punch to the chest

[fairycake]

hello ladies
well I made no announcement or anything but on 23rd of march I got my bfp, reason for no announcement was I was having some fairly strong cramps, went to the doctor had it confirmed started taking my increased folic acid and iron, but cramps didnt go away last friday had a blood test and hcg was 346, went back monday hcg was 354 so told that was most likely a non-viable pregnancy, started bleding really heavily last night and blood tst this morning shows hcg has dropped to 84 so have another blood test on monday and scan week later to ensure i'm not retaining.
feel like crap but also hope, 'at least we caught' is the mentality i'm trying to keep to atm. dh is being wonderful, lots of hugs and love.
tomorrow is the 3 year anniversary of losing AJ so gonna go where we buried his ashes and set off the 17 blue balloons we normally do but dh suggested we have an extra silver balloon for this bean.
there was part of me that was like why now, its already a sad time of year but then it hit me that it would always be this painful and feel like a punch to the chest, and i felt guilty for thinking it.
I just needed to write this because my head isn't processing all the emotions swirling around in it atm.
I'm just trying to focus on the best thought and that is hope, at least it can happen, now we just need to work on lining my uterus with superglue.
sorry for rambling but feel calmer now its written.

 

[dyscochick]

Oh hun, I'm so sorry. 'At least you caught' is a good mindset but it doesn't make this any easier. An extra silver balloon is a lovely idea for this bean, I hope you feel you can try again soon and get your sticky bean

 

[mishi]

Honey I'm so sorry xxx

 

[greekgirl84]

Sorry to hear this. Xx

 

[Bev999]

The balloons are a great idea! I know this is such a crap time at the mo, but the positive thoughts are good. Thinking of you lots. xxx

 

[netty]

so sorry sweety

 

[GoldenDragon]

So sorry to hear this hun the extra balloon seems like a wonderful idea. Take care of yourself xx

 

[laurat]

Im really sorry honey! Take care of yourself and the silver balloon is a lovely idea! Big Hug! Xxx

 

[CARNAT22]

Sorry to hear your sad news sweetie,

At the moment I think you just need to go with whatever you are feeling - if you feel sad, then bed sad, if you want to talk then talk... Let it all out and do what you need to do.

Make sure you keep your strength (eat, drink and rest!)

xxxxxxxxx

 

[babyg]

So sorry to hear this hun, take care xxx

 

[babyfever]

Here for you....

 

[jojo3972]

i am so sorrry for ur loss xxxxx

 

[fairycake]

Thank you for all the support
desperatly keeping hold of the hope that I can get pregnant, now just to work out why I can't stay pregnant.
The doctor is going to refer me for tests to see why as soon as I feel up to it, which is good because its steps in the right direction of getting my sticky.
The balloons were beautiful and my DH says there full of bby dust for me and 'all the ladies on that forum thing your always on, it makes you happy so I want them to be happy' awww bless him!

 

[JJ Mum]

I'm so sorry hun X

The silver balloon was a lovely idea. I let a blue and pink one go myself in march for my angel baby too

Hugs for such a tricky time for you X

 

[SeonaidMac]

Aww bless ur dh xx I'm so sorry to hear this hun I too recently lost my little bean.... sending u lots o love n hugs xxxxxxxxxxxx look after yourself xx

 

[pushca]

Aw Hun thinking of you xxx