Oh blah

[Lilmisshopeful]

I think what makes it harder is Oliver was a diagnosed blighted ovum and the routine scan before an erpc found him 1% they said is the chance of that happening so I was expecting the same again I guess. So even tho I was ready for bad news it still shocked me and was secretly hoping they was wrong again xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

That's totally understandable. Even without your history you can't help but hope for that... I remember with mine I had numerous scans all showing blighted ovum. Even when I got to 10 weeks and all hope was gone it still hit me really hard (that's the only other time I've been in an ambulance) when I started bleeding at just gone 12 weeks. I knew there was no hope but I still felt a tiny bit.

I'm praying for you hun. Praying they're wrong, that you'll get a miracle again. But also praying that if they're right that you can find some peace.

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

They are right hun I made them show me. I needed to see for myself and at 9+1 there's should have been a baby with little arms and legs. I just had a big black bubble. She even moved all around for me to check myself where I suffer with anxiety and have to have answers. They was really good with me. Just wish id bleed or something as I feel in a surreal situation it just feels like a bad dream. Just need to get it over with to move on now xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

Oh hun. The limbo part is the worst. I didn't miscarry naturally until gone 12 weeks and it was truly awful, like going through labour with proper contractions and everything. I passed the sac, whole and intact, in the bath but was bleeding too heavily and had to call an ambulance... I hope this is all over a lot quicker for you, and honestly I'm normally a fan of doing everything naturally but if they offer to manage it for you I'd really consider taking them up on it.

(((((HUGS)))))) If you need to talk you know where to find me hun. I'm normally on here in some form or another (I carry way too much technology around!)...

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Thanks hun. I always have my phone lol it's my right arm I swear.

Today I woke up with an overwhelming feeling that they are wrong. I know denial is all in the grieving process but I can't shake the feeling that there's a baby in there and thy just a can't see it. Considering a private scan Monday for a third opinion. I know I'm clutching at straws as even if something developed now it's not at the right rate and still won't be viable. I'm actually driving myself mad and my oh is doing my head in. He is to nice lol but it's not helping me to keep pointing out how lucky I am to have Emma and Oliver. He don't understand that having babies already don't make it hurt any less and if she asks if I'm ok one more time arghhh. Omg I sound like a bitch there but when I'm ok and holding it together and he looks at me with that look and asks if I'm ok it makes me not ok if that makes sense xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

Yes I totally hear you! My DH has moved past that point now and is largely pretending nothing happened. I'm like, it wasn't helpful when you were constantly asking if I was OK, and it's not helpful when you pretend like nothings happened either!

Will they do a repeat scan at the hospital before taking further action if you don't miscarry naturally? I can totally understand you wanting another scan. I was the same. I guess my thinking would be if they're going to rescan you then I'd save the money, but if they're not then I'd pay for one just to be extra sure.

And you're totally right. Having children already doesn't make the pain any less. I actually found it harder miscarrying after I had a child than I did before, because I knew exactly what I was losing if that makes sense? I swear all I've heard this week if "be grateful for the kids you have"... Because you know, it works like that. One day I was grateful for them all, then the next bam! Pregnant! And now I no longer care about my other kids.

It's hard to be mad because you know people are just trying to help and don't really know what to say but sometimes you think it'd just be better if they said nothing at all!

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Yes I have a scan on the 28th. The sac was 21mm and has to be 25mm for them to offer to help manage it. I'm think medical to avoid an erpc as my last one went so badly wrong at least I know when it's going to happen rather than wait not knowing.

Exactly I'm getting the same. At least you have children arghh. It comes across as if they think now you lost a baby you don't love the one you got already. I feel more guilty when I lose having kids as adds a feeling that your taking something away from them. Like you was getting a sibling but now you ain't. Adds to the guilt I think. Also you can't just let go. You have to hold it together for them so makes it harder to move past it xxx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

Just started bleeding and cramping. Even tho I knew it was coming I'm totally heartbroken I was praying they was wrong even tho I knew they was right xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

Oh hun, I'm so so sorry...

 

[Violet]

Ah hon I'm sorry. Hugs to u and yr family x

 

[Beckyb1991]

I'm so sorry babe xxx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

I'm so sorry babe xxx

Thanks hun not giving up tho. Hope your ok xxx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

So my body seems to be having trouble passing the sac. Spoke to the hospital today and she said they can't give me medical assistance untill I've been rescanned and they can't do that till Friday :/. I have open access to the ward so can just go in if it gets to much. Got to call her Wednesday to update her on how I'm doing. So hope I can avoid an erpc. Kind of scared to have one after the last one going so badly wrong. This is emotionally draining I'm so tired xxx

 

[coz78]

So sorry this is taking it's time for you. It's hard to try and move on when you're waiting for one stage to finish. Hope things sort out soon xx

 

[Mum2Many]

Oh hun. If they've said you can go in any time, I'd be inclined to go in sooner rather than later and just say you can't stand the waiting any more. If they're going to scan you on Friday anyway, I don't see what difference it'd make if they scanned you on Tuesday or Wednesday instead. Are you still bleeding?

(((((HUGS)))))

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

I've had enough the pains unreal. Never had a mc hurt like this. The bleeding is so light it's stupid but the pain is horrific. It's like contractions that last 20 minutes. Can feel real pressure when I get the intense pain so can tell my bodies trying to do its job just ain't. Got to call her back in the morning anyways I need anti d and she didn't even mention it and I only just realised I hadn't had it. Just had a massive cry. Seems I hurt everywhere now. My hernia is playing up so got pain all around my ribs too. Arghhhhhh xxx

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

So seems like my body is catching up with what's going on inside or not going on so to speak. Pain and bleeding have ramped up a gear and now resembles miscarriage bleeding. Hope it passes soon I'm so tired xxx

 

[Mum2Many]

How are you doing today hun? I'm thinking of you... (((((HUGS)))))

 

[Lilmisshopeful]

I'm doing ok thanks hun. Oliver woke up at half 4 screaming his little head off bless him but saved my mattresses life lol as I moved I bleed everywhere. Honestly the worse mc I've had with regards to how much blood and clots. But lucky for me only lasted 8 hours and is now jut like a heavy period. When the pregnancy tissue came out it practically exploded out of me and hurt like hell. So happy I managed it at home tho. Oliver has gone out with his aunty for the day so I can rest up.
So cd1 for me again and staying positive that the next one will work.

Hope your doing ok xxx

 

[Emerald rose]

Thinking of you lilmisshopeful xxx