Violent Behaviour at Nursery

[Mrs CW]

I would really be considering a different nursery. I wasn't happy with the first nursery my eldest went too so I found a childminder and moved him as soon as I could and I've had friends do this at other places. They don't seem to be coming up with ways to work through and are just picking up on the negatives. My boys have both started a new nursery and new preschool (for my eldest) in the last couple of months and both settings report the positives to us and ways forward with the areas that they're struggling - our youngest has struggled to settle but he's getting there x

 

[Laurajcole]

Gosh. I really really don't like the sound of all this. So there saying his behaviours requires an adult to supervise, yet there is obviously times things are happening.
You could be right about other children winding him up etc... I wonder if there is particular activities that set off this so called behaviour.
I agree a meeting is very very necessary. Don't jump the gun and move him just yet. I don't think that should ever be necessary. Not all children are the same and sometimes they need to adapt there play and learning techniques.
You are well within your right to ask for time at the end to be given a daily report of how he has been, what he has been doing etc. It also concerns me that it's not directly his key nursery worker your dealing with, I thought the whole point in a key worker was to establish a relationship and for them to get an understanding of the children in there group.

 

[russellmuscle]

Id deffo get a meeting before this gets any worse, and wouldnt mpve just yet either. Could stress Cam out more.

Such idiots in that place. Id ask to have a meeting with the manager and key worker. So that the other attendants arent putting in snidey digs, you want the issues and wprk out how to help, not be given a snidey remark and handed your chilld.

You do have patience, Id have had a meeting the second time any of this happened. I know your going through alot but going on like this is not helping anyone!! I bet even hubby is stressed about it too now, its not fair. Nursery ends during the day and your carrying this around letting it eat at you with no clear answers or plan.

xxxx

 

[Les1504]

Oh my goodness, I could have written this a few months ago! Harry seems to have settled now and is actually driven by stickers and smiley faces, but it took him a long time to settle in. I felt staff focused on every little tantrum and stubborn moment, rather than acknowledging that he had been good for most of the day. They are only just 3 and nursery days are long- I can't even begin to comprehend the fact they have mentioned outside agencies to you! I am a teacher and outside agencies are contacted over a prolonged period of time where behaviour is a serious cause for concern. He's 3!!!! Xxx

 

[Emily0505]

We've got a meeting arranged for next Thursday.

Cam bit another child today.



I'm so pissed off and stressed out with it all.

He threw a rock today too. Not at anybody, just at the floor.

Hopefully we can get to the bottom of what is going on.

Need to write out a list of questions so I make sure I don't miss anything.

XX

 

[Holi]

We've got a meeting arranged for next Thursday.

Cam bit another child today.



I'm so pissed off and stressed out with it all.

He threw a rock today too. Not at anybody, just at the floor.

Hopefully we can get to the bottom of what is going on.

Need to write out a list of questions so I make sure I don't miss anything.

XX

Oh Emily - if would stress me out to! Just look at the meeting as a positive proactive thing to do, the nursery staff should use this time to talk about how to improve his behaviour and not use it as a meeting to point out bad behaviour!!

In all honesty I don't think his behaviour sounds that out of the ordinary? Yes the biting is bad but these things happen. The rock throwing, rosie throws stones all the time!! I don't understand why feel the need to highlight a the negative things, do they tell you his good behaviour?? If he's played nicely or done anything particularly well behaved?? Xx

 

[Emily0505]

Nope, just the bad stuff



XX

 

[russellmuscle]

Poor cam. Please know that the nicest of kids bite, hes not a bad boy hes maybe just needing assistance in other areas or settling in. Its no reflection on you, I know how you feel. It took me months to get over 1 incident.

Hope you get to the bottom of it all.

xxxx

 

[Emily0505]

Apparently the senco teacher will be joining us during the meeting next week.

No idea what senco means! Off to Google I go!!

XX

 

[tinselcat]

This might sound a silly question, but have you asked Cam why he bit another child or threw rocks?

xx

 

[Emily0505]

Yeah, he's not given an answer though. It's hard to get him to talk about it properly when he gets home. His teacher asked him at the time and he said he bit her because he was happy! Apparently Cam wanted to go on the seesaw but there were already kids on it, so teacher said Cam had to wait for his turn and then he went and bit one of the kids on the seesaw.

I've been worried that he doesn't like nursery and that's why he's acting out. He said this morning that he didn't like nursery but wouldn't tell me why. Then the next minute he can't get his backpack on and in the car fast enough!

He readily goes in and happily greets his teachers. He seems quite happy when I get there to pick him up.

Hopefully we'll be able to come up with a plan to help him in the meeting.

XX

 

[CARNAT22]

Sorry Emily. I posted a big long reply here days ago, wiped it (and subsequently got so annoyed I forgot to rewrite it lol)

I have no idea why they are getting a SENCO involved?? It's a special educational needs coordinator? Sounds very extreme and unnecessary... unless it's "standard procedure" in each and every case like this.

Can hubby go to meeting with you? For a bit of moral support.

X

 

[Emily0505]

Yeah hubby is coming too.

It all seems very serious, involving a SENCO.

Still on the positive side I guess it's good that we are getting the support?

XX

 

[CARNAT22]

I'm sure it's all procedural but still seems extreme. As you say though as long as it benefits Cam and makes the experience better for everyone then that's a good thing.

X

 

[Les1504]

Yeah a SENCO deals with support and provision for children with special educational needs. It sounds like they are blowing things way out of proportion! I can see why they may want to put a plan in place to help him make the right choices at nursery but it genuinely sounds like he is trying to exert his authority and independence in a new setting xx

 

[tinselcat]

Seems OTT to me too. A lot of children bite when they're young.

A childcare expert (Magda Gerber) recommends that to deal with this type of situation, redirect the biting by giving the child an alternative thing (a "bitie" e.g. a plastic toy/ring) to bite instead when they feel they need to.

I guess it may take a few goes to get into a child's mind to use when they get bothered, but given everything else it may be worth a try?

 

[russellmuscle]

I think as much as the nursery are blowing things out of proportion I do think it may be helpful to have a senco rep there?

I understand you are feeling ambushed but it is gppd that they have an outside person who is trained on things like this. I certainly dont think you or Cam need an intervention as such, but having her there may clarify why hes doing it? I imagine she will have been to tonnes of meetings where her feeling is the child needs extra settling time in or that its normal behaviour. But may also be able to highlight anything if something is wrong?

I think me personally Id rather her than the 2 nursery reps. Yes it makes the meeting a tad more formal however it means the nursery who clearly dont understand children wpnt be able to sit you in a room and bombard you with criticism, the senco rep will want to look at all areas.

Keeps you right? Id deffo take OH though!!

xxxxx

 

[Emily0505]

I just hope we can help him to settle in.

I want nursery to be fun for him, not somewhere he gets angry all the time.

I'm sure it's just a learning phase but he obviously needs further support so hopefully after this meeting he'll get it.

XX

 

[Glitter2707]

I have just read this thread Emily - I am a teacher & whilst obviously it is unacceptable for a child to bite or hurt another child it should be acknowledged that there are almost always reasons for those behaviours, even for a 3yr old! I still have children in my class of 7 year olds who regularly hurt others & I always get to the bottom of exactly what has happened before I do anything else.
Cam needs consistent boundaries & sanctions that happen immediately if he does hurt someone - I would be asking for their behaviour policy and also what the positive side of it is? Does he get stickers, smiley faces etc? Perhaps the balance of positivity vs tellings off needs to be considered. I recently was on a course where they told us that to have a positive relationship with a child you need to say at least 5 positive things for every single negative thing. Interesting to think about!
I think you are being great about it all & I hope they are supportive & helpful at your meeting xx

 

[Emily0505]

Oh thanks hun, thats really helpful.

I work in the behaviour field (albeit with dogs!) but thinking of it like that, the violence isn't the problem it's a symptom of a problem. We need to determine why he's getting violent.

I'm sure we'll get to the bottom of it.

XX