Aww heads pickled :(

[angelmma]

Well girls, Im sure Im being stupid, and I know that there are girls on here whos OH's are away working alot. But my OH has just went to Uni for his final year, thankfully he's still in Northern Ireland about 75 miles each way from me, and he lives down there during the week. But yesterday he was constantly phoning telling me he missed me etc and I miss him loads too, but I kept telling myself that it has to be done. He went out again lastnight with friends, as well as being out on Mon night, and he texts me during the night just telling me he loves me etc.

Anyway I have been really badly hurt in the past and I can be abit paranoid which I accept, but then he phones me today and was telling me how lastnight went etc, and he mentions how theres a crowd of girls who live a few doors down and they were over with his mates lastnight (there are 5 fellas all together in the house) and I asked their names and he was able to tell me there first and second names. And these girls went out with them all. I even checked out on of the girls on fb and shes pretty, whereas Im a fat mess at the minute and I cant help feeling really paranoid.

Like hes has already admitted that he would rather live down there, and whereas he seemed as emotional as me yesterday about being apart, now he seems to be having the time of his life. Like before he went down he told me he would only be heading out once a week but now theres talk of him heading out tonight as well, eventhough he hasnt bought anything for the baby yet. Like I know hes feeling abit scared about the baby and all, but Im the one that will be looking after it, worrying about money whilst hes at uni drinking with his mates and partying with girls.

Dont get me wrong my OH is one of the nicest, most caring people I have met in my life and he always treats me with the upmost respect and I love him with all my heart. But I cant help but feel Im holding him back from enjoying his final year and letting him live the carefree student life, and I know Im torturing myself with my paranoia. I just keep thinking to myself that I cant do it, but I love him too much to let him go. Hes coming home tomorrow but chances are I wont see him cause it'll be late, then he has a footie thing on Fri night till after 11 so prob wont see him then either, so might only get to see him on Sat, and I cant help think that its just not enough. I know Im prob be silly and selfish but I cant help feeling that Im in this alone. Sorry for this being so long xxx

 

[BevG]

its easy to forget your responsibilities if your living life as a student so im sure he dosent feel any different about you he will not want to be the only person staying in every night alone and wont see any reason not to go. after all if you were there he would stay with you but since your not he probably just gets to sit in alone. if your worried about the money then by all means remind him that he shouldnt spend every penny he gets on beer lol

 

[l_maclean]

Yeah - im with Bev - him sitting in every night will just make him miserable - and possibly resentful. socialising is also an important part of uni life - and unfortunately most of it happens in the pubs. Take comfort in the fact that if its his FINAL year - pretty soon he's gonna be too busy to be doing anything but study.

I know its hard not to shake of paranoia - but if he had anything to hide would he really have mentioned the girls?

As for the money - again with Bev - if it makes you feel better ask him to have one less pint next time - and buy something for baby instead.

And dont forget - Absence makes the heart grow fonder.
xxx

 

[Olive]

Not much advice hun but wanted to send you a hug I think you should talk to him about how you're feeling. It's totally understandable, especially with hormones!

Have you been with him a long time? xx

 

[angelmma]

Thanks so much girls He rang yesterday and I started crying again, just saying that I felt like I was holding him back from enjoying himself cause even when he's out he'll still text me, tell me where hes going and what the night is like etc. I said that I felt like I should just let him live his life and he said that I am his life and that although he loves up there and isnt as caught up missing me he still loves me.

Then he made a stupid comment about how I should join uni (he know I wouldve loved to have studied medicine but with my first Daughter I just have to many responsiblities and cant give up my job). I then talked to my mum as she knows all about my paranioa concerning other girls (hes not a player or would never be the type of person to cheat, hes actually like me and has been cheated on in the past) but I cant help worry about the fact that sometimes he gets so drunk he doesnt know what hes doing and cant even remember it the next day.
My mum said that I need to stop pushing him away, that at the end of the day he should know about money and that I shouldnt ask him, that I earn enough to get the baby and my DD raised. And that I cant keep worrying about him cheating or leaving me, and I cant keep frying his head whilst hes up there cause he will start to resent me for it, which I know he will.
I guess in truth I resent the fact that hes up there living a carefree life, whilst Im down here worrying about money, missing him like mad, kids and getting fat (I know that its pregnancy weight but I feel really frumpy). And I know Im selfish for being resentful but Id never tell him as I do really love him and want him to be happy so I guess now Im just bottling it up and hoping its my hormones haha.

Olive we've only been together just over 7 months so I guess thats part of my worry too cause everything happened so quickly and Im 6 years older than him too. xxx

 

[l_maclean]

Try not to bottle it up too much honey - cos thats can make things worse. If you dont wanna keep harping on at him about it - remember you can always have a rant on here.

The ladies here are brilliant - i feel like im moaning about DH all the time - but its sooo helpful to write it down sometimes - and a lot of us arent backward at coming forward when you really are being daft. lol

xxx