Struggling

[EmilyB]

Kay Kay - you don't need to accept that you might never have a child of your own just yet. You've not had any help and that is probably all you need; just a little nudge to give nature helping hand

Thanks for the positive thoughts - I think I might need all the positive thoughts I can get xx

 

[Chazabell]

Wow reading what your councillor has said has made me realise how big it is. I know its big, but never think of how big it actually is

Only my very close freinds and family know so i keep quite a lot bottled up, and im always at my lowest when my period is here.

I hardly see my mother in law as she lives in next town and im hardly thu there and she works all the hours under the sun. I know she means well, but i just cant be doing with the questions.

My OH is all positive bout IUI and he keeps thinking we'll have a baby or ill be heavily pregnant by Christmas, and i want to think that but we just never get any luck.

I really think i need to see a councillor xxx

 

[EmilyB]

Chaz - I have NEVER seen a counsellor before. I always think I am strong enough for anything but if it's on offer it can't help. Even if just to give you a chance to get you thoughts in to order, to hear from a stranger that you are actually coping extremely well given what you are going through and to get some coping strategies.

He said it is ok to get upset and to get angry - that it is a way of coping and it better to externalise than keep it in. He also said that what needs work is not letting the anger and upset tip over the edge and to work out a way of coping so that things don't boil over excessively.

He told me to imagine a wine decanter with a fat bottom and a thin neck and that there is a moose in there with big antlers and to work out a way of getting the moose out without breaking the glass or hurting the moose. I thought about it and i couldnt think how on earth i would get it out and he said that this was exactly the point - why waste your energy on something that is impossible to solve? That is, the whole "why me" that I feel every minute of every day and work myself up so much about is doing absolutely nothing for me except wasting my energy and making me exhausted. If he hadnt have told me that there was no way to get the moose out, I would have keep thinking about it and thinking about it, just like I think about why it isnt happening ALL the time. The point is (I think) that we should spend our energy doing positive things like being healthy, having sex, loving our OHs and starting treatment (even being on a list) as this is all productive.

One more thing he said that that it is ok to not be in touch with pregnant friends if it is too hard. Realising that this was ok actually made me get in touch with one of mine and tell her why I hadnt been around much.

I think it's good to get it out and to rationalise things with someone objective and it was REALLY nice to hear that I wasnt going mad and that I was completely normal to feel so upset.

Lots of love to you Chaz x

 

[mrspc]

Oh Chaz,

Just caught up with this and am struck by how what started off negatively with you being so down has actually turned into a lovely thread where different women are bonded by their shared experiences and are supporting each other.

It isn't just you, or me, or kaykay, or laura, or nat, or kerrieann, or Emily, or skeando, or itisbabytime or any of the other ladies on here - it's all of us and there are more. It might seem like everyone is getting pg around us but we are here together and it's a great thing that slowly but surely people on here get the treatment they need and finally get their baby.

Emily and her counsellor are right, what we are going through is so hard, it's in our nature to reproduce and we just want to get on with it! There isn't any point worrying about what we can't change or comparing ourselves to others, when we feel these emotions we have to let ourselves feel them because they're normal and healthy but we must not get consumed by them. We need to put all our energies into being proactive and positive!

Big hugs to you and all the other ladies on here. We'll get there in the end.

xx

 

[laurat]

Truely has ended in a thread that once reading now it has made me feel very comforted that there are other people out there who feel and think the same. You think that you are alone in a world of people who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and you cant and really feel such strong emotions but it isnt really accepted to speak openly about it in 'the real world'. I hope that mrspc is right and we do all get our own babyy in our arms when our own special journeys take us there!

 

[gemmainthesun]

It has really helped me to reading what the counsellor has said, because I have been wondering if ive been over reacting, I go through stages and the last week or so its consumed me and Ive been close to tears at random stages through the day... I work in a call centre and we always get alot of arsey people on the othe rend..dont blame half of em when someone rings you up bothring you haha and I always just brush it off, it doesnt bother me 1 bit, but today n yesterday just felt like crying! Anyway its nice to know that I am normal and not some craxed loony!

 

[Chazabell]

I'm glad this thread turned into something positive.

The quote from the councillor has helped me massivly. I've told my OH about it and again its made me realise exactly how big it is, and i agree that it is similar to loosing someone again, and again, and again, and its ok to feel angry and cry, just remember the target. I think its also brought it home to my OH how big this is. He's opened up to me and told me he doesnt know how he's gonna get his sample in a pot, he knows what i have to go through is worse, but he feels a little pressured.

I think we should all keep this thread active, and any quotes or comments from councillors and the like should be put on here to support us all

Thank you ladies xxx

 

[Gizzy Kelly]

This is a lovely thread too! I have never really thought about seeing a counsellor so it is good to keep that in mind. With this forum I kind of think of this as my counselling where I can to get advice from you all and vent. I am not sure what I would do without you all now. It is comforting to know that it is normal to feel like this. There are no answers to why things happen and some of us take so long ttc. I think that is just it, it is totally out of our hands. The best thing all of us can do is keep trying, keep speaking and keep supporting and try to keep positive. I am glad i am not the only one who feels these emotions, so agree with Chaz any advice just add. My cousin who came to see me over the weekend who is now adopting told me that her relationship with her oh is better than ever and they are so excited about adopting soon. I realused then that most of us are so far away from all of that yet and even if we do have to go down that road we will be parents one day. That keeps me positive xxxx

 

[JJ Mum]

Chazabell - I think 2012 is going ot be your year hun - you deserve it, and wow may for ICSI, brilliant news , another string to your bow, and that can only help xX

 

[blondy13]

This thread has really made me realise what a difficult journey we're all on, last night I was a mess crying all night after my scan, and I felt almost guilty for being that upset. But actually it's ok to be like that, as long as we can move forward from it. I told hubby the grieving thing and he really got it, he said one day we'll look back on this as the hardest time of our lives together, I guess all of us here in LTTTC will and let's just hope We get the ending we deserve xxx

 

[Chazabell]

I have IUI beginning in 3 weeks so thats made us feel more positive

This journey as made us a stronger couple. He tells me all the time how much i mean to him, and that he'll never leave me, and always when im a mess, makes me feel better xxxx