Relationship problem, am I being unreasonable ?.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by lillith112, Jan 22, 2017.

  1. StephHarris212

    StephHarris212 Well-Known Member

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    It sounds to me like he's had a ton of chances to call for an aid for his mom. And it also sounds like he hasn't taken those chances to get out of there and get his mom the proper care she needs.

    Again I don't know the situation but all of it to me sounds fishy and like an excuse. But, I could be wrong. And, I do hope I am wrong.


     
  2. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    I just have to accept that he will never leave his mum. I have 2 choices, I either accept or end it. It's not every day you meet your soulmate so I am going to stop pressuring him and enjoy my weeks of freedom while we are apart. I do feel for him as he wants to do the best for his mum but feels torn between keeping me happy. He feels it is his duty to look after his mum for the rest of her days so I guess I have to respect that. I'm trying to turn this all around into a positive instead of feeling negative about the whole situation. I will concentrate on looking forward and enjoying the time we do spend together until the foreseeable future when things may change. xx
     
  3. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry to hear this lillith :(

    He does have a choice, he doesn't have to stay, he can just walk out and leave them to it. She is capable of using a phone and arranging her own care I assume? If not then the brother must be able to do that, afterall what if your oh suddenly got ill himself or even died? Someone would have to step up and take over. It would seriously impact on his relationship with his family but he has to choose if he wants to run around after them forever or have a life for himself and it is a choice only he can make. His inaction on everything is his current choice and that screams to me that he is happy to carry on as he is.

    It is a shitty situation to be in. I think if it were me I would have a good think about the pros and cons of this relationship, work out what I wanted long term. Then have a chat with him about your thoughts and see if his match up. I think you two also need to agree a timescale for things to happen, ie he needs to decide what he wants by x date, then if you agree something will happen it also has to happen by y date and so on. Just dilly dallying about doesn't move you forwards and doesn't make you happy, it just pisses you about and stops you getting on and meeting someone else who will commit instead if that is what it came down to. Life is too short to be miserable and waiting for the never never. I hope you can work something out, good luck x
     
  4. snowbee

    snowbee Well-Known Member

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    PS I wish I had taken my own advice at one point in my life! I was being dicked about by someone I was in a long term but long distance relationship with, I was engaged to him (more fool me) and we had even booked our wedding when I discovered he married someone else on a weekend he was apparently 'working' and couldn't see me. He had even been on holiday with me the week before! His behaviour was similar to your oh though and now I realise he was just a dick making excuses and I wish I had seen it sooner and moved on sooner. Nice guys are out there, don't waste time on wastrels!
     
  5. 1sttimemum2b

    1sttimemum2b Well-Known Member

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    Are you pregnant?

    I wouldn't expect him to leave him mum on her own but the gaps could be less and he could try and get home helps to attend to his mum everyday

    If you can't stand the distance and the long gaps, as hard as it is I would end it.
     
    #85 1sttimemum2b, Feb 6, 2017
    Last edited: Feb 6, 2017
  6. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    Snowbee he has said he could just walk out but his mum is frail and not all there mentally, he doesn't want to fall out with her or his brother as they are the only family he has, so in his mind he has no choice. He is too weak a character to stick up for himself and have a life of his own.

    I'm so sorry what happened to you, blimey that's horrendous ��.

    1st time mum, no I'm not pregnant. My blood results show I very rarely ovulate so will need help to get pregnant. I did catch last September but my Dr said that it was a fluke. x
     
  7. may1718

    may1718 Well-Known Member

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    if he really wants to be with you and know you are unhappy with current situation surely he will arranged something but maybe he cant straight away but should be showing you plans about the future at least.
    tough situation x
     
  8. prayforme

    prayforme Member

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    I know you are in a situation where you want him to be by your side, but his mom needs him. I mean, she's old and sick, I know you need him too. Why not talk about your situation, explain your side and find a solution. If you can move in together in a place that is convenient for the two of you or make adjustment just to make things better.
     
    #88 prayforme, Oct 12, 2017
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2017

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