Relationship problem, am I being unreasonable ?.

Discussion in 'Relationships' started by lillith112, Jan 22, 2017.

  1. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    Think your gonna have to have a chat with him face to face when his next down and say, your really struggling with it all now and it's getting to you. Make sure your heard and he understands because it's not fair on you to be putting up with it xx
     
  2. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    Already did that last week, he knows exactly how much I struggle with it all, he wasn't taking the conversation seriously and kept making jokes so I ended up in the kitchen crying ��. I've just spoken to him now on the phone and he says he finds it hard ringing social care as his mum is 82yrs old and is no spring chicken. He has offered more regular visits not 4-7 week gaps. I also said we can't go on paying for carers as over the 2yrs we have spent a couple of thousand pounds each. I told him it's wrong that I help pay, he agreed that it's disgusting that we have to do that, so as from now I think I will stop paying my half. That's about as far as I can get with this all, end of day there is no way he will leave his mum, I admire him for his commitment and loyalty to her but I bloody hate the old bat for not letting him have a life or relationship of his own. Essentially she is the one stopping us being together xx
     
    #42 lillith112, Jan 23, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2017
  3. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    You've defo made the right move hun, now it's a waiting game to see what happens! Xx
     
  4. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    Yes we will see, I have a strong feeling it will revert back to 4-7 weeks apart as something always seems to crop up like hospital appointments, something in the house needing repair, brother or mum being ill.

    I will keep you informed. x
     
  5. Papermoon

    Papermoon Well-Known Member

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    Wow this sounds like a horrible situation. Has he ever been married before? His mom has probably been doing this kind of emotional/mental abuse towards him all his life. Since he can't/won't stand up to his mom and his mom won't compromise, then I guess it all comes down to what you're willing to put up with and for how long.
     
    #45 Papermoon, Jan 23, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2017
  6. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    No he's never been married but has been in 2 long term relationships where he was living with them. His ex was very abusive towards him. He eventually left her and moved back to his mums 5 years ago, she fell and broke her hip joint and he's been carer for her ever since.

    You are right though it's up to me how long I'm willing to put up with it like this. Sometimes I come very close to ending it especially when it's a 7week gap, I start feeling very low and insecure about the relationship by then. x
     
  7. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    It's not surprising hun, I've got my fingers crossed for you something changes xxxxx
     
  8. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    Thankyou Tigress, I hope something changes but I seriously doubt it will. x
     
    #48 lillith112, Jan 25, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2017
  9. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    What happens if nothing changes?x
     
  10. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    If nothing changes I guess if I want to stay with him I either have to put up with it like it is but do more regular visits, as horrible as it sounds it will be until his mum passes away, or me and kids move up to him or last resort I end it. I can't see any other ways to move forward. x
     
  11. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    I could always try turning the distance thing into a positive thing and accept it as it is. I have time away from him and it definitely makes us appreciate each other more when we see each other. We haven't had one bad word or argument in 2yrs which has to be a good thing. x
     
  12. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    It is, I just worry about when you fall pregnant your going to be going through it alone. Not only us that sad for you but sad for him also. Pregnancy can be a stressful and emotional time and you need support. Especially as you have other kids you could probably do with it. I hope you can sort something before then x
     
  13. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    I think I'm going to give up ttc hun, my 21 day bloods showed I didn't ovulate, must of been a miracle how I caught pregnant in September. I'm not ready emotionally to have a baby while we live apart. x
     
  14. Tigeress

    Tigeress Well-Known Member

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    Sorry hun, hope your feeling ok xxx
     
  15. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I'm sorry to, be strong huni xx
     
  16. Papermoon

    Papermoon Well-Known Member

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    Aaawww sorry to hear that Lillith! :hugs: :hugs:
     
  17. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    If you was to get pregnant do you think that would change things?x
     
  18. lillith112

    lillith112 Well-Known Member

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    I have no idea if it would be the push he needs to actually start moving the relationship forward or whether he would carry on as it is. I did tell him that if I caught pregnant there was no way I would be doing the 9 months on my own. He used to joke about it saying he will have to drive 260 miles to see the baby, I didn't find it funny in the slightest !. x
     
  19. Blueclass

    Blueclass Well-Known Member

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    No i wouldn't either. I hope you fall pregnant soon and hope that would be the push he would need. X
     
  20. Papermoon

    Papermoon Well-Known Member

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    Yes, hopefully he would at least put his baby's needs ahead of his mom and make her compromise. Nobody can fault him for putting the needs of his child first. They may try to guilt trip him about putting a girl friend before his mom, but no one can say a thing about putting his baby before anyone else. That's what he's expected to do. So maybe that will make it easier for him to finally put his foot down with his mom. Even though he said he'll drive all those miles to see his little one, once he sees the first ultrasound I think that will change, and he'll want to be there with and for you. And maybe she'll come to her senses and compromise some for her grandchild.
     
    #60 Papermoon, Jan 27, 2017
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2017

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