THATS a relationship???
And it's classified as going out with someone.. ???
I don't think you're bad for lying to him about the appointment, but it seems to me that he has made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want a relationship or to be there for you... He only wants to be there for the baby.. So let him.
Tell him when your appointments are for the midwife, and don't bother him with anything else, because he obviously doesn't want to discuss a relationship he doesn't acknowledge exists .. I know you want to make a go at the relationship with him for the sake of the child, but then not being with someone doesn't necessarily mean that they won't have a relationship.
If you spend your whole time trying to repair this relationship you won't have time for your baby, and who's more important... a man who obviously doesn't love you, or a baby who desperately needs a mummy.. =??
You're right, if you were that important to him, he would move in with you, or if he didn't want to move in because he didn't get on with your mums bf, he would make arrangements otherwise.
Thing is he hasn't got the courage to leave you... If he leaves you then he's the ar*ehole, leaving his pregnant girlfriend... blah blah blah...and he doesn't want to look bad infront of his mates. He wants you to leave him so he can turn around as say "see, I told you what she was like.".
If you don't want to finish with him then don't. But don't put anymore energy into this relationship, because you've expended enough already and look where it's gotten you... If he says your needy, demanding and controlling, back off, ignore him, ignore his calls... Trust me...men like the chase. He might sit up and pay more attention if he suddenly realizes you've had enough. At the moment he knows he can treat you like sh*t because you will go running back to him, don't give him the satisfaction of that...
My daughter still has "contact" with her father, because I want her to see what he is truly like. Unfortunately, it really hard on her considering he forgets her birthday and hasn't spoken to her in nearly 3 years. Trust me when you're baby looks up at you with tears in their eyes, asking you what they did wrong to make daddy not love them, you might have a different view about whether you would prefer your child to have a father who didn't care, or no father. Sounds harsh, but I live with that everyday... and sometimes, I wish I could punch my ex in the face for tears he has made her shed...and she still loves him for it.
Leave the door open for him and the baby, if he wants to he will be there, if not, your baby will do perfectly fine (if not better) without him...