scared, in need of advice

[Squeakz]

Hi everyone, im new here, almost 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. Im 21, married to an incredible man, student at uni.

Having a baby was everything i've ever wanted but now that its here im not 'happy'. I feel sad, which i know is stupid and i shouldnt but i cnat help it. I dont know if im just overwhelmed, and daunted as we weren't planning on it (were using protection, just failed us) or what and im so confused. I can't bring myself to say he/she, i just use 'it'.... Our families are incredibly supportive and so our friends i just feel lost, and i suppose this all feels a little premature in my life (again i know it soudns selfish andi m sorry) but i jus can't getmy head around it, it wont sink in.... Im sorry if i dampened anyones day, i just wondered if anyone else felt like this or had any advice?


S x

 

[Naaat]

For the first few weeks when I found out I was a bit like this. I still don't actually feel pregnant, but I've heard that after the 12 week scan things might change. But I think feeling sad is mostly to do with hormones and the shock. It's a lot to take in. I've been especially feeling down as I'm only 19 and the father wants nothing to do with me or the baby. But I rely on my mum and close friends for a support and they do make me feel better. I guess all the sad feelings that I felt was a bit to do with me stressing aswell. I was just convinced that something would go wrong, I'm still very worried about that, but I'm thinking about all the great things. Like if everything goes well, then I will have a child of my own. And that's a huge blessing.
I don't know, for advice, I suggest having plenty of rest, relax, try to stay positive, and go on with your life. Just chill out with friends. A huge mistake I did was isolating my self from everything. I denied my self a social life for the first few weeks, but then I thought, well actually no, I'm gonna go to the cinema, or I'm gonna meet my friends in town for a catch up, or go shopping. Treat yourself. It works wonders. Good luck and congratulations.

 

[Squeakz]

Thanks hun....i think tbh thats just it...complete an utter shock....shame about your OH but it sounds like you have an awesome family., its just the realisation of such a lifelong commitment where life isn't gonig to be as id 'planned' its just difficult gettin my head aoround it...

 

[MrsR]

I think it can be put down to hormone changes too, this pregnancy was 100% planned and sometimes I wake up and go 'oh my god!!!!' in a panic stricken way. We don't say he/she but I don't think that's mean or a sign you don't want 'it' we say 'it' or 'baby' simply because we don't know the sex (yet!!!). I sooo don't feel pregnant even with all the symptoms and I look at newborn clothes and go 'oh my god we're going to have something that'll fit in that!'. I personally don't believe I'll feel pregnant until scan and I feel first movements! I was 18 when I had my daughter completely without father and with lots if support from family and I felt the same I do now with the added bonus of having someone to take the brunt of my hormones!
I think because it is so unexpected that it's just taking some time to sink in! I think that no matter how planned or unplanned a baby is we all still go through doubts, worries, concerns etc. It will all be worth it in the end and I think I'd be more worried if someone put up a message saying how 'fairytale and perfect' having a baby would be, it's not! Talk to your husband, family etc if you can, don't bottle anything up and take sone time for yourself. I found the hardest thing when I was pregnant was having everything be about that and not about me (sounds selfish but I don't mean it too-hard to explain)! I found having time to myself and a day out or activity for me worked wonders!
Good luck and hang in there hon! Any problems/questions/worries we're all here to help and won't judge! Congratulations and welcome.

 

[serenitylove]

its in alot of ways so normal what your feeling it wasnt planned and its a major life changing thing add into that a big ball of hormones and your going to be all over the place you will get there hun dont be so hard on yourself iv spent ten yrs trying to get this one and i still feel this overwhelming feeling of holy s**t i got something growing in me!

 

[JJ Mum]

Theres some great advice on here for you....

I didn't plan my first child too, so it was a big shock, my dad didn't speak to me the next 6 months when I told him he was so disapointed in me , out of marriage! (so old fashioned!)

I was with my stable partner, so that helped, and by the time I got halfway through pregnancy I had got used to the idea and was really looking forward to it. I did struggle afterwards a little as I found that my life had changed so much, but take the advice of Naat in the same boat as you at the moment, get out and about continue your life now, and enjoy both pregnancy and life.

You will have to make a few adjustments after the baby arrives, but it is really important to keep your life going so that your not just a mum, your still you. I found it hard at home on my own with just baby for company, not something I had been used to, and so I got a bit down , this was fixed then I made sure I went out both morning and afternoon with the pushchair to baby groups , messy play, coffee mornings and ended up with so many more friends than I had before , and we all supported each other as we were all new to the baby life!!

You think you may loose your old life, but you actually gain far more than that! Congratulations and bring on the good times!

Why don't you get a ticker on the forum? It might help get you ued to the idea

 

[keljordan]

Hi there!! I felt exactly the sane with my first pregnancy (unplanned) I was scared, nervous and felt like I had no control over what was happening to me, like something was invading my body. That was until.... I heard the heartbeat for the first time ever and something just snapped, then I had the 12 week scan, then the 20 week etc, etc, I was still scared but as soon as I saw my little baby boy staring up at me I was just overwhelmed with this feeling of love and just wanted to protect him from everything! He's now 5 and he's my little soldier, such a character, so loveable. I went through a tough time with my partner and he left for a while and it was my little man that kept me strong, he said to me one day "don't worry mummy I'll betect (protect) you". And now me and my partner are expecting our second, I can't wait for Dylan to have a brother or a sister! Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy i'm sure you'll be just fine chick xx

 

[nic0la]

Im really glad you posted this because even though we had been trying for over two years once the initial giddyness had worn off I felt totally overwhelmed. I had been wandering around asda and stumbled on the baby section . once there it hit me and I felt tearfull and well ,overwhelmed. I have to agree with the others that have posted that this must be a symptom of the raging hormones because i seem to swing from excited to terrified (my poor husband.) Hope you feel better soon and dont be too hard on yourself, this is a fantastic but scarry experience.

 

[Squeakz]

Hi sorry not been on in ages.....been a hectic few weeks, thanks so much for your replies, its really helped to know im not alone, however actually starting to feel relatively happy lol!! xxxxxxxxxx