What would you do??

[Jayceesmumma]

I know this is in the wrong area but I need your opinions on this..

On the 5th an arguement happened.. Basically OH has a sister who's 11, they all love playing with each other when we visit his mums house or when they come to ours.. At my house, I was in the kitchen and Ellie asked if they could take crayons upstairs, I said no.. She went back into the front room and then they all went upstairs to play. After Sophie (his sister) had left and I got the kids into bed I found a crayon.. I asked who took it up there and they both said Sophie.. Scott (OH) didn't believe them (she's an angel in his eyes) so he called his mum and spoke to Sophie, she said it was Ellie.. Even Jaycee still said it was Sophie and that's unlike her to lie like that so I believed her.. She said Sophie had lied for her before when they were at his mums and Ellie told me Jaycee hurt her and Sophie said she didn't, Ellie hurt herself.. (I knew she was lying but I didn't say anything to cause probs-how could I prove it??).. Why would she admit to that?? So Scott got more upset with them and threw away the aliens he just bought them (weird aliens with goop crap all the kids at school have )...
Naturally this caused an arguement between us.. I spoke to his mum and she said Sophie misheard him on the phone.. She DID take them up there but Ellie said it was okay.. Yes so Ellie was wrong for lying I accept that.. But Sophie took them up.. And that's what they were saying! So Jaycee wasn't lying at all!! Sophie admitted she had lied for Jaycee coz 'Ellie always gets her in trouble'.. Even his mum said she is jealous of the girls she's the youngest and the only girl then two younger girls come along then the baby..who her dad fusses over the moment we get there til we leave. It's understandable.. Now since then I've asked Scott to apologise to Jaycee for shouting at her for lying when she wasn't.. He wouldn't.. Still wouldn't accept Sophie was lying and god that makes me angry!! I aknowledged Ellie lied, but Jaycee wasn't.. And Sophie did!!
During the arguement that night he said that Sophie and his mum have complained about the girls while they've been there but didn't want to say to me to offend me.. How am I gonna stop it if I don't know??!! He used it against my girls and it hurt!! All it was was Ellie used too much toilet roll.. well that's all he told me and I don't see what else they could have done!! So I told his mum that if she has any issues with my kids she should tell me so I can fix it! The result was that she spoke to his dad and they agree the girls shouldn't go to her house and they'll see lily when they can..

So they haven't been to their house since and Sophie hasn't been round here either.. Which has upset the girls.. I can deal with that.. His mum has been coming on her own a couple of times a week and I've been popping in theirs while they are all at school so his dad can see her (nothing stopping him coming here..)
So as its half term they are all of school.. She's been texting me all week about giving her a bottle all 'subtle' I'm not stupid.. I say the mw can help her with feeding, she says, what on the bottle?.... I say she had her first feed at 11am she says, what she had her first bottle at 11am? I say, no I fed her, she says, oh silly me! GRRRRR!!!!!! And many more all week! More than usual! All 'youll have to give her a bottle if u have to leave her for some reason!!'
She was supposed to come over yesterday but didn't.. She complained she hadn't seen her all week.. My fault?? No! So she asked me if Scott was working Sunday.. I said usually why.. She said we would like to see lily.. I thought for a moment and it sounded like she was asking him to bring her alone.. That teamed with the bottle pushing.. I asked if she wanted him to bring lily alone and she said yes that's the only way sophie can see lily.. This kid is 11 yrs old and has no interest in lily whatsoever when we are there just moans her dad pays the baby attention and not her!!! If she even said hello to her I may consider that to be true, but she doesn't! It feels like his mum just wants him and the baby in their lives and not us.. I dot know if I'm being dramatic like Scott says I am but it's really hurt me!! I'm never splitting my kids up how mean is that?? I've told her I've not got a problem with the kids seeing Sophie but she said Sophie is still upset about that fucking crayon row! Bullshit! When I was 8 weeks preg she asked him if she could have the baby overnight!! She has a travel cot ready and everything! I have issues with leaving my baby with someone I don't really know.. I wouldn't like to leave her with my mum overnight at this age! I'd do it coz she knows what she's doing, she has five grandchildren under 8, his mum hasn't even changed her nappy.. And they never look comfortable holding her.. It's still new to them!
How mean is that.. The girls never see Scott he works seven days a week, leaves as they wake up and comes home when they are in bed.. They love him to bits and want to spend time with him as do I! So when he doesn't work much on a Sunday we like to see him! How bad would it be if he came home from work on Sunday afternoon and took lily to his mums where the girls aren't allowed?? Please give me ur honest opinions on this! I text Scott about it and he called her n she said I didn't want Sophie around the girls etc etc..!! Like fuck I said that!! I said tues night I don't have a problem with them playing again its Scott who has the problem.. He thought it was best for them not to spend so much time together.. The girls have been sucking their thumbs like Sophie does (which I hate-no offense to anyone!) and hen aske to tidy up with Sophie they shoved it all under their bed!!! They've never done that but Scott still thinks no wrong of Sophie. I love her to bits don't get me wrong just I know she's lied, she's admitted she's lied but Scott won't believe it!

Well done anyone who managed to get thru all that!! Just needed a big rant im so angry and upset!!
Oh and I think his mum thinks the tongue tie cut was unnecessary pain for lily so I can bf her.. Even tho it can effect ff and weaning.. It didnt even hurt her!

 

[Jaxx01]

OK this is my opinion:

The girls and you (as Lilys mum) come as a package... they are Lilys sisters so they cannot just be outcast? thats out of order!!

I feel awful for you having to be in this situation...it's never nice when you're stuck in a situation like this..

I personally would say, they can come to the house to see her, if they dont like the fact the girls aare there then dont come!! Simple!!!

And my mates baby was tongue tied and he had the cut as he was Bottle fed and having difficulty!!

Same as BF dont let anyone bully you into a choice!! Its your choice however you decide to feed lily hun

Big hugs xxxx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thank u for getting thru all that!! So it's not just me being 'dramatic'?? The fact they are willing to split my kids up (who are also getting used to new baby-not just Sophie) just shows how much they think of my kids! Common sense knows not to split kids up that already know they aren't really a part of their family.. They have no dad but lily does.. That's gonna be hard enough without all this!

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Makes me even more angry that she's been pushing ff on me so they can have her alone!

 

[Jaxx01]

Yeah she sounds like she's being incredibly selfish hun! ! I would stand my ground and tell her the kids are being separated under any circumstances!! And its your choice on how you feed your baby grrr lol xx

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thanks babe.. Seems like they are using a pathetic little arguement to make it so they see lily on their own! Over a fucking crayon!!! Pathetic!! Wasn't even a bloody major issue!!! Looking back on the texts she put the morning after when I said her babygro is so big it looks like she's wearing flippers.. O bless ive spoke 2 steve about wots happened and feel 2 save all this we will see lily on her own when it best 4 u... Reading it again it seems like she wanted him to take her there from the start.. I assumed when the kids at school they visit me or I visit them.. Scott reckons its all me who said I don't want Sophie around the girls to his mum.. When she sent me that text!

 

[Sarah13]

Your mil really is a right one with the bfing thing isn't she! I don't think you should be splitting your girls up for visits personally, it's not fair and they are only children after all. I think you should speak to your OH about it again and start afresh letting the kids play together, we all have family or friends kids that we just have to get along with. I would be a bit annoyed too if it was my OH being the one to say they can't play together, he should be the one encouraging it, it's his two families after all! And you cant keep them seperated forever, thats just silly. My mil and SIL treat my DD the same even though we live the other end of the country.

 

[lewisca]

I agree your kids shouldn't b split up ! U have said your happy for Sophie to come to yours so I think that is a good compromise if they have issues with the girls going to theirs. It does sound like she wants u to do ff so she can have Lily very selfish in my opinion ! Do also think Scott is in the wrong for not apologising to Jaycee .
I know it can b hard when inter grating families but it's really unfair of your mil to single our older 2 out ! If Scott has taken them on as his own then she needs to accept them as such and also they r Lily's sisters ! Blood relative just like they r ! Xxx

 

[Maria1977]

OMG bit of a nightmare MIL?

First off agree with Jaxx n that you n all 3 girls are a package, they can't outcast your elder two, in fact they are helping to create a situation between the elder 2 and Sophie which there doesn't need to be. Kids will be kids, they lie and the sneak to see what they can get away with. They shouldn't be allowed to think they can get away with lying, even white lies. So they aren't protecting Sophie in any way they are actually setting her up for a bigger fall in the future.

Your OH probably feels a bit stuck in the middle and wants to keep everyone happy, from teh sounds of his mother sounds like he will get less ear ache if he lets you down rather than stand up to her, he need to grow a pair. This whole situation is unavoidable if the MIL stops being a baby herself. (Sorry preggo rage lol)

As for pushing FF unto a BF mum. OMG I had that throughout my BF experience. Everyone wants to take care of the baby and they all want the baby FF so you don't have to be there. Rude as f**k! F**k them, do not give in to them, they are wankers for not supporting your choice in the first place. The more I was asked if I'd stopped/was stopping the more determined I was to continue lol. And I will do again with this next baby.

Be strong hun, sounds like you are having a problem forced upon you, don't let them drag you into it. Stand your ground and don't back down over your girls either. Segregating a family is nasty. MIL needs to take a look at herself.

Sorry for the rant lol

xxxxxx

 

[marley]

I think Scott needs to apologise to the girls! Throwing away a childs toys is not the way. It's an angry reaction and not leadin through example.

I agree that the girls be separated is not the way, you come as a package and they are clearly trying to give one child significant treatment over the others.

Hun, has Scotts relationship stayed the same with girls since Lilly? Do you think his mums input is influencing things ? X

 

[tinks77]

I'd go with Jaxx if they want to see lily then they come to you or you ALL go to them simple as that. All 3 girls are a package and that's that, Scott should really be thinking the same thing too tbh
Why should it be different for lily than the other two girls

And as for everything else just ignore her! (easier said than done I know) but really her opinion on anything doesn't sound like its worth a seconds thought

 

[lewisca]

Totally agree with Marie1977 ! Wish I could still preggo rage !! Xx

 

[marley]

The Bf thing is wrong!! Your so in the right don't let them split your girls up xx

 

[Maria1977]

Totally agree with Marie1977 ! Wish I could still preggo rage !! Xx

My preggo rage gonna get me in trouble so bad at some point thought. I cannot control what I say sometimes

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thanks so much ladies!
Had a huge row with Scott she's told him I don't want Sophie around lily!!! wtf??!! She's said I said they couldn't be around Sophie coz of Scott.. He said they should be spending less time together.. He's only just 22 and been thrown in at the deep end of parenting it's very hard for him! She forwarded me a message I sent in anger about the arguement satin I'll just put lily on formula and let Scott take her there.. After I said its unfair for her to want me to split them.. I said I wouldn't ever do that I said that coz I was upset and felt that's what they all wanted I hear!! She said
As much as i love the jaycee and ellie they r not my grandchildren thats not there fault but lily is and most nans r allowed 2 take them out etc on their own pherhaps i am askin 2 much
Now tell me she don't want lily on her own!! Seems like all these arguements are so that he can have her!! All this ff business so she can have her!! Like fuck!!!! I'm fuming!! I'm NOT splitting my girls up!
Scott's been stressed at work and we are having financial problems so has been a bit short with the girls recently don't think that's coz of lily tho..
Keeping them all apart won't help I wanted it all to be the way it was but it seems like his family just want lily and not my kids! Why can't they understand they are sisters??! My mum didn't web take the girls on their own at Lily's age, she had them on her own at 6 and 3!!!!
Forwarded that message to Scott and he just replied 'you both want whats best for lily' how the fuck is that best for lily??? He said she just wants to see lily and that I should offer her to take them all out...and go with them... It's not what she's asked for!!!! Does noone care what's best for my girls?????

 

[lewisca]

Stick to your guns hun ! I wouldnt split my kids up. You just need to do what's best for your girls ! All 3 of them if the others don't like it tough !! Xxx

 

[Hope81]

Ok here is what I would do...
Ff is out of question, tell her to keep her parenting ideas private as you don't want to hear any.baby is not going anywhere without me until it's a toddler at least. I don't do grandparents at this ealy age because they never follow exactly your rutine and everything gets messed up...
The other little girl is quite a bad influence on your daughters. They can see each other in a neutrall ground like downtown playing with soft toys etc etc, not at each other home as tha didn't turn up so well...
If the grandparents want to see my kid they are welcome here as long as they keep their parenting opinions for their self.

 

[jojo_2012]

I agree with others you shouldn't split the kids up just to please them, do you know anyone else who has to deal with this silliness?


Also wouldn't let this he said/she said tattle tailing about crayons etc thing cross over into an adult arguement, all 3 aren't meant to bring crayons upstairs they're all in the wrong and that's that isn't it, surely not something that needs to be debated between 2 or 3 adults?

 

[jojo_2012]

Oh and also wouldn't it be funny to tell her you were FF sometimes now and then when she asks to babysit just say no lol,

 

[Jayceesmumma]

Thanks hun.. Well now we are playing happy families apparently and she dont wanna have anything to do with us no more and has asked me not to stop anyone else seeing the baby... I would never do that!! She doesn't even know me yet makes the assumption.. I'm really doin all I can not to text her back n telling her to go fuck herself!!
Scott is stuck in the middle and I feel bad for him but he should be sticking up for me! I don't think I'm in the wrong that's why I had to post here coz I know you lot would tell me!! I've asked her what we problem is but I don't get an answer so its blatantly just coz she wants lily on her own and coz I say no she's got the hump and throwing a fucking tantrum! It's so childish! This is gonna cause a huge row when Scott gets home I know he's gonna try an get me to be the 'bigger person' and try and make it up with her to keep her happy but why should I?? I didn't have any problem at all!! It's her with the problem, get over it or fuck off!! She's made it so awkward now how am I ever gonan be able to face her again knowing what she thinks??? She's happy to make my girls sad so she can push the dolly around and show her off etc.. No!! My kids aren't accessories!! She seems to think its ok to let someone take out ur two hour old baby into town (she let her twin take Sophie!) and she reckons a friend left her 4week old with her overnight every weekend and most days etc.. I reckon it's bullshit!!! If it's true that's one bad mother!! Sorry! I told Scott when I was preg noone is taking her out til about one yr old MINIMUM.. I don't trust anyone to hold my girls hands across the road properly do they don't go with anyone but my mum or step dad.. And even then I get scared something will happen to them and I'm not there!! I'm a mother!! I hardly know this woman, grandparent or not!
So pissed off. This is all been put on me and it's not fair!!!