Upset :(

[LoopyLouize]

Already posted in the girlies section but figured I would write it here too.

Anyway... I really need to rant.. and I need some advice!

I will start from the beginning as this is a long story I will try to keep it short and sweet....

I work with a girl who had a miscarriage 12 weeks ago at 13 weeks pregnant. Now I am NOT supposed to know this information it was all top secret, but when you sit right across from her it starts to look obvious and I heard things said over the phone to her mum and her partner couldn't keep his gob shut and told everybody which then got back to myself through gossip etc..

So... then 12 weeks later I am over 12 weeks pregnant and have been absolutely terrified of announcing my news in work in fear of upsetting her. So I told my boss last week and asked him not to say anything to anybody which he didn't. I have racked my brains out of a way of telling her without actually telling her as I didn't want her to burst into tears in work and feel I was bragging or anything. So she is on my Facebook along with a few other work colleagues and I decided that the best way for her to find out is by not me gloating to anybody, but by getting my sister to write on my wall saying Congratulations over the weekend so she could read it then and get her upset out the way in her own home rather then at work. I consulted various people to see if they thought this way was a good idea and they all agreed. So once my sister posted that, it set of a small trend of other people noticing and they also congratulated me as they do.

So I went to work yesterday.... and she didn't speak to me... She was being funny with me and giving me one word answers.. Then burst into tears and stormed out the office for 2 hours! When she came back she began whispering in another girls office. At first I thought, oh shit perhaps she is having another miscarriage etc... I thought to myself, that there is no way anybody would be so upset and be funny with me just because I am pregnant?? Surely???

Well after a few hours passed, my boss gave me a shout and we had a chat about the pregnancy and a risk assessment etc, and he then told me without realising the upset he may cause... " Ohh well I went to tell the Director this morning but he already knew" I was like "What?? How???" So my Boss told me "Facebook" So i said.. But he is NOT on my facebook and it is all private... He replied " No, somebody in work read it on your facebook and told him at 8.30 this morning"

I was like WTF! So one or both of the mentioned girls above have told tales on me, and not even bothered to congratulate me! I know its one of them or both of them because all my other work colleagues on my facebook where on holiday yesterday so it could only have been one of them.

I so upset that I considered her feelings in all this and now this is how I get repaid?

No I have been up since 5am and only start work at 8.30am, I am so scared of going back because I can't be doing with the stress and the upset

Is there really any need to be so ignorant and funny with me? What do I do? I can't have words with her, because I am not supposed to know about her miscarriage!

Alls I wanted to say all them weeks ago is Im sorry, and give her a hug. I heard she had been trying for years and years so I totally get her being upset. I tried for over a year and got upset when she got pregnant but I in no way took it out on her or was even remotely funny with her.

I have even gone to the extreme of asking people not to talk to me about it at my desk so it doesn't upset her.

I just feel now like I wished I hadn't taken her feelings into consideration. I know a few of the other girls who know and know how I feel in work are fuming with her and have been telling me that they are going to talk to me about it in front of her whether she likes it or not as she cannot expect the world to stop turning just for her. Harsh I know, but also true. But I guess still upsetting for her.

Because of this I know today is going to be shit

x

x

 

[Sleepy sue]

Oh Hun you can't beat yourself for another persons actions, your friends are right the world doesn't stop turning because of her grief ( I think we all know that)
You did the right thing and should hold your head up high, if she continues gossiping then your boss is going to have to get involved as she can't stress you out like this.
Good luck today and xxxx

 

[TashaWink]

i hope everything goes well for you! you are alot stronger than me i would have said something ages ago! you should say something! just say to her about-so what if you weren't supposed to know-not your fault people gossip! i think she needs to know how rude she is being and how much thought you put into it!

 

[Nurse 26]

Hey hu, not sure there is much you can do in this situation, if you talk to her this may upset her more and make things work, its prob just the initial shock and she will get over it soon enough, i would just leave things to settle and i'm sure she will realise that she has to be happy for you. xxx

 

[vickib_1984]

it not your fault hun that she lost her baby but you also cant be responsible for her feelings either shes being very immature over it and its not fair on you i would carry on as normal its not going to be long before you start to show and your not going to be able to hide that from her the world doesnt revolve around her and if she want to continue to be spitful then you need to involve your boss xxxx

 

[TORino]

Aw hun, sorry to read you are upset. I can really relate to this post and I'll bet the girl is feeling really bad about her actions.

When I had my mc, my SIL never even acknowledged it or said im sorry to hear or anything. I later found out that she was pregnant at the time. I completely lost it when I found out. I had an utter meltdown. I lashed out and said a whole load of things I shouldn't have to my OH and it was a really difficult time for a little while. I was haunted by the prospect of 'my nose being rubbed in it' unintentionally of course but it was there all the same. It was all down to the shock though really. I feel terrible about how I acted and I got over myself in the end. Luckily none of my feelings were passed on to SIL so I didn't have any bridges to mend as such but I would have if I needed to. A mc can do awful things to the nicest of people. Remember you haven't done anything wrong and she'll come round soon enough with an apology no doubt.

 

[DaisyPurple]

Oh dear, see this is why I hate Facebook, people do gossip, and people are people hun and not everyone is as nice as you would expect, that said, you really should protect yourself from the stress as its no good for the baby, your work colleague is I'm afraid attention seeking in my opinion, and although its very sad and tragic what she has been through, its in no way your fault and she shouldn't be making you.feel.this way, I think you aught to have a word with personnel or something, and get this situation ironed out before it gets any worse, your stress levels are at risk here and baby too, good luck today sweetie, hope things get sorted out xx

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk

 

[NinjaKitty]

Sorry you've had to go through this too. I've been totally ostracised by a really good friend because I got PG and she's been trying for ages. I really didn't think she'd be like that with me. I honestly can't believe that there are folk out there that would treat someone else like sh!t because they're PG, actually makes my blood boil.

I know she's been through an experience that none of us would wish on anyone but that doesn't give them carte blanche to be off with someone. I know this sounds harsh but it's your happy news, you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about it AND actually it's not about her anyway. Irony is if you'd been able to talk to her about the MC it'd have probably been easier to deal with for both of you. I'd honestly be tempted to talk to her about it but then again I'm feeling pissy at the moment so as Nurse says may not be the best plan.

I hope this gets resolved for you soon as it sucks to be treated differently when you haven't actually done anything wrong.

 

[x_larlybelle_x]

I hope all is goin ok at work, it's not ur fault u got pregnant as she had her miscarriage - how were u supposed to know? She is probably reacting out of shock and envy, she lost her baby and you have urs.

Stay strong xx

 

[x_larlybelle_x]

I hope all is goin ok at work, it's not ur fault u got pregnant as she had her miscarriage - how were u supposed to know? She is probably reacting out of shock and envy, she lost her baby and you have urs.

Stay strong xx

 

[fabwisp]

If I was you I would just leave things to cool down and carry on as normal. After all, if you didn't know about the miscarraige you would have no reason to suspect her of telling tales at work... the reality of course is different and very upsetting to you.
Perhaps you could strike up a conversation with her, something along the lines of recently finding out you are pregnant after trying for so long, now worried you will have problems due to stress of someone telling tales from facebook, why would someone do that, etc etc. See how she reacts. Be prepared for fireworks, but at least then everything would be out in the open.
Personally in your original situation I think I would have pulled her to one side, gone for coffee and gently told her I was aware of what she went through and told her myself.
There is the chance that she is aware that you probably knew, being in such close proximity to her at work, and feels that you are gloating about it.
I hope this situation is resolved otherwise it will upset and stress you out which is not healthy for you and your baby.
Big hugs hun xxxx

 

[LoopyLouize]

Hi ladies

Thank you all so much for you advice. You have all really cheered me up and I feel so much better.

I can't reply individually as I'm on my phone now but I appreciate all your comments and you have helped me tremendously.

I made an effort when I got in work and spoke to her and was nice to her and told her how bank fashion had got my order wrong again and how I went mad over the phone to them etc.. She was fine and told me that sky annoyed her last night and she had an argument too. She never congratulated me but I'm fine with that. Just pleased that today she isn't causing as big an atmosphere as yesterday.

I just hope she gets what she wants soon as I hate to see her so upset.

Thanks again ladies your all brill xx

 

[x_larlybelle_x]

Glad all is ok today x

 

[DaisyPurple]

Yes I'm glad things are more settled today lovely xx

Sent from my HTC Desire S using Tapatalk

 

[Sunbeam638]

Any mc is sad and awful but don't feel bad or guilty for your situation. I lost my nan, split up with my ex in the space of a week and my colleague opposite had got engaged announced a pregnancy and declared how happy she was and I cried in the toilet but wished her all the happiness and luck though.

What's happened to you is office gossip, it's not fair and it's not nice but you strike me as the type of girl who can vent but also ignore it too. Someone read my risk assessment in work and the entire team knows the only reason I know this is because someone was nice enough to tell me what had been discussed openly whilst I was out. That info was confidential but doesn't stop loose lips! I was angry at first but since I don't care and I don't think the person who blabbed has enough social awareness to feel guilty. Bless chin up and let it blow over I'm sure they will find someone eske to gossip about soon enough!

Kill them with your kindness that always works for me!

Big hugs xxx

 

[rosey]

if she carries on acting different towards you i would ask her for a private word and then ask her if you have done something to upset her as you have noticed that she has been acting differently towards you. This may be an ice breaker and she might tell you about her M/C which would make things easier and also she might be looking for some support?

 

[vickib_1984]

glad things seemed better for you lou xxx

 

[Samsgirl]

when did you have your scan petal? xx

 

[GregorysGirl]

Hun, you tired to do the right thing and be senstitive to her feelings and she is obviously spo wrapped up in her pwn situation she can't see that.
You did the right thing and I would have done the same. Dont feel bad, think of you ans the baby and ur right, you dont need the stress, unless she is a true friend id try just to not let it bother u, cos she wont be worrying about u. When I had my MC one of my close friends was PG and I would never vever have resented her for being pregnant and i was truely happy for her, dnt get me wrong, i was hurting inside but she the girl at work obviously cnt see that she shouldnt make u feel awkward x xx

 

[Olive]

Hope you're ok Lou. It's a tricky situation, but you shouldn't be made to feel bad. xxx