This Just Isn't Happening....

[KarolinaMoon]

I've been ttc since a mmc on 13.10.2011....ok, I know it wasnt that long ago, but I am already getting really frustrated!! We pretty much started ttc about a week after I stopped bleeding from the mc, my period came on 13.11.2011, and have been ttc again this month. I know I haven't conceived so far this month, entering the 2 week wait period now but will keep on ttc incase I ovulate late or something!! Haven't been using ovulation tests, I tried them a while back and they just frustrated me even more!!!!

I know conceiving can be a drawn out process, but I got pregnant last two times at the drop of a hat (unfortunately I have no baby to show for either ). So many ladies seem to fall pregnant soon after a mc, and have read that you are meant to be more fertile following a mc......so why not for me??!!!

I am just wondering what the reasons could be for some ladies taking alot longer after a mc to conceive again? Esp if they had no trouble before the mc.

I am turning 34 this month, and hoped to be pregnant by christmas....

 

[CARNAT22]

Karolina,

I can't offer any constructive advice as I am in similar situation and am fed up to the back teeth of it all.

I am actually feeling very frustrated this week that something other people can do without even trying (getting pregnant and staying pregnant) seems to elude me even though it's what I want most in the world!!

Logically I know that my time will come but this week I am just so sick of waiting.

I am a little younger than you (31) but had I not miscarried in May I'd be 8 months pregnant now.

I wanted my BFP by the time that baby would have been due but it's just not going to happen....

All I can say is carry on with TTC but try not to let it take over your life?

It will happen for us all

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Thanks Carnat....
Maybe we are just trying too hard!!?!!
I'm impatient at the best of times, and I'm thinking if this is what I am like already I would really need to get a grip on things otherwise it will send me crazy! lol
It's such a cruel thing, the more you want it, the more you don't seem to get it....whereas some people fall pregnant at the drop of a hat (which is what I used to be like, until my mc!!).
One of my friends is pregnant, she didnt find out till she was 4 months, and it's sooo difficult coz even though she knows I had a mc, she talks non stop about her pregnancy to me!!
I'm just puzzled as to why after a mc some people are extra fertile, and others who were very fertile before, seem to have so much trouble conceiving after!!!??
Hoping you get your BFP soon hun......we just gotta start thinking positive!!!!! xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

It is def a case of the more you focus the more consuming (and frustrating) it becomes.

This month we've not been TTC at all and I guess that is why I am frustrated? It seems like waiting a few months is "wasting time"

I wish I could be relaxed about it all but I can't... Not right now. Not until I get a safe distance into a healthy pregnancy.

My one piece of advice is don't make sex all about TTC.

I am having few bad days as usually I am pretty positive so don't pay too much attention to me hun!

PS: My S-I-L is preggers, she has an irregular cycle and when they went for a dating scan she was 14 weeks - she had missed the agony of Tri 1 completely!

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Hi ladies, I've just been reading your thread...I'm definately having a down day today...been doing so well since Aug but with the run up to Christmas I feel deflated.

I have binned my opks for the same reason I just couldn't see the trees from the wood in the end. Im happy my cycles have shortened but I'd really like a bfp soon.

Just found out today my so called friend is preggers. She stopped calling after my mc in Aug then emailed yesterday in the form of four lines to tell me her news. I would be happy for her but the way she has behaved really has dissapointed me. I know people sometimes don't know what to do or say but she was one of a few people that know about Aug, I am the easiest person to get along with so avoidance then reading it in an email esp when she knew about me is bad way to tell someone such lovely news.

I don't like being bitter at all but that really made me feel like a rant was necessary! buying toddler Xmas presents for nieces and nephews lifted my spirits, when I have a baby they are going to be super spoilt I just REALLY REALLY FINGERS TOES LEGS CROSSED we get to put stockings out next Christmas for our own little ones xxxx

 

[netty]

aww hun i feel the same been TTC after MMC since october and nothing but the witch appears. we just gpt to keep hope i have been feeling so so down recently so have a lot of us strangley enough but there has been sp many BFPs recently ( not that we are not happy fo them ) its hard to stay positive. I am leaving off obsessing until new year as when i fell Pregnant before it was when i had stopped thinking about it and bam! I caught on

 

[CARNAT22]

Hi ladies, I've just been reading your thread...I'm definately having a down day today...been doing so well since Aug but with the run up to Christmas I feel deflated.

I have binned my opks for the same reason I just couldn't see the trees from the wood in the end. Im happy my cycles have shortened but I'd really like a bfp soon.

Just found out today my so called friend is preggers. She stopped calling after my mc in Aug then emailed yesterday in the form of four lines to tell me her news. I would be happy for her but the way she has behaved really has dissapointed me. I know people sometimes don't know what to do or say but she was one of a few people that know about Aug, I am the easiest person to get along with so avoidance then reading it in an email esp when she knew about me is bad way to tell someone such lovely news.

I don't like being bitter at all but that really made me feel like a rant was necessary! buying toddler Xmas presents for nieces and nephews lifted my spirits, when I have a baby they are going to be super spoilt I just REALLY REALLY FINGERS TOES LEGS CROSSED we get to put stockings out next Christmas for our own little ones xxxx

Sweetie - there are loads of us ladies feeling like crap in the run up to Xmas

Sadly there are far too many ladies that should have been pregnant / nearly due / with child this Christmas that are not...

We all understand

xxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

hey, sorry you are feeling down! I can totally understand where you are coming from with this! It is so so hard seeing and hearing of close friends falling pregnant, not that we are'nt happy for them, but it's a feeling that I don't think anyone could really understand unless they have been through a mc! I definitely think alot of people just don't know how to react when they hear the news of a mc. Your friend sounds like one of those people, but that doesn't help you feel any better! Esp when you need her to be there for you more than ever. Some people just aren't good at dealing with emotion/problems....both their own and other people's.
I too have been feeling really unbelievably down lately. I have been ttc since oct, and whilst I have only had one period since my mmc in Oct, it already feels like I've been trying for ages!! My good friend who I work with is going on maternity leave tomorrow, and I had to organise a leaving lunch for her. Listening to all the talk about babies just sent me right down in the dumps, and I found myself crying behind my computer screen at work a few hours later!
MC is a lonely kind of grief. There is no doubt about that. And the cruel twist is conceiving after a mc isn't all plain sailing....I too am finding that out. I really do hope that us ladies here get a bfp soon, we have suffered enough!
Sending Hugs to you all..........
xxxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

It's tough going!

For the most part I can grin and bare it but sometimes I just want to scream..

Some days are harder than other's!

Luckily today is a better day and I feel the gloomy mood has lifted a bit.

Thank God for PF !!

xxxxxxx

 

[Corrinne37]

Hi Carnat, Karolina Moon, Sunbeam and Lynette, and all those other girls that have suffered a MC(yes thank god for PF that I have all you to talk to! )

For me the most part of it I can grin and bare it too!! I put on a smile and laugh and no one would know the sadness behind all that.

Its like .. MC was ages ago now ( 3 months for me) for everyone they prob dont really give it another thought.
No one asks me 'so how are you feeling about it all now'
Its like it never happened, I cant believe no one ever asks, unless they are too scared to hear the answer.
Or is everyone just to busy with their own shit?

The answer for me is, the really honest answer. Behind those smiles of carrying on and grinning and bearing it,
I feel broken, my heart is truly hurting still and dont know how to make that go away. I try really hard to forget, but the pain in my heart wont let me.
When im alone just driving in my car or a moment or two the hidden tears roll down my cheeks.

Yes it was 3 months ago the last one, but the one before that 13 months ago, and for 2 years I have wanted this baby and planned for this baby and I am trying to stop myself wanting it, as it is so stressful and it is hurting me.What will be will be I say, just forget about and see what happens, its one of those things blah blah blah.
But I cant seem to just subtract those 2 years of wanting, how can I just pretend that I havent wanted what ive wanted for the last two years and that is doesnt bother me.
Arrrgggghhhhhhhh sorry for the rant ladies , just need to let out what is going on inside sometimes, cos like I said NO ONE BLOOMING ASKS how I am feeling?

Please share what you are feeling too, does anyone ever ask you? xxx

 

[Corrinne37]

oh Karolina ,
(start singing tune to song oh karolina in my head.....)
just wanted to say ,I think the stress after MC has a lot to do with why some people may not conceive so quickly afterwards. wishing you really good luck. xxxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Hi Corrine,

It really is a lonely kind of grief I am finding that out too. I think some friends and family probably don't ask because they are unsure of how to bring the subject up. It is a difficult subject, especially for those who have never had the unfortunate experience of a mc, they don't know the emotional rollercoaster that it brings. My friend (and colleague) went on maternity leave yesterday. She came into my office all bouncy and happy and brimming with joy. Yesterday (and today) was a particularly bad day for me, but yet I somehow found the strength to smile and laugh, and listen to her 30 minutes of constant baby talk. I have to admit that at one point, I had to turn my head away and pretend to be distracted by an email I had just received. She started saying how anxious she was, and hoped the baby wouldn't have any health problems. She commented how amazing it was that nothing goes wrong for the majority of pregnancies. I really was dumbstruck. Firstly at how she appeared not to realise that this kinda talk might really tug at my already raw emotions. But secondly, that she hadnt asked How I was!! I was relieved when she left, but then had to present her with a leaving card and present, and listen to more baby chat later that day.
So, I totally understand how you are feeling Corinne. Almost two months later, No one asks How are you?
I really hope it is just stress regarding the ttc issue, I'm impatient already, so I think I'm just going to have to chill out a bit!!!
Keep in touch and let me know how you are Corinne!! (((((HUGS)))))) xxxx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Hi ladies

Hugs to all!

I admit I get upset when I'm driving, too much time to think about things x
I had an email tonight a 7 months reminder...like I need reminding! I tried to unsubscribe but couldn't now I just ignore it or try too.

My SIL has the same due date and I haven't seen her since she told me in September (we live different ends of the Uk) so I'm bracing myself, I really want to see her but I know it's going to make me sad inside. Bless her when I got pg she sent me a really cute Congrats your pregnant card, it was so lovely! Timing was just weird, the day I came out of hospital!

I'm feeling better than the last post but it's a frustrating roller coaster, I'm really upbeat and think "yeah it will happen" then I panic and have doubts or I think about scenarios about still being pg...I actually spared a thought thinking about what u spent my time previously thinking about before we started ttc. I am consumed!

Bear hugs to us ladies in here xxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

It's all those little reminders that really hit hard I think....and so difficult when close friends and relatives are making their happy pregnant and birth announcements, when you are having to deal with a mc. But thats the cruel twist of a mc, and something I didn't think about at all until I had the unfortunate experience of a mc myself!

You're right sunbeam, it is a rollercoaster! I go through the same ups and downs that you describe. Lately I've been worrying 'what if....I cant get pregnant again?', doing my OH's head in but thankfully he's so understanding. I'm turning 34 next week, and I am really panicking because I left ttc for so long, and now that I have had a mc I'm thinking time really isn't on my side! I need to banish all those negative thoughts, but it's so difficult!!!

My second af since mc looks like it has just arrived, though I don't think I could call it a period this time, so far it's so very light. I don't get any pmt symtpoms like I used to (except for mood swings!!!!!), no tender breasts etc. This time, I have very mild cramping, and very light bleeding. Hardly a proper period. I wonder does that indicate that I may not actually be ovulating? (coz my goodness I have been trying like crazy to conceive!!! lol).

Hugs to you all too.....I hope we all get good news soon!!! xxxx

 

[CARNAT22]

((((((Hugs))))) Karolina and Sunbeam.

Both my friends are due this month - they found out they were pregnant 10 days and a week before I did back in early May.

How differently things have worked out for us. They both went on to have health pregnancies and I am off to the recurrent miscarriage clinic in Jan !!

[sorry if that sounds so bitter ladies as of course I wish nothing but healthy pregnancies for everyone, I'd not wish my situation on anyone!]

The reminders are there every single day and now we're approaching Christmas I feel especially tuned into the fact I am not even close to where I want to be in terms of being pregnnat.

However, I have faith my time will come - I have to keep that faith otherwise what is the point?

We'll all have our babies one day ladies

xxxxxxxxx

 

[KarolinaMoon]

Hi Carnat,

It's all part of the healing process I guess...having to deal with all those 'reminder's' of what could have been but sadly wasn't. My friend is due to have her baby any day now, and I am actually dreading the day when I meet her little one.....and it's not out of bitterness, it is simply because it will remind me of what could have been, added with the pressures of having to act all cheery and happy!
Know what you mean about not progressing like you had hoped in terms of pregnancy....I hoped to be pregnant by christmas, but it hasnt happened Af came on 11th, at first I thought it was just v light again not really like a period, but it got alot heavier and passed some 'tissue' (the mw had told me there was a small amount of tissue still in my uterus). So I'm hoping maybe now I will stand a better chance.......
I guess to look on the bright side, it's Christmas, and we may not be pregnant but we can enjoy a few drinks and merriment before we DO get pregnant in the New Year!!!
xxxxx

 

[Constantstar]

Keep positive. I had a mc in April 2010 but got preg November 2010. My little bubb is now asleep in the cot next to me I always tell myself if it hadn't of happened this gorgeous boy wouldn't be here. Give it time it will happen, and most of all don't make dtd a chore or a must do. Keep it happy in sure this helps xx

 

[Sunbeam638]

Ah Karolina it sounds like your AF is more positive this time. My first AF after mc was pink and brown spotting for 2 weeks but AF on 23rd nov was normal. Some take a while to get back to normal.

Well last week/this week has been a shambles in the baby making department. My cycles are getting shorter(based on my period app) so I tried to dtd last weekend as oh has been working away and my predicted fertile period leading up to yesterday according to my Ov day 15th. We dtd every other day and I have a stinking cold :/ oh is exhausted so I think I'm out and hedging my bets on 2012 !

I'm surrounded by babies and pregnancy talk, had a little cry to myself yesterday but I was much better afterwards. Seeing SIL went as I predicted, it was lovely to see her but we are close to eachother so it just really gutted me, i can't get my head around it with out thinking about my mc every minute. It's a constant reminder :/

I know it's all a matter of time for us, i just need a happy focus to help along the way!

Thanks for your story consta xx I think 2012 will bring on bumper bfps for us xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Ah Karolina it sounds like your AF is more positive this time. My first AF after mc was pink and brown spotting for 2 weeks but AF on 23rd nov was normal. Some take a while to get back to normal.

Well last week/this week has been a shambles in the baby making department. My cycles are getting shorter(based on my period app) so I tried to dtd last weekend as oh has been working away and my predicted fertile period leading up to yesterday according to my Ov day 15th. We dtd every other day and I have a stinking cold :/ oh is exhausted so I think I'm out and hedging my bets on 2012 !

I'm surrounded by babies and pregnancy talk, had a little cry to myself yesterday but I was much better afterwards. Seeing SIL went as I predicted, it was lovely to see her but we are close to eachother so it just really gutted me, i can't get my head around it with out thinking about my mc every minute. It's a constant reminder :/

I know it's all a matter of time for us, i just need a happy focus to help along the way!

Thanks for your story consta xx I think 2012 will bring on bumper bfps for us xxx

LOL Sunbeam - I am in exactly the same situation.

I am in the middle of my fertile period and my OH is in bloody Tokyo!!! He has gone for just 5 days and they are my fertile 5 days.... Typical.

We did lots of Bd'ing before he left but I had a stinking cold - bless him for even coming near me!

My sister and Sister in law both had babies this year. My youngest nephew was born just 2 days before I got my first BFP... I actually found a lot of comfort in being around him whilst I was waiting to miscarry and afterwards. My other nephew was about 6 weeks when I had my first M/c - and again I found it very comforting to hold him and have him close?

[edited to add that I felt very differently about actual babies than I did about friends who got BFP's at the same time I did]

xxxxxxxxx

 

[Anyone]

I have had three MCs, two of them in weeks 8 and 10. After both of these it took me 3-4 months just to be ovulating again and it is so frustrating. I am 33 so maybe that's why my body needs more time to recover, but it is hard when your due date passes you by and your friends have their babies around that time, I know that feeling too well.

I really hope 2012 will be the year you both get pregnant and have a baby.