Birth Without my partner

[kimmi2506]

hi all sorry i have not been on for a while been poo potty training having trouble.
anyway my partner wasn't at the birth of my first child as he cannot bear to see me in pain and he has told me he isn't coming to the second birth as he doesn't think its fair,
and he doesn't want the questions when there old of why did you go to there birth and not mine if y know what i mean im just having trouble coming to terms with again but i don't want to mither him about it as he thinks im fine last time i had my mum and my nanna as birthing partners but know as i live over 100miles away from my mum she wont be coming i know my nanna is defiantly my birthing partner I just don't know what to do or feel and how to react

 

[Hope81]

If my partner was telling me he is not coming I would tell him to pull his weight and come... If I suffer he will suffer with me. No way he misses the baby's birth...
Poor you thought. I can't imagine how it is to not share those moments with your oh really and actually know that he Dosent want to be there whatever the excuse will be.

Btw we never talked who was at my birth???? Nor did I ask?? I am pretty sure that he can come I that's the only reason and say to the firs LO of it ever asks that he was away with work or sth and did everything to be there but couldn't ?
I am pretty sure though that when the LO is old enough to actually ask those details couldn't care less for that minor detail lol...

 

[kimmi2506]

thank you but when it come to by partner putting his foot down then he sticks at what he says i dont know weather i would wat him there also this is why im so messed up right now thinking about it i do want him there to experience it but i also dont want him there to see me a mess like i was last time i was in labour for four days dehydrated and assisted delivery i was very poorly so i think thats another reason why he wouldnt come again

 

[Jayjay027]

I would not accept that, no matter his excuse! And no offense, his excuse is rather pathetic!

My husband doesn't like seeing me in pain either, but would rather support me through it than leave me to it.
If he told me he wasn't going to the birth and that was his reason, I'd be absolutely furious and very hurt.
I'm sure u don't like to be in pain but ur going through it!

Its a pretty selfish reason, and I just would not accept that. You both got the baby in there together, so he can support u and be there for u during the hard part of getting it out of there. He's taking the easy, cowardly way out - and I'd tell him as much!!


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[cosmicgirl]

Agree with JAyjay, he's making pretty pathetic excuses and needs to grow up IMO. Ahhhh he doesnt like to see you in pain, poor soldier - wheres the support there!!! I'd be livid and I cannot believe he didnt come last time. Get some balls man! x

 

[SarahCarps2be]

If my OH chose to not come to the birth of his child, I would hit the roof!!!
No matter what his excuse was, he helped me make the child so he can see me bringing his child into this world, and experiencing the babys first lease of life!

No man would ever like to see his OH in so much pain, and being completely helpless, but just to be there to support you and for you to be comfortable knowing he's there should matter to him.
When I'm poorly, all I want is my OH there! Even if I don't want him to touch me so long as he's there makes it all better!

I'm guessing you want him at the birth?!
If you do, I would sit down and tell him to man up and come to it, I very much doubt questions would be asked by your LO in the future as to why he wasn't at your first birth!

 

[Karate Kid]

Thankfully my husband wan't to be there with me during labour but if he didn't I would go crazy. As the other ladies have said he enjoyed the fun part of getting LO in there so he can be part of getting LO out. Hubby hates seeing me in pain and doesn't cope very well but sometimes they just have to step up to the plate. xx

 

[Happyred]

Its a difficult situation and i think i must be in the minority by saying that if my oh didnt want to be at the birth I would completely respect his wishes. As it is my oh wants to be there but he is apprehensive about it and not looking forward to it really. I have told him he doesnt need to be there if he doesnt want to and that im happy to go it alone, with just the midwives to support me, but he says he would feel guilty. I can completely understand why he wouldnt want to be present, as watching your partner in pain and feeling completely helpless must be really difficult and I imagine for some people the birth process could be quite traumatising. I think you need to talk to him about your feelings, maybe you could reach a compromise where he stays with you for a while but leaves if it becomes too much for him. His excuse about not wanting your other child to feel left out does seem pretty feeble though, I cant really imagine they will care that much!

 

[l_maclean]

I think I'd be the same as happy, if he didn't want to be there, I wouldn't force him, mostly cos it would likely make it more difficult. My DH really wanted me to have G a month early while we were visiting my folks so 'my mum could be there' - which I kinda think was his way of saying he wasnt keen, but as I had no-one else he just did it. Xxx

 

[wifeywifey]

My oh didnt want to be there with my first I told him I needed the support and he had to be there. Afterwards he was so glad I made him and with my second he wanted to be there.

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[FirstBabyEek]

I too would be upset if my DH didnt want to be there because he didnt want to see me in pain. His comments about not being there at the other birth just sound like an excuse to me.

Its one time in your life where you will really need his support and I think he should step up and support you properly. If he's frightened then you'll be in the best possible place with the best medical attention, he can just be there to hold your hand and encourage you.

Anyway, is that not what relationships are supposed to be about, loving and supporting each other through difficult times and even on some occassions sacrificing what we want for the good of our partners/husbands, just because we love them.

I really hope you can both work out a situation whereby you are both happy
xx

 

[vixxie77]

This is going to be one of the most important events in your lives together and your OH should be there. My OH hated seeing me in pain and completely helpless to help much, but he was there and will be this time too. In fact, when he was sent home, as I wasn't in established labour, he ended staying up all night because he was so worried about me in so much pain. I imagine there would be a lot of men out there that would tell him to man up too x x

 

[Jayjay027]

Out of curiosity, and to get a mans perspective, I asked my husband his view on this.
He said that he doesn't want to see me in pain either but would rather support me and be there for me, and although he'll hate being so helpless, he'd hate himself more for not being there for me.
He then said 'he needs to stop taking gay pills and sort it out' pmsl.

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[CARNAT22]

My OH has always said he isn't keen on being there for the birth - it's half a seeing me in pain thing and half a squemish thing.

He's known all along though that if he isn't there I'll never forgive him!!

We have talked it through logically since this looks like our sticky bean and I have made him aware that it could be a very long day (or days), it won't be pretty (he's going to see blood and pooh and God knows what else and he'll just have to deal with it) but I have told him it is a once in a life time opportunity and he'll hate himself if he isn't there. He knows I am right as well...

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[FerretloverUK]

My hubby is eager to be with me and bring our baby into the world together. Afterall, we both made him/her together!

He said he doesnt want to be at the messy end tho, which is understandable! lol!

Cant your partner at least go with you and wait outside the door? At least he will be there x

 

[Loula]

If i had a partner id want him there, you both made the baby and its an experience youll never have again with that child.
Whoever will be at your birth wont want to see you in pain so i think its a pretty lame excuse.x

 

[Sazzle84]

My Hubby wants to be there but isn't keen on the idea of seeing in me in pain and not being able to do anything about it and if Im honest I don't want him to see me puffing and panting (and omg pooing and stuff!)

HOWEVER I can't think of anyone else who I would want there in his place and I really do believe that he should be there to experience the birth of our child.

We have made a compromise, he will be there to support me, hold my hand, encourage me and be a verbal punchbag and he will stay up by my head! It means he can experience our baby's birth from a safe distance, concentrate on being my rock and not on me being in pain as he wont be seeing all the messy bloody bits and I get to have my husband with me which will make everything alright!

Im rambling and not making any sense I think so I will sign off...I definitely seem to suffer with baby brain!

Hope you get something sorted out between you that means you get to have your partner by your side for support.

xxx

 

[kimmi2506]

Right thanks for all your comments
Firstly I don't appreciate my partner being called names it is his call if he doesn't want to be there then I'm not going to make him would you make your husbands/partners do something they really don't want to do because I know I wouldn't
Secondly I am fine as I do not think he would be much support as he doesn't know what to do and my nanna does
Thirdly if I have another labour like the first one I was in hospital for four days in labour so I would have nobody to look after my other child as I do live over 100mile away from our parents and I do not speak to my mum really so I would have no really help if he was there he would be helping me more looking after our son
and yes as soon as my nanna says the heads out she will ring him and he will be there waiting
also he knows how it feels to be the one who's dad wasn't there and was on the other siblings as I went threw it and it feels a bit strange knowing your dad didn't want to be there on one and was on the rest so its not excuses it is the reason

 

[kirstymichelle]

Hmmmm tough thing really , in some cultures men are not welcome at the birth, some women dont want the man in there. Its personal preference i suppose and if your happy with the fact that he wont be there then that is fine. You dont really have to go into much detail on birth stories with children so you should be able to manage that just fine. It doesn't make one child more favoured than the other because dad was there or not. Some dads totally miss the birth due to work commitments etc.

My preference would be that my OH was with me BUT if for any reason he didnt make it i would be fine as long as i had someone loved with me x x x

 

[LoopyLouize]

From your new post it sounds as if you may have accepted that he isn't going to be there and with his reasons. Good luck with whatever happens x