TTC and relaxing ... PFFFTTT!!!!

[KatD]

So...I said that this cycle I was going to be a coooool about the whole TTC thing.

Turns out I'm not cool about it.

I was doing fine...until I looked at FF too closely and saw the stats which says ... irregular cycles... FFS. That sent me over the edge. Sure...my cycles are messed up...but I had this under control...telling myself it's just because of BC...you know, it's fiiiiiine
Then there is the whole thing....DH and I have never been the ones to jump each other on a regular basis. Not because there are any problems it's just never been a prerequisite...and now I'm worried that maybe it's my fault...maybe I'm not putting in enough effort, maybe I should dress more sexy, or whatever...and then I'm thinking maybe it's him...what if he doesn't really find me attractive...and all these stupid ideas keep mushing about in my brain and I sit at my desk and pant...like WTF happened to "make a baby it's fun" IT'S NOT FUN!!!

all in all I just feel like getting drunk and forgetting about this entire idea of TTC (and I'm not even a drinker but I feel like I could be)

I take my hat off to each and every lady who has been TTC for more than three weeks ... I don't know how you do it..how you soldier on, stay as strong as you are and not even complain about all these emotions. How do you do it?

You are hero's. For real.

 

[Sunflower1]

Bless you. it's super stressful for sure. We've been trying for 2 years...every month I go nuts when DH can't finish or we get the timing wrong. We've decided to use artificial insemination as a back up. Apparently TTC is a real mood killer when it comes to your sex life. I read that after 6 months 4 out of 6 men have performance issues.

It's NOT your fault...I feel the same. Have you tried talking about it or does that make it worse?

Irregular cycles (I wouldn't trust an app to diagnose that anyway!) don't matter if you know when you are ovulating. My fertility doc says, as long as your AF is 1-3 days and your luteal phase is over 10 days and cycles over 21 days you're good to go. My cycles are 24-28 days at the moment.

 

[liz85]

I think the only way I cope mostly is because Iv given up. I do have bad days that just hit me for no reason and I tell myself off for having a glass of wine, not dtd enough or trying when I was younger. I binned the ovulation sticks as it was putting pressure on us and was the best decision esp for my Hubbie .

 

[JaneyJan]

I think the ole sex life does take a knocking when TTC... You both have to put more pressure on yourselves (usually) to be doing it at certain times and at a certain frequency. It's an overload of planning and tips and knowledge and timings sometimes. It's happened to us as well. I questioned my attractiveness etc... But What I realised is the biggest turn off for my husband is when he feels like I'm jumping him purely because I want a baby. His sex drive is higher than mine, normally. He wants one too, but just finds it hard to perform when he feels like a means to an end. And tbh, sometimes that happened. We've had to talk through that. He understands where I'm coming from....
Now I don't pressure him too much with ttc talk all the time. He finds the pressure and disappointment hard too. Because we do both want to be pregnant, I just drop some hints about when it's my fertile week, and I'm pretty frank about wanting to dtd when it's the important days But we've given ourselves permission to not have to be at it like rabbits for the rest of the cycle and not to feel so bad about ourselves if sex sometimes does feel like a chore. We try not to make it a chore, and hey some might disagree but I think you have to be pragmatic sometimes.

And I do feel sorry for men sometimes, like... If they can't perform, they can't perform whereas we can usually DTD even if we're not going to really enjoy it.


Don't beat yourself up KatD. It is a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, but you and your OH are in it together. You guys will figure out what works for you!

Personally, I think the only way I'll get through this is to take the long(er) view and hope for a pleasant surprise!

 

[JaneyJan]

How are you feeling now KatD? Any updates, are you feeling any better? I almost don't feel like trying this cycle cuz I don't want to be disappointed, but I know I will! My best friend gave birth a bit early the other day, had a 3 hour water birth and a healthy little boy. My friend is absolutely tiny (she wears clothes for 8 year olds).... Very happy to be an Aunty!... But hoping to be a mother soon...

 

[KatD]

JJ

I'm feeling a lot better thank you! I've been really busy the last few days, I haven't had much time to obsess about TTC, which I think is a good thing. This is going to be the first cycle that I am going to use Clear Blue OPKs but my fertile window starts next week Wednesday and it's smack bang in the middle of the most busy time ever. We have an end of year (can you believe it's that time again?) function nxt week Friday and I'm visiting a friend, so DH and I won't really be able to the Friday night or the Saturday night and he's off to a stag do so I doubt whether either of us will feel like doing it on Sunday...which might be when I O. So, I'm thinking of just calling time on this cycle and starting fresh with the next. Adding the stress of catching the egg on top of everything else will drive me mad. Lol.

I tested way too soon and way too much the last cycle and it was disheartening, especially because my eyes played tricks on me. I decided to follow the sound advice of a friend, no testing until AF is officially late. It's hard to wait but even harder to test and get the whole time.

I know exactly how you feel. My best friend just met a girl and they are pregnant. Lol. I'm very happy for him but I couldn't help think ...wish it were me being pregnant. lol

FX for you JJ I really hope this is your cycle!

 

[JaneyJan]

Thanks Kat D, hope it happens for you soon too!
Yup I learned the hard way about testing... Someone on here said not to test til your late unless you're a glutton for punishment... But I still do usually the day before or day of my supposed period... If you know you can't DTD on the required days, maybe it's smart to not pressure on yourself this cycle, but you might be surprised with your OPKs, 2 cycles of the last 5, my fertile week hasn't even been the right week, according to the OPKs, but later... Hoping everything will be bang on schedule for me this time though...

Keep us updated! Glad you're feeling more positive. For me, the first month TTC was the worst, emotionally and expectation wise...

 

[KatD]

Keep us updated! Glad you're feeling more positive. For me, the first month TTC was the worst, emotionally and expectation wise...

I know, right! I feel the tit for having such outrageous expectations lol