Questions about vaginal births vs c-sections

[SisEverson]

Hello everybody, my name is Sis and I am very happy I have found this forum. I have been reading through threads and finding all kinds of valuable information.
But there is something I haven't come across yet and it's really bugging me lately.
I'm not pregnant but my husband and I have decided that it's almost time to start trying. I decide years ago I would deliver via c-section. And yes I have done my research and I know this is what's best for me and my baby when it comes.
One of the many reasons I have choosen this is because I don't want to risk having my body change more than it has to. I don't mean to offend anyone with this statement and I am not judging women who have given birth vaginally so please dont telling me I'm wrong in thinking that or freak out on me.
Over the years I have had countless friends having babies and every single one of them said they aren't the same. Some have prolapsed, others pee or even poo when they jump, laugh, sneeze and such. I have not heard once first hand that they "went back to normal", even doing kegel exercises!
So in recent months when my husband and I started talking about babies, I told immediate family members that I will be choosing an elective c-section. They were instantly offended. That's the part I do not understand....? All three of these women have told me they deal with all kinds of problems down there after birth and giggle about it because they said the same things will happen to me but as soon as they heard my plan they insisted that they never had a problem and they were back to their "normal down there selves" within weeks.
I'm just assuming now that they feel I'm judging them because their bodies changed. I am not! I just happen to know the risks and I feel I'm making the best decision for myself.
Has anyone else had to deal with this?
Just yesterday my sister inlaw was telling my husband (behind my back) that I'm crazy for wanting that and that she had no problems (even though she confessed to both of us a few months ago that she'd pee herself if she got on a trampoline, over 3 years after her last child)
Now my husband suspects that I'm only doing it because I'm misinformed.
What the hell? I am so frustrated! It's my choice but now I'm dealing with everyone judging me

Edit: I guess I should've titled this "Frustrated with other opinions being shoved down my throat" I really don't know what to say to them anymore. My husbands family is turning against me because I don't agree with them about what's best for me. And I think I've offended my own sister even though that wasn't my intention at all.

 

[wifeywifey]

This is a very heated subject and a personal decision I for one would never opt for surgery over natural but all we can do is give you our opinions which may not be the same as yours. Ps I have two boys never did kegals and have never wet myself.

 

[x Mrs TS x]

As wifeywifey said this is a very heated subject. I'm not sure what anyone can say will make you feel any better as your reasons for wanting a c section are your own and very individual to you. I personally think people may have reacted negatively as there are a lot of considerations for birth which go beyond possible problems down below so perhaps people struggle to understand why that is your main focus (as it seems from your post). I'm also not sure it's so simple as choosing between the two, perhaps you could talk through your concerns with a midwife who may be able to provide more accurate information.

 

[Ella1979]

I agree with the above. It's your choice - don't let anyone make you feel bad for choosing what's best for you. But as with vaginal births, c-sections also change you (although not in the same way).

I've had 2 c-sections (not through choice). I found my tummy overhangs my scar and gives my whole tummy area a "weird" kind of look (I hate being in a swimsuit now), which has got a bit worse with the 2nd section I had a month ago. Also, the scar can be sore and/or numb (the sensation doesn't seem to be coming back either - almost 2 years since my first section). I found the sensation around the scar really odd and it has affected my sex life in that some things are now really uncomfortable. This time I've also been left with nerve pain and backache from the spinal anaesthetic. I'm hoping this will go in time.

Your body will change whatever way you choose to give birth.

 

[cosmicgirl]

Not trying to change your mind but as someone who has experienced both, let me give my opinion.
I have had 4 babies vaginally and one via a c section.
I don't wee or poo (unless I choose to!).
I don't have a looser vagina, it's as good as it's always been. It looks no different.
The one thing I do have is a numb stomach, a wonky scar, a slight skin overhang and I now cannot wear a bikini because I'm paranoia about the tip of the scar peeping out.
I know people who have had a section and experience incontinence and prolapse - pregnancy can do that for you!
I know you are just talking about body changes so won't go into the recovery (vaginal was much easier!).

 

[CARNAT22]

Have a read through the thread with the padlock on it

 

[BunnyN]

I understand some of your frustration because doctors, nurses and most people I know did not understand my birth choices. Funnily enough a CS was the exact opposite of what I wanted. I planned an unmedicated home birth with an independant MW. Where I live HB is not well accepted. People told me that it was dangerous, that I couldn't do it, I was even laughed at. In the end we just kept our plans fairly quiet and did what we felt was best for me and our baby. OH was the only one who's opinion I really cared about and after being a bit worried about it to start with he was very supportive. The birth was lovely and I had a quick recovery we couldn't be happier with the choices we made.

Honestly I don't really agree with elective sections without medical reason and don't understand why anyone would want one BUT I do believe having your birth choices respected is a basic human right and I assume if you have been planning this for a long time you know more about the pros and cons than I do. I don't think there is a need for me to understand your choices, they are your choices and if you have thought them out you don't need me to tell you what is best for you and your baby. I'm sure you are fed up of hearing other people tell you what to do so try not to let thoughtless comments get to you and try to remember that most people, especially your family, just want the best for you. I do think you might find some helpful comments from people who have experience of CS. I know several of women who hate their CS scar. and a couple who had very long recoveries. Incontinence, prolapse etc can have as much to do with pregnancy as with birth in many cases.

As far as your legal rights go NICE guidelines quoted on the NHS site say:

If a woman requests a caesarean section because she's anxious about childbirth, she should be referred to a healthcare professional with expertise in providing mental health support. She should be offered a planned caesarean if, after discussion and support, she still feels a vaginal birth is not an acceptable option.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Caesarean-section/Pages/Introduction.aspx


There is a book Choosing Cesarean: A Natural Birth Plan by Murphy, Magnus you might find helpful.

I'd add from my experience getting upset and defensive about it just compounds the situation. Try to stay level headed and discuss your reasons calmly with those you need to and just smile and quietly get on with it with those who don't need to know and you will save yourself a lot of conflict.

 

[cosmicgirl]

I don't know about you ladies but pregnancy itself changed my body much more than birth did!

 

[BunnyN]

I don't know about you ladies but pregnancy itself changed my body much more than birth did!

Same here.

 

[Laura_C]

Having had 3 c sections and facing a 4th - not by choice unfortunately, I would always have opted for a natural birth. I don't mind my scar too much, but the slight overhang is just depressing. Its so difficult to get rid of, I don't think I ever will without further surgery. I just don't look the same as I did in clothes anymore and have had to change the sort of stuff I wear due to it

I had a long labour with my first child which resulted in an emergency section, then had to deliver my second child prematurely via c section due to fetal demise. This resulted in me not having any further choice with any subsequent deliveries. I also have a medical condition which necessitates a c sec delivery, I had this condition before I started having babies and chose to try a vaginal birth if I could which was supported but obviously didnt go to plan.

I would always attempt a natural delivery if possible.

I'm not looking forward to the state of my poor tummy after a 4th c section. I would say if you want a big family or certainly more than 2 babies a natural delivery is preferable as you just don't know how the surgery will go. It will increase you chances of rupture too. I don't want to scare you but I was advised no more babies after my 3rd due to the state of my uterus. Just something to consider as the risks to you are also much increased.

My c secs have all been uneventful and have gone to plan and haven't needed any additional intervention, so been very lucky. The actual surgery is fine, never found it too bad but you have to consider the long recovery time afterwards. You will have a baby to look after too so can't just rest as much as you would. I'm just trying to coordinate how I will manage my other children whilst in hospital for 2 days min and then for at least a couple of weeks afterwards. I have school runs to do etc which is going to be impossible as I cant drive! Having to rely heavily on family during this time, if you have this sort of support in place then that's great because lots of people don't have family nearby able to help xxx

 

[Laura_C]

Plus yes, pregnancy had a huge effect on my body! Your body WILL change in pregnancy regardless of which delivery option you choose xx

 

[redbear]

Be prepared to piss yourself throughout pregnancy, I would when I threw up in the third trimester I would piss myself everytime. I gave birth twice vaginally and ill tell you when we went back to dtd afterwards my husband ripped the skin on his manhood because I was too tight!
Its down to you to do your exercises and you will need to with age and having a baby anyway, your down there gets swollen and bigger towards the end even if you have surgery its not just the pushing that changes you! xx

 

[redbear]

I have to agree I do think your misinformed about what changes will happen to you anyway regardless of how you give birth, I mean for one example I got gallstones caused by pregnancy, It was pain so bad I asked oh to shoot me, 100x worse than labour! Anyway I had the surgery and was fine, but now I have IBS from the bile, I shat myself once. I was at home I stood up and crapped my pants. Its only happened once and its 6 month since the surgery but honestly if I did piss myself (which I don't) it would be the least of my worries. Having a baby can and will change you. Not everyone gets gallstones but not everyone gets a prolapse. I just think you should speak to a professional about it - and im not arguing about how you give birth just a pre warning its not a glamorous time of your life be prepared to be embarrassed at some point! lol x

 

[Alexandra84]

Pregnancy is definitely not glamorous lol.

Like others have said, the process of being pregnant was the part that changed my body the most for me. I gained lots of weight and got cellulite and my breasts grew enormous! It did upset me the first time round but I have to say that with healthy eating and slinging the baby and lots of gentle exercise I was completely back to normal and wearing my old clothes within about 10 months (not the breasts though, they were still huge!). Now I'm pregnant with the second I feel much more relaxed about the changes in my body as I know that most of them are not permanent anyway and those that are are totally worth it for the result

Having a vaginal birth seems to have made absolutely no difference 'down there' and I poo and pee only when I want . I've had two lots of abdominal surgery for appendicitis and took ages to recover from that (still have a red scar too which I don't like), so I was extremely keep to avoid a caesarian and will try to do so this time round too. Just remember that everyone is different so just because people you know had bad results from giving birth does not mean that you would

 

[knopk@]

I wouldnt choose having tummy muscles cut and having a scar. I had 2 vaginal deliveries and no ill effects.
Incontinence happens during pregnancy because of the weight of everything and delivery is unlikely to influence it. If you have a c-sec, you will need a catheter probably and it can lead to problems.
So not going with vaginal delivery does not guarantee no problems unfortunately. But its up to you of course.
I recovered very quickly after births and nothing is anymore loose than it used to be.

 

[cosmicgirl]

One more word - stretch marks! (Well that's two words but you know what I mean!)

 

[Alexandra84]

Yes, you do get stretch marks... Although if you're genetically lucky you might not get many and if you're fair skinned then the ones you do get can fade to near invisibility

 

[flisstebbs]

Funnily enough, before being pregnant I was convinced that I'd want an elective section for many of the reasons you've stated, but I changed my mind once it was all real. Like most of the others say, my body is different post pregnancy, but that is pregnancy stuff rather than delivery. I'm really glad I experienced it, one of life's biggies I guess. I also don't have continence issues, but then I've always done the kegels!!

 

[cosmicgirl]

Yes, you do get stretch marks... Although if you're genetically lucky you might not get many and if you're fair skinned then the ones you do get can fade to near invisibility

True, I still only have a couple of very fine ones on my hip bones but I know I'm lucky. Lots of ladies get lots and it can unfortunately lead to confidence issues.

 

[Rachel80]

I was exactly the same as you! Always adamant that I would pay for a private csection as didn't want a baggy fanny!!! BUT when I went to a private obstetrician she looked at me in horror when I told her what I wanted! Why would you want major surgery if you don't need it? Why do you want a scar if you don't need it? Why would you want an extended recovery period if you don't need it? Why risk infection if you don't need to? Anyway to cut a long story short my private obstetrician delivered my son naturally - no scar, no infections, not cuts, not hospital stay & certainly no baggy fanny! In fact my oh says it's tighter than before! Csections are there for emergencies in my opinion, you will alter your body far more with a csection trust me!!!! x