What should i do? :(

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by x kylie x, Jan 18, 2012.

  1. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Hi all,

    Im not really sure where to start so guess ill introduce myself first.

    My name is Kylie and im 21yo... I am currently just over 10 weeks pregnant.

    Now for my problem :(... At 18 i got diagnosed with polyistic ovarys and severe endometreosis and got told that i would really struggle to have a baby :( I got told as soon as i was in a stable relationship to try and concieve naturally so at 19 i stopped my pill and let nature take its course.

    After over a year of trying the doctors finally refered me to a specalist infertility clinic but before i got chance to go i found out i was pregnant.

    Now i am in an awful situation as im not sure that my boyfriend is the dad to my baby :( now i know that makes me sound awful but its not as it seems...without going into any detail i diddnt cheat on my partner it was a joint decision and he knew all about it.. he also now knows that the baby might not be his :(

    I honestly dont know what to do :( he says he will stand by me but still wants a DNA test done and i know if its not his he is going to leave us :( But i honestly love him with all my heart and more and i would do anything to make him happy :(

    I sit here every day thinking how much of a bad person i am to get myself into this mess :( but what can i do? put the baby up for adoption if its not his? or bring the baby up on my own?

    I always thought that a baby was all i ever wanted now it seems to be the worse thing thats ever happened to me :( All i want is for us to be a family and ive got to live with this for the rest of my pregnancy and if its bad news for the rest of my life :(

    I feel like i dont want my partner to be nice to me or help pay for anything incase its not his :( his parents hate me and i feel so alone :(
     
    #1 x kylie x, Jan 18, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 18, 2012
  2. Xcitedmum

    Xcitedmum Well-Known Member

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    I am not why you and your boyfriend made a joint decision for you to sleep with someone else but you's obviously had your reasons for doing so at the time.

    If your boyfriend knew and has said he will support you then you have to take his word for it. You seem to have already convinced yourself that the baby isn't his but there is every chance that it actually is!

    I assume you have tried to work out dates etc. Try to relax and allow your boyfriend support you, only time will tell what the truth is but you cannot spend the rest of your pregnancy worrying, it is not good for you or the baby.

    I hope everything works itself out for you xx
     
  3. Xcitedmum

    Xcitedmum Well-Known Member

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    I should also say that you are trying to make massive decisions re adoption, when you haven't really given yourself time to think it all through.

    As your pregnancy progresses you are likely to bond with your baby long before its born and also a DNA test takes time. As far as I am aware you don't get results immediately. You will have bonded with your baby by the time you get the results.

    It maybe all seems like a mess right now, but with time the answers will present themselves. At your 12wk scan you will be given a due date. You will be able to work out a rough idea of date of conception from that xx
     
  4. misscrazycooki

    misscrazycooki Well-Known Member

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    Hunny even if the baby isn't his biologicly. Doesn't mean he can't love and bond with that baby and be a true daddy to them. I have a stepdad who took on three kids from my mums other marriage and he did his best for us. I even called him daddy when I was little, I grew out of it as my older sister called him by his name so I copied. But he is more of a true father than my true one who is a druggy and alcholic.

    If you fella has said he will stand by you no matter what, I think he is love with you and just wanted to make a dream of yours come true. If you gave the child up then you would have put one of his selfless acts and threw it at him. Which could lead to more anger and upset.

    I would talk to him hunny express your fears and talk together maybe then you two can bond together and enjoy the new life growing inside wether his or not his girlfriend (you) is growing them and putting your love in making that person come into the world x
     
  5. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Thank you xcitedmum :)

    I have already been for a private early scan what gave me my due date what isnt good :(

    Honestly it just all feels like a huge mistake and i thought when i was pregnant was going to be the best time of my life, i used to cry myself to sleep because i wanted to be a mummy and now i am i cry because i feel so trapped and there is no way out :(

    The date they gave me could be either there is obviously alot more chance its my partners as i used protection with the mistake but i hate the fact i cant be 100% i feel though asif it wasnt just me that i am in this alone :(

    I know adoption would be so hard i cant even imagine the pain but atleast i would be doing the best thing i know alot of people would abort the baby but end of day its my little bean and it deserves a life x

    I just pray every night that its going to be okay and my little miricle will be a blessing x
     
  6. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Aww thank you misscrazycookie :)

    Yeh it is very true i hear it everywhere that any boy can make a baby but it takes a real man to be a farther :)

    I am just praying to god that its his baby cause i know he would be the happiest man alive if it was :)

    I just spend my time trying to make everyone happy i just know that if its not his i will be alone and i will have lost the only man i thought i would ever love and be with xx
     
  7. misscrazycooki

    misscrazycooki Well-Known Member

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    Hope it all goes well for you at your dating scan hunny. But if you said you used protection with the mistake then I think your fella is most likely the daddy and you two should be happy x
     
  8. Xcitedmum

    Xcitedmum Well-Known Member

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    I agree with misscookie - if you used protection the bean is your boyfriends! You have got yourself all in a fluster, try not to worry and enjoy the pregnancy, yes you may have made a mistake and slept with someone else but its not all bad hun - your boyfriend is still very much around xxx
     
  9. jld123

    jld123 Well-Known Member

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    im confused as to why your doctor told you at 18 to try for a baby? i have the same condition as you but have never been told that.
     
  10. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Thank you very much xx yeh sometimes i think im just being silly then others i get all worked up thinking what if x but im having this baby no matter what so its about time i bucked up my ideas xx
     
  11. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Hey Jld x

    Im not sure why they told me that but all i can tell you is that at 18 its not what i wanted to hear :( i had an laproscopy done and they tried to treat my endometreosis but i think i have alot of scarring so they was worried that i would need to go through ivf to concieve then about 6 months ago i also got found out to have pcos what also made my chances very low as i was only ovulating around 5 times a year + with the trouble of endometreosis i was at a very low fertility range x

    I think they thought the younger i am the easier natural conception would be but it has happened on its own anyways thank god xx
     
  12. Danti

    Danti Well-Known Member

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    I agree with the other ladies, if you used protection and that protection wasn't compromised in any way, then the baby is your partners..

     
  13. Bellarina

    Bellarina Well-Known Member

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    i think the likelihood of it being the other persons is unlikely hun if you used protection so i would just enjoy your pregnancy and relax as worrying isnt going to be good for little baby. i dont even see why a dna test is really needed if protection was used and it didnt break or anything, as surely its about 99% likely to be your oh's

    hope it all works out for you hun. stay positive and happy xxxx
     
  14. hopefulmummy

    hopefulmummy Well-Known Member

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    I agree. I can't believe a doctor would say that.
     
  15. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Yep :( Her exact words were " as soon as you feel you are in a stable relationship try...dont wait around for marriage or for your career"

    Well as you can imagine at 18 i went running back to my mum crying my eyes out.. it took me about a year from then before i made my decision to stop taking my pills and let nature take its course x

    As i always thought to myself what if i wait till im late 20s and i cant concieve ill always look back on this day and tell myself i was warned and its my own fault x
     
  16. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    I was thinking the same thing. Its very strange for a doctor to say that.

    And if u were sleeping with someone else, u weren't in a very stable relationship.

    But either way, as your pregnancy progresses you will most likely create a bond with ur baby. And to be totally honest, you were having unprotected sex, so even though there may have been difficulties getting pregnant, there was always a chance it could have happened - so if you were SO unprepared for pregnancy, you should have waited. Sorry if this sounds like a lecture.

    Anyway, so many teens get pregnant unplanned, I know a few personally who were so shocked when they found out, so unprepared and unwilling to become a parent, but now, they wouldn't be without their kids. Its not gonna be easy, but u brought the child into the world and u WILL cope!

    If its so difficult for u to conceive, imagine if this is ur 1 chance? Ud never forgive urself for not sticking at it.

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
     
  17. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Yep well it was my gynecologist that told me after id had an laproscopy operation to try and remove some of my endometreosis it left quite bad scarring on my right tube so only my left tube would work 100% properly but then with my pcos i only actually ovulated maybe 2-4 times max a year :(

    So basically trying naturally without any help my chances were like 2-3 max a year instead of an average females of 12 a year x

    As for the not in a stable relationship i knew people would judge me about that but like i said its not as people think my partner was involved in the whole thing x

    My partner was as much involved in it as me i diddnt do it for myself was for us as a couple and i did use protection ( i have never ever not used protection apart from with my current partner) x

    And i am not unprepared i was planning on getting pregnant just never thought it would happen naturally i had set it in my head that it would be through ivf after being on the waiting list so when all of a suddon i think hmm why do i feel ill every day i do a test and i am pregnant lol x

    It was complete shock to me after all the bad news i never dreamed in a million years it would happen to me then i go for a scan and get the dates... i sit down and think oh dear... what if? So thats the reason why im not as happy as i should be because yes i am scared to lose my partner and do this all on my own x

    All my family know about what happened as i think its best to be honest and they have all said the same he was apart of it just like me so end of day he should stand by me.. we played with fire and u could get burnt x

    Im not a teen anymore either by the way :p im 21 :) And yeh ive gota cope im gona try my best no matter what to be the best mum my little bean can ask for :) and make sure they dont make the same mistakes i have in life x

    X Kylie X
     
  18. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    To be honest, it sounds as though ur partner is the father if he was the only one u didn't use protection with.
    I understand the whole wanting a DNA test thing, but I wouldn't worry too much about it as the chances are very high that its ur partners.

    Its always a shock to become pregnant, even for me and my husband and we were trying, its a shock to the system for anyone.

    Its good that ur partner is being so understanding, and I think you will both make great parents.

    Best of luck with everything :) x

    Sent from my BlackBerry 9800 using Tapatalk
     
  19. kra0

    kra0 Well-Known Member

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    You sound like you have your head screwed on and I wish you and your partner all the best hun. Yes you had that one time that maybe wasn't a good idea but I think you can safely say that the baby is more than likely your partners. Try not to worry and over think it til the time comes to take a DNA test (if you still want to by then). Enjoy your pregnancy and bond with your baby, I think it's lovely that you conceived naturally considering your medical history. I wish you all the best xxxx
     
  20. x kylie x

    x kylie x Well-Known Member

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    Aww thank you Keira :) that was lovely cheered me up alot :)

    Yeh i am starting to sit at night cuddling my little bump :) Im sure im gona be huge lol xx

    I knew people was going to judge me but it really isnt how it seems so i pray that everything will turn out fine :)

    No matter what though im going to be there for my little prawn and give it all the love it needs :)

    Congrats on your pregnancy! :) xx
     

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