Breezees other thread (split post)

[breezee1984]

and for what you said right there im not responding to you anymore...an unwanted baby, thats a blessing in disguise.

 

[Steelgoddess]

Breezee i don't think thats fair PP was only trying to be helpful.

We only say these things because we care, ask the main majority of women on here and they will tell you they have come to terms with their losses.

If you can honestly say you want to be pregnant again to not replace your last loss then thats fair enough but what you have basically said is you cannot live without being pregnant otherwise it will depress you...

 

[Princess_Puddles]

Exactly what I was trying to say Sharne but you've worded it better

 

[Urchin]

I feel the need to say something here, Breezee, you have said you don't want professional help, the girls here aren't professionals, but by coming here and posting your problems you are inviting them to offer you what unprofessional help they can.
This is what they are doing, if you want better advice offered in a more constructive way than all I can do is suggest, like everyone else has, that you go and see a therapist.

 

[Steelgoddess]

and for what you said right there im not responding to you anymore...an unwanted baby, thats a blessing in disguise.

Thats really below the belt, we're not here to cast judgement upon each other we're here to help each other girly!!

I understand your pain i honestly do but all others are trying to do is help by either consoling you or offering friendly advice.

 

[babydust]

breezee1984 are you here for help or are you here to wind people up, people here are trying their best to help you, if you do not feel that we are helping you or being supportive i really dont know why you are still here. I was shocked to read your remark to pp that was totally uncalled for, who are you to judge peoples situations And i would tatally agree with what pp said you do not seem to be in a sane state of mind to be ready to ttc right now and yes i have lost 4 babies
Please go and get help

 

[tracey 2]

i really feel that i have to reply to this.

yes im really sorry that you have lost again and my heart really does go out to you and wish you luck but i really feel that you do need to seek some kind of help, it may not be counselling but just speaking to your doc or even someone close to you may be able to help, you may think im saying the wrong thing but its just my advice,

yes trying to get over a m/c is the hardest thing you can ever go through and iv had 2 in a short space of each other, after my first m/c i really wnated to try again straight away and i did fall pregnant again shortly after, but after losing my little girl it was like the whole world just shut down around me i didnt want to go out or talk to anyone and i was heading for a nervous breakdown but you have to go on otherwise it gets worse
yes iv been to hell and back ove the last couple of years but iv learnt that talking about things really does help and writing things down, i have written so many letters to my angels telling them how im feeling and this may or may not help you.

Everyone here who is trying to support you has had a m/c at some point and whether its the same or not we all have the same kinds of feelings and these feelings hurt but i promise you that with time these feelings will start to ease slowly just give it time.

Please PM me if you want to.

 

[Melly+2]

and for what you said right there im not responding to you anymore...an unwanted baby, thats a blessing in disguise.

That was so uncalled for, who the heck are you to judge others. Why have you come back doing this to others ONCE AGAIN!!! Your obviously not ready to try for another pregnancy yet so i think your oh is right in saying wait 4 months, if i were you i would take that time to get your self better. It must be very hard suffering for a second time but you cant keep taking things out on other ppl like this it isnt fair. Ive recently suffered from a chemical pregnancy but i have gone around moping on the boards and being abusive to people, ive asked if anyone wants to go in the chat room coz i need some one to talk to, thats the best way to go about things not shooting your comments off because you dont agree with something, you really need to go away and sort yourself out big time and stop just thinking about yourself and concider others feeling for a change. Ill say this again YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE WHOS SUFFERED LOSS!!!!! Dont act like ur the only one with these feeling because your not. Oh and if you have a reply to the post pm dont have a dig at me on here

 

[jenna]

i think this part of the forum is upsetting enough with out the horrible comments. People are only trying to offer you suport, theres no need to try and cause trouble or post nasty comments back.

and for what you said right there im not responding to you anymore...an unwanted baby, thats a blessing in disguise.

i cant even believe you posted that. You dont have any right to judge anyone on here, especially after all the sickening comments youve posted to people that have took time out to help you. Yes you have had a m/c but it doesnt give you the right to have a go at people that are being nice!

 

[lisa&alex]

im not sticking up for anyone.. im trying to be middle ground here..

breezee needs professional help. personally i dont think she should ask for ADVISE on a pregnancy forum if she is not willing to take any opinion, good or bad into account. whatever any of you ladies are going to say to ehr she will disagree with. and this is becasue she is not in the right frame of mind to take anyone elses view into consideration, she is greiving,she has not dealt with it and i think prehaps has underlying problems. im sorry for what she has said to pp, it was out of order, but right now she is only thinking of herself, and not what harm her comments are causing others.


im not gonna tell yuo what to do. you already know what you need.

 

[glitzyglamgirl]

Theres a lot of ladies here who have had miscarriages and other kinds of losses, myself included, and one thing we do take away from that - after the grieving has lessened somewhat - is the ability to empathise completely with others going through the same thing.

Some of us are better at coping than others, some people can recover very quickly and move on, some find it very difficult and thats not because they are weaker, it is because there may be other factors such as depression and lack of support from the health care professionals that means their strength is hidden away deep inside and they cant see it, cant see an end to the pain, and cant see how anyone else could possibly know how they feel.

What happens then is they feel angry at any positive advice given, they cant understand how anyone could possibly see anything positive in it and this only justifies to their mind, the opinion that no-one knows how they feel.

When those that have lost and suffered and moved on to a happier place try to tell them that it will all be ok, that there are ways of seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, they are met with this anger and this makes them feel that it is pointless trying to help this person, they are just too negative and dont want to help themselves.

What is needed is a little understanding on BOTH sides, or the whole thing is nothing more than a clash of wills, which only adds to the frustration on both sides.

Forums are faceless, sometimes nameless places, and its easier to take out your frustrations on a forum than it is to someone close. I can see how someone grieving with no-one to aim their anger at would find it somehow satisfying to target that anger at those who are trying to help, for the reasons above.

But....the people reading these comments are real people. They are not faceless and nameless, there is no reason why they should have to read insults directed at them when they have just been trying to help.

Breezee, everyone here feels for you and wants you to be ok, the amount of responses you get to each post should tell you that. But I think you are in the position of not wanting to hear what anyone says to you, believing that no-one knows how you feel, and you just cant see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Please, read what people are saying, they DO know how you feel, they are telling you there IS light at the end of the tunnel, they are trying to offer you advice based on their own experiences and as no-one here is a qualified counseller thats all we can do. Personally, I would rather hear about others experiences and how they got through it as that would be more inspiring to me than anything else, and that is when this forum comes into its own, thats what we are here for. To share our experiences, support eachother through the bad times and celebrate the good times.

That is all we can do, but if you see it for the beautiful thing it is, then it can be invaluable.

What the forum is not here for is to be that faceless nameless place where you can direct your anger at people who really truly want to help you.

I know you have said the counsellers and doctors where you are are not helping you atall, and that really sucks, but maybe there are other ways you can get your anger and frustration out of you without upsetting other people, as im sure deep down you really dont want to hurt others feelings.

Perhaps something physical like going for a run or a long walk, or if you are creative atall, create something to express how you feel like a poem or piece of art. Theres many ways to express your anger and hurt and exorcise it out of you, other than taking it out on other people.

Please feel free to pm me anytime ok?

 

[floppit]

What a fantastic reply GGgirl!!

Breezee - I talked to you when you were in first tri but got shy here because as you know I've never miscarried (or been pregnant before!). Alot of people here want to help but then get hurt by what's said back - it's hard not to because we all feel so much.

Nobody on a forum can act as counsellor, no-one can speak as a counsellor because we aren't face to face, because we aren't being supervised in a way that means we can seek advice when we're unsure but most of all because at some level the involvment and emotions are personal, which can make empathy and true positive regard difficult.

Take care of yourself and maybe take some real time before replying so perhaps you can avoid hurt turning into anger which inevitabley results in more hurt.

 

[katyk]

This is a brill forum I've been on some times when I've been depressed, they have a board for grief and loss and practically every other feeling or problem you can imagine http://www.psychforums.com/

Not saying you can't enjoy this forum too, but you might find that one supportive as well.

Obviously because they are a forum for people who are vulnerable and for giving each other support, I bet they have a lot of moderation and you wouldn't be able to attack or try to wound others.

well i thought i was going to get through it until my husband said he refuses to try for another child for at least 4 months...i can't wait that long, this depression will kill me if i do Cry Cry Cry Cry

Brezeee you said in another thread you have excellent medical insurance, this would cover you getting some help for your depression. If you've already seen a doc, you could go back and say that your mood has not improved and he will help you try something different. I have had treatment for a mood disorder for many years and it is nothing to be ashamed of, and then you would be able to develop the friendships and inner peace that you need

and for what you said right there im not responding to you anymore...an unwanted baby, thats a blessing in disguise.

Princess was 14 years old- imagine going through a m/c at that age. Think how hard it is even for those who are a bit older. Even at 14 I bet princess could have been an excellent mum because she has a good head on her shoulders. I could say more but won't

 

[breezee1984]

attacking me like that is as unfair as vice versa.
and for the record, i never attacked anybody

 

[katyk]

who's attacked you? I certainly haven't.

But several people in this thread have said that you've verbally attacked another person.

 

[Melly+2]

no one attacks her hun, we try and help and get shot down with nasty remarks, shes done this to me on a couple of occasions

 

[Becs]

Not all this again

 

[happy-chick]

attacking me like that is as unfair as vice versa.
and for the record, i never attacked anybody

I can see this ending the way it did last time..... Breezee these people are trying to help you can you not see that! I've been reading your posts and havent replied because I knew you wouldnt listen and would just take everything that I said as an insult or completely dismiss it... How do I know this? Cos we've been here once before remember?

Take a look at this post you made, you realised the error of your ways:
http://www.pregnancyforum.co.uk/forum/v ... highlight=

I know there isnt anything that I can say that you will listen to cos your not in the right state of mind at the moment to take any advise. You are angry and upset which is understandable but the people on this forum are trying to help you but you cant see that

 

[Squiglet]

*sigh... ok thought I should post something although...I'm not sure why....I have a funny feeling that it shall fall on deaf ears. but Here it goes.

Breezee.... you can't just keep lashing out, because you feel bitter and angry and jealous. That will just eat you up in side... And WHEN you do get pregnant, that will not be a good emotional state for you to be in. If the way you speak on here is the result of the pain of the miscarriages and your partner is suffering from the same, I can understand why he is reluctant to risk further miscarriages. This is just destroying you but it doesn't need to be that way.

My mother in order had 5 miscarriages, a still born baby, me, a baby with Trisomy 18 who died at four months, and a further two miscarriages.

She told me that she never thought that god would ever give her a child. She suffered depression. Her relationship with my father was strained and after they had had a series of miscarriages the first time (5 in all), my mum agreed to have some "down time". She said she needed a rest from the strain of constantly trying, but more so... constantly worrying every time she got pregnant. She was tired and angry. She felt empty and destroyed. She wondered what she had done to deserve this. She saw babies and pregnant women wherever she went. This is what other people on this forum are trying to advise you about... You need some down time, to get over this hurdle, time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again.

Back in the day when my mum had her miscarriages the hospitals put you onto the same ward as women who had had selective abortions, and yes.. my mother admits HATING these women for giving up the babies, she so desperately wanted.

These babies whom you have lost were YOUR babies. No one can take that from you. My mother counts all her miscarriages as her babies, but the most painful thing for her was my sister dying... even I remember her tiny little white and pink coffin, being lowered into the ground.

But things DO happen for a reason... My mum fought to have me, including spending 7 months in hospital not moving. And eventually, she got me but she had to suffer terrible losses in order to win. Maybe you will have to do that too. Are you ready for that?

After my sister was born, my mother had a further two miscarriages when she decided that God had only wanted her to have one child. But she desperately wanted more children and if my mum had not had my sister who died, she would never have adopted my handicapped brother and sister... and given them a wonderful life. What seemed like a great tragedy turned out to have a great impact on her future happiness.

You cannot foresee the future Breezee, no one can... I too have suffered my losses, but not anywhere near the scale of my mother, and for that I am truly grateful , because when my life was at it's darkest... I knew it could be far worse.

Remember that a lot of people on this forum have been in the exact same situation as you are in right now... I know that they may now have babies and be pregnant, but there was a time when they didn't. They know how you feel. Try to see them as the light at the end of the tunnel, your ability to succeed in the future. And take their advice as to what they did to cope with the loss. And what if you don't succeed I hear you say.... Well you wouldn't be the first nor the last woman in history....

If you have been ready to have children for four years, you must have a lot of love to give and a wonderful home. There are thousands upon millions of unwanted babies... in the States and otherwise, desperate for a mummy to come along and save them...

They might not be biologically yours, but your love for them will be no different... and you will always have the knowledge that you saved them from a fate possibly worse than death... growing up in care, possibly suffering terrible abuse... your experience with death and grief will help these children enormously. And no mother could ever give a greater gift to a child.

Look forwards, not backwards, or you'll miss the future coming straight towards you. And it's coming Breezee, it just won't be how you expected it to arrive and you just need to be patient

 

[katyk]

My mother in order had 5 miscarriages, a still born baby, me, a baby with Trisomy 18 who died at four months, and a further two miscarriages.

She told me that she never thought that god would ever give her a child. She suffered depression. Her relationship with my father was strained and after they had had a series of miscarriages the first time (5 in all), my mum agreed to have some "down time". She said she needed a rest from the strain of constantly trying, but more so... constantly worrying every time she got pregnant. She was tired and angry. She felt empty and destroyed. She wondered what she had done to deserve this. She saw babies and pregnant women wherever she went. This is what other people on this forum are trying to advise you about... You need some down time, to get over this hurdle, time to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and try again.

Omg your poor mum. You are right I think, especially if people have suffered from depression and then even had more m/c's- speaking for myself I would be risking a breakdown if I didn't give myself time to collect myself after that, if my state of mind had been worse than it was.

Some people are genuinely ready to try again soon after 2 m/c's, but for various reasons, and I count myself in this, some people are more vulnerable at times than others. Let's be honest with ourselves and none of us can guarantee 100% things will not end in m/c at our next try (if only we could.) So you have to be a quite strong and stable to try again soon afterwards. If anyone were going into it with a screwed up head and, god forbid, they were unlucky again, they might end up in the hosp. 'for a little rest'- well I can see that danger mght exist for anyone if they faced that at a time when they didn't have the inner resources.

And eventually, she got me but she had to suffer terrible losses in order to win. Maybe you will have to do that too. Are you ready for that?

Precisely, none of us know how hard the battle will be, so you have to be capable of facing the possible grief at least to an extent- and sometimes for the sake of your own sanity, slow u at least for a short while.

After my sister was born, my mother had a further two miscarriages when she decided that God had only wanted her to have one child. But she desperately wanted more children and if my mum had not had my sister who died, she would never have adopted my handicapped brother and sister... and given them a wonderful life. What seemed like a great tragedy turned out to have a great impact on her future happiness.

Omg I've rarely heard such a tale of strength- she's an amazing woman for sure.