Am i being unreasonable??

[sazzleevans]

Hi

I just wanted some advice, if anyone has any views i would love to hear from you.

I have been with my OH for nearly 4 years. All his family live abroad and never visit. We vist them or we pay for them to vist us whilst in Spain but they dont visit as they say their finances are limited...fair enough.

Three years ago i paid for my OH mum to fly over from Spain. All the family thought it was a bad idea as she is known to be a very difficult person. Shes divorced from his dad, very spanish and lives in Majorca. She looks like Dorian off Birds of a feather.

Anyway, from the time she landed she looked down her nose at me. Refused to be civil and in the end left early.
She was very clever how she did it making loads of comments out of earshot of my OH but it resulted in OH shouting at her.
Before she left i pointed out that i had tried to help her see her son. He hadnt seen her for 2 years,as she difficult and was scared that she might casue trouble between us. I also pointed out that my OH had hidden all the photos in the house of me with other members of their family as she would know we had been to see them...which i thought was odd. Anyway she left under a very big cloud!!!!

Since she has denied my existance. She has sent Christmas cards soley addressed to my OH and when we stayed with his brother and his partner she sent a parcel of gifts over, with loads of nicely rapped gifts for his brothers girlfriend and none for me.

Two years ago she was 60 and they had a big family gathering...without me in Palma. All the kids went, partners etc and they stayed in a fancy hotel had lavish meals while i sat at home in Cardiff. I didnt mind too much as i didnt want to cause a problem and make it difficult for my OH.

Over the last two years i have sent sevral emails asking could we make up but with no reply.

Two weeks ago i sent a text to het by mistake. She instantly replied asking who it was. When i sent a text backing saying i was sorry but had text the wrong number. (text said..see you in half an hour) and asked how she was she didnt reply. I tried again and said that i would love to sort things out as we are PG and would love her to be part of the family etc but still no reply. I offered to email scan photos...still nothing!!

Today my OH told me he has booked a flight to go to Majorca for another family doo. Its his mums birthday and his brother and girlfriend are going and his kids. He works away all week and would be going on the weekend....

My question is am i wrong is saying that if he goes i should go???

I dont like her but for the sake of the kid i would like us to be able to sit in the same room and be civil to each other.

What message if any do you think it sends if i dont go and they just all act like i dont exist??

I would like to know what you think.

Thanks

Sarah

 

[weestar21]

maybe i havent read it properly hun so sorry if this is wrong


does your OH mind if you go? If he wants you to go then i would go show her your not staying away becauseof her bitterness.

I think if your OH wants to go be with his family andnot have you their then i would just tell him how you feel and you want to get on withhis mother.

sorry im not sure what the problem is wether its just your OH mother or the fact your OH doesnt want you to be their im off to read again sorry if ive just rambled rubbish

xxxxxxx

 

[Emmylou]

Think you should go, at the end of the day you haven't done anything wrong, and you never know she may show an interest, at least if she tries to be civil with you its a breakthrough.

Good luck sweetie

 

[cassi]

I think you're oh needs to buck up and put the old witch in her place! He needs to tell her he comes as a package now not just him on his own anymore! She either needs to try and get on with you or get stuffed!

sorry you have such a horrible MIL!

 

[sazzleevans]

Hi

The problem is how long goes this go on for?? My OH thinks his mums bonkers and just wants asn easy life. If he goes on his own and plays happy families then she will be ok but if i went so would be a cow and may even refuse to see me.

I think my OH should show a united front and say we come as a package and she cant select to have just him their. What happens when our baby arrives. Does she refuse to see them too or just see them without me??

I think unless he stands up for me then she will just continue to pretend i dont exist. I just wonder if i should care but i do. I hate agro and would like a grandmother for my child who can at least sit in the same room as me.

I cant decide if i am being unreasonable or not. I am just dissapointed he didnt say we come as a package but i can understand why he has taken the easy option.

Sarah

 

[jennywren]

You are not beign unreasonable.

You need to ask / beg your OH if you have to for him to stick up for you especially now you are PG. The baby is part of both of you, she needs to accept you, she sound like a very selfish woman tbh.

 

[jennywren]

PS I voted no cause I didnt read the poll, well I did but I imagined it said ''am I being unreasonable'' for some reason so I vote Yes you shoudl go

 

[sazzleevans]

Ha....thats funny.

She is really bonkers. She does look like the Dorian off birds of a feather...very glam and i think my down to earth approach grates on her maybe.

Shes 62 and thinks she about 34. Very attractive but as you said as selfish as they get!!

 

[K X]

U r carrying her grandchild ffs! i know only too well about crappy mil's. u should go, I voted YES!!!!

 

[Strangeness]

I would go. She is acting like a complete child! I have a mil from hell as well! At the end of the day you are trying to make it work especially now she has a grandchild on the way and she should be civil for the baby. Like you said what's going to happen when the baby arrives? I would in no way ever let her just see her son adn you baby, you are the baby's mother so you should be there and she can't ignore you.

Once the baby arrives you'll know what to do hun, tolerance levels disappear when you have a child to think of. I told my mil to stuff her relationship with me and my son after she was constantly slagging me off (people on here have heard all about it lol).

 

[sazzleevans]

We just had a big fight over it. He just seems to take the easy option.

I am hurt that he would book the flight wthout talking to me first. It cost of £250 just for a weekend and thats going to include his hotel and all the fancy places she will want to go to eat plus her present and shes a very expensive lady!!!!

We were due to go away for 2 weeks this week but we cancelled as he wants to save!! Ha!!!! He wants to save but then does this!!!!!

Sarah

 

[Urchin]

It's you OH responsiblity to sort his mom out. If you want to go, he should tell her you are coming and she should stop being such a selfish old witch.

 

[*saulino*]

Hi

I owuld go but also tell your OH that he needs to defend you if he goes you go , if you cant go cuz she odnt want you go i dont think he should go either , you did nothign wrong i think shes just jelous of you to be honest.
I really hope you figure thinsgout there is no way you can keeo doing this your whole life she needs to grow up and act her age.
Katrina

 

It's you OH responsiblity to sort his mom out. If you want to go, he should tell her you are coming and she should stop being such a selfish old witch.

Second that (no need to find new words to say the same thing )

She needs a good talking to and to sort her issues out. or a slap?

 

[bobtheunfortunateone]

I hate saying this but I wouldn't go! Some people don't know how to be cival (Talking from experience) She is treating you like nothing when you have tryed so hard, but as I have realised you can only try so much then you get worked up! Just think what she will be like with you when you go!

Does your husband want to go?
Does he want you to go to?
Or do you think you should because you are apart of the family too? Been there and no matter how I tried to make thinks right its me who gets upsets and worked up they don't even bother! Trust me look after yourself, but if your hubby wants you there it is also important to support him, but don't go out of your way for her!

xxx
Cathy