Relationship problem, am I being unreasonable ?.

[Crazycatwoman]

Hey Hun, hope your ok! Xx
SS had been very quiet lately. Miss you xxx

 

[lillith112]

Hey Hun, hope your ok! Xx
SS had been very quiet lately. Miss you xxx

I noticed nobody has commented on ss thread the last few days. I miss you lot too. I keep meaning to message you via facebook Hayley. I miss all you lot. I'm still popping on to see how you're all doing. xx

 

[lillith112]

Yes, hopefully he would at least put his baby's needs ahead of his mom and make her compromise. Nobody can fault him for putting the needs of his child first. They may try to guilt trip him about putting a girl friend before his mom, but no one can say a thing about putting his baby before anyone else. That's what he's expected to do. So maybe that will make it easier for him to finally put his foot down with his mom. Even though he said he'll drive all those miles to see his little one, once he sees the first ultrasound I think that will change, and he'll want to be there with and for you. And maybe she'll come to her senses and compromise some for her grandchild.

Yes in theory that's how it should be Papermoon, but I'm not so sure it would work out Tha way. He has made a joke a few times about having to keep the baby a secret from his mum and brother as they would apparently disapprove due to his age 48, it would be wrong in their eyes !, bloody ridiculous family if you ask me. x

 

[Donna88]

Ridiculous family yes, but he also needs to man up and stick up for himself. He shouldn't be talking about having a baby if he would even joke about keeping it a secret
If he wants to have a baby with you then he needs to be a man and admit that, stop being pushed around by his family and not worry about what they think. I think more people think it's wrong that he is so wrapped up in trying to please them at 48 than having a baby.

Sorry I hope that didn't sound too harsh, but I am shocked.

 

[lillith112]

Ridiculous family yes, but he also needs to man up and stick up for himself. He shouldn't be talking about having a baby if he would even joke about keeping it a secret
If he wants to have a baby with you then he needs to be a man and admit that, stop being pushed around by his family and not worry about what they think. I think more people think it's wrong that he is so wrapped up in trying to please them at 48 than having a baby.

Sorry I hope that didn't sound too harsh, but I am shocked.

Donna don't worry, what you said isn't harsh, it's the truth. Unfortunately my OH doesn't have the balls to stick up for himself especially where his family is involved, he would rather get walked all over and be treated like a doormat. I think this is mainly due to his complete lack of confidence and self worth from being in an abusive relationship for years, he suffered lots of emotional abuse from his Ex. He is a very weak character, happy to just go with the flow, doesn't like change. xx

 

[Donna88]

Ridiculous family yes, but he also needs to man up and stick up for himself. He shouldn't be talking about having a baby if he would even joke about keeping it a secret
If he wants to have a baby with you then he needs to be a man and admit that, stop being pushed around by his family and not worry about what they think. I think more people think it's wrong that he is so wrapped up in trying to please them at 48 than having a baby.

Sorry I hope that didn't sound too harsh, but I am shocked.

Donna don't worry, what you said isn't harsh, it's the truth. Unfortunately my OH doesn't have the balls to stick up for himself especially where his family is involved, he would rather get walked all over and be treated like a doormat. I think this is mainly due to his complete lack of confidence and self worth from being in an abusive relationship for years, he suffered lots of emotional abuse from his Ex. He is a very weak character, happy to just go with the flow, doesn't like change. xx

That's so sad to hear though I mean it's great that he got out of the abusive relationship, but the fact that it not only broke him that much, but that it's almost just been transferred to his family instead. He needs help in being his own person and not letting others control him.

I hope you guys work this out eventually

 

[lillith112]

Ridiculous family yes, but he also needs to man up and stick up for himself. He shouldn't be talking about having a baby if he would even joke about keeping it a secret
If he wants to have a baby with you then he needs to be a man and admit that, stop being pushed around by his family and not worry about what they think. I think more people think it's wrong that he is so wrapped up in trying to please them at 48 than having a baby.

Sorry I hope that didn't sound too harsh, but I am shocked.

Donna don't worry, what you said isn't harsh, it's the truth. Unfortunately my OH doesn't have the balls to stick up for himself especially where his family is involved, he would rather get walked all over and be treated like a doormat. I think this is mainly due to his complete lack of confidence and self worth from being in an abusive relationship for years, he suffered lots of emotional abuse from his Ex. He is a very weak character, happy to just go with the flow, doesn't like change. xx

That's so sad to hear though I mean it's great that he got out of the abusive relationship, but the fact that it not only broke him that much, but that it's almost just been transferred to his family instead. He needs help in being his own person and not letting others control him.

I hope you guys work this out eventually

Thanks Donna, I guess what will be will be, I'm just trying to stop stressing about it all as it's making me ill. I've decided to not even mention anything to do with it anymore, reverse psychology lol. At least I won't keep getting upset and frustrated if I stop pushing him to do something he may never do, I will have to go with the flow for now.

You lot on here have been awesome, it's really helped me sharing this issue, though it's not solved it has given me outside opinions that have made me feel a lot better and not so guilty about all this. Thankyou all so much x

 

[lillith112]

Ladies please help I'm a mess. It's been 2 weeks since i saw OH. I planned a drive up with my kids to see him today. I've only visited him once on my own to meet his mum. Anyway, last night I needed to ring him so discuss the visit and he went all weird on me. He said that it was too far for me to drive, he's embarrassed by the house and it's best if I just stay away !. Wtf ?. He kept texting he wants peace and quiet thankyou and wants to sleep. He wouldn't even answer the phone to me to discuss the drive up.

I feel so hurt and rejected, I honestly don't know what to do, I've been awake all night worrying. Admittedly I have been pushing for him to get down here permanent and get the ball rolling, but after 2yrs together its understandable isn't It ?. I wonder if I've put way too much pressure on him. Maybe my 3 kids would be too much for him up there. We were so looking forward to seeing him and a weekend away. I'm in total shock at his reaction. ��

 

[StephHarris212]

Yes the situation is not an easy one, he feels trapped as he doesn't want to upset his family as his mum and brother are all he has. I feel badly for expecting him to sort fulltime carers for his mum as she will think I am trying to take him away from her. I know she wants to hold onto him and not let go which makes it all the more difficult for him to leave.

I will carry on mentioning the carers to him and in all fairness I should try to make more of an effort to go there for a weekend now and again. I either put up with it as it is if nothing changes or finish it, blimey what a carry on. Thankyou for your input girls, I'm still stuck in a catch 22 situation, I love him so much I couldn't bare ending it, he is the most loving, caring, heart of gold, loyal man I have ever met. Why does life have to be so difficult ?, all I want to do is be with my soulmate. xx

His mother should expect him to have a life. If he cannot make some sort of commitment then to me it sounds he is not ready. He needs to know how you feel. You can't have even the closest resentment of a relationship without an actual commitment. Maybe, you two can sit down and decide on a date where he can move down with you? But, his mother should not expect him to stick around forever. Visiting, is one thing and he doesn't need to end his relationship with his mother or family. But, they need not be selfish themselves. It's not ever going to go anywhere unless he begins to show some kind of commitment. And, he won't ever grow his own life if he doesn't go off on his own and begin his life.

I would agree that he needs to find someone who can help take care of his mother. She can't rely on him to take care of her forever. It's not fair to you or to him. Maybe a home health aid?

I'm so sorry this is happening. I remember having a long distance relationship and it only lasted for about 6 months. Just couldn't work. Was too hard and he wasn't willing to commit to sticking around. I hope this gives you some insight. And, I truly hope it works out for you. I know how hard this is for you. But, you deserve better. And, he needs to understand that. (Sorry if that seems selfish but I just don't see where you are wrong here you know?)

Hope it all works out. For the both of you.

 

[StephHarris212]

Ladies please help I'm a mess. It's been 2 weeks since i saw OH. I planned a drive up with my kids to see him today. I've only visited him once on my own to meet his mum. Anyway, last night I needed to ring him so discuss the visit and he went all weird on me. He said that it was too far for me to drive, he's embarrassed by the house and it's best if I just stay away !. Wtf ?. He kept texting he wants peace and quiet thankyou and wants to sleep. He wouldn't even answer the phone to me to discuss the drive up.

I feel so hurt and rejected, I honestly don't know what to do, I've been awake all night worrying. Admittedly I have been pushing for him to get down here permanent and get the ball rolling, but after 2yrs together its understandable isn't It ?. I wonder if I've put way too much pressure on him. Maybe my 3 kids would be too much for him up there. We were so looking forward to seeing him and a weekend away. I'm in total shock at his reaction. ��

I'm sorry if this seems harsh.. But, if he loved you and cared about you he wouldn't ignore you or play games like this. That is just absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry hun.

 

[lillith112]

It is horrible, I can't stop crying, I don't know what is going on. I don't know if we are still together or if he wants to end it. He won't answer his phone and has told me to leave him alone, and his reason for ignoring me is because he wants to be by himself. Two years, and engaged and I am being treated like this. I'm shocked. x

 

[StephHarris212]

It is horrible, I can't stop crying, I don't know what is going on. I don't know if we are still together or if he wants to end it. He won't answer his phone and has told me to leave him alone, and his reason for ignoring me is because he wants to be by himself. Two years, and engaged and I am being treated like this. I'm shocked. x

I would honestly end it with him. If he truly loves you he won't want to end it. He won't hide behind a phone and ask you to leave him alone. Those are not actions of a fiancé of 2 years.

I don't want to make assumptions here, but during my long distance relationship the guy I was with didn't want to commit to sticking together and I had found out he was with someone else. It sounds like the same kind of thing but I don't want to assume either you know? Still, I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. It's not fair or right. I really hope things start to work out for you hun.

 

[Blueclass]

Hey sorry to read this is still going on. I have to agree with the above, I mean you have been together for 2 years so why is he acting like a dick. Its out of order as he knows you arranged to go and not only did he let you down but he let your kids down after they was excited. Sorry but I wouldn't want a man in my life who let's my kids down after they was excited. Not only did he do this his now got the audacity to ignore you like you was out of order. So what if you put pressure on him. We all said we would do the same, it's been 2yrs what does he expect! Sounds like his going to stay a mummy's boy and never leave her and one day he will realise his missed out on so much. You was also meant to be trying g for a baby and his doing this crap to you, his clearly not ready for commitment. Its a shame you can't just turn up at his house and say we need to talk this is not on. If you ignore my calls what do you expect...me to sit at home going out of my mind!
I once had a bf we was together 2yrs and he lived 60miles from me. I never drove so he used to come to me. Saw him every few weeks as with the journey and work it was difficult. He told me he lots of things with never added up and I found out the address to his house which he apparently letter out and he didn't live there. I turned up 5 days before our first holiday to find he was living with another girl who he got with 3months before me. He had been telling me we was going to live events together have babies ect. I even had a mc and he still saw the both of us. Obviously once I found out he was with her it was over. We did try for a week or so but I thought after everything I can't trust him.
I guess what I'm saying is of you just turned up you would see if his lying or if he just needs to sort his head out. It's horrible when your going out of your mind questioning what's happening. Its not fair you have not done anything wrong. Xxx

 

[StephHarris212]

Hey sorry to read this is still going on. I have to agree with the above, I mean you have been together for 2 years so why is he acting like a dick. Its out of order as he knows you arranged to go and not only did he let you down but he let your kids down after they was excited. Sorry but I wouldn't want a man in my life who let's my kids down after they was excited. Not only did he do this his now got the audacity to ignore you like you was out of order. So what if you put pressure on him. We all said we would do the same, it's been 2yrs what does he expect! Sounds like his going to stay a mummy's boy and never leave her and one day he will realise his missed out on so much. You was also meant to be trying g for a baby and his doing this crap to you, his clearly not ready for commitment. Its a shame you can't just turn up at his house and say we need to talk this is not on. If you ignore my calls what do you expect...me to sit at home going out of my mind!
I once had a bf we was together 2yrs and he lived 60miles from me. I never drove so he used to come to me. Saw him every few weeks as with the journey and work it was difficult. He told me he lots of things with never added up and I found out the address to his house which he apparently letter out and he didn't live there. I turned up 5 days before our first holiday to find he was living with another girl who he got with 3months before me. He had been telling me we was going to live events together have babies ect. I even had a mc and he still saw the both of us. Obviously once I found out he was with her it was over. We did try for a week or so but I thought after everything I can't trust him.
I guess what I'm saying is of you just turned up you would see if his lying or if he just needs to sort his head out. It's horrible when your going out of your mind questioning what's happening. Its not fair you have not done anything wrong. Xxx

So true! You definitely didn't do anything wrong hun. And, you don't have to deal with that. If he doesn't want the commitment then it's time for you to find someone who wants the commitment and wants to have a family and be part of your children's life. You deserve so much better! If you need someone to talk too feel free to message anytime hun.

 

[Papermoon]

It is horrible, I can't stop crying, I don't know what is going on. I don't know if we are still together or if he wants to end it. He won't answer his phone and has told me to leave him alone, and his reason for ignoring me is because he wants to be by himself. Two years, and engaged and I am being treated like this. I'm shocked. x

Aaawww Lillith Sorry this is happening! Yes I agree with what the other two ladies said. It's sad and unfair.

 

[lillith112]

He contacted me just after 6pm tonight, he told me he was being like that because he is embarrassed about his mums house, his words were it's a hoarders paradise. Well I've been there and the bedrooms are bad, it would mean all of us sleeping on the floor so not good at all, but instead of discussing it over the phone he text me, only problem was that text was delayed so I had no idea why he was being a dick head. He went all quiet because he feels like he keeps letting me down. He said he is fed up of all the clutter, it gets him really down. xx

 

[StephHarris212]

He contacted me just after 6pm tonight, he told me he was being like that because he is embarrassed about his mums house, his words were it's a hoarders paradise. Well I've been there and the bedrooms are bad, it would mean all of us sleeping on the floor so not good at all, but instead of discussing it over the phone he text me, only problem was that text was delayed so I had no idea why he was being a dick head. He went all quiet because he feels like he keeps letting me down. He said he is fed up of all the clutter, it gets him really down. xx

I hope I'm not being harsh by saying this, it sounds like an excuse to me. If he was really embarrassed about it why doesn't he come to see you then? Why the games? I don't know the whole situation and again I don't want to just assume but it all seems fishy. If it was me I would proceed with caution.

It's not like he can't come and see you, so there really isn't any excuse for him to act this way. And, I mean he texted you. Didn't even have the decency or the respect to up and call you. Just sounds like he's not ready to commit. Again I'm so sorry this is all happening. And, I do hope it gets better

 

[Blueclass]

I know ow he feels like he has to care for his mum but if he just left to see you she would have to get on with things. Also he knew what his house is like before he invited you to stay so why invite you? Could you not stay in a B&B? It is a hard situation but I couldn't go on like this x

 

[lillith112]

Unfortunately he can't just up and leave, I wish he could, his mum can't get into the kitchen so he would need to book carers for him to come to me.
He has rang me and apologized profusely, everything had got to him, the situation, the house, the clutter. He feels trapped so he just did the typical bloke thing and bottled it all up and had a bit of a break down. x

 

[Blueclass]

I feel for him a bit but he needs to tell his mum she needs to pay for her carers or at least help. X