Siblings - is it really such a wonderful thing?...

[i.love]

hi all, it's me again This time I have a more philosophiocal question.

Often, when parents start thinking of having a second baby, they talk about how wonderful it would be if their LO had a brother or a sister. But I am not entirely sure if it is really such a good thing...

I have a half sister, but we grew up together, and I always thought of her as a proper sister. Admittedly, we have a big age gap. Our relatioship was never wonderful, but got much worse with years. She could hardly be bothered to write me an email to congratulate me on having my baby. Before that we haven't spoken for 2 years...

My husband has a proper brother, and they have only a 4 year age difference. They rarely speak or see each other, and the relationship seems rather tense.

My mum was never close to her brother, and had a major falling out with him when they grew up. They do not speak anymore. Same happened to my husband's mum. My husband's dad still speaks to his sister though - usually about once a year on the phone, just to say Merry Christmas.

I don't want to bore you, but I can carry on like this. I don't think I know one positive example, when siblings would truly be close and want to spend time together (not to just tolerate each other).

So, the question is, is it really a good thing to have a brother or a sister?

I wasn't trying to be negative or upset anyone. If your experience is very different from mine, please share, I would be very glad to be told that it's just me and my family/friends who were so unlucky! As you can probably guess, I am also thinking of possibly having another baby one day

 

[knopk@]

I have a brother and 5 year age gap between us. Admittedly, we didnt get along when I was 15 but we are quite close, share things although dont speak as often as we could. I dont know what will happen in the future but I am glad I have a sibling.

Было время когда хотелось старшего брата, а не младшего

 

[twinkle84]

Aw this is a good one! I'm an only child and soooo longed for a brother or sister and still do!! Hubby only child too :-/ so I'm thinking our LO will def need a sibling!
I don't have positive stories either my mum and her brother hate eachother and havnt spoken for 10 yr! My dad has 2 sisters and relationship on and off! As it is we don't send cards or prezies or talk, we might just say hello in the street! Pretty sad!!! X

 

[Kayelle]

Although we fought, I am so happy and glad I have my 3 siblings, sis 3yrs younger and twin bro and sis 3yrs older. Always someone there to stick up for you or play with. But I think kids learn things for example privacy (she would get annoyed if I went in sis room) and sharing / politeness ( sis would only let me borrow things if I asked first)
I don't see them often enough now, and miss them, glad I have them though

 

[Kayelle]

Seems some of you or people you know have not been lucky with siblings, but for me dad was shit and all aunts uncle s and grandparents are horrible nasty, but mum and us 4 are really close so if I didn't have siblings I'd have no 1!

 

[Emerald rose]

Im the youngest of six with 20 years between myself and my oldest sister. We try to talk regularly exept D my eldest brother he cant be bothered with the family.
Im closest to my other brother theres only a year between us.

 

[MrsR]

I have two sisters. They are close in age, I am the youngest by 7 years! They don't get on at all but I have a wonderful relationship with both of them. I am particularly close to the middle one and I know that she would do anything for me and vice versa. Right now my middle sister is going through coping with having a mini stroke, get husband having an affair and leaving her and selling her house and I don't know how she would have coped without having someone she could lean on, talk to and visit to get away from everything as her 'friends' haven't contacted her since her husband left and our parents aren't particularly helpful!

Having said that when we decided to have another baby it wasn't do DD could have a brother or sister (though I know plenty of only children that could have benefitted from learning to share/not being spoilt etc) but because it felt right for us to do so.


Ignore any mistakes-my iPhone is addicted to autocorrect!

 

[i.love]

thanks girls for your stories!

Helen, of course, wanting your LO to have a sibling should not be the only reason for having another baby, there are so many more things to consider, but I hear this argument often when girls talk about having another child. I actually think of my LO having to share my love/time/attention with another baby more as an argument against having another child... That's why I started this thread - I hope I am wrong

 

[MrsR]

I didn't mean to suggest that that's the only reason x sorry x


Ignore any mistakes-my iPhone is addicted to autocorrect!

 

[i.love]

Helen it's fine I guess I read it wrong xx

 

[Sarah13]

I'm quite close to my brother and sister and my hubby is to both his sisters. My mum is also close to hers as well. I Grew up getting on with my brother but fighting with my sister, so I think age gaps are important, 2 years was great between me and my bro but 7 years was horrible between me and my sister, thats why we didnt get on as kids.

I've always felt guilty that my DD was an only child for 14 years until Kynon arrived. She's been lonely over the years but I never wanted more kids until recently, I had her young, had a career and was too selfish to want more kids. I don't want Kynon to grow up on his own and plan a very small age gap this time round.

 

[i.love]

Sarah, so I guess you'll be planning another one quite soon then? Best of luck!

(I miss my tummy... Today I realised that I can't remember how the little kicks felt! So sad...)

 

[vixxie77]

I would not be without my two sisters, one older by 3 years and one younger by 5 years. We didn't always get on when were kids, but what kids do. But now we're very close. We have just started trying for our second child, I want our lo to have at least one brother or sister, and I also would like another baby. There is a lot to consider, I know, but we already have one child and have plenty of love, etc for another. I feel our lo would be missing out with no siblings and many only children I know are quite spoilt and selfish, not that I'm saying all others are atall x x

 

[Sarah13]

Sarah, so I guess you'll be planning another one quite soon then? Best of luck!

(I miss my tummy... Today I realised that I can't remember how the little kicks felt! So sad...)

I really miss being pregnant too, felt like I was cheated out of the last few weeks was enjoying my bump and wasnt suffering like lots of women! We'll probably just enjoy Kynon for a bit and let my body recover (my abs are split so need to see a physio) then try for another

 

[lanny]

I'm one of 4 and the thought of not having them kills me we would fight like cat and dog when we were kids but then and slept in the same bed on Xmas eve as we were so excited.

I got on with my sister the least growing up we were so different but since I've had children we are really close, my children are much closer to her then my mum. Im not that close to my mum so me and my sister use each other like you would a mum. She had her first baby 8 wks ago and asked me to be at the birth it was so hard seeing someone I loved be in that much pain but I'm so glad she shared it with me and her o/h let me cut the cord,

I'm not as close to my brother (one's only 12) but I still worry about them and love them lots.

I couldn't even think of my children not having each other

 

[jennilisanne]

My sister is 5 years older than me, which meant she could help when I was born. She was told she would have a brother or sister, she decided sister, and luckily was right! Of course we had sibling angst, but wouldn't be without her now for the world.

We're now thinking of siblings for Sophia, a definite yes, but I want her to be a bit older so she can understand what's going on, and not feel neglected when she can't always have my attention.

 

[Cantstop]

My brother is 2.5 years younger than me and we used to play together as kids, then argued through our teens, and now we're really close - can't imagine being without him and definitely want siblings for my LO.

 

[Belfast girl]

there are 4 years between me and my sister and brother and can't imagine life without them! the same goes with my husband and his sister. we fought loads but are also best friends as well..

 

[tinks77]

Me & my sister are 4 years apart and my mum always jokes we've hated each other since the day I was born! Havent seen or spoken to each other for about 6/7 years now but we're just chalk & cheese. My OH has 2 years between him & his sister and they have always been close apart from the usual sibling arguments

 

[nikki8092]

Aw im the eldest of 3, caz is 6 years younger than me and we dont really do anything together but thats more down to her but youngest is 10 years younger than me and we are really close. She moved in with me after my dad died and we have always been really close. xx