5 months pregnant and OH cheated on me </3

Discussion in 'Second Trimester' started by Nicole1993, Dec 24, 2011.

  1. Nicole1993

    Nicole1993 Well-Known Member

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    Hello my lovely ladies. I am completely devastated!!! I was woken by OH this mornin at half 6; he had come in from a house party for at his friends house and said he had to speak to me. He was in tears so I woke up and followed him downstairs to the kitchen. He broke down tellin me he'd messed everything up and hes so stupid etc. I immediately broke down in tears and havent really stopped since, I suspected the worse and to be honest the worst wasnt bad enough to imagine!! He admitted last night, well early hours of this mornin he had a 3some with his friend and some woman (in her 30s!!!) he had never met her before and doesnt even know her name, she was just there and offered it on a plate. I feel numb!! It still doesnt feel real! :( Conor bein the dumba$s he is asked me to marry him afterwards :S sayin hes so sorry and, quote, will never drink, smoke or go out with friends again. He wants to be a dad to "cayden" and marry me and spend the rest of his life makin it up to me. He has never cheated before and I truly believe that (SOMEHOW) but this has come so randomly!! Christmas eve when Im 5 and a half months pregnant for god sake!! I left with all my bags and punched him in the head (woops) and he has been followin me ever since. im in mums and hes out on the doorstep cryin like a gabsh!te! I really dono what to do girls. He said he doesnt know how he did it or how it happened and he feels disgusted with himself etc. I never thought this would happen to me :( xxxxxx im heartbroken and tore. :'(
     
  2. tillzy69

    tillzy69 Well-Known Member

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    OMG you poor thing! Can't believe he has done that to you! We are all here if you need any support! My heart truly goes out to you :hugs:
     
  3. Bee7

    Bee7 Well-Known Member

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    Bless you hun, this is truly horrible. And what shitty timing as well, i sometimes wonder what goes through mens heads. Absolute idiots.

    Obviously this decision lies completely with you, nobody can tell you what to do. In my opinion the fact that he fessed up and has shown so much remorse is a good sign. He could have kept it to himself but he obviously respects you enough to want to be truthful about his disgusting deed. Sometimes, no matter how much in love they are, men just can't help themselves if something is offered on a plate. It's like a primal desire or something. Lets face it, this woman doesn't exactly sound like she has any class having a threesome with two younger men she doesn't even know. Rather this than him having a full on affair with feelings and emotions involved?

    I'm not condoning it hunni, it's a terrible thing and you should only go back if you can truly forgive him and move on from this. I hope you come to the right decision for you and your bubs. We're always here for rants, bitching and advice. Massive hugs xxxxx
     
  4. Nicole1993

    Nicole1993 Well-Known Member

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    Thankyous very much!!I think I could take him back and it would be more for my wee mans sake but I think I could never trust him again and thats not the kind of relationship I want to have for the rest of my life. :( Im so confused and cant get my head around it </3 xx
     
  5. tillzy69

    tillzy69 Well-Known Member

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    Its all still very raw. You need to take your time and decide what you want to do. If your not happy in your relationship because you can't trust him your LO will pick up on it. But then its understandable you want him around to be a father to your baby. Its a very difficult situation for you to be in but my advice would be not to rush into anything no matter what you choose to do. Like we said we are here for you when you need us :)
     
  6. becciboo26

    becciboo26 Well-Known Member

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    Hello sweetie - I second what Bee has said - whilst ot condoning his behaviour (in ANY way) I am a firm believer that no matter how much man loves you, it is difficult to refuse when handed to him on a plate. Men are not like women, they can have sex with absolutely no feelings involved, it sounds to me like he is very very sorry for what he has done.

    (lighter note to make you smile)

    However..... im sure he would like to make it up to you when the time is right and the feelings are not so raw, I would take firm advantage ;)

    My hugs to you and my thoughts are with you, please try not to let this completely ruin your christmas and remember, men think with their pants, ive been where you are, and come through the other side, it can be done xxxxxx
     
  7. kaytee11

    kaytee11 Well-Known Member

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    I also agree with bee ... i hadnt seen my oh in three months and when he came back the first night he got the drunkest ive ever seen him & spent the night crying holding me . From then i knew something was up & finally found out hed cheated (story is a whole more confusing but that doesnt matter) he then sent flowers, sent rings sent perfume sent everything adn arrived in dublin knowing i was home for christmas. What your boyfriend did is admit it as soon as ot happpened since the shok of what he did must of sobered him right up)
    Im not saying forgive him because that is too hard right now but i dont think you should right the whole relationship off just yet .. he is clearly extremely sorry for being an eejet but if you're anything like me if he goes out and drinks without em around im now gonna be wondering this that and the other and thats just a shit shit feeling :)
     
  8. BabyBrain

    BabyBrain Well-Known Member

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    :hug:

    Whatever decision you make needs to be done with a clear head, which understandably you will not have at the moment. You need time and he is going to have to give it to you.

    Personally I think I would be more devastated if my OH actually had an affair rather than a one night stand. Sex is sex, spending time with someone is different in my opinion. He has confessed and is obviously devastated by his own behaviour.

    One thing he does need to do, whether you get back together or not is to get tested at a sexual health clinic.... do not have any kind of "make up" intimacy with him until he does, not even a kiss. You never know where that girl has been.

    Try to stay strong and don't rush into anything. He's going to have to play by your rules from now on so set them out clearly xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  9. Nicole1993

    Nicole1993 Well-Known Member

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    Wow ladies just want to thank you soooooo much; you are all great!!! Alot of you seem to think he seems sorry, and I do agree he does. Im just scared of him doin it again, il never trust him - its been almost three years and he does this now!!! Everything was goin so well so I just dont understand it :'(.

    I have had a big long walk and thought about things and to be honest it was a bit pointless cause Im still clueless but I definately need time to think. And If I was to take him back it wont be until after Christmas; I want to enjoy this time with family and not have him ruin it all!! I dont know if I can forgive him but at the same time Im sure I cant live without him :( What a pickle!! Thank yous all soo much!! xxxxxx big hugs and love

    P.s. The first thing I said to him was that he is a "sick f*uck" and needs checked over cause hes prob lumbered with every STI goin now if thats how easy the girl is. Hope both him and his mate are ridden with somethin serious, god forgive me :L!! Thank you girls. Im going to enjoy christmas with my family and forget he exists for a while, or try to at least, just to try sort my wee head out. Its scrambled :( xxx
     
  10. Young Mum 21 x

    Young Mum 21 x Well-Known Member

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    Can only agree with what's already been said. My OH cheated on me 3 years ago when I was pregnant with DD, you will learn to trust him again should you decide to take him back!! Don't rush into things!! :hugs: xx
     
  11. Nicole1993

    Nicole1993 Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou huni; you took your OH back I assume? How long did it take things to get back to how they were, or did they ever!? xxx Thankyou :)
     
  12. Belle23

    Belle23 Well-Known Member

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    Admitted the my husbands 'cheating' was text messages and emails to other girls never physical but trusting is so hard and u do learn to, he did everything possible to prove to me it was me he wanted and trust me I made him suffer but 3 years down the line we are now married and14 weeks pregnant. Trust is a massive thing and it can be EARNED back but never make it easy xxx


     
  13. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

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    Really didn't want to read and run. Really hope your ok chika and whatever choice you make stuck by it and be strong! This forum is all about the support so please keep talking and don't bottle it up!!

    Really hope your ok!!!


     
  14. BellaRiven

    BellaRiven Well-Known Member

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    I agree with everything that has been said here :)

    It will take a while to trust him again, but trust me it does happen eventually, for us it took nearly a year and a half but we did it :) and now we are expecting our little Bug and we are better now than we ever were before.

    Give it time before you decide what you really want to do, be prepared that your family and friends will severely dislike him now and everyone will be full of their own opinions, please don;t listen to them you will only get confused :)
     
  15. nikki8092

    nikki8092 Well-Known Member

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    Aw hun what an awful thing to happen, i have always said if my hubby did the dirty on me i could probably learn to forgive him once but only once. I hope everything works out for you hun and remember we are all here for you. Hope you have a lovely xmas and concentrate on you and baby xx
     
  16. chantilly

    chantilly Well-Known Member

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    All i will say to you hunny is that he came home and he told you ....he has fucked up he has been a total twat but he has been honest and that counts for a lot.

    Dont say yes to the marriage proposal yet but do try and find it in yourself to talk with him ... its going to hurt for a very long time ... how much do you love him and is he worth forgiving.

    big hugs sweetie
     
  17. Nicole1993

    Nicole1993 Well-Known Member

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    Thankyous... I love him more than anything!! But in my heart I have always thought that if you loved someone you physically couldnt go with someone else!! Cause thats how I feel, the thought of even kissin another man turns me :S so i dono how he did it!!! My head is all over the place </3 just wish it wasnt christmas so I could stay in bed and hide under the duvets; dont want to face the world today :(! Jus need to sleep and clear my head, have only got about an hour through the night the amount of times iv woke up with nightmares or in a sweat!! I dno how he has done this to me :( xxxx
     
  18. ISH

    ISH Well-Known Member

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    Nearly broke my heart reading this :( I do admire the fact he chose not to lie, but it's still a nasty thing to do to someone who's in such a fragile emotional state.

    It all boils down to what sort of person you are - if you know in your heart that you can completely forgive him and move on, you have a very good chance of a great future together. With someone like myself, if I chose to stay in the relationship (which I probably wouldn't), I know there would be a lot of resentment left and a lot of suspicion. When you know someone has cheated, it's very difficult not to think they're very likely to do it again.
     
  19. baby43

    baby43 Well-Known Member

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    I read your post and i'm so sorry this has happened to you!!! It's aweful . I can relate to your sadness and anger it's not nice to be cheated on.

    But he did come home and tell you everthing and he will have to live with this mistake for the rest of his dam life. Maybe he told you about this before you found out from his friends, I don't know.what a a**hole he is!!! He is living from guilt and thats why he told you. some men would not even say anything just see it as a laugh and a easy lay with a easy girl, but as his friend was involved too, now that a bigger shame than anything else.

    If they were all drunk at the time, still thats no excuse for this to happen.

    I think you need time away from him and just spend time with your family.

    Anything you need HUN we are all here for you.

    XXX
     
    #19 baby43, Dec 26, 2011
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2011
  20. Nicole1993

    Nicole1993 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks so much for all your comments girls; you's are gems <3

    I have been spending time with Conor; I took a bit over a week alone stayin at my mums then caved and he is treatin me like an absolute princess admitedly, but 90% of the time Il be down and crying. Only some times I will be happy and talkin with him, after that I snap at him, cry, ignore him or just sit zoned out thinkin about what he done :(. When I think of him I dont get the feelings I used to get, when I look at him sometims I think god your beautiful like I used to but most of the time I just wna headbutt him :S. I wanted to make this work but its killin me... :'(

    I just dont know if I can keep this up. Its me that has to work and go through this emotional bl00dy rollercoaster when it was him that done the damage! Sorry to go off on one again ladies but just feelin very down in the dumps, fat, ugly and disrespected right now :( xxxxx
     

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