Struggling

Discussion in 'Long Term TTC & Fertility Issues' started by Chazabell, Feb 18, 2012.

  1. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    Not coping well at all at the minute. Lots of girls in LTTTC are getting the well deserved BFP's and although im soooooo happy for you and wishing you all the luck in the world.......im so jealous :( i can't help how i feel.

    Last night i cried watching Corrie because Chezney pretended to eat his babys arm and it was so cute, and its all i want. And on thursday i had a secret break down whilst OH ws at work.

    None of this is being helped by the fact on CD 28 AF showed but didnt fully start till 5 days later, so ive been bleeding since Thurs 9th/ Fri 10th, and even today im still getting cramping (although this AF has been so much better than the last 5, never touching clomid again!!!!)

    We havent even BD since Thurs 9th so OH feels a little lost. I'm bloated to hight hell, and down over TTC im just not feeling sexy or feminine. Ive eaten so muchcrap too, im topping it off with some wine tonight then diet from monday, and keeping on top of my vitamins, ive had 2 months of relaxing.

    We have our apt to fill in all the paperwork on Tuesday, so ill get confirmation of which cycle they'll start IUI, but i just feel so bummed out :cry: its cycle 27!!!

    xxxxxx
     
  2. itisbabytime

    itisbabytime Well-Known Member

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    its normal to feel jealous when someone else has what you so desperately want. i think its fine your feeling bummed out after reaching cycle 27, try to look on the positive side, easier said than done i know but foucs on the future and the IUI. Do you know long the wait list is?
     
  3. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    The nurse said it could be as early as my next cycle after filling in paperwork, but everything has gone so swimmingly well with my ACU im just expecting something to go wrong, so i yhink May xxx
     
  4. itisbabytime

    itisbabytime Well-Known Member

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    if it is May it really isnt that far away, only 2 more cycles probably - i know you have horrendous pain so its not that good, but look how far you have come so far. fingers crossed the ACU keeps up the good work!
     
  5. greekgirl84

    greekgirl84 Well-Known Member

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    Hi , I know exactly how you feel as I am on cycle 25... It doesn't get better when babies seem to be happening for everyone except us at the moment it seems . I suppose jealousy is normal . I even dreamt I tried to get my cousin who is pregnant to miscarry from my jealousy ( ther husband had upset me that day as they hadn't even been trying and when he asked us when we were having a baby and said we were trying he said well getting pregnant is the easy part I drank a bottle of jd and bang she was pregnant . ) so ate annoyed .
    I have been to my doc who said as my bloods came bk well after 22 months I should just go home and get pregnant so feel at such a loss . How did you get as far as you are now? I feel I need to step things up and put my foot down with my doc
     
  6. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Sorry that you feel so crap sweetie!

    I haven't been where you are but I've had a shitty year trying for a baby and sometimes it feels so hopeless

    All I can say is that tomorrow is another day and hopefully you'll feel al little more positive?

    We just have to keep going don't we? We have to keep dusting ourselves off, we have to keep the faith!

    xxxxxxxxx
     
  7. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    Ive said May....i mean March xx
     
  8. gemmainthesun

    gemmainthesun Well-Known Member

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    First post on here... Just a little background. Im 26 my OH is 35, we are getting married in Sept so actually dont really want a BFP for the next 6 months, but it doesnt hurt any less. We have been TTC for nearly 2 years, thought we would have a little un for when we walk down the isle but obviously not the case. Found out in Nov that im fine, OH has very low SA... 4.5 mil ml. Docs have said we need IVF or ICSI. We live in Spain so added trpible with tanslation etc but fortunately its free, we are on the list bt really not sure how long it will be.
    Feel particually down today after 3 consecutive days of friends having babies... 1 a day for the last 3 days, plus 3 pregnant friends all comparing bellies at work. I cant speak to much to OH because I feel guilty as the probelm lies with him. Just needed abit of support from people who understand xxx
     
  9. skeando

    skeando Well-Known Member

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    Dunno how many cycles we have been thru. because my periods were every 9-10 weeks for a while but it will be 3 years in june we have been trying...... totally frustratung as we are in the unexplained category. Know totally how you feel, I have months when focussed on other things and months when it just hits you.
     
    #9 skeando, Feb 18, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2012
  10. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    i think you can class me as unexplained. OH swimmers are fine. I have moderate PCOS, and irregular periods but only from 26-39 days max. Scans on clomid showed follicles growing, progesterone thru the roof at 127, hycosy clear.....so confused, i must have duff eggs :eh:

    Noone in my family has any similar problems so they cant relate to me, OH doesnt blame me, he understands my frustrstion. I just feel bad on him, and his mum just wants answers which i cant give her!

    Love that i can be open on here xxxx
     
  11. itisbabytime

    itisbabytime Well-Known Member

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    haha even better then!!! X
     
  12. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    No offence sweetie - but what does it have to do with your OH's Mum?

    Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick but the added pressure from your partner's Mum can't make it any easier? :shock:

    xxxxxxxxxxx
     
  13. Chazabell

    Chazabell Well-Known Member

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    Carnat - thats my point. Shes not very subtle about it either! My Mum blames herself for my problems because im her child which i thought was sweet then told her to snap out of it, and she just doesnt ask questions now, waits till i speak which i like.

    Its just blody tough, and keeps getting tougher xxxx
     
  14. CARNAT22

    CARNAT22 Well-Known Member

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    Blimey - your M-I-L sounds like a bit of a handful?

    I am glad your Mum is supportive though.

    'Tis the reason we've kept our TTC business too ourselves (we both have big families so no doubt someone would say something offensive if they knew LOL)

    Have you ever tried asking you M-I-L to back off a bit? Or could your OH maybe have a word with her?

    xxxxxxxxx
     
  15. Kerrieanne

    Kerrieanne Well-Known Member

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    Hi hun, i hope you dont mind me posting on here.

    I completely understand how you are feeling right now. For sooo long I had a few mini mealt downs. Everyone was pregnant but me. I too was and is still unexplained although I did find out that our problem was fertilisation but we still don't have a propper explaination. My eggs and hubby's sperm just did not stick for some reason. Out of the two of us it's unclear where the problem lies but having ICSI was our saviour in the end.

    I wish you all the best with your impending iui's as this is Definately the best way to go before the more invasive procedures.

    Hang in there darling, you'll get there xxxx
     
    #15 Kerrieanne, Feb 19, 2012
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2012
  16. laurat

    laurat Well-Known Member

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    Chaz, its almost comforting to read your post because at the moment Im feeling exactly the same way. Its just normal to feel a bit of jealousy its natural. Im stupidly jealous of everyine who complains about their af arriving and people who actually get a flaming 2 WW! Thats sound nuts to most but when your not ovulating and have no chance of ttc at all the only thing I want is the bloody witch to arrive. It really all does suck at times and thr phrase the grass is always greener is so true. We need to cheer ourselves up honey!!! What shall we do?
     
  17. kirstymichelle

    kirstymichelle Well-Known Member

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    Chaz , i'm really sorry to hear that you are so down. March sounds fab for IUI.

    Lots of love x x x
     
  18. Kay Kay

    Kay Kay Well-Known Member

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    Hey Chaz, sorry you're down honey. Not that this will make you feel better but I'm actually really jealous that you (and a lot of other girls) are getting IUI so quickly. Beats a 16 month waiting list that me and Laura are on! There's always someone worse off lol and in your case that person is me! I know none of us ever wanted it to get to that stage but I have now accepted that treatment is the only hope I have.

    Unexplained fertility my arse. There HAS to be some reason this ain't happening and I now don't even care what it might be now I just want assistance to make it happen. I'm so sick of doing this on our own and getting nowhere :-(

    I have a really good feeling that IUI will be just the thing you need Chaz, I know it's hard but try to think positive, you're getting help!! :)

    Also on the whole jealousy subject, I get jealous of how young some of you are, even though I didn't want to get pregnant at 26/27 now that I'm 32 I feel old and that time is running out. I dread my birthday. It's crazy all these thoughts that go on in your head!

    I'm not sure what we can do to cheer ourselves up but I think for me I'm starting to let go a little bit. I cannot go on like this, ttc is all I think about and that is not healthy! Any tips on how to let go??? xxx
     
  19. EmilyB

    EmilyB Well-Known Member

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    I feel all your pain too - I'm 35 and I am currently having IUI (2ww for second attempt). We're on cycle 15 of TTC and my OH has a son who he conceived 12 years ago "by accident" grrrrr and his son's mum is now pregnant by someone she met AFTER we started TTC!!!! I feel soooo angry about that...

    Kay Kay - you are soooo right I am soooo over "unexplained". I feel like it must be me - and have an awful feeling that it is to implantation (even thou lining is good etc this doesnt make me feel better because all tests and scans come back perfect but it STILL doesnt happen!) and if it is then IUI / IVF / ICSI won't help as no intervention can ensure implantation will occur at the end of it...

    I wish I had been pregnant just once (even a v v v faint test that didnt stick) just so I know that it could happen again..

    I feel a bit jealous of those girls who don't ovulate and then get help and get preggers because that sort of intervention was all that was needed. When nothing is wrong and you ov normally it just means lots of chances and no results which makes me feel so helpless!

    It's funny how we are jealous of successes and also of each others situations - the bottom line is that when you want a baby, anything other than the situation you are in seems a better alternative.

    It's very weird how so many LTTC are conceiving at the same time - don't you think this shows that PMA (seeing others achieve pregnancy and feeling that you might just get there too) must help at least a little bit? I think it does...

    Chaz - I saw a counsellor this week and he said I mustn't underestimate what a huge thing I'm going thro - he said women are programmed to want babies and not being able to have one month after month is the equivalent to losing someone very close to you over and over again. He said anger is the first coping mechanism for dealing with grief which made me feel better because I get so CROSS! Be kind to yourself - what you are going through is awful but the difference between LTTC and losing someone is that with LTTC there is hope and the chances are that there will be a positive outcome in the end :)

    Big hugs to everyone in here xx
     
  20. Kay Kay

    Kay Kay Well-Known Member

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    Emily your post has me in tears here! What your counsellor said, it just set me off! I actually said to my friend the other day that ltttc is the worst pain I have ever felt, even worst than the death of my dad 6 years ago. I know not many people will understand that cos its your worst nightmare losing someone so close and obviously I was beyond devastated losing my dad but the thing with death is its final and hard as it is I can accept that my dad is gone but I can't accept that I mite never have a child of my own. There is just no end in sight! I hadn't thought about it from the point of view that there is always hope, I suppose there is but its still so hard.

    I also wish I had caught even just once do that I know my body can do it! So although its not something I'm comfortable admitting yeah I am a bit jealous of girls that have caught and lost, terrible as that sounds, your thoughts aren't rational when you're going through this.

    Emily all the very best of luck that this cycle of iui is the one! Sending all my positive thoughts your way!

    I think the support we give each other is amazing and I find it really moving that women can help each other out with such a private painful time in our lives xxxx
     

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