uncomfortable about breast feeding

[Sam's Mum]

I think that a woman has a right to choose what makes her comfortable i think it has a lot to do with it... that no matter what they say in the long run i couldn't tell a 10 year old thats bottle fed from a 10 year old thats breastfed, Its not like they are putting there child at danger by feeding formula... i think they paint a picture of a sick child that can't cope because it hasnt had the antibodies when in reality its not like that at all.
Plus i know this is a little off topic but my sister in law bangged on about how brilliant she was because she was breastfeeding at the same time as smoking a fag and drinking vodka... also she breast fed untill her son was around three which if he had been bottle fed he would have been weened a lot sooner and got his goodness from the food instead of being stuck on the boob which will have stopped providing him with enough substinance ages ago... Just my opinion there lol x

I'm still feeding Toby and he'll be 2 in 2 weeks, and he gets more than enough goodness from his food. He'll eat anything I cook for him and it doesn't in any way affect that x

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

I do agree with you, but there are lots of mums who want nothing more than to breastfeed and find that they can't, so it's not always a choice. I spent the first 4 months of Sam's life in agony and dreading him wanting fed because I was in so much pain every time he did (he was tongue tied but it wasn't until months later that someone actually noticed) but I still appreciate the fact that I was able to give him that because I know that some people don't have that option. I think I was also lucky that he slept through from the start - if I'd had to go through all that on no sleep I'm not sure I'd have got through it. While formula isn't the same nutritionally, I do think it's important to remember that environment has a huge impact on early development, and in some cases breastfeeding is something a mum feels so uncomfortable about that it affects her relationship with her child in the first few months x

I am definitely in the 'if breastfeeding makes you really depressed don't do it after a minimum time' crew. I DO think that we should try and breastfeed for a month, or preferably 4 months but i definitely see why some people find it so difficult and it actually becomes a situation where the child/parent bond is damaged (which is the most important thing)

sorry you had such a rough ride Jasper tongue tie wasnt diagnosed for a week (and he had 75% tie so had no chance of getting any milk from me) and i watched him get thinner and jaundice and it was the most horrible thing I felt so, ROBBED of that first week because a STUPID paedeatrician (who had felt his sucking reflex and said 'he hasnt quite got the hang of suckling yet????) Hadnt BOTHERED to check us for tongue tie.

i can only imagine how peeved you must have been when they found it months later

I would never say there are not reasons for formula feeding and the mothers extended well-being is definitely a huge factor, i think that for 'most' perseverance and determination get you through the tough bits though and its actually beautiful the other side, what irks me about 'happy mum happy baby' and such comments are they are such a flippant way out if a mama is feeling strung out and and instead of perhaps getting through the tough bits, people will just stop and formula feed quicker than they would have if thinking totally rationally about it.

Also there are so many levels to breastfeeding, you could try a nipple shield if you find breastfeeding too hard, or mixed feeding or expressing and mix feeding before going straight over to bottle feeding, there are ways of making it easier on yourself rather than just having to be one or the other...

Hugs SamsMum xx

 

[Sam's Mum]

I do agree with you, but there are lots of mums who want nothing more than to breastfeed and find that they can't, so it's not always a choice. I spent the first 4 months of Sam's life in agony and dreading him wanting fed because I was in so much pain every time he did (he was tongue tied but it wasn't until months later that someone actually noticed) but I still appreciate the fact that I was able to give him that because I know that some people don't have that option. I think I was also lucky that he slept through from the start - if I'd had to go through all that on no sleep I'm not sure I'd have got through it. While formula isn't the same nutritionally, I do think it's important to remember that environment has a huge impact on early development, and in some cases breastfeeding is something a mum feels so uncomfortable about that it affects her relationship with her child in the first few months x

I am definitely in the 'if breastfeeding makes you really depressed don't do it after a minimum time' crew. I DO think that we should try and breastfeed for a month, or preferably 4 months but i definitely see why some people find it so difficult and it actually becomes a situation where the child/parent bond is damaged (which is the most important thing)

sorry you had such a rough ride Jasper tongue tie wasnt diagnosed for a week (and he had 75% tie so had no chance of getting any milk from me) and i watched him get thinner and jaundice and it was the most horrible thing I felt so, ROBBED of that first week because a STUPID paedeatrician (who had felt his sucking reflex and said 'he hasnt quite got the hang of suckling yet????) Hadnt BOTHERED to check us for tongue tie.

i can only imagine how peeved you must have been when they found it months later

I would never say there are not reasons for formula feeding and the mothers extended well-being is definitely a huge factor, i think that for 'most' perseverance and determination get you through the tough bits though and its actually beautiful the other side, what irks me about 'happy mum happy baby' and such comments are they are such a flippant way out if a mama is feeling strung out and and instead of perhaps getting through the tough bits, people will just stop and formula feed quicker than they would have if thinking totally rationally about it.

Also there are so many levels to breastfeeding, you could try a nipple shield if you find breastfeeding too hard, or mixed feeding or expressing and mix feeding before going straight over to bottle feeding, there are ways of making it easier on yourself rather than just having to be one or the other...

Hugs SamsMum xx

Thanks. I'm glad they noticed with Jasper - I had so many people looking at his latch and telling me that it looked fine so there shouldn't be any reason for the pain! I'm still so pissed off that nobody bothered to look in his mouth - by 4ish months it had obviously stretched enough for it not to cause me any pain, but it's still so obvious if he sticks his tongue out now and he's 3 1/2!

For those that want to breastfeed and find it hard I do think that the lack of support can be awful though - considering the number of people who don't want to breastfeed but feel that they are being pushed into it by midwives/health visitors, when Sam's weight didn't increase much one week (he'd been big at birth and never lost weight) I was told by two health visitors that I would have to start giving him bottles as my milk wasn't good enough. It was only thanks to a forum like this that I ignored their advice and kept going - but I can understand why people don't with health professionals giving you the impression that you're not doing what's best!

I totally agree with you that the bond between mum and child is one of the most important things - and sadly there is sometimes so much pressure to breastfeed (whether from midwives or family) that that sometimes contributes to the detrimental effect it can have on the relationship when it's not an easy thing to do

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

It was one excellent midwife that noticed, my DOULA didnt notice and i PAID her to help me with breastfeeding (grrr) anyway long story there

tongue tie is, i think a huge reason why people dont breastfeed... a small tongue tie can make it so much more difficult and a bigger one can make it impossible! It should be checked anyway regardless of how the mother wants to feed, it must affect speech if its not dealt with properly surely?

 

[Sam's Mum]

Luckily it hasn't affected Sam's speech at all - although I assume it wasn't as bad as some cases - but I'm amazed considering how common it is that it's not checked routinely, or at least when people have issues with feeding.

Sorry for going completely off topic

 

[Piglet10]

i really wanted to try breastfeeding, but was so ill during preg it was recommended i didn't as my milk wouldnt be sufficient, as it happens i didnt produce milk at all.

fx i'll get to try next time!

I will say though that i didnt have a massive problem and dint feel a failure for having to give madison formula, i done psycho research so i felt confident i was giving her the best recommened formula and bottles etc. and i didnt feel a failure at all, im not sure if i felt that way because i couldnt rather than wouldnt?

i do think though as Emma says, so long as baby is getting fed and is happy and healthy and well cared for that's the main thing!

ooh and an extra benefit from BFing apparently it tightens up ur booby muscles! xxx

 

[Rayoflight]

The babies that I know who have been breast fed are clingy to there mum and weaning has been a major problem where the bottle fed babies have been easier to wean and not clingy.

xx

It's actually been really easy for me to wean Isla, she only has morning and evening boob with a cup of milk during the day. She's not clingy and has adapted well with me returning to work.

Also dads can do more than feed the baby, things like bathing, nappies, winding and lots of cuddles.

It's not easy doing every night feed but my argument was I was off for ten months, I could nap in the day; my husband had to work. It's not how everyone thinks but that's how I did.

Just thought I'd throw some real life experiences your way xxx

I feel the same as you Emma. The night feeds have never bothered me. My husband goes out to work to support us so I feel it's only fair to let him sleep. He helps out in other ways which I appreciate more.

Now Blake is sleeping through I actually miss our middle of the night feeds (yeah I know I'm mad!).

I'm coming up to 10 months exclusively breastfeeding (started BLW when he was 6 months). And my boy is in no way clingy. He'll go to anyone and I joke that I'm 'food, not fun' as he will put his arms out to everyone but me! Unless he wants feeding...

When I was pregnant I researched breastfeeding as much as I could. I visited friends who were BFing and asked if I could watch (which really really helped). I went to breastfeeding talks at the hospital where I learned the most important realistic advice - breastfeeding is bloody hard for the first 6 weeks but then it gets better and is easier. I always gave myself that 6 week marker in my head and it helped me loads. I wanted a realistic view and experience of it. None of this sugar coated "breastfeeding is easy" bollocks because it isnt. Not at first anyway. I think if more women were prepared mentally for how hard it can be then more may succeed with it.

Also the amount of conflicting advice out there from health care professionals doesn't help. That's why I always loved and appreciated the honest view from ladies on here.

I am a massive believer in 'happy mum happy baby' and I understand it doesn't always work out for everyone. But being completely honest here, the ladies who don't even give it a try, not even for a few days, even just to get that first colostrum - the liquid gold to line baby's digestive tract - that does make me sad. I hate the "it's weird/freaky" comments as it's what we have boobs for in the first place! I can't bear my nipples being touched (even now! Can't hand express - bleurgh! Feel sick thinking about it) but breastfeeding is a totally different sensation and if you never even try it you'll never know.

I'm babbling now so I'll go but If anyone wants a real honest view of it or any advice then PM me anytime. I also think the blog I did for work on breastfeeding is still on my sig? (on tapatalk so can't see).

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Rayoflight, you rock

your breastfeeding journey is still there, in blue. It is hard for the first six weeks, BLOODY hard, but so are ALL aspects of parenting, and we dont stop changing nappies or rocking them to sleep or pacing up and down with them to chill em out do we... so why this immediate response to 'quit' breastfeeding so soon? Formula isn't as good, isn't as easy to access and leads to whole heaps of other stuff to have to deal with.

If your in any doubt ladies, about the difference for the baby between breastmilk and formula, change a formula fed babies nappy, then change a breastfed babies nappy, formula fed babies produce MASSIVE amounts of a green-ish GUNK which absolutely stinks. Breastfed poo smells like, well sort of like breastmilk yogurt! Its obviously much better and easier to digest than its alternative.

If you want to formula feed, then thats YOUR choice but it doesnt stop their being Facts about what we feed our kids, just like if you want to watch CBeebies 4 hours a day, thats YOUR choice but it doesnt stop their being down points to having a telly on in the house.

 

[redbear]

Like i said im not disagreeing with the benifits of breast but im saying is you shouldn't pressure and judge people who bottle feed... and i mean just because you did it and found it bloody hard shouldn't mean people shouldn't stick up for the women who dont want to, im sure people weren't having a go at you because you breastfed...
im a bit sceptical about the cancer thing because back before bottles where any good people all breastfed but yet still lots of people in that age bracket get breast and cervical cancer i do think they say a new thing every week stops cancer, and as far as i see it its the cells that can start multiplying and they don't really know why they only know some effecting factors such as healthy eating and exercise.
I mean what makes me laugh is people say 'bottle feeding has become the norm' but i see so much pro breast and anti bottle topics discussions etc that i have to disagree that there is a stigma attached to it which i think is wrong because at the end of the day they are feeding there baby. And no matter what facts you pull out of your hat i was breast fed and my parents don't smoke and i have bad asthma, My husband was breastfed and he has bad allergies, my sister was bottle fed and hasn't got asthma or allergies, It can help stop them but it doesn't always work and i wouldn't use those fact as my whole basis on why i would breast feed.
And i do think that your using Englands medical reasons why you should breastfeed but then saying elseware they brestfeed untill five, So you yourself don't always follow what the midwifes tell you over here and if they tryed to pressure you to stop you would get pissed off about no matter how much they told you the benifits of your baby having solid food.

 

[littlemiss83]

Rayoflight, you rock

your breastfeeding journey is still there, in blue. It is hard for the first six weeks, BLOODY hard, but so are ALL aspects of parenting, and we dont stop changing nappies or rocking them to sleep or pacing up and down with them to chill em out do we... so why this immediate response to 'quit' breastfeeding so soon? Formula isn't as good, isn't as easy to access and leads to whole heaps of other stuff to have to deal with.

If your in any doubt ladies, about the difference for the baby between breastmilk and formula, change a formula fed babies nappy, then change a breastfed babies nappy, formula fed babies produce MASSIVE amounts of a green-ish GUNK which absolutely stinks. Breastfed poo smells like, well sort of like breastmilk yogurt! Its obviously much better and easier to digest than its alternative.

If you want to formula feed, then thats YOUR choice but it doesnt stop their being Facts about what we feed our kids, just like if you want to watch CBeebies 4 hours a day, thats YOUR choice but it doesnt stop their being down points to having a telly on in the house.

Big bump - for some reason I find your posts slightly offensive! it still feels as if your looking down on people who are not BFing. Its a shame, because you have some great points, but sometimes it comes across as "I know best" & "you haven't tried as hard as me"

I have been a BFing mum & I'm proud of the fact that I tried it. But to give you an example of what I mean....consider this.....

You said -

Formula isn't as good, isn't as easy to access and leads to whole heaps of other stuff to have to deal with

How do you think you would feel if you were as keen on BFing as you are yet physically weren't able to do it, and you'd seen that post. what you said above could be very hurtful to someone like this, and tbh it could push a new mum over the edge when they are already dealing with the emotions of not being able to BF.

I had breast cancer at age 17 & my mum BF'd & never smoked - so i'm another one who doesn't believe the whole "cancer thing"

One thing I have to say (not sure if you disagree or not) but I 100% stand by the fact that it does not make you a bad mum if you dont BF & it certainly does not mean that you haven't tried as hard for your child.

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

My baby does have solid food!!! Where on earth does it come from that a breastfed baby doesnt eat solid food? In fact my baby ONLY had solid food and didnt have to be put on baby rice and puree before working out how to chew because breastfeeding and chewing are really, really similar

same as he now drinks water from a pint glass because he knows how to lap up water like i do, from breastfeeding.

I dont ever listen entirely to what a HCP says, i take it on board and research it for myself, there is a wealth of information on the internet and its very easy to base your decision in actual science rather than ancient advice (some HCP did their training 10 or more years ago, its understandable that advice will have changed since then)

I understand you dont see why saying 'happy mum = happy baby' or 'theres no difference its all milk' or whatever is not derogatory to those who have breastfed, but i am afraid it is! We have usually struggled through hard times because we have taken the time to know what is best for our children and have struggled (often not for long like me, but often for aagggees like SamMum) to provide the best that we can. We didnt do that because 'its only milk' or 'It doesnt matter whatever is best' and its difficult to hear people say things like that. Just as difficult as it is, i imagine, to hear the facts about the situation when you have chosen to bottle feed.

Since the early 70s there has been big pressure to bottle feed, powdered milk has become the norm, we have been told by advertising and by HCP as well, that powdered cows milk is as good for us as fresh, human milk. We are in a situation where people do not think twice about giving their babies modified cows milk (modified so that SOME of the nutrients actually get absorbed by the baby btw, but most people will wince at the thought of giving their babies another humans milk. That is a classic example of breast milk becoming 'abnormal'

in the victorian times, a woman would either feed her baby herself or have a wet nurse, it was completely common and your sister or auntie or whatever would come to you in the first stages and if necessary feed the baby herself and teach you how to latch etc. We simply do not do that anymore, we are totally on our own.

As for breast cancer, the reason that is more common now-a-days is because we are addicted to using shocklingly inhuman ways to stop ourselves from smelling like humans, like plastering our armpits in antipersperants which prevent us from sweating out impurities throughout the day and guess what, they still gotta go somewhere!

Breastfeeding protects against that, because the breastmilk is antibacterial and therefore cleans you from the inside!

So no breast milk is not 'normal' the HCP and the advertising are trying desperately to claw back a generation from bottle feeding their babies which has been proven to increase chances of getting certain bowel conditions and disorders, obesity (simply because you need to ingest SO much more powdered milk to get the nutrients needed to grow you) and other things too. Formula milk is NOT all its cracked up to be, thats why they are no longer allowed to advertise it for babies under 6mnths old and why they cannot get away with calling it certain things like 'breast milk replacement' because it very simply doesnt do that

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Big bump - for some reason I find your posts slightly offensive! it still feels as if your looking down on people who are not BFing. Its a shame, because you have some great points, but sometimes it comes across as "I know best" & "you haven't tried as hard as me"

I have been a BFing mum & I'm proud of the fact that I tried it. But to give you an example of what I mean....consider this.....

You said -

Formula isn't as good, isn't as easy to access and leads to whole heaps of other stuff to have to deal with

How do you think you would feel if you were as keen on BFing as you are yet physically weren't able to do it, and you'd seen that post. what you said above could be very hurtful to someone like this, and tbh it could push a new mum over the edge when they are already dealing with the emotions of not being able to BF.

I had breast cancer at age 17 & my mum BF'd & never smoked - so i'm another one who doesn't believe the whole "cancer thing"

One thing I have to say (not sure if you disagree or not) but I 100% stand by the fact that it does not make you a bad mum if you dont BF & it certainly does not mean that you haven't tried as hard for your child.

Actually i know many women who have not been able to breastfeed for whatever reason and they dont feel that the facts surrounding the issue should magically change because they have not been able to breastfeed.

my point, was that IF you have tried bloody hard to breastfeed because it is the optimum food for your child, it is insulting to hear people talk (as many have on this thread) about 'bottle feeding being just as good' or whatever, its nonsense, its cows milk, powdered cows milk, not Nearly as good for a growing human, they need human milk. Quite obviously!

I tried to be softly softly but as usual, this thread descended into 'we can batter breastfeeding because thats not taboo' when God Forbid! if you mention bottle feeding for what it is (a poor substitute for breast milk)

and i am sick of it, i am afraid. I am bloody proud i breastfeed my son, thats because it took a lot of work and effort and its the best thing for him. If you want to be proud of bottle feeding, cool, thats your thing, but dont think its a one way street!

 

[littlemiss83]

deleted

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Ummm... i answered your post above?

 

[Dragonfly Fi]

Oh and i HAVE to add here

just because a man who smokes 20 a day dies at 100
and a man who smoked nothing his whole life dies at 50

does NOT mean smoking is good for you. So the little one person ancedotes about how 'breastfeeding cant be good for you because I got this n that anyway' are rubbish, sorry but they are not statistical and there are plenty of statistical facts around we can look at that prove very differently.

 

[Esoames]

I too am proud I bf my daughter, it's not been easy, cracked nipples, poor latch etc. It upsets me that I am one of few who do this. I'm the only one out of my friends that does it. There was post a few weeks ago that made me upset, almost like ladies are repulsed by bf. Is it that upsetting to people to see a woman feeding their baby in the most natural way in the world? I hope when I do it in public I ooze confidence and that someone might think"hey she's doing it I might give it a try"

Breastfeeding rates in the uk are shockingly poor. It's bloody hard work to start of with, but I've saved a fortune! And because I'm still bf my daughter has never stayed away, I didn't have a baby so other people could watch her overnight. She's my responsibility. She's also the reason I didn't go to a concert in March but I won't hold that against her

Please try and have an open mind, give it a try, there are midwives that help, you will get more help in hospital too. Go to a class, and watch the videos. Seeing a new born baby climb up their mother for milk is amazing, I'm so tuned in to Isla it's unreal.

I'm not saying that those the chose to bottle feed aren't tuned in, or anything like that. So pllease don't take this post in any other light than trying to portray a positive spin on bf. You need people around you to support and help you, and only you can make the decision on whether to give it a try or not.

Please feel free to pm me about this if you want some real life examples, and support
Emma

 

[AugustMum]

BigBump, you have done amazingly well to breastfeed for so long and I see alot of tickers showing how long people have fed for and Im so proud of every one of them. A friend of mine has just stopped breast feeding after a year and it amazed me how people kept discouraging her from doing it so long because they thought her little boy would sleep better or be less clingy etc. I for one congratulated her.

I do however think they way you've posted has been slightly offensive. I breastfed for a week but had planned to feed for as long as I possibly could, aiming for a year at least. However, I felt the support that is offered is just not enough. The midwives were so concerned with me carrying on breastfeeding that they failed to notice I had pnd and ptsd. I truly hated my daughter everytime she fed and yet still felt like a failure and couldnt even be in the room when she had a first bottle.

This OP has said that she doesn't feel comfortable breastfeeding her baby and I know that you're just pointing out all the amazing things that can come and do come from breastfeeding but she has already said she will try it and see how it goes. You say that bottle feeding is the norm now, and yes, it is. Its a shame. But, I for one don't know where Id be now if it wasn't available to me. I do think there needs to be more support for mothers before and after the birth (not just a week with the midwife coming round) but! The pressure to breastfeed is just too much sometimes and it seems every thread from someone who wants to bottlefeed tends to get shot down about half way through making the OP and others reading it feel guilty for not doing what is 'right'. No mother should ever feel guilty for feeding their child, whether they feed with breast or bottle.

 

[AugustMum]

Someone posted a while ago saying that they should do more groups, offer some freebies like breast pads, make it more known about hiring pumps etc. I think thats an excellent idea. I remember searching for so long trying to find somewhere to hire a pump so I could at least try and express because I couldnt afford one myself and the nhs dont make it easy on you! Its only now I know where to do and its irrelivant now! If I could start up groups myself and give advice I would totally do it but feel like I wouldnt really be a good fountain of knowledge because I fed for such a little time. I think theres only 1 group a week around here. I think 3 a week is a good amount because in the early days sometimes waiting 5 days for a group is too long.

 

[littlemiss83]

Big bump i wasn't arguing with your reasons for saying BFing was better - I was just trying to point out that it could be very hurtful for people who are unable to.

And your points might not be listened to as you hope it might, because people might be too offended to listen if that makes sense.

to all those reading this who wont be BFing. I hope you dont feel like you wont be supported.

 

[hesty14]

to all those reading this who wont be BFing. I hope you dont feel like you wont be supported.

Thanks for this littlemiss.

Reading this I was begining to feel like a bad monther at just 17 weeks pregnant for not wanting to BF. I have read up on all the nutritional side and understand the benefits but I just dont want to do it. My hubby will do alot more than just feed and will bath etc but I want him to have that experiance of feeding his child as well as me.

My personal experiances of close friends and realitives who bf has not been positive and has put me off. I understand there are many positive stories on this thread, but I am sorry this is how I feel.

Regarding the OP of this thread, I am totally with you, fully understand where you are coming from and you have my full suppport!