Still crap from mil and family I don't know how much more I can take!!

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Jayceesmumma, Feb 18, 2012.

  1. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Getting crap off his mums twin now on Facebook! Scott blames me for having the status in the first place but who says it was about her??
    She's said she doesn't want me dictating to her when she can see her grandchild and it's too painful to cope with so she now refuses to see her at all! His dad is coming over tomorrow I hate this way of talking, 'Jo, is there any chance of seeing my granddaughter tomorrow' there's a nicer way of putting it and I hate the 'my granddaughter' lines..
    Gonna be so awkward but his dad doesn't get involved so it's ok.. Feel bad for him coz mil used to come see lily and lie to him about being here. So wrong!
    So it's all still my fault. I've really had enough now!! I haven't told anyone in my family about this but coz my sister commented first she's seen it all now so I had to tell her I don't want my life all over Facebook!!! None of them get why I won't let her have her for on her own!! Why does she need to???!!!!
     

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  2. smokey08

    smokey08 Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun, I really don't know what to say :hugs:
    Why is MIL sister getting involved? What has it got to do with her?
    This is obviously between Ye and with her getting involved its just gonba make things wors
    Xxxxxxxx
     
  3. Rachaellius

    Rachaellius Well-Known Member

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    God I hate when other people get involved when they don't know the full story! You didn't even imply it was about them, she just jumped to conclusions! Sorry your getting so much grief hun, as if you haven't got enough to deal with eh :hugs: x

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  4. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    :hugs: -sorry you're having to deal with this.


    wee point though - if his dad's not wanting to get involved, maybe he doesnt realise it sounds like that - i used to say to my brother "when am i getting to see my neice", and i get on well with him and SIL. I honestly was going to play with the LO though. lol xxx
     
  5. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    They all say it when they want to make a point, if they are happy it's 'lily' if not its 'my granddaughter' or 'my first grandchild' I think I know what she is to u grrrr!!!

    Didn't mean to post duplicate pics sorry!

    Just so angry with it all!! How pathetic and immature? What was wrong with a private message why did it have to be public??? And IM gossiping?? Go figure!!

    How am I supposed to face his family again?? Is this their tactic? Divide and conquer??? I'll fight to the death for my kids so they won't win!! I've got court with my ex mil next month and she knows it and what it's doing to me. Bad timing indeed!!!
     
  6. Sarah13

    Sarah13 Well-Known Member

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    You could have been talking about anyone! Hate the way people read into fb comments sometimes, its supposed to be a bit of light hearted communication that's how I view it anyway!
    Must be so hard for you, its not like your stopping them from seeing Lily just you want to be there too while she's still so little. My mum looked after my niece for the first time recently she's 10 months and it wasn't for lack of trust from my SIL it was that she didn't feel ready to leave her yet even though my mum looks after my nephew who is older every week. It takes time for us to allow anyone to look after our babies even when we know our MIL well and trust them! Just to add my SIL has been with my brother 19 years!

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  7. Kbex

    Kbex Well-Known Member

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    This is all do horrible and upsetting for you at a time when you need a break. You must be emotionally exhausted from it all. I would be tempted to write her a very short letter saying very simply that at this time you want your baby to be with you and whilst you were happy for the baby to see her you wouldnt want to leave her so would be there too. Say that this wasn't intended up upset her but it's your child and it's how you feel. You are also one big family now and are not willing to upset any of your daughters by splitting them up. Ask her to respect your eldest daughters' feeling at this difficult time for them and honour that. I would then suggest to her that ad emotions are running high you all take a couple of weeks to calm down and suggest a date for her and your fil to come over when Scott and all the children will be there. I would try and keep this note as unconfrontational as possible. It would give you the much needed break from the situation and also stop Scott getting caught in the middle. You are never going to like or trust your mil again but at least it might mean you can all function together. That's what I would do anyway although I know its really hard when you are so hurt and annoyed by her. X
     
  8. lewisca

    lewisca Well-Known Member

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    Oh Hun it's coming at u from all angles !!! Can't remember if u have actually said to in laws that your just not ready to leave her for long periods yet ? Surely u have !! Was about to say surely mil can remember what it's like but she left her lo early didn't she ?
    Honestly don't know what to say what's Scott said bout his aunt getting involved ? Maybe things will go ok with fil today and it might build bridges !!! Xxxx


     
  9. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Thanks all.. He's blamed me for making the status in the first place and that threw me over the edge! We aren't really talking.

    I've thought about writing a note but she's so self involved she would twist it into an attack from me!! I've told them im uncomfortable with it.. I've told them my step dad took Jaycee out for the first time to see his family when Ellie was a week old (Jaycee nearly3) and my ex tried kidnapping her and got her to say bye on the phone to me etc... The worst feeling I've ever had in my life. I know this is nothing like that but bad things happen! And I don't trust people I have only just met myself!!!

    I've done my best and it's all been thrown back in my face and I've been blamed for it all :( I honestly believe everything has been a plot to split my girls up from the start!!

    Yeah her sister had her dd TWO HOURS OLD.

    Her family all struggle to hold a small baby I had to force lily on her sister, his brother and sister!! They've only held her twice! Mil ain't always looking that confident either!!

    They're all like 'what's wrong with half hour on her own?' what's the point?? Why is she so desperate??!!
    She's MY daughter! And my partners! He accepts I'm uncomfortable and I told him when I was preg coz at 8weeks preg his mum asked if she would be having baby over night :shock: since my bfp she has been trying to cut this baby out and away from me!! HATED ME for being team yellow, it was something I felt strongly about coz I found out with the girls and she guilted me every time I saw her!! She was desperate for a boy!

    I genuinely despise the woman. She's pathetic, childish (she took me off Facebook :roll: before I made the status..) selfish and manipulative. Noone is allowed an opinion around her she is so hard headed!
     
  10. lewisca

    lewisca Well-Known Member

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    Oh hun u really don't need all this shit !!! Just stick to your guns she will give up eventually !!!
    She sounds like a very selfish childish bully !!!
    If Scott understands then he needs to stand up to her. Know it's hard as he is stuck in the middle and still young but he made the decision to join your family and add to it with u so he needs to stand by u . It will b hard for him on mil may well turn on him (my mil turned on phill couple of years ago ) but if you and the girls (all 3) are what he wants she needs to accept that and your rules regarding YOUR daughter xxxx


     
  11. jojo_2012

    jojo_2012 Well-Known Member

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    This is so not normal.

    I would stay away from OH's family if I were you sounds like they've got it in for you and you don't need that in your life. OH can always take baby to visit them for an hour or 2 once a week couldn't he? That's what most grandparents get especially on the dad's side.
     
  12. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Thanks everyone
    Just had his dad here we've had a talk he understands my point and how it's nothing personal on them it's just how I am and how I've been raised.. He does get his mums point as he'd like to take her out too but respects my decision and agrees Scott needs to man up.. He said that he would be upset of Scott stood by his mum more than me which shocked me but I get that!
    Was nice to talk to someone in his family who isn't gunning for me!!
     
  13. lewisca

    lewisca Well-Known Member

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    My so glad fil is on your side !! Hopefully he can help resolve the situation!!! Hope u said to Scott to man up !!! Xxx


     
  14. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I've told him just need his dad to say the same to him.. None of them are allowed an opinion that's the way it is.. And it's wrong! She's always got her own way and it's not right!! Told his dad that too he should have to live like that.. He's used to it which is ok for him coz he's happy to just keep the peace at home.. I've told him she's so used to stamping her feet and getting what she wants it's not gonna happen with me! Stood my ground and made it clear it's not gonna change! I feel I've been pushed out and they can't deny that coz she was ok with Scott taking lily there but not me so it's obviously personal against me! He agree I've always let people interact with her as they wish. I told him she used to come here without telling anyone so it may seem like she hasn't seen her alot but she has! There's no more I can offer her.
    I feel so bad for sophie coz she's heard it all an thinks it's all coz of her! They shouldn't argue or discuss things in front of her coz it ain't right!!

    I'm just gonna get on with looking after my kids and getting thru this court shit and my cervical cancer check next week.. She knows what I'm going thru right now and it's harsh!
     
  15. l_maclean

    l_maclean Well-Known Member

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    Glad that you've had a chat with FIL, and at least you know he's accepting where your coming from. Its good that he's felt able to say to you, yes he'd like to take her out - but is resepciting your decision - I guess you're always gonna get differences of opinions in families - but its the respect thats the important bit.

    Here's hoping scott will managing to follow his lead. xxx
     
  16. lewisca

    lewisca Well-Known Member

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    Hope all goes well next week ! At least u have someone on your side now and it may help Scott feel more able to b ,although he should have anyway !!! Like u have said u have so much going on at the min u just need To try and put it to the back of your mind now . Big hugs Hun xxxxx


     
  17. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Thanks hun I hope this blows over soon I can't deal with her tantrums and abusive family!
     
  18. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Scott said earlier he hates how I'm attached to my phone all the time.. I bluntly said 'well I need to get support from somewhere!' hopefully he will start to listen more!
     
  19. pinkyprincess

    pinkyprincess Well-Known Member

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    My god she has a twin?!?!?


     
  20. star fish

    star fish Well-Known Member

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    Hi Sweetie

    Listen love, you are the mother! How you look after your child and any decision you make regarding your child is your right. Her grandmother gets no say at all. I'm sorry 'Grandma' if that is harsh but that's the way it is!

    If she cant behave and tow the line then she doesnt get to see the baby. The bottom line is that she might threaten not to see her but she's bluffing, you have the power and I sugget you use it and get assertive.

    We're all here for you xxxxxx
     

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