Visitors?

[Sarah85]

Aw love it's so hard isn't it and an added stress which u don't need right now have OH be the bad guy lol have them say your plan.
At least you have people who want to love the LO so much they won't leave u alone lol
My in laws don't really bother they might surprise us but when we announced we were engaged they just ignored it and started talking about something else. Weird weird people lol

 

[Doob]

I think I'd get my oh to say to his parents that we understood they were excited but for the first couple of days would they mind letting things settle down at home for you three and then maybe come and stay in a hotel for a night or two and then they can come and stay with you for a few days once the baby is a few weeks old. I think that's a fair compromise. I understand you don't want to upset them but they need to realise that its a bit imposing having guests to stay (even family guests) when you'll need time to get used to things and you'll be physically and emotionally exhausted. I wouldn't even want my mum to come and stay straight after, visit yes but the idea of extra people staying over for hours and even days stresses me out just thinking about it.

Perhaps talk to your OH again and say you've been thinking more about it and its making you really really upset and you want to sort it out properly way before you go into labour! I think if a phone call is made to them and its polite and you two have done what you can to compromise well then if they are upset so be it you can't please everybody and to be honest you need to think of yourself, the baby and your husband getting used to things. xx

 

[Loula]

i had baby just before the 4 day jubilee holiday so everyone was off n wanted to visit. When i got home i had a housefull n it was like this for the next few days..

it was horrible as i wasnt feeling brilliant, in the end i said if thier visiting then only an hour as i was shattered..

defo do wat your gonna do dnt worry bout upsetting people xxx

 

[PyscoFalcon]

Sod been nice hun and tell em straight - Oi! You! NO!

I've told hubby that no matter what happens I don't want ANY visiters for at least a month after baby is born and I only want him at the birth.

The only person we'll tell I've gone into labour is our dog sitter so they can come pick Sam up and look after him for a few days.

TBH I rather my parents never see the baby at all, certainly not get left alone with it. They can't be trusted with anything that breathes.

In-laws on other hand have consented to be the babies guardiens if anything happens to both of us. Still even them I don't want visiting for the first month.

 

[babyem]

I think not letting grandparents see their grandchild for the first month is a bit harsh...

Anyway, I hope you manage to sort something, x

 

[Hope81]

Well visiting is far away from coming and stay...
My parents are coming from a different country so they have to stay ifykwim. That's why I told them to come at the end of the 3 weeks.
If they were here they would have been more than welcomes to come and visit the baby as often as they want and then go back home....
I don't mind in laws coming and visiting and even stay too just not the first days??
Anyway my parents will get lots of pictures and videos and will see the LO on Skype daily until they come here...
maybe I am harsh I don't know what to say
I just need town to establish my routine and bond with the baby and relax with my oh a little.
Is this too absurd to ask???

 

[babyem]

Well visiting is far away from coming and stay...
My parents are coming from a different country so they have to stay ifykwim. That's why I told them to come at the end of the 3 weeks.
If they were here they would have been more than welcomes to come and visit the baby as often as they want and then go back home....
I don't mind in laws coming and visiting and even stay too just not the first days??
Anyway my parents will get lots of pictures and videos and will see the LO on Skype daily until they come here...
maybe I am harsh I don't know what to say
I just need town to establish my routine and bond with the baby and relax with my oh a little.
Is this too absurd to ask???

Hope! I'm sorry, I didn't mean you, obv your situation is very different!! I get what you mean though as it's not like you can send them away when you want a rest etc. No you're not harsh, you're thinking about how you want to spend time with your new baby It's not alot to ask, like one of the other ladies said, maybe they would be willing to meet you on your terms if they have to come over? xxx

 

[Loula]

Sod been nice hun and tell em straight - Oi! You! NO!

I've told hubby that no matter what happens I don't want ANY visiters for at least a month after baby is born and I only want him at the birth.

The only person we'll tell I've gone into labour is our dog sitter so they can come pick Sam up and look after him for a few days.

TBH I rather my parents never see the baby at all, certainly not get left alone with it. They can't be trusted with anything that breathes.

In-laws on other hand have consented to be the babies guardiens if anything happens to both of us. Still even them I don't want visiting for the first month.

a month thats harsh... baby wouldhve changed sooo much xx

 

[BevG]

it takes weeks to establish bf, you will be trapped on the sofa in easy open boob clothes aith a baby latched to you pretty much constantly (every hour and a half possibly for 15-30+mins) for at least 3 weeks and then there is a growth spurt at 4 weeks where it will happen again. last thing you need is to be uncomfortable doing that in your own home. just say no or else u will have to bare it and hope it makes then uncomfortable enough to leave the room. baby comes first

 

[Mrs Wibbily]

I know you think it's not polite to say anything to them but this is the start of your family and you need to be firm because before you know it they will be inviting themselves to everything. Can't your hubby have a chat with his family, surely they will understand?
This should be your time for you and YOUR new family and about establishing your day to day life and that way you can feel comfortable about having people in your home. ok I'm ranting a tad but this kind of thing really winds me up!

 

[Jayjay027]

Not at all hun, but if u don't put ur foot down and say something, ur just gonna have to grin and bear it x

 

[mrswoody]

I know exactly how you feel. My MIL originally suggested she wanted to come down to help when baby was first here so doing cleaning make the tea etc which I was originally happy about. The more I thought about it though the more I have decided that actually I didn't want her and fil there as I realised oh and me will be adapting to having a new baby and I will be learning to bf baby and know what baby wants from me. We have decided that we want no visitors for the first 2 weeks while oh is on paternity leave then when he goes back to work I am happy for in laws and my family to come and see us and stay. If anyone wants to see baby before this then they are welcome to make the 8 hour journey and stay in a hotel and visit for a few hours. Harsh I know but I refuse to budge on this and have our first moments together as a family ruined. Stand your ground x

 

[Hope81]

I had one more discussion with my oh yesterday that he said to leave it for now to not create such a big subject with the grandparents and when we call them to announce the baby's arrival he will tell them that I feel a little poorly and to give us a couple of days to recover.
Not perfect but fine by me if it works...
I hope that they will have the common sense to stay at the hotel really when they come, but if not at least they will not be here the very first treasured moments...
I suppose we will see how everything will go now? If I need to stay at the hospital 2-3 days we may as well call them to come visit there instead of home and hope to leave before we go home ?

 

[Quartz]

It sounds like there's a plan!
and i think you'll be fine now. It shows that your OH has been thinking about it, and has started to think of the little ways to keep you happy in what will be such a treasured time.
Men don't think about every little scenario the way we women do, so i'd not worry yourself now on all those things that can go either way , what happens if ... etc ... otherwise you're going to become more anxious.

your OH is listening to you, and he knows that you may need time to yourselves and he's willing to tell his parents at that time.

So, given any scenario that might crop up, I have a good feeling that your OH will do the right thing for you and your baby on the day
x

 

[Hope81]

 

[dyscochick]

Hope darling, I haven't read the whole thread but i get the jist from the first couple of pages. You have 3 precious months with your baby and those first few days are about you and OH and baby, NOT the grandparents! I have got a similar battle but we have already laid ground rules! They are not to come until after the baby is born, they will stay in a Bed and Breakfast (whatever it costs them!) and they are coming to visit and then leave. You have EVERY right to not want them there, especially at the hospital and even more so at home when you are trying to bf and work out how you and the baby are together. I love my in laws and know them well and I still wouldn't want them near me during the birth or in the early days post birth (although as above I think I'll have to compromise a little on that).

I suspect your OH is worried about how he will cope with the baby when you rest. He needs to learn and he won't if his parents are there, so you have to be strong over this hun!

 

[dyscochick]

I had one more discussion with my oh yesterday that he said to leave it for now to not create such a big subject with the grandparents and when we call them to announce the baby's arrival he will tell them that I feel a little poorly and to give us a couple of days to recover.
Not perfect but fine by me if it works...
I hope that they will have the common sense to stay at the hotel really when they come, but if not at least they will not be here the very first treasured moments...
I suppose we will see how everything will go now? If I need to stay at the hospital 2-3 days we may as well call them to come visit there instead of home and hope to leave before we go home ?

This sounds like a really good plan hun, you have to be clear with them set boundaries! xxxx

 

[Hope81]

Thank you dysco, fx everything will turn up ok...

 

[katey123]

Giving birth is a special private thing that's why there is not a public viewing gallery . I'm not sure the hospital would even allow the family inlaws in the labour room anyway. xx

 

[Hope81]

Katey I must be the weirdest person on the world but being even outside waiting it makes me feel so uncomfortable ????

nobody else feels like that?
Labour can take hours even days, it can end up with an emergency c section or who knows what complications, knowing that they are people outside waiting and worrying etc it will make me feel awful anxious and super stressed...
I suppose I am a quite private person or completely bitch to not let anyone wait even outside?

Also btw I don't even see the point of it???
They can wait just fine at home?
My in laws seeing the baby the first minutes that it's born and while I am still half naked, unwashed, unwell, completely shaken, extremely tired sore and probably bf sounds like out of a horror movie for me lol