Am i bad?

[Toxic_Angel]

As most of you know i have alot of problems with me and my OH, basicly he's too interested in his friends, I said to him the other night "from mondays to fridays why dont you see your family an friends then spend weekend wth me" an he said yeah but now he wont because he "cant be assed" so im like grrr.
It's only in past 2 month hes turned into a complete twat. An its easy for someone to go "finish him" (dammit baby stop kicking im tryna be serious here damn you makin me smile)

Well anyway he says im too demanding an controling?
I may be demandin i'll admit that but when he's with his friends he slags me off an 2 of his friends give me dirty looks an the other 2 just stare at my boobs .
And when i confront him about how hes being he just says im moaning an anoying him. and all im trying to do is sort things out like arrangements an that.
I've offered for him to live with me, i live in 3 bedroom house wth my mum an her bf, spare room is gona be babys room untill i find a place of my own.
But hes said no becase he doesnt like my mums bf.
I can understand why he doesnt like him but surely cuz im carryin his baby he would want to be wherever i am.
I did live at his parents with him but i got moaned at for eating too much :S an i did all her cleaning an everything.

So im really confused as to what to do im not sure if im even postin this in right place?
Well last night i said to him midwife is coming on friday morning so i want him to be here (but she isnt actualy coming i wanted to see what he said) so now hes sayin hel be here tomorrow at half 8am an hel be here for the baby and not me. wich i found rude =[
And also people keep saying forget him an that but i dont want to not have any contact with him as hes babys father an id rather my baby have a dad that doesnt care rather than no dad,, because that she he/she can grow up a see him for how/who he is an not judge me for not lettin him be apart of his/her life.

Am i bad for lying about the midwife thing? ive told him time and time again will he come here so we can have a serious talk an he says no. An it seems like me sayin about the midwife was only thing to get him here? as i certainly aint going to walk an hour an half to his mums so he can be ignorant an laugh at me sayin im just moaning.
It's really hard to desribe how mine an his relationship is.

sorry for the long rant!

 

[annaespana1]

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. All I give give is opinion you have to do what is right for you and your baby. I can understand that you don't want to just 'bin him' cause you want a father for your baby and I suppose you love him. Do you love him? Do you respect him?

Remember that he and you are going to be the role models in your son or daughters life and they way he is acting is not what your child should see. And you shouldn't allow yourself to be treated that way.

Everyone deserves to be loved and respected and if your babies father cannot do that then I feel you are missing out on one of the fundimentals of life. He should be running around after you at the moment, wanting to be around you, making plans.... I don't want to make you more unhappy but I think the only option is to find out why he acts this way and if it is something that cannot be rectified then (if I were you) i would finish it- he can still be a father and you will be a happier mother. Please let me know how you get on, as your situation has upset me.

 

[Tiggy26]

I dont think your bad hun, like you said..you wanted to know what he would have said, and i would have done the same. Im so sorry hes treating you like this when was the last time you both sat down and talked? Maybe go for a meal away from everyone else?

I noticed that you call him OH in your post, so im assuming that you are a couple, if so, its disappointing to read that he hasnt put you on the top of his priority list, especially at a time like this. Do you think things will improve when you get your own place? Maybe things are like this becuase neither of you have your own place and there is always people around.

I agree what your saying when you said you would rather your baby had a dad then no dad at all, i would be the same, but i hope you can both build on your relationship as well, i was a bit taken back when he said to you that he will be there for the midwife appointment for the baby and not you. I think i may have missed previous posts as you said at the start of your post that as most people know, me & OH have had some problems, sorry if im not up to speed on it all but i really do hope things work out.

Tiggy xx

 

[Babylicious]

Must be so hard for you, he sounds selfish. No advice to offer but have some

 

[ella]

So sorry you are having such a rough time. To be honest its hard not to just think you should dump him, he sounds extremely selfish and immature! You can't force him to be a decent dad/partner and you will only wear yourself out trying. the only thing is he might change when the baby arrives, and he might take some resposibility then, so I can understand why you want to keep some ties to him. He also sounds like he critisises you a lot which is not good for your confidence - be wary and remember the most important people in this is you and your baby

 

[lisa&alex]

i dont wanna sound harsh.. but last time u asked our advise about him yuo had decided that it was over between you? id like to ask would you treat a dog the way he is treating you? and what are the reasons you put up with it? coz i know for certain.. i wouldnt.. not for anything.. your child needs a strong independant mum as its role model..not someone who gets walked over..

 

[Pregnopaws]

Oh dear hun, he certainly sounds like an immature guy, and thats really the last thing you need at your current stage. I agree with ella, sometimes men change and become more responsible when their baby arrives, but you can't nag him into it either. Really sit down and make a decision about how much YOU want this man in your life, because that decision is going to affect you and your child for a long time to come! Subconsciously you probably already know the answer, you just need the courage to move forward.
Hope things work out for the best, for you and bubs, whatever you choose to do. xx

 

[Squiglet]

THATS a relationship??? And it's classified as going out with someone.. ???

I don't think you're bad for lying to him about the appointment, but it seems to me that he has made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want a relationship or to be there for you... He only wants to be there for the baby.. So let him.

Tell him when your appointments are for the midwife, and don't bother him with anything else, because he obviously doesn't want to discuss a relationship he doesn't acknowledge exists .. I know you want to make a go at the relationship with him for the sake of the child, but then not being with someone doesn't necessarily mean that they won't have a relationship.

If you spend your whole time trying to repair this relationship you won't have time for your baby, and who's more important... a man who obviously doesn't love you, or a baby who desperately needs a mummy.. =??

You're right, if you were that important to him, he would move in with you, or if he didn't want to move in because he didn't get on with your mums bf, he would make arrangements otherwise.

Thing is he hasn't got the courage to leave you... If he leaves you then he's the ar*ehole, leaving his pregnant girlfriend... blah blah blah...and he doesn't want to look bad infront of his mates. He wants you to leave him so he can turn around as say "see, I told you what she was like.".

If you don't want to finish with him then don't. But don't put anymore energy into this relationship, because you've expended enough already and look where it's gotten you... If he says your needy, demanding and controlling, back off, ignore him, ignore his calls... Trust me...men like the chase. He might sit up and pay more attention if he suddenly realizes you've had enough. At the moment he knows he can treat you like sh*t because you will go running back to him, don't give him the satisfaction of that...

My daughter still has "contact" with her father, because I want her to see what he is truly like. Unfortunately, it really hard on her considering he forgets her birthday and hasn't spoken to her in nearly 3 years. Trust me when you're baby looks up at you with tears in their eyes, asking you what they did wrong to make daddy not love them, you might have a different view about whether you would prefer your child to have a father who didn't care, or no father. Sounds harsh, but I live with that everyday... and sometimes, I wish I could punch my ex in the face for tears he has made her shed...and she still loves him for it.

Leave the door open for him and the baby, if he wants to he will be there, if not, your baby will do perfectly fine (if not better) without him...

 

[annem]

poor you hun. My advise is rubbish as i'd just not bother with him and see if he did anything about seeing me and the baby. I would not shut him out, i'd just make contact when scans and things were and see what he did off his own back

 

[Toxic_Angel]

As most of you know i have alot of problems with me and my OH, basicly he's too interested in his friends, I said to him the other night "from mondays to fridays why dont you see your family an friends then spend weekend wth me" an he said yeah but now he wont because he "cant be assed" so im like grrr.
It's only in past 2 month hes turned into a complete twat. An its easy for someone to go "finish him" (dammit baby stop kicking im tryna be serious here damn you makin me smile)

Well anyway he says im too demanding an controling?
I may be demandin i'll admit that but when he's with his friends he slags me off an 2 of his friends give me dirty looks an the other 2 just stare at my boobs .
And when i confront him about how hes being he just says im moaning an anoying him. and all im trying to do is sort things out like arrangements an that.
I've offered for him to live with me, i live in 3 bedroom house wth my mum an her bf, spare room is gona be babys room untill i find a place of my own.
But hes said no becase he doesnt like my mums bf.
I can understand why he doesnt like him but surely cuz im carryin his baby he would want to be wherever i am.
I did live at his parents with him but i got moaned at for eating too much :S an i did all her cleaning an everything.

So im really confused as to what to do im not sure if im even postin this in right place?
Well last night i said to him midwife is coming on friday morning so i want him to be here (but she isnt actualy coming i wanted to see what he said) so now hes sayin hel be here tomorrow at half 8am an hel be here for the baby and not me. wich i found rude =[
And also people keep saying forget him an that but i dont want to not have any contact with him as hes babys father an id rather my baby have a dad that doesnt care rather than no dad,, because that she he/she can grow up a see him for how/who he is an not judge me for not lettin him be apart of his/her life.

Am i bad for lying about the midwife thing? ive told him time and time again will he come here so we can have a serious talk an he says no. An it seems like me sayin about the midwife was only thing to get him here? as i certainly aint going to walk an hour an half to his mums so he can be ignorant an laugh at me sayin im just moaning.
It's really hard to desribe how mine an his relationship is.

sorry for the long rant!

 

[annaespana1]

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles. All I give give is opinion you have to do what is right for you and your baby. I can understand that you don't want to just 'bin him' cause you want a father for your baby and I suppose you love him. Do you love him? Do you respect him?

Remember that he and you are going to be the role models in your son or daughters life and they way he is acting is not what your child should see. And you shouldn't allow yourself to be treated that way.

Everyone deserves to be loved and respected and if your babies father cannot do that then I feel you are missing out on one of the fundimentals of life. He should be running around after you at the moment, wanting to be around you, making plans.... I don't want to make you more unhappy but I think the only option is to find out why he acts this way and if it is something that cannot be rectified then (if I were you) i would finish it- he can still be a father and you will be a happier mother. Please let me know how you get on, as your situation has upset me.

 

[Tiggy26]

I dont think your bad hun, like you said..you wanted to know what he would have said, and i would have done the same. Im so sorry hes treating you like this when was the last time you both sat down and talked? Maybe go for a meal away from everyone else?

I noticed that you call him OH in your post, so im assuming that you are a couple, if so, its disappointing to read that he hasnt put you on the top of his priority list, especially at a time like this. Do you think things will improve when you get your own place? Maybe things are like this becuase neither of you have your own place and there is always people around.

I agree what your saying when you said you would rather your baby had a dad then no dad at all, i would be the same, but i hope you can both build on your relationship as well, i was a bit taken back when he said to you that he will be there for the midwife appointment for the baby and not you. I think i may have missed previous posts as you said at the start of your post that as most people know, me & OH have had some problems, sorry if im not up to speed on it all but i really do hope things work out.

Tiggy xx

 

[Babylicious]

Must be so hard for you, he sounds selfish. No advice to offer but have some

 

[ella]

So sorry you are having such a rough time. To be honest its hard not to just think you should dump him, he sounds extremely selfish and immature! You can't force him to be a decent dad/partner and you will only wear yourself out trying. the only thing is he might change when the baby arrives, and he might take some resposibility then, so I can understand why you want to keep some ties to him. He also sounds like he critisises you a lot which is not good for your confidence - be wary and remember the most important people in this is you and your baby

 

[lisa&alex]

i dont wanna sound harsh.. but last time u asked our advise about him yuo had decided that it was over between you? id like to ask would you treat a dog the way he is treating you? and what are the reasons you put up with it? coz i know for certain.. i wouldnt.. not for anything.. your child needs a strong independant mum as its role model..not someone who gets walked over..

 

[Pregnopaws]

Oh dear hun, he certainly sounds like an immature guy, and thats really the last thing you need at your current stage. I agree with ella, sometimes men change and become more responsible when their baby arrives, but you can't nag him into it either. Really sit down and make a decision about how much YOU want this man in your life, because that decision is going to affect you and your child for a long time to come! Subconsciously you probably already know the answer, you just need the courage to move forward.
Hope things work out for the best, for you and bubs, whatever you choose to do. xx

 

[Squiglet]

THATS a relationship??? And it's classified as going out with someone.. ???

I don't think you're bad for lying to him about the appointment, but it seems to me that he has made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want a relationship or to be there for you... He only wants to be there for the baby.. So let him.

Tell him when your appointments are for the midwife, and don't bother him with anything else, because he obviously doesn't want to discuss a relationship he doesn't acknowledge exists .. I know you want to make a go at the relationship with him for the sake of the child, but then not being with someone doesn't necessarily mean that they won't have a relationship.

If you spend your whole time trying to repair this relationship you won't have time for your baby, and who's more important... a man who obviously doesn't love you, or a baby who desperately needs a mummy.. =??

You're right, if you were that important to him, he would move in with you, or if he didn't want to move in because he didn't get on with your mums bf, he would make arrangements otherwise.

Thing is he hasn't got the courage to leave you... If he leaves you then he's the ar*ehole, leaving his pregnant girlfriend... blah blah blah...and he doesn't want to look bad infront of his mates. He wants you to leave him so he can turn around as say "see, I told you what she was like.".

If you don't want to finish with him then don't. But don't put anymore energy into this relationship, because you've expended enough already and look where it's gotten you... If he says your needy, demanding and controlling, back off, ignore him, ignore his calls... Trust me...men like the chase. He might sit up and pay more attention if he suddenly realizes you've had enough. At the moment he knows he can treat you like sh*t because you will go running back to him, don't give him the satisfaction of that...

My daughter still has "contact" with her father, because I want her to see what he is truly like. Unfortunately, it really hard on her considering he forgets her birthday and hasn't spoken to her in nearly 3 years. Trust me when you're baby looks up at you with tears in their eyes, asking you what they did wrong to make daddy not love them, you might have a different view about whether you would prefer your child to have a father who didn't care, or no father. Sounds harsh, but I live with that everyday... and sometimes, I wish I could punch my ex in the face for tears he has made her shed...and she still loves him for it.

Leave the door open for him and the baby, if he wants to he will be there, if not, your baby will do perfectly fine (if not better) without him...

 

[annem]

poor you hun. My advise is rubbish as i'd just not bother with him and see if he did anything about seeing me and the baby. I would not shut him out, i'd just make contact when scans and things were and see what he did off his own back

 

[Squiglet]

Squigs don't suffer from PMS either... I'm just weird..

 

[cloud9]

I spent a lot of time woth my hubby during pg wanting him to be a Dad he wasn't till i kicked him out and he knew what he would loose if he didn't shape up... You do deserve to be treated better..you have to decide what you are and aren't gonna accept.. i think him moving in while he takes you for granted now is a really bad idea

Hope things work out