WTT journal x

[Aragon]

Hi everyone

So it's 3am and I can't sleep! I have never had insomnia and it's awful! I've got so much whizzing round my head I've decided to start this journal to help

I'm 34 and been with my wonderful soulmate for just over 2 years. We've just bought a house together after living together 18 months and both in really good well paid jobs. We had spoken about children and knew we wanted them. I was on cerezette and expected it to take a year to come out of my system after stopping it (this is because it took a year to get my AF back after stopping microgynon at 26!!). However, 5 weeks after stopping cerezette my AF came. All set for baby making and a little daunted!!!
So I came off the pill 1st June very excited! I fell pregnant in July! Couldn't believe my luck. Although I was worried I wasn't ready. Funny how reality changes your feelings!

Sadly I had a mmc in September. I'll never be able to explain how I felt at the scan where I should have been 10 weeks but the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. No heartbeat etc. Hideous. I should have been giving birth in April 2016.

We have decided to WTT until January 2016 as we're going to my cousin's wedding in Australia in December and also going to Fiji. So I don't want to be in Tri 1 on a long haul flight. Or be in another country if anything bad happens. If things had worked out with my first pregnancy I'd have been 5/6 months pregnant and Tri2 is the best time to fly. But as it is I'm just not comfortable going if I'm in early pregnancy.

My OH is upset and wanted us to TTC straight away. He is ok with waiting now but wants to TTC whilst we're away. I'm not sure that's a good thing. I'm happy he is keen though!

So I feel it will drag until January although weirdly I'm looking forward to tracking my cycles. I really hope I catch again quickly when we try again and that it's a sticky one. I want 2 children at least and I'm 34 now so don't want to wait too long. I know 34 isn't too old (jeez my Dad and his 3rd wife had my half brother when they were both 50!!!! So there's 25 years between me and my youngest sibling!!! But don't want to wait that long lol).

Wow I feel so much better having written all that down!
Maybe I can get back to sleep now??? Haha

Aragon xx

 

[millielaura]

Helloo!!

So weird I have insomnia too and was scrolling through PF and we are sorta in the same boat. Been ttc since December 2013 and had a m/c of twins that were due April 2016.
We are WTT till January/Febuary because I'm having an operation to remove my scarred tube.

We have done a bucket list of things we can't do with a baby .

We will have to get each other through the wait! Xx

 

[millielaura]

And I'm sorry about your mc

 

[Aragon]

Ahhh thanks hun. I saw you over in Tri 1. So sorry for your loss too xxx

Yes let's help each other through to next year!!!! Keep thinking yay I can enjoy mulled wine at xmas lol. Then think nooooo I'd rather have a sticky bean. Up and down like a yo yo.

This forum is a lifeline at the minute xx

 

[millielaura]

Awww I totally know what you mean!
We are off to Venice in December and I keep thinking yay I can really enjoy the Italian wine etc etc. Then i'm like oh if we were preg then though we could do a Venice announcement etc etc. Defo like a yoyo about it!

Mulled wine is lovely

And I love this forum too xxx

 

[Aragon]

Just popped over to your journal and saw your blog - just awesome.
You've been through so much. So to help others by raising awareness is just inspirational. Xxx

 

[Aragon]

I'd love to go to Venice!!! How romantic.

Need to organise my bucket list

Xxx

 

[millielaura]

Aww thank you haha replied to you on my journal too, but can't wait to see your bucket list
You should go to Venice, we went in January and loved it! Can't wait to go again xx

 

[Aragon]

Well it looks like I've fibally stopped bleeding since my mc 2 weeks ago.

Need to do a preg test in two weeks to ensure it comes back negative to confirm the mc was complete. It will be strange buying a test and hoping it's negative!!
Xx

 

[millielaura]

Ahh I'm so glad it's stopped for you! Got everything crossed you get your bfp again soooon xxx

 

[Aragon]

Omg I'm waivering today. Thinking should i try again before Australia. Don't want to waste time.
Then again dont want to ruin my holiday with worry about things going wrong
Argghg i want a crystal ball x

 

[millielaura]

Lol I'm totally the same even though I said I wouldn't till my op because of the worry if it did happen! And dtd without realising how near I was to oving again. It's super hard not too isn't it!
With Venice, I want to be able to take tablets to calm me down on the plane and looking forward to the wine and limoncello etc so we kind of have the same thing. Haha obviously would prefer a baby to alcohol but Venice was supposed to be all about me and OH. Plus as you say I would be super worried when over there if anything was to start happening. What do you think you will do? Xxx

 

[Aragon]

I have realised that I need to take Yellow Fever tablets before my Oz trip as we are going to Fiji too.... which is lovely but I don't want to conceive whilst on them.
It's so hard though! I almost don't want to go.... but then I think life can't stop... and I might not catch then anyway and I'd have given up the trip.

So, I am definitely going to Oz and waiting until Jan to TTC. Seriously hard though!

xx

 

[Joolz1975]

Enjoy your trip and come back raring to go xx sounds like you deserve a holiday so make it the holiday of a lifetime then TTC when you get home xx

Deffo a risk travelling so far if pregnant if it was me id feel safer close to home x

 

[Aragon]

Thanks Joolz
It's funny how the urge to TTC can make you lose sense of being rational!
It's only 3 months lol
Xx

 

[Aragon]

So I really enjoyed cheese fondue and white wine last night. Things I can't have if I'm pregnant. Really savoured it
The reason I can't have fondue if I'm preg is because my OH smothers it in kirsh! He's swiss so absolutely loves it. Haha.
I'm enjoying taking notice of what I can enjoy before TTC xx

 

[Aragon]

So I really enjoyed cheese fondue and white wine last night. Things I can't have if I'm pregnant. Really savoured it
The reason I can't have fondue if I'm preg is because my OH smothers it in kirsh! He's swiss so absolutely loves it. Haha.
I'm enjoying taking notice of what I can enjoy before TTC xx

 

[Aragon]

So this is the weekend I would have been telling my family that I am pregnant It's been tough. My OH says yeah but we can do that next year now. Next year!??! That's ages away!!! And I wanted that bean to stick...

Anyway, I do have a MAJOR celebration. My Mum has been awarded an OBE so I get to go to Buckingham Palace with her and my three sisters on Tuesday so she can be presented with it. Hope it's the Queen! So, I will take the opportunity to enjoy a drink and celebration with my family. It would have been a sober one if I were still pregnant.

Just less than 3 months til I TTC!
xx

 

[Aragon]

I have taken my pregnancy test two weeks after i stopped bleeding since my mmc. Relieved that it's negative!!!
Feel like I can get on and track my cycles now
Xx

 

[Aragon]

Well that's weird!!! AF has arrived today. The day after the preg test and 17 days after my mc bleeding stopped?
Hopefully this is CD1 and my body will just be back on track... Although Ive read that some women's cycles get messed up for a while. Who knows... I'll just have to track it. Xx