to say that because its something my Doctor kept asking me about, I know he had to though but it upset me alot.

If you've read all this thank you ever so much

 

[Snuggle]

No-one will think you're a nutjob sweetie, depression is a hard thing to explain. I was on Citalopram recently but it wasnt working for me so I am now on Effexor (Venlafaxine) and it seems to be better so far. Make sure you open up to OH and try to help him to understand what you're going through. I cant help with the Mum situation as I live very far away from my family and have no-one to help me out so dont know what my Mum would be like in your situation.
If you need to chat just PM me anytime babes

 

[NICCI]

firstly i would like to say how brave u are 4 admitting that u have got a problem b4 it gets any worse!!!!!!
although i am not on them ne more i was citalopram (20mg) for about a year, ure sutuation sounds soooo similar to mine although i didnt have a bino at the time (it must b so much harder to deal with if u have a baby), my mother was sooo selfish always taking bout her self never taking the time to listen to my problems although my hubby was amazing at this time i felt that he never truly ubderstood what i was going through, this caused a massive distance between us and that made me feel worse. i went to councilling and havin an external person to vent at once a week really helped me!! i also used to write down everthing that was bothering me no matter how trivial!!! and me and hubby would go through them and work out ways to solve each problem... maybe u should try this. please dont harm ureself there r other ways to deal with this, i promise u that u will feel better soon. the only symptoms i had frm the citalopram was lack of sex drive.... i got really bad symptoms wen i came off them felt sick and dizzy but that passed... im sure u r a grt mum but because of ure state of mind u just dont feel like it.... pls keep me posted on how u r feelin chic...

 

[happy-chick]

Talking to u on msn but just wanted 2 give u these

 

[LucyBee]

Poor you Mica.
I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I'm on Citalopram. I was on 20mg then managed to reduce it to 10mg but then Tom was admitted to hospital with bronchiolitis so my GP put it up to 20mg again and I'm still on that now.
It takes a while for them to start working and for your system to get used to them (about 3/4 weeks) so hang on in there and keep taking them. If you're feeling really bad, I'd take the 20mg and be done with it.
Get all the help that you can and keep talking to your HV.
Here for you anytime.
Lucyx

 

[Melly+2]

Weve had a chat hun, but like a say im always here if you need me

 

[Tadpole]

Hiya,

i was on citralapam a few years ago but it gave me heart palpatastions so I switched to escitralapm whcih worked well. I took that in combination with a very small dose of olanzapine. I found that they gave me the 'head space' necessary to take on the therapy and helped it to be more effective as I was then more receptive. I had tried counselling before to no avail because my anxiety/depression/paranoia was too intense.

Good luck with it all. It will get better and you are heading in the right direction.

 

[1sttimemum]

i wanted to give you some hugs.
#
ive been diagnosed with pnd and was prescribed the citaploram (sp)? im not taking them tho as i dont really want to be on them.


i doubt anyone will think your a nutjob babe, try and take it easy.
if you can when you feel u need tp hurt yourself try and do something else which might help take your mind off it.

 

[poppy160]

I have PND and my Doc prescribed me Citalopram on Monday, I'm on 20mg. Before that I was on a different but it didn't help me so much. Apart from constipation, I haven't had any side effects yet.

Maybe it would be an idea to change your meds? It doesn't sound like they're helping you very much at the moment. Believe me, when you take them religiously you feel a definate increase in your mood. I cannot function whatsoever when I don't take my tablets and I turn into a monster

How about councilling? Talking to somebody also helps. I'm hoping to start councilling soon because I don't think my friends/family/OH should hear about what happens inside, so I keep it bottled up which never helps. Perhaps letting it all out will make you feel a bit better?

You're not alone, hun. If you need anybody else to talk to I'd be happy to try and help

 

[Strangeness]

I was on citalopram for about 2 years, I came off them when we decided to have a baby as there is no research into how it can effect an unborn child and I didn't want to risk it. The pills were brill for me but they're not the answer to the problems they just help you get through the day. I suffered from a social anxiety disorder which basically stopped my whole life. I didn't leave the house or anything due to fear of meeting people. I couldn't even put my bin down the steps just incase anyone decided to say hello to me, it was an awful time! The best source of help was from a support worker who helped me through every stage of my anxiety. She did so much with me and day by day I finally started to get out more, even if it was just a walk round the block. Without the citalopram I don't think I would have been boosted enough to even attempt to try and rid myself of the problem but they picked me up enough to get through the day. They don't work instantly but over a few weeks you'll suddenly feel like you've had a good day for once and that's when it can start to pick up again. Just take each day as it comes and don't try to push yourself too fast or it will knock you back so fast. The best thing is to have someone professional to talk too, someone who doesn't know you and doesn't judge you like family and friends do. Things will get better hun but it takes along time and a lot of tears before things will come together again. I'm glad you've seeked help as that is a huge step and you're very brave for doing so!

 

[dina.marie]

ive been on a whole mumble jumble load of anti depressants, i think i was on citalopram twice. i found the side effects (vertigo dizziness, sickness) lasted two weeks and then calmed down. it took me a few months to come off them reducing the dose etc but i guess they helped. i used to have very severe depression and self harmed too, i know its a very lonely hard time, and having to look after a child too must be so hard. the best advice i can give is keep talking to people,, i kept alot of stuff bottled up and it wasnt the best thing. and keep going to ur GP too, i found talking therapies combined with anti's helped the best. pm me anytime. hope ur ok.

 

[Princess_Puddles]

Hey guys thank you for your replies, I will write a longer message soon once I get over my tummy bug

Edit - Typos

 

[trixipaws]

firstly, big hugs

is that the brand name whats in it? iv been on prozac (fluoxetine) and seroxat (paroxetine) is it either of those drugs? with seroxat (which is now banned i think!) the side effects were really intropective, it was similar to LSD for the first few months and not in a good way. after 6 months or so i felt like i was stuffed full of cotton wool- i just had no emotions i was cold and dead inside, it was awful so i took myself off them. probably why they were banned!
prozac was better, but i did feel kind of floaty and out of it, and both drugs had an annoying sexual side effect (they made it rubbish i couldnt get off!) i dont like anti-d's personally but thats maybe coz i think i was misdiagnosed i dont htink iv had real depression so i shouldnt hav been on them. they might work great for people who are really depressed. sorry dont kno if that helped

hope ur feeling better soon, both emotionally and with ur tummy x x x

 

[Lou]

I'm on citalopram and have just reduced my dose down to 10mg. This is the second time I've been on them and I found both times they made me feel worse before I felt better so don't give up on them and just keep telling yourself you won't feel like this forever

 

[debecca]

I've been diagnosed with PND and can sympathise with the way you're feeling. It's horrible, isn't it?

I started on Fluoxetine this week and I feel 593425790348572395 times better so keep going with the meds! It will get better! Have you talked to your GP about how you're feeling? xxx

 

[kazlin]

Yep, I am on the same, 10mg. They actually were working for me really well but because I now have what I think is PND I think I may have to up the dose. Will be having a chat with HV/Doctor next week.
PM me anytime...ok?

...and have lots of these you are not alone hun!

 

[Princess_Puddles]

I keep meaning to reply but never know what to say or am in the mood where I don't want to talk about myself. I stopped the tablets because they were making me feel awful!! My Doctors knows because he's the one who prescribed antidepressants and got in touch with the phyciatrist. I don't mean to moan, I just need to put my thoughts down...
At the moment, I feel like my world is falling apart and Im the root cause of it all, everything I do is wrong and whatever I say is wrong, I have no real friends anymore and thats my own fault, today 1 girl who was 1 of the two only friends I had, said this to me on MSN after I poured my hear out to her: 'my whole life isnt bout u i really dnt care its alway bout u n ur life story u thin ur the only 1 that has it hard and u dnt know what u got ur one of the luckiest girl i know so get over it im sick of listen 2 u moanin bout u n how hard ur life been when u dnt know what u hav til u lose it'
you may say she didn't mean it etc.. but its all true, all I ever seem to do is moan about myself and I've pushed and still am pushing so many people away because of it. I spend everyday in doors now, I attempted to go out this weekend but had to come home. I very rarely get dressed, I don't eat properly, interact with my Son or the outside world, I have no energy to do anything & no emotions towards anyone just myself and thats only hatred and discust. I sit and comfort others telling them how there is a light at the end of the tunnel you just cant see it at the moment but things will get brighter when I can't see the light myself or imagine it coming back at any point. I can't look forward to things, because each day I wish I could go to bed and not wake up in the morning or I just see nothing in my future and I know I have Harrison but a big part of me feels his life would be better without me because im just bringing everyone down and the last thing I want is to hurt my family, that girl said that to me because I told her exacltly what I have said to you above, and she told me her daughter died in her arms last night but thankfully paramedics saved her and how would I like it if Harrison died, I didn't know that and if I didn I wouldn't have poured my heart out to her, she probably is going through a bad time at the moment too but I didn't have a go at her back I just told her im there for her if she needs me and that I do care and im sorry. I feel like everyone hates me or I must be some terrible person to not have any friends or maybe im not friend material. I'm going on holiday in just over 2 weeks and I cant wait for it but I keep hoping that things will be like they used to when I went but I know i'm not going to change in 2wks

I don't know what I'm trying to get at by saying all of that, I just needed to write it down because I cannot say it out loud, its like there is a barrier stopping me and when I go to say it everything gets jumbled up and what I really felt and meant doesn't come out.

Thank you for your hugs and lovely messages. I don't want to get on your nerves and for you all to think the same as others about me moaning and thinking about myself, I hope I don't come across that way because deep down im not that person, im just going through a rough patch at the the moment and I dont mean it

Sorry I have seriously rambled, I just start and the words and feelings keep flowing I hoep I haven't said to much or the wrong things if so please delete my post as the last thing I want to do is upset people. But any thanks so much for listening (well reading) guys

 

[valentine]

I keep meaning to reply but never know what to say or am in the mood where I don't want to talk about myself. I stopped the tablets because they were making me feel awful!! My Doctors knows because he's the one who prescribed antidepressants and got in touch with the phyciatrist. I don't mean to moan, I just need to put my thoughts down...
At the moment, I feel like my world is falling apart and Im the root cause of it all, everything I do is wrong and whatever I say is wrong, I have no real friends anymore and thats my own fault, today 1 girl who was 1 of the two only friends I had, said this to me on MSN after I poured my hear out to her: 'my whole life isnt bout u i really dnt care its alway bout u n ur life story u thin ur the only 1 that has it hard and u dnt know what u got ur one of the luckiest girl i know so get over it im sick of listen 2 u moanin bout u n how hard ur life been when u dnt know what u hav til u lose it'
you may say she didn't mean it etc.. but its all true, all I ever seem to do is moan about myself and I've pushed and still am pushing so many people away because of it. I spend everyday in doors now, I attempted to go out this weekend but had to come home. I very rarely get dressed, I don't eat properly, interact with my Son or the outside world, I have no energy to do anything & no emotions towards anyone just myself and thats only hatred and discust. I sit and comfort others telling them how there is a light at the end of the tunnel you just cant see it at the moment but things will get brighter when I can't see the light myself or imagine it coming back at any point. I can't look forward to things, because each day I wish I could go to bed and not wake up in the morning or I just see nothing in my future and I know I have Harrison but a big part of me feels his life would be better without me because im just bringing everyone down and the last thing I want is to hurt my family, that girl said that to me because I told her exacltly what I have said to you above, and she told me her daughter died in her arms last night but thankfully paramedics saved her and how would I like it if Harrison died, I didn't know that and if I didn I wouldn't have poured my heart out to her, she probably is going through a bad time at the moment too but I didn't have a go at her back I just told her im there for her if she needs me and that I do care and im sorry. I feel like everyone hates me or I must be some terrible person to not have any friends or maybe im not friend material. I'm going on holiday in just over 2 weeks and I cant wait for it but I keep hoping that things will be like they used to when I went but I know i'm not going to change in 2wks

I don't know what I'm trying to get at by saying all of that, I just needed to write it down because I cannot say it out loud, its like there is a barrier stopping me and when I go to say it everything gets jumbled up and what I really felt and meant doesn't come out.

Thank you for your hugs and lovely messages. I don't want to get on your nerves and for you all to think the same as others about me moaning and thinking about myself, I hope I don't come across that way because deep down im not that person, im just going through a rough patch at the the moment and I dont mean it

Sorry I have seriously rambled, I just start and the words and feelings keep flowing I hoep I haven't said to much or the wrong things if so please delete my post as the last thing I want to do is upset people. But any thanks so much for listening (well reading) guys

Hi PP,

Thanks for saying all that. It does sound like things are really bleak and black for you just now and I do know how you feel.

I think you really really need the people around you to start taking action. Can you write your OH or your Mum or your MIL a letter describing how you feel and how you really need help? Can you write a list of what needs to change in your life to help you get better (a new job, to decorate, to eat 3 proper meals a day - whatever it is and however small it is, it matters). You now need to rely on your family to get you through this.

I know you won't listen, but I think you're fab. Not many young people your age have a toddler, a home, bills, money worries, a serious relationship, in laws - its not surprising it's tough going. I am in awe of anyone who gets through their children's childhoods with their sanity intact, its bl**dy relentless hard work and so expensive which creates challenges too.

Please, please talk to someone by letter or email if you can't say the words. I am thinking of you - please please try and get some help.

Valentine Xxx