The Most Amazing Experiance!!!!!!!/And the crappy bit

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

Hiya all ....

Well here goes .... Went to the hospital this morning as i had an appointment for my tripple test, got there and was told i can't have it done today as they have reviewed my scan and put my dates back ... AGAIN!!!! (20th now)

As i sat talking to the midwife i noted some of my concerns and she has told me to go back to the hospital on tuesday at 10am ... (Fine by me gets me out of the house!!!)

Had my test results back and my iron level was low ... 10.4 thats not good as it's not even boreder line it's low!!! ... back on the tablets 4 meeee!!!!

But the best was saved till last ... i told her i was worried as i haven't seemed to have sprouted that much and im worried about the baby ... soooo i got to listen to beans heartbeat!!!!

WOW!!!! it was sooooo amazing, im glad to know that everything is ok i nearly cried when i heard the chuchu of it's heartbeat!!!

I can face anything now on tuesday because after today i know ... I know that i will do my best no matter what for this baby ...

I had my first maternal instinct kick in today .... theres nothing quite like it in the world ...

Imogen+Bean
xxx

 

[beanie]

Its the best sound in the world. I know it sounds odd but I miss being able to listen to Seren's heartbeat, I had a doppler at the end (wasn't allowed one before as I would worry if I didn't hear anything), and I would just sit there at night befor I went to sleep listening to her kicking and her heart beating. Sorry to hear about he iron tablets (I hated them), but glad everyhting else is ok xx

 

[Amanda]

Aww, so pleased you got to hear your bubba's heartbeat. I can remember the sound and feeling I got when I was pg with my daughter. Can't wait to hear this one!!

 

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

It was sooooo cute!!! It sounded like a little chuffing chuchu train!! I even came over all mumsie!!

The doc came at me with a needle .. i jumped up and shouted at him to "Keep that thing away from my baby!!"

MW looked slightly amused but the doctor certainly didn't!!! lol!!

 

[Anna Marie]

Aaaw Imi isn't it wonderful to hear that little choo choo sound!!

So pleased you were able to experience it already... it really does reassure us doesn't it!!

Tankett ... will soon be your turn.. or you could buy one on ebay like I did for £55!!! well worth it.. I fall asleep most nights now listening to it ... I even opted to go to bed to listen in to Bod instead of watching Holby city.. !!! [must be luuuurve!!]

 

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

Hiya!!

Tankett - anna marie is it will be your turn soon, and i tell u something, it's such a relief to hear that sound ... you see it on screen but it still doesn't really hit home!!

Anna-marie - I don't blame you for falling asleep listening to you bod!! If anyone deserves a happy healthy stress free pregnancy hun it's you!!! Im just sooo glad you seem to be a bit more relaxed!!!

Im still very nervous and will do ANYTHING to make sure my bean is ok!! lol ... Worried i won't measure up to other mums but hey you can only ever try your best ....

 

[Anna Marie]

Imi.. why worry about "other mums".. just be yourself.. you will be fab!

I have the same worries [of course.. i worry about EVERYTHING!] especially on days when I feel sh*t about myself and my life.. I wonder how the hell I can be a good mum when I feel so bad... but like you say.. we will do our best!

My family and in laws all live 3 hours away and my brother has 2 daughters who are 3 1/2 yrs old and 2 years old.. they are fab parents with great kids so I hope I can learn alot from them but my OH's brother and his wife have a 1 yr old daughter and I just never want to be around them.. they are so competitive and their daughter is the only child in the world etc etc... fortunately I know they won't visit us as we have 3 cats and a dog and they will not allow their daughter near "such dirty creatures" [YIPPEEEE!!] and so.. everytime I visit them I take the dog so I have an excuse not to go in their house.. am I mean or what!?? Shame their daughter will not get to know our Bod.. their loss!!

As for being nervous... hey welcome to my world... there's plenty of room!
xxx

 

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

OOhhh anna-marie ... what would i do without u??? LOL

You make me laugh and you get me on levels that i thought no one else would!!!

Im so scared of losing this bean because of losing my son, that i keep concentrating on the past and not the present!!

Im finding this pregnancy so hard, im here alone with my IL, who i don't know that well ... in an area i don't know and to be honest im struggling...

With one thing an another going on i just get so worried/upset/fustrated/angry/resentful and very rarely feel "Happy" ... this is ment to be a happy time but at the moment im finding hard to be happy and focus on the good bits!!!

Being alone for most of this pregnancy gets me thinking ... what if i go through another labour and get nothing out of it again ... what if i let my OH down, what if i can't cope?? It's all what if what if!!!

Why am i finding it so hard to concentrate on just being pregnant and happy??? i feel in a rutt and to be honest i really don't know what to do

 

[Anna Marie]

Oh hun I didn't realise you had suffered such a loss.. sooo sooo sorry.

I can now understand why you feel the way you do, it is perfectly natural to be anxious and afraid.. god I really do know how you feel although all my m/c have been before 14 weeks so not quite so painful emotionally or physically... I am so sorry you had to suffer such a tragedy.

As for feeling unhappy.. I do know how it is.. I feel the same way.. I cannot really put my finger on why.. it must be very hard for you being away from your OH and with your IL.. who I am sure love you being there and are looking after you .. you probably need your own space and people from "your side" if you know what I mean!! Have you any friends nearby?

I too am quite isolated.. I moved to where we live now 18 months ago for my OH's job.. I was so upset as before that we were living near where I grew up so very near my family and I loved being around old friends and family etc... prior to that we were overseas in Malaysia [again for OH's job] but I said I would not follow him again.. but I did.. here And I have not made any real friends here.. at my age its hard as I don't go out clubbing or partying anymore.. my OH has work friends here and others he grew up with but I am very lonely.. I work with men and its a small company so I don't really talk to anyone about all this except you guys on here!!!!!!!! That's why there are so many posts from me on here!

Its hard having so many emotions going round our heads and no-one who really understands.. I cannot even talk to my OH so its pretty lonely in our house at present.. I just find even he does not understand why I am so worried and nervous and uptight all the time.

Anyway hon take care and remember we are here to help each other through all the bad times as well as the good so keep in touch and don't let it all get too much.. take yourself for nice walks or go shopping to cheer yourself up.. you deserve some fun even if you don't feel like you do. Here whenever you need to chat xxxxx

Gotta run.. time to get in the car to go home.. will log in over w/e to see how you are... xxxxxx

 

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

Reading your post was if i'd just typed it myself...

The only thing is though anna marie is that my IL don't want me here and don't make an effort to help/console/advise me at all....

I just wish when i ask for someone to come with me they would if only once say yes ....

It's so disheartening when i go to scans, test things like that on my own, then have to explain to my OH .... i have no excitment at all, then the feeling of guilt hits me

I feel gulity because i should be happy but then if im happy i feel guilty for forgetting about joshua ... everything is driving me bloody crazy!!!

I can't work cause i have 3/4 appointments a week and plus the fact i can move again at anytime, whenever my OH comes home ... which i hope is soon because i can cope with my lonelyness/upset anymore

Have a great weekend all ... Thanks so much anna you really help me out at times

Love imi+Bean
xxx

 

[hayley]

Anna Marie you keep listening to your little bods heart beat for reasurance! I can't wait to hear chicks heart beat... they never let me hear at the first scan.... i was too excited looking at the screen and asking questions i forget to ask if i could listen! then she turned the machine off and that was that!!!! my next one is 2 weeks away! i'm gonna pin her down until she turns the volume up!!!! Must be so reasurancing and calming to listen to after a stressful day at work...

Imi - sorry your feeling low at the moment! and i'm sorry about your loss! and your IL - why have they left you to go alone to all your hospital appointment? that is so mean... how far do your parents live? can they not visit for a day? when is your OH home? must be getting close now! must have been horrible the way you had to pack and leave your OH base in such short notice!!!! all you should be concerned about now is your little one! keeping yourself happy and this little one inside!

x

 

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

Hiya ...

Greg is due home 3wks on wed as it's my birthday that day ... so it will be a nice present ...

Lynne and dad are divorced, i don't call her mum as she doesn't deserve the title ... long story ...

I've asked so many times for my MIL to come with me but there is always some excuse, do u know she hasn't even told anyone that im pregnant and she's gonna be a grandma again???

I was sooo upset and angry at that, it hurt!!!

I just need greg home, im finding all this soooo hard and upsetting ... i need my hand held and to be told everything is going to be alright ..

Daft really ...

Hope your having a good weekend ... enjoy whats left!!!

 

[Sarah&Braydon]

awww hun wen will he be home!!! your more patient than me i would have had a right go at her by now

 

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

Can't wait for him to come home ...

The days get longer and more stressful and waiting for him to come back is like waiting for sodding christmas ...

 

[hayley]

Oohh Imi - i'm soo sorry your feeling fed up and down and the IL... Greg will be home in no time.. 3 weeks will fly by and then you can take their son away and have him all to yourself.. Sod them! I know wha you mean about someone holding your hand! no-matter how old we get we all need to know there is someone there we can hold on to... In the mean time chat away to us lot, when your feeling sad, down, misserable or happy just come on here and type away...

Have you mentioned to Greg about how his parents are with you? had they met you before you moved in? It might be hard for them sharing their house... i know it shouldn't be as your practically family.. they should be over the moon about a new grand child on the way!
x

 

[Imi-Maddie's-Mum]

Well ...

I can't really say much (Just in case) but i have someone trying to do there best by me ...

I got a hug and told to try and keep my chin up ... And greg keep telling me he loves me lots!!

Moving in after only meeting once was a really hard thing to do but we didn't really have alot of choice in the matter, but we should be getting our house by the end of may (Fingers crossed)

Thanks for the support i really do appreciate it ... i don't like telling greg how upset i get because it puts him into an aqward position

When this baby arrives it's gonna have so much love off me it won't know what to do with it all!! (Im staying at home after the birth) Money will be a struggle but after everything we have been through and greg being in the army and away, the baby needs one stable parent at home all the time!!!

I can't wait for him to come home ... i just want a cuddle!!!