Sorry about new Thread but at wits end...

[soffphie]

Yesterday was AWFUL! So accord to SMEP we should have dtd being cd:12
Well husband decides he cant .. again! Happened cd:10 aswell. Well this time i sorta lost it ended up instant crying (whats wrong with me!) & saying things i shouldnt..
Erm so,
Wish hadnt married you. Ganna divorce you asap. I hate you. You might not find me attractive anymore but im struggling with you i dont even want to sleep with you only doing it cause have to.. etc.. etc....... I wince at it. Not spoken since both gone to work & i get a peak on clearblue & cheapies ovulation stick! Sooo freaking typical. Tho i have a peak cd:13 i have had this before and not O till cd:16 cheapie wise typical for me to get 3 + and 1 negative & on negative O. I havent ever ovulated earlier then cd:16

Feel like rubbish today. I should be excited and happy but instead im just apprehensive and we will probably have another month with a dud try cause he cant perform & another month gone! I hate him for it.. i really do, i dont even know how to get him interested in me so we can bd anymore. 2019 is going to suck just like 2018

 

[chattychar1990]

Yesterday was AWFUL! So accord to SMEP we should have dtd being cd:12
Well husband decides he cant .. again! Happened cd:10 aswell. Well this time i sorta lost it ended up instant crying (whats wrong with me!) & saying things i shouldnt..
Erm so,
Wish hadnt married you. Ganna divorce you asap. I hate you. You might not find me attractive anymore but im struggling with you i dont even want to sleep with you only doing it cause have to.. etc.. etc....... I wince at it. Not spoken since both gone to work & i get a peak on clearblue & cheapies ovulation stick! Sooo freaking typical. Tho i have a peak cd:13 i have had this before and not O till cd:16 cheapie wise typical for me to get 3 + and 1 negative & on negative O. I havent ever ovulated earlier then cd:16

Feel like rubbish today. I should be excited and happy but instead im just apprehensive and we will probably have another month with a dud try cause he cant perform & another month gone! I hate him for it.. i really do, i dont even know how to get him interested in me so we can bd anymore. 2019 is going to suck just like 2018

Sophie sorry you are going through this hun, but we all know this journey is so tough and i think when you get the to point of DTD when you literally HAVE to the fun and the spark kind of gets lost.
Maybe your husband is feeling so pressured hence the reason he cant perform. This is the reason me and my OH didnt stick to the SMEP. Its too stressful and its too robotic. We just DTD whenever we felt like it.
We all say things we don't mean sometimes and it just proves how hard this journey really is but at the same time saying things like this isn't going to help your husband perform probably even more so make him not want to either.
Now you got your peak on the CB you will be ovulating around 24-36 hours time. This may be the reason you haven't been successful in the past because you are ovulating much earlier than you think.
If you are CD13 today how many days before hand have you DTD? i am wondering if you might have some up there waiting already? x

 

[Aprilxxx]

So sorry you are going through this.

Ttc is so stressful it can impact a relationship.
And I echo what Char has said with HAVING to dtd takes the fun and adds the pressure. I told my boyfriend all about OPKs and how when I say we have to dtd I mean we have to and he reacted the same...struggled & didn’t really want to. This lead me to feel unattractive and unloved but as soon as I took that pressure off him we dtd a lot (unfortunately not in the fertile window tho).
So maybe try what char is going and what I’m going to do this month.....dtd as much as you want without the pressure.

 

[MoominGirl]

Totally echo everything that Char has said. This is a tough journey. It took us 3 years to catch and one of the main things that got us through it was realising how it affected both of us and not just me. The pressure on him to perform made things difficult along with the fact that we were both so fed up after 3 years that SMEP really didn't work for either of us so we abandoned it pretty quickly. That's not to say it doesn't work for lots of couples. We did use OPKs and I did tell OH where I was in my cycle. That worked for us as we both knew that it was a case of 'needs must' at that time of the cycle and it took the pressure off the rest of the time. I had very regular cycles though. Lots of couples don't like this so ditching OPKs completely and just DTD when you want to is another good approach. Essentially you need to work out what works for the two of you as clearly what you're doing isn't. For what it's worth, the month we caught, we only DTD twice over the fertile period and that was after 3 long years and truly believing it would never happen naturally for us.

 

[Sunflower1]

It's really normal for men TTC to start to struggle with sex. And it's massively stressful especially because we are so hormonal at that point. We resorted to artificial insemination in the end because it's so much easier for the guy and it separates sex from TTC. Tell him you are very hormonal and sorry. With all the opks men feel under huge pressure. Just dtd every other day is enough...so you could just drop all the techniques and go back to basics.

 

[soffphie]

Hi guys thank you.
We have dtd properly since cd:8 im now cd:13 so nah wont be anything there unfortunately.
Will have to see what the day brings, it isnt unheard of for me to get a +opk at day 13 but i really didnt want to see it this morning. the one cycle where i did get +opk at cd:13 (when i looked back on ff) i ovulated cd:16 so hopefully will be ok! maybe! who knows? only temps will tell
my cm is watery tho so it is first batch of actual fertile cm i have

 

[chattychar1990]

Hi guys thank you.
We have dtd properly since cd:8 im now cd:13 so nah wont be anything there unfortunately.
Will have to see what the day brings, it isnt unheard of for me to get a +opk at day 13 but i really didnt want to see it this morning. the one cycle where i did get +opk at cd:13 (when i looked back on ff) i ovulated cd:16 so hopefully will be ok! maybe! who knows? only temps will tell
my cm is watery tho so it is first batch of actual fertile cm i have

If you and your husband can talk about things and make up then i would suggest you DTD every day now for the next few days.
You wont be able to use Clear Blue OPK now this cycle as you have had your peak. I am going to assume you will ovulate the latest CD15 if you are CD13 today.
Good luck and hope you get that up there to catch the egg x

 

[soffphie]

Haha GL with that tho he can barely do 2 in a row. Argh just driving me mad today. Ive come home from work & hes not even gone in etc just gone sick i guess, its like why are you here!!!!!
Sorry one of them days! Hopefully we can get one in later today otherwise might just divorce him here n now

 

[chattychar1990]

Haha GL with that tho he can barely do 2 in a row. Argh just driving me mad today. Ive come home from work & hes not even gone in etc just gone sick i guess, its like why are you here!!!!!
Sorry one of them days! Hopefully we can get one in later today otherwise might just divorce him here n now

Sophie i understand your frustration i really do but resenting him over this won't make things better or make him feel wanted.
You need to realise the pressure of this TTC journey can really scare a man, try and be a little softer on him and try not to let this ruin your relationship. x

 

[Sunflower1]

Maybe have a month off and talk. It's easy for TTC stress to destroy intimacy. Our fertility doctor says every other day is fine for TTC, and it takes the pressure off.

 

[soffphie]

Sophie i understand your frustration i really do but resenting him over this won't make things better or make him feel wanted.
You need to realise the pressure of this TTC journey can really scare a man, try and be a little softer on him and try not to let this ruin your relationship. x

Yeh i know what you mean, i cant help but feel resentment tho now. last night he was like what can i do to prove to you i want this kid more than anything etc... its just argh.. anyway ill try keep away from here for a few hours and clear my head! but thanks ladies means a lot

i am trying to turn last night into a positive as much as possible, maybe if we get back on track today not dtd last night was a good thing cause of whole how he cant perform all that crap for too many days in a row, and if we had dtd last night i would have been in a little panic today thinking ohhh crap! well thats not good!

I am also nervous to bd today as , in whole 13 cycles never O any earlier then 16. the first cycle i did O on 16 i had +opk day 13 and isnt unusual for me to get 3 + then 1 neg and on that neg O.. (i used to be even more extreme at the start had have 5 positive opks before O). Its all so confusing and difficult to get perfect! and i do temp etc every cycle so its defo never been earlier then 16.

 

[chattychar1990]

Arrr it does sound like it is just the pressure on your husband not that he isn't attracted to you anymore etc. I hope you get things sorted and you can talk things through and tonight.
Like i said now you have your peak with CB its best to get all the baby dancing in as much as you can for the next 3 days or so. I know your problems with your OH finishing might now allow you to do it 3 days in a row but i would make sure you did it tonight so there is sperm up there if you do ovulate in the next 1-3 days. x

 

[soffphie]

Had to jump back on here quick as just done 2nd opk test (waiting result)

I cannot believe it have EWCM! again with when i wipe & there is really no missing it! I should be so excited..

*Also yesterday i said to him im not blind i know im not loveliest girl ever (to which he said its its not that) but you should know feelings totally mutual on that respect for me for you.. argh what a thing to say! He said to me after that why you gotta talk to me like shit*

 

[SugaryIris]

Hey lovely,

I’m so sorry you’re in this situation! I was here only last week, I don’t tell dh about opks but when I get flashing I try to instigate every other day and one a positive I get him to dtd as well.

Although I don’t tell him why, he’s not stupid although we have regular sex throughout the cycle every other day is a bit obvious.

So anyway, we had a similar argument I cried, he said he was feeling used and ‘milked’ it was awful.

The months i haven’t tracked ovulation we’ve been much happier and I’ve caught twice when not tracking and considering my periods are so unregular that’s a bit of a miracle!

Maybe tonight, don’t think about dtd, maybe cook him a nice meal, open a bottle of wine, have a bath together or do anything at all to show him how much he means to you as your husband and that you don’t see him as a ‘means to an end’.

Keep us updated on how it goes, I hope you make up soon xx

 

[Bambi42]

Hi Soffphie,

You're not going to like my answer but I'd suggest that you have a month off. Trying to have sex when you both feel angry / upset/ confused/ hurt is just going to make your sex life worse and then you'll resent each other even more. And next month the pressure will be even more....and you'll feel even worse than you do just now.

You are not alone. Loads of us have been in this situation and it does get better. Do you watch that SAS Who Dares Wins show with Foxy? Last night they had to work in pairs and drag each other up a hill and jump in an ice-cold pond and do everything together as a pair. Some were stronger than others, then the weaker one caught up. Some were good at shouting, others played their cards very close to their chest because talking about what made them feel vulnerable was too scary. I think that's a bit like trying to conceive. Especially because its so exhausting!

Be kind to yourself. Be kind to him. If you decide to take a break this month then fill the next two weeks with fun things and spend some time as a couple. I have had to take a break a couple of times and thought it might tip me over the edge...but in reality not focusing on every little twinge in my body in the 2 week wait was a total relief. I felt more in control and less stressed. I slept better. And was in a much better place with my man as a result.

x

 

[IVW]

I will only be echoing all of what the girls have said, as in, maybe take some time out and also keep all your tracking to yourself.

Thankfully it didnt take me and my husband very long to catch, but if we went any longer, i know i would have had to stop telling him where i was in the cycle. As i thought, probably like most of us newbies it would help telling them when to be 'ready' - turns out, the less they know, the better, as it takes the pressure off. There was one time my oh couldnt finished and inside i was seething, but i knew i couldnt show it, as that would made it a whole lot worse. We were also trying at the height of the heatwave, so that certainly didnt help things

Easier said than done i know, but you really cant let your relationship be effected by this, he is your husband after all

Reverse psychology also can work a treat it did for me and they soon come running to so if i were you, i would apologise, even if you dont think it should be you - just be the bigger person, for the want of this baby, and then just play it cool and hopefully make up sex is on the cards

FX all works out and you actually catch or have caught this cycle

 

[soffphie]

Thanks for all advice ladies

Things have calmed down here now, thankfully! I told him I was Ovulating and why id gone so mental about yesterday and all that and i told him that i do actually love him (ah yuk lol) and yeh we did some makeup BD which made me soo happies as i had just realised i had EWCM 1hr or so before hand
hopefully it will all be ok now. i just got so angry yesterday as we have had this for 4 cycles or so and tried 'poorly' cause of that etc just got me mad to think was first 2019 cycle and was going that way again etc.. anyway yess hopefully now things be ok! and hopefully body will just Ovulate now.. asap please haha

 

[Vintageling]

We have had issues with himself performing and I know how you feel I resented him every night that he couldn't. We sat down and.talked I asked him how TTC made him feel and we figured out that I'm best not telling him we have our positive OPK. This has worked well and now he is at the point that he is happier with TTC he has figured out from my symptoms or skin condition if I'm close to ovulating and now he is happy going f9r a sperm analysis now we are at that point because I gave him the space in TTC that he needed and it's worked. I get the resentment and it's really hard t9 deal with and yes I struggled not sharing the excitement of fertile window with him but it worked and now I get t9 be more open with him about the journey to our baby

 

[soffphie]

We have had issues with himself performing and I know how you feel I resented him every night that he couldn't. We sat down and.talked I asked him how TTC made him feel and we figured out that I'm best not telling him we have our positive OPK. This has worked well and now he is at the point that he is happier with TTC he has figured out from my symptoms or skin condition if I'm close to ovulating and now he is happy going f9r a sperm analysis now we are at that point because I gave him the space in TTC that he needed and it's worked. I get the resentment and it's really hard t9 deal with and yes I struggled not sharing the excitement of fertile window with him but it worked and now I get t9 be more open with him about the journey to our baby

I agree totally. I learned a while back NOT to say when ovulating .today however i just said it cause as far as my mind at the time was concerned what harm could it do..

 

[liz85]

It’s best sometimes not to tell them where you are in your cycle. My husband got sick of me telling him cause it just put too much pressure on him. We’d argue sometimes when things didn’t happen.

We conceived the time I was sure I had past ovulation and it was him who suggested dtd. He told me you never know. I was sure I knew it wasn’t going to happen then... bfp!! It probably helped I had surgery month before. But to this day he’ll still tell me it was his timing not mine. Lol no pressure.