Co-sleeping?

[knopk@]

Littlemiss, with all respect, i dont think you have had a baby who doesnt settle in the cot no matter what. Maybe hard to believe for you and you might think i havent tried enough but just take my word for it, those babies do exist.

And i dont see bed sharing as i evil thing as they paint it now. When the child is 15, yeah.
But as I said everyone makes own decisions and they know their baby.
Its like breast vs bottle thing. Btw bottle feeding increases risk of SIDS, but HVs dont mention that, do.they?
Btw there is research that shows that responding to your baby immediately is beneficial (we are talking about babies).
sent from my Galaxy s2

 

[Lettie]

I would really love to co sleep and have fallen asleep when feeding her a couple of times but its terrified me because of what the guidelines say and mws etc. its made oh very worried too so he kinda told me off and asked I don't let it happen again. Which im sad about. 75% of the world co sleep. It's natural everywhere apart from the western world. Yes babies have died both in bed with parents but they never highlight the individual situations. Those parents may have been drinking/drugs etc and those statistics then skew it as most people avoid these.high risk factors. I dunno its a touchy subject but now I've over thought it I cant sleep next to her which is a shame. Hopefully as she gets bigger I'll be happier to and we'll get some lovely lie ins together (even tho currently that's when she's most awake!)

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Littlemiss, with all respect, i dont think you have had a baby who doesnt settle in the cot no matter what. Maybe hard to believe for you and you might think i havent tried enough but just take my word for it, those babies do exist.

And i dont see bed sharing as i evil thing as they paint it now. When the child is 15, yeah.
But as I said everyone makes own decisions and they know their baby.
Its like breast vs bottle thing. Btw bottle feeding increases risk of SIDS, but HVs dont mention that, do.they?
Btw there is research that shows that responding to your baby immediately is beneficial (we are talking about babies).
sent from my Galaxy s2

That's harsh how can you possibly know that!!
I can respond to my baby just as quick while she is in her crib next to my bed.. I highly doubt bottle feeding increases the risks of SIDS what a horrid thing to say on a forum with mums who feel guilty they can't bf!!
Jaycee wouldn't settle for over two years but I persevered!! Your not the only one in the world with a baby that cries!! I went thru hell and back with her id be really insulted if u said what u just said to me!! Ellie had gastric reflux but STILL settled in her cot fine! Screamed all day but due to a decent bedtime routine and NOT rocking her to sleep (like I did with Jaycee) she settled just fine on her own! Theres no excuse for co-sleeping no matter how many excuses u come up with.. I tried being mild with my opinion but as some think it's ok to be out of line, I will be too!
Co-sleeping is for mums who either can't be bothered to put the effort in or who love cuddles too much! End of! I KNOW what it's like trust me!! Ive had clingy and sick babies and I've been in tears with it!! Ellie was great at getting to sleep but woke every night at least six times a night til she was over 3!! Easy option would have been to get her in my bed.. No! I didnt have a full night sleep for over three years! She sleeps fine now thank god!
I can't believe that was said.. How could you possibly know?! She's giving advice (as I am) as she's been there and done that! We know what it's like!!

 

[l_maclean]

But as I said everyone makes own decisions and they know their baby.
Its like breast vs bottle thing. Btw bottle feeding increases risk of SIDS, but HVs dont mention that, do.they?

sent from my Galaxy s2

Every midwife i've seen, and the two sets of ante-natal classes all told us that breast feeding LOWERS the risk of SIDS - which is not the same as bottle feeeding increasing it!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I'm still shocked and personally appalled that was said!!

 

[nikki8092]

I wouldnt say that co sleeping is for people who cant be bothered to put the effort in as thats also a pretty harsh thing to say. I loved cuddling my babies and just because you are not gettiing up to see to them doesnt mean you are not awake and have to put in just as much effort in. I found that co sleeping meant i wasnt getting as much sleep as i was conscious of having the baby in bed with me. Ok i didnt co sleep all night with my baby only when they woke up at around 3am for a feed. Only then would i put them in with me for a couple of hours. I think subjects like this can be very heated just as the breastfeeding issue. As lettie says 75% of the population of the world co sleep and you cant take figures of sids into account when you dont know the situation behind it ie over tiredness/drugs/smoking and alcohol. Even the NHS site says that. Anyway we are all grown ups and entitled to our own opinions which doesnt mean one or the other is wrong it just means you have a different outlook xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

To suggest bottle feeding increases the risk of SIDS is awful! Suggesting ones baby isn't as bad as she's making out is hurtful.. Suggesting we aren't responding to our babies quick enough as they are in their own bed is pure ridiculous! All defensive comments to make excuses for co-sleeping. Mothers benefit more from co-sleeping than babies ever will!!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

And 75% of the world includes third world countries etc.. I don't think they have a choice! Noone believes statistics when it goes against what they are doing yet believe them when they support??

People can do what they like I'm not judgmental, I personally think its not right. But I'm not gonna preech and get personal with someone

 

[Rachaellius]

I agree with what Nikki said just we are all grown ups here. Plus I think the thread is getting slightly off topic.
I would never have started the thread if I'd have known it would spark such controversy and upset. So maybe I was naive and I apologize.
I'm still a new mom and feel a bit clueless sometimes about some things so I just wanted to hear the pros and cons of it so I could make a decsision about doing it. As I've found googling it and the nhs give very conflicting advise

 

[Jayceesmumma]

(I know it was a harsh thing to say but it was in response to others harsh words as I said in my post)
I'm not one to argue but I don't agree with what was said it was out of line

 

[Jayceesmumma]

I'm sorry hun it's a very heated subject.. And we have all given you our advice. I'd advise against it strongly.. It's up to you to decide what's best for your baby noone can judge any mum on here for feeding eating sleeping etc.. Only judge of u feed ur baby drugs and alcohol or something insane like that! Lol!

 

[l_maclean]

I know these kinda threads always get heated - and I thouroughly believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion. I said in my first post - for me its not worth the risk - but everyone has to balance those pros and cons on their own.

however, i also feel as grown ups - we should know not to get personal - and while Jaceeysmmummmas comments might have been harsh as well - it was in response to someone else getting VERY personal. xxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Benefits of Bed Sharing
There are many benefits to sharing a bed with your baby. For me part of it is that I just love being able to cuddle with my kids, but there is more to it than just that:
Ease of breastfeeding: One study found that bed sharing infants breastfeed about twice as often as regular solitary sleepers, with the total duration of nightly nursing episodes amounting to almost three times of what is observed in lone sleep conditions (see p. 124 of Natural Parenting – Back to Basics in Infant Care – by Regine A. Schön and Maarit Silvén in the Evolutionary Psychology journal) . This can be particularly helpful in the case of infants that are not gaining enough weight, as they will be encouraged by the proximity to nurse more frequently.* It is also helpful to working and pumping moms that struggle to pump enough during the day, since nighttime nursing can increase their supply and also decrease their baby’s daytime needs. Also, it is easier to just roll-over and pop out a breast to nurse your baby than to get out of bed, go to another room, sit in a rocker for 20 to 30 minutes, and then return to bed (especially if this happens several times per night).
Better sleep for mom and baby: For us and for many co-sleeping families, co-sleeping means more sleep and generally less anxiety about sleep. In our case, our daughter actually slept through the night most nights while sleeping next to us but woke frequently if we were not there. Our son never slept through the night as an infant, but responding to his needs was easier when he was in bed with us. Mothers whose babies sleep in another room have to get out of bed to respond to their baby. This causes the mother to wake up more fully and makes it more difficult for her to fall back asleep. Also, she is less able to rest while tending to her baby than a mother who is in bed with her baby. This is backed up by research by M.D. Gordon and S.L. Hill in 2008 that found that co-sleeping families were less likely to believe their infant’s sleep was problematic than non-co-sleeping families. Those with the greatest levels of stress/concern were non-c0-sleepers that don’t practice cry it out, suggesting that responding to your baby when you do not sleep with your baby can be very stressful.
Mothers can react to baby: Co-sleeping mothers are more in tune with their baby’s sleep and can take action to keep their baby comfortable and safe during the night. Parents that have a baby in a separate room and use a baby monitor will hear their baby cry, but may not hear more subtle signs that their baby is uncomfortable. Missing those subtle cues can mean that the baby needs to wake more fully in order to alert the parents, which can result in more effort and time required to resettle the baby.
Allows working parents to connect with their child: As I mentioned in my post about finding balance as a working mom, I have heard so many working parents complain about how little time they have with their kids during the week. Some parents arrive home from work at 6pm and have their little ones in bed by 7pm.* We do manage to sneak in more than an hour of time together in the evenings. Usually I end up having close to 3 hours with my kids at home before bedtime. But being together doesn’t end there. I share a bed with one or the other of my kids every night (we play musical beds sometimes). I find this time to be an essential way of staying close even when we can’t spend as much waking time together as we would like.

Sounds more beneficial to the mum rather than the baby to me.. That's my opinion.

 

[Cantstop]

I think people are getting a bit twisted up with actual terms used as opposed to what they actually mean - yes it's an emotive subject, but there's no need for anyone to feel personally attacked. If breastfeeding lowers the risk of SIDS then by default, there must be a higher risk assosciated with bottle feeding. Therefore, comparatively, with bottle feeding the risk will be higher - it seems that was what Knopk was saying, rather than a personal attack on bottle feeders. Whether or not that's true, who knows, but it's what people are told by midwives.

I find it quite insulting to be labelled a lazy mother because I co-slept; I understand and respect the reasons it's not for some people but I can only offer my own experience and say that my baby definitely benefitted from co-sleeping as much as, if not more than, I did. And it certainly hasn't created any issues with the cot as she now sleeps happily in her cot, now that she was ready for it.

 

[knopk@]

I think my post was misunderstood and btw I am mixed feeding as i had issues so what i said applies to me as well.
And i wasnt implying that if a baby is in a cot,you cant respond fast,I was merely saying there is research now that you cant spoil your baby by picking them up when they cry.

As always everything got twisted :sigh:

I suggest if littlemiss has problems with my reply, she PMs me and we dont go into finger pointing on the thread.

I will reiterate - everyone is different and knows their baby best so no point in telling someone otherwise

 

[littlemiss83]

Littlemiss, with all respect, i dont think you have had a baby who doesnt settle in the cot no matter what. Maybe hard to believe for you and you might think i havent tried enough but just take my word for it, those babies do exist.

And i dont see bed sharing as i evil thing as they paint it now. When the child is 15, yeah.
But as I said everyone makes own decisions and they know their baby.
Its like breast vs bottle thing. Btw bottle feeding increases risk of SIDS, but HVs dont mention that, do.they?
Btw there is research that shows that responding to your baby immediately is beneficial (we are talking about babies).
sent from my Galaxy s2

With all respect - your a nasty piece of work (does saying with all respect make that any nicer??) I spent a while typing out a response to your last post, in which I gave you advice, do you have any comment to make to that or did I waste my time? You dont think I had a baby who wouldn't settle in a cot, why on earth would you think that is lies? Is it really so hard to believe that someone could have a baby that doesn't want to go in a cot & then turns that around? My baby was used to co-sleeping, of course she bloody well didn't want to go in the cot. Do you seriously think I could put a baby straight into a cot that had been used to co-sleeping, get real, of course it was work, of course she cried for hours - your tuned to the moon chick, I never once suggested i had a perfect baby, i had a normal baby who wouldn't go into the cot & I managed after alot of effort to get her in

Oh and with regards to what i've highlighed above - I hope one day that you have to suffer what some other breastfeeding mums do when they chose/are not able to breastfeed. Because see if I see a post on this forum where you are upset over not being able to breast feed anymore - i'll make sure i refer you back to what you just typed & we'll see how you like it eh. You totally fabricated a fact. I may have mentioned things about sids but I have quoted direct from what i would say is reliable websites. I know that breast feeding is best for baby, god i'd never deny that for a second but to say that it increases sids when infact youve got confused & breast feeding lowers....Your obviously just trying to grab something you can throw at me because you dont like what the NHS say & your pissed off coz your baby wont settle in a cot & you assume that my baby doesn't cry as much as yours or whatever. Sleeping with a baby in your bed is easily solved for anyone who does it. If your unable to breast feed theres f.all you can do about it apart from go to bottle. I had breast cancer and couldn't do it, not that you'd care, just as long as you get your nasty words in eh.

 

[knopk@]

Once again, re-read my post above and there is no need to attack me personally. I didnt attack you by the way.

I said my baby doesnt respond to sleep training - pick up put down method that you mentioned.

I will be a grown up and apologise if I offended anyone, I didnt mean to and appreciate the advice but it didnt work for me.

But what I said is right, plus swaddling and laying babies on their side increases the risk too, it is just facts.

To be honest I feel fed up too that people imply I didnt try hard enough, who are you to judge me? I am not judging anyone

 

[Young Mum 21 x]

I had Paige in bed with me but not until she was a lil older. Now we are going through the stage of trying to get her out for this reason Harry is banned from my bed lol but I also think they are better off in their own cribs/cots x

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Well said little miss.. Why should she PM you?? You made your views on her perfectly clear so why can't she take the opportunity to do the same??
I was hoping you'd start with that 'with all due respect' littlemiss as it seems just about anything is 'allowed' if you say that!

Having not being able to bf my first two and feeling so guilty I couldn't.. I can imagine how hurtful that comment of yours was (especially to Littlemiss )! Maybe you should think before u speak, clearly there's not enough to back up your point on this matter so u decide to divert to bottle and breast feeding.

U don't want fingers pointing at you? Don't make ridiculous personal comments then!

 

[knopk@]

Well said little miss.. Why should she PM you?? You made your views on her perfectly clear so why can't she take the opportunity to do the same??
I was hoping you'd start with that 'with all due respect' littlemiss as it seems just about anything is 'allowed' if you say that!

Having not being able to bf my first two and feeling so guilty I couldn't.. I can imagine how hurtful that comment of yours was (especially to Littlemiss )! Maybe you should think before u speak, clearly there's not enough to back up your point on this matter so u decide to divert to bottle and breast feeding.

U don't want fingers pointing at you? Don't make ridiculous personal comments then!

My comment wasnt pointed at anyone and I HAD issues breastfeeding so I know what its like.
Please stop attacking me