Violent Behaviour at Nursery

[Laurajcole]

I really think they have made this a big issue too quickly.

I'm sure if you speak to his key worker and ask for progress. Also do they have stay and play time? I know my little girl just started the nursery at the school she will attend and they have scheduled stay and play time.

I know it's easier said than done, but try not to worry about it. He's so little and only learning.xx

 

[Emily0505]

They said he had a much better day today.

A few incidents but nothing like yesterday.

I was chatting to her again this morning and just said I'm sure he'll learn etc and her reply was hopefully but if not there are other agencies we can refer you to.



What???

Other agencies? Like who?

He can't be that bad surely?



XX

 

[kumber]

So pleased he had a better day but what a peculiar thing to say. He's 3??? It might be worth you investigating what they mean?

 

[Holi]

Other agency's?! As in, other nurseries?

I'm really surprised how quickly they have escalated this matter! My lg is going through a terrible sharing phase, also she is fighting a lot with her cousin who goes to the same nursery, they have informed me and my sister when they have been particularly bad (Rosie pulled Harry's hair yesterday!) but they have never made insinuated that this is an major issue (obviously not a good thing, but end of the day, they are kids!!)

If it there was a major behavioural problem I'm sure you would already have picked up on it before nursery! This is obviously just an adjustment period for the little guy, so much change!!

Hope it all settles down soon!! Xx

 

[littlemonkey]

I can't believe how much of an issue they have made out of it. Did she really talk about referring you to other agencies?!

My eldest was a bit younger but he went through a terrible phase of biting and hitting out at other children at the childminders. Funnily enough once he started talking it all stopped.

I did feel like crap when the childminder told me what he had done, but she was never judgmental and was good at talking with us about what was going on. She was always happy to work with us to make sure we had a consistent approach to his behaviour and recommend things to try at home we hadn't thought of.

 

[Kay Kay]

I also am quite shocked at the nursery's attitude, he has only just started there, you would think they would allow for a settling in period. Plus it's their job to manage these situations, not just try and make you feel bad. You do everything right at home but there's not much you can do when he's at nursery. They're in charge at that moment so they need to teach them the right behaviour whilst he's there. They're not doing their job in my opinion!

I would be raging if it was me (I'm predicting I will be in the exact same situation when my lo starts nursery). I hope we have made you feel better about it, Cameron is just a normal wee boy and you are a fab mummy xxx

 

[Emily0505]

It's been very reassuring to hear that everyone thinks the same as I do:

They seem to have blown things out of proportion, not allowed him the time to settle and he's still learning how to share and deal with the frustrations that it brings. He'll learn given the time and guidance I'm sure.

XX

 

[Emily0505]

Another much better day again today.

He did come home with a bump on his head and green streaks in his hair so looks like he's had a great day!!

They normally tell parents of the kiddies have had an accident but didn't mention anything to me, so I guess they didn't realise he'd bumped himself?!

Hopefully he will continue to settle and be a good boy.

I did say to him that if his teacher told me that he had been a good boy then I would take him to my work to see the baby bunnies. Let's hope he remembers about gentle hands eh!!

XX

 

[Kay Kay]

Glad to hear things are going better! Xx

 

[russellmuscle]

Glad things are getting better. They really do need to give him time.

Any time Jackson bumps or cuts himself i get a call at work but they may have not seen it.

Bumps bruises and messy hair sounds like a good day, soon he will cpme home hulk green and youll know hes settled

xxxxx

 

[Laurajcole]

How has your Wee boy been doing?

 

[Emily0505]

He had been fine up until today.

Today he's been hitting with dinosaurs and scratching apparently.

He's got a graze on his face but they don't know how he did it.

Considering the last time I talked to her she said he needed an adult with him all the time and now twice he's hurt himself and nobody knows how, he's obviously not being that closely supervised!

I've never even talked to his key worker! It's always one of the other teachers that talks to me.

This behaviour could be being totally provoked at times and potentially they are just not seeing it? Granted he shouldn't be hitting kids if they try and take his toys but then other kids shouldn't just be grabbing toys off one another!

I think I'll end up having a proper meeting with them to discuss everything, rather than just a few words at the start or end of the day.

Obviously I want to know how he's behaving at nursery but surely the focus should be more on what is being done to help him with his behaviour. When I drop him off at nursery I am trusting them to be responsible for him and teach him and guide him while he's there.

I'll see how he goes tomorrow and next week and if there are still issues then I'll arrange to have a meeting with them perhaps.

XX

 

[russellmuscle]

Poor Cam!!

I know there have been occasions Ive seen with my own eyes Jackson being hit or a kid taking another toy off of another one - so it goes on everywhere and some times the teachers are busy with other kids... Still its not fair they keep pointing out what hes doing wrong (which actually isnt wrong, hes being a toddler)

I would definitely arrange a meeting - this whole situation is stressful enough nvm how they are handling it. And like you says, if they are supposed to monitoring him then surely they know everything - ie if they are going to say that they will monitor him, theres more going on than just what Cam is upto and youv not been told that! I would request to have a day by day diary/progress report card and on it Id want to know exactly how they are dealing with each incident that arises.

Id take OH with you if you can? it means he can obviously back you up with things you are doing correctly at home - I imagine you feel a bit ambushed when your going in.

You are not to blame when he misbehaves at nursery, you cant give a child into trouble for something ages after they have did it - its their responsibility to ensure Cam and the other kids upmost safety and it doesnt sound like thats happening for Cam and the other kids - I dont understand how he gets to the point of hitting and scratching in the first place if someone is with him all the time? They need to get their facts straight!

This is actually angering me as a parent and its not even my child! I can imagine how annoyed you are!

xxxxx

 

[Emily0505]

Yeah hubby wants to come along if he can.

I'm not worrying over the fact he's got a couple of bumps and bruises as that's just kids. It's the fact that they said they would be supervising him and aren't!

When I dropped him off last Friday, he went over to get a building brick and a little girl grabbed it at the same time and Cam just let it go and got a different one.

I just want some clarity on exactly what the problem is, when it's happening, why and what is being done to help him.

I'm a dog behaviour advisor so dealing with problem behaviour is what I do! Don't know which is easier though, dogs or children!!

XX

 

[russellmuscle]

I wouldnt even class it as a problem yet though hes not doing it at home its not him, bad behaviour in a new setting is his way of communicating. I remember when Jackson was in a high chair and I was collecting him I was waiting as I had paid the bill and a nursery nurse was chatting to me and I seen this wee boy reach over and grab jacksons arm Jackson was like looking at him and he kept squeezing and I said dont do that. So I do believe alot gets unseen.

Maybe draft up some things incase you forget. Let them knoe your going in armed and not just to basically be told off

Hope all goes well xxx

 

[Emily0505]

A couple of incidents today but better than yesterday.

I don't know if they are just telling me because I need to know. I mean what on earth can I do about it? I'm not there!!

They don't put him on a time out every time. They talk to him and explain it's not kind! Ffs no wonder he's not learning not to do it! There are no consequences for his actions!

I'm hating this. I feel really anxious dropping him off and picking him up.

I don't think they are handling this well but I hate causing a fuss.



XX

 

[russellmuscle]

You're not causing a fuss!! They are expecting you do something impossible. You can't control what he does when you're not there and you can't give him into trouble for things that have happened much earlier in the day, in another setting!

I would literally request a more formal meeting, this would do my head in - wee digs here and there. They are a child care service, not a playground.

This isn't good for you atm, and not good for Cam - he won't settle if he isn't given time, support and encouragement!

xxxx

 

[Emily0505]

I can tell when he's had a bad day because they don't send him out when they see me. They call each kid out by name and they'll look at me and then send out someone else. Then I'm like... Oh here we go!

I don't know if they are expecting me to say something when they tell me. I just sorta stand there and feel really awkward and wonder what is the right thing to say... Erm... sorry?!

I try talking to him about it but it's no good, as by the time I see him at the end of the day, he's no idea what I'm talking about.

I don't get why they don't put him on a time out each time? He needs consequences for his actions. Telling him it's not nice is just not enough.

As I was stood there today feeling all awkward and I'd just asked her about the time outs, she was like oh sorry I need to see another mum and rushed off! Seriously! Don't make such a big deal out of this and then not discuss it properly!!

If it continues then I will definitely request a meeting as this is really stressing me out and upsetting me.

XX

 

[mrswoody]

Ive been following the problems you're having at nursery.
I'm surprised you have remained calm. I think the behaviour of the staff is pretty appalling to be honest and I would want to be seeing the manager ASAP.
If they don't help the situation and look for solutions would you maybe be best off moving him to a different nursery?
x

 

[Emily0505]

Yes, moving to a different nursery was mentioned when me and hubby discussed it this evening.

He's keen to have a meeting with them.

I think it's going to be the only way to rectify the situation and move forward.

XX