Not having the 'prefect family'

[Holi]

So I had 2 amazing girls which myself and hubby adore and we are all very happy and healthy - life is good

Majority of my friends have 2 kids, and mostly all have one of each. They sit there and say things like 'we don't want anymore now we have one of each' & 'we are so lucky to have one of each' - which is a ridiculous statement because anyone being blessed with any child is 'lucky' in my opinion, but that's bye the bye

Then they turn to me and ask if we will have anymore and they are met with my answer of no and I get the same response 'not even to try for a boy?' 'Your husband not wanting a little boy to play with?' 'I bet you change your mind and give it one last try'

It really annoys me, and also makes me doubt myself! Am I missing out? Do I secretly want a boy? Do people look at my girls and pity me for having two the same?!

It's literally drove me mad every since dd2 was born and she's turning 1 soon and I still feel as angry when I'm met with those stupid comments - I thought I'd get over it but I think it bugs me more now!

Anyone else feel the same? I literally want to scream at some people! 'IM HAPPY WITH MY GIRLS!!!'

Rant over

 

[candymycandy]

That's just insane, your friends sound weird haha! I know a woman who kept trying until she had a girl (5 kids later!!!). Personally I'd be happy to have healthy children but this comes from personal circumstances. I guess at the end of the day it's personal choice though, but i certainly wouldn't impose my ideals on someone else and make them feel as you do. Ignore them! x

 

[Browneyed Girl]

Your family is perfect and you're happy with your girls so ignore them! Or perhaps let them know that's a bit insulting next time someone makes that comment, might make them think twice. I'm pregnant with my second boy and there'll be no more babies for me! I'm excited at having 2 little boys and I'll be letting people know it's ridiculous to suggest having another child purely because I haven't got a girl xx

 

[Hedgehog]

I have 2 daughters and don't plan on having any more children. I wasn't disappointed in the slightest that I was having another girl. I'm very happy with my 2 girls. I don't feel I'm missing out by not having a boy. Don't listen to other people. It's your life, not theirs xx


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[babybee]

Yes!! I have 3 daughters and the last was born 6 weeks ago and we didnt find out the gender till the end. The reactions from so many people when I told them it was a girl...'just going to have to go for a 4th aren't you?' etc etc. No! My girls are perfect just as they wouldve been if they were boys
We've always wanted 4 kids and if (huge if) we ever fulfill that goal I honestly couldn't give a hoot if it was another girl.

 

[redbear]

This annoys me but my husband said it perfectly 'why would i care what genitals my child has?' I have two girls and im super happy we are having a 3rd but not for a boy, no one knows yet but when they do ill say 'i want the charmed sisters for halloween.' And leave it at that.

p.s there is no perfect family everyones shit stinks, ignore them. xxx

 

[Holi]

Your all so right, and I get annoyed at myself for letting silly comments effect me. My sister has two boys and she says she gets odd comments about trying for a girl. It's just really rude!! X

 

[Moomin21]

I have to admit, before I had children I always thought everyone must ultimately want one of each. It was only when having my children that I realised that's not the case at all. All I wanted was for my children to be healthy and happy. My son is almost 3 and when I was pregnant I had loads of comments of you obviously want a girl. Actually no, I honestly didn't mind what I had but in some ways the thought of two boys was more appealing, I was thinking they would be best friends. It really irritated and upset me though that I could tell people wanted me to have a girl. I did have a girl and again I got stupid comments of oh you must be so pleased. Yes of course I'm pleased, same as I would be pleased if it had been a boy! I can forgive the comments from people without children as I feel they must just be ignorant like I was but when people comment that do have children to be honest I just think they are a bit stupid! I have a few friends that are really struggling to have a child at all. I think that puts things into perspective! Your family is perfect, don't let anybody upset you!!! Xxx

 

[Blueclass]

I have a girl and when we next have a baby I won't care if it's a boy or girl as long as baby is healthy. I think you really need to stand your ground nd express how you feel next time this happens. Maybe once you have expressed your self these silly comments will stop.

 

[Holi]

Thanks everyone. I have to admit, re-reading my post I feel like such a numpty for getting irritated by these comments. But suppose we can't help the way we feel sometimes! X

 

[redbear]

no i get annoyed all the time, but i try to let it go over my head. idiots lol xx

 

[ShowingPromise]

I think people are well meaning but ultimately what does the gender of your kids matter? As long as they are happy and healthy and loved

We are only having one and I get the odd comment (apparently it's selfish, he needs a playmate!!) but it's our life and our family so I make it clear that I'm not bothered what people think.

 

[Rooster30]

I have one of each, and I'd ONLY say 'lucky enough to have one of each' because it means people can leave me well alone about trying for a boy/girl - as when people say that to others (my sister has two boys) it genuinely ticks me off - as if having two or more of the same gender is sub-standard. My best friend had the one of each just as I got pregnant with my second and she bragged so much about it and argued 'I don't care what anyone says EVERYONE wants one of each and I'm SO lucky' that if I hadn't bitten my tongue we'd have had a falling out. When I was pregnant with my second, I had so much built up my argument for wanting a boy that I was only minorly disappointed in having a girl (only very minor, no one is disappointed in having a healthy baby no matter the gender, which was my argument to start with). If I had had a boy that would have been my last child regardless!

Anyway, try to ignore the comments. Your family is perfect. They say the two girls is the better combo than boy/girl anyway so you win

 

[Browneyed Girl]

I totally get what Rooster is saying - it's the inference that 2 of the same gender is sub standard, that you must feel a little disappointed you didn't get the boy/girl combination that everyone surely wants! My 2 little boys will be just as special and unique as 2 little girls or a boy and a girl and it's insulting to suggest otherwise xx

 

[redbear]

Yes this is how they act like people must be so gutted with the same sex, I'm telling you now I love it. They are only 14 months apart and so close they are little best friends.

 

[Browneyed Girl]

Aww that's so cute redbear - hope my two are the same! x

 

[violet13]

I have one son and due a second, my mum asked if I was disappointed! No way I am I'm chuffed to have another boy, I want 4 kids so if I get all boys I'll be happy if I have one daughter I'll be happy not because I want a girl because I'll have 4 beautiful children eventually I already have one gorgeous son and honestly Hun you love your girls it's not something to pity or say these things and make you upset or angry by their comments as you already said any baby is a blessing. xxx

 

[redbear]

Aww that's so cute redbear - hope my two are the same! x

I'm under no illusion it will change over the years but for now as Alice says "I love my sister too much". So to anyone thinking I'm not grateful for my two girls can go suck a lemon lol xxx

 

[russellmuscle]

My 'perfect' ie what I wanted before having kids was two boys then a girl because I am the eldest girl of two brothers. I missed out on that older sibling brother - I mainly did the protecting lol. But anyway first had a boy was over the moon.

Second baby I was open to whatever because I obviously had a child and seen pros and cons to both. I'm comfortable with boys as it is what I had also if I had a boy it was a wee buddy for him but equally if I had a girl I'd get to experience a whole new ball game and bond. I found out we were having a boy and I actually felt relieved. I was shocked because I thought I was having a girl but we had no names and I just didn't see me with a girl yet. Now he's here and I'm happy completely.

We are met with comments alot. Will we try for another? Will we try for a girl? If we were to have a third it would be to have a third child regardless of gender. If we had a boy I wouldn't be upset or I wouldn't try for a 4th! Some people actually have a gender dissapointment disorder where they cannot accept the opposite gender and keep trying but luckily I'm just happy with what I have.

Each genders have pros and cons and adding them to your family affects them all in different ways. We don't all need to want or look for the same things in life. Whether it's another child when you'll have another child and what gender you want - tell them to concentrate on their own family planning and leave yours between you and your partner.

I'm quite a firm being so if I am met with these comments I reply openly and move on. If you want a third or a boy then only you and your OH can make this finding not anyone else so don't feel presured.

xxxx

 

[BunnyN]

It was kind of the other way around for me. When we had a boy and a girl people kept saying our family was complete but I wanted at least 3.

My husband is annoyed by the 'as long as they are healthy' comments because he says its not like he would love them any less if they had problems.