Feeling so upset about having to return to work :-(

Discussion in 'Baby & Toddler' started by Nat26, Feb 9, 2012.

  1. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    I have to make the decision of whether to return to work by tomorrow. I will have to go back full time Mon-Fri 9-5.30 (possibly starting back next month)....I say its a decision but infact I don't have any choice, If I don't go back I do not have any money to live... at the moment we literally can't afford to go food shopping. I'm a qualified Accountant and therefore can earn a reasonable salary by returning to work (unfortunately I'm in a situation where I am the higher earner out of my partner and I).

    I have worked really hard before becoming a mum with my career and I enjoy what I do but now I face missing my little boy growing up. I am literally crying myself to sleep every night knowing I can't be here for him :-( I feel like a terrible mummy...

    I'm exclusively breastfeeding which makes it even harder as I won't have that closeness I have now with my lo, I love breastfeeding. I want to continue to give him breast milk but I'm not sure whether I will be able to keep up my milk supply by pumping?? :-( If anyone has any experience with this I would be really grateful to hear how you got on. Is it even possible?

    This is literally breaking my heart to know I'm such an awful mummy and I know people will think really badly of me for returning to work so early :-( Not sure if anyone will have any experience or returning to work this early (or certainly not any positive experience of it??)

    Thanks for reading x
     
  2. ISH

    ISH Well-Known Member

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    I've been pumping for a few weeks and my milk supply has kept up so far - but I am also worried it might not always do!
     
  3. Lulabell

    Lulabell Well-Known Member

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    Firstly, you are not an awful mummy! You are doing what you need to do for you and your family. That makes you a wonderful and caring mummy. I'm sorry it's just such a hard decision to make. I cant even begin to imagine how you are feeling. I'm sorry I can't help you regarding breast milk supply but this is something I'll need to look into myself at some point.xx
     
  4. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, I hoped I wouldn't have to return quite so soon. I really hope my milk supply will keep up with Jacks demands, hes quite a big boy. I feel for anyone in my situation who has to return to work :-(
     
  5. Minchin

    Minchin Well-Known Member

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    oh hon, what a tough decision. you are not a bad mummy but the guilt is terrible, I know. I returned 3 days aweek when owen was 6 months. hopefully u wont have to commute to far and you'll see him am and pm? weekend will be sooo oprecious to you. cling on to those positives. as far as expressing I'm not sure hon, I def think it is possible. how far do u live from work? can you pop back at all to bf baby?

    good luck xxxx
     
  6. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Minchin, Its a long story but basically I have to make the decision of whether to return to my current employer by tomorrow as I'm being made redundant from my old role (the office is moving miles away). Theres another role in an office just over the road which is only 15 minutes from home so I could probably go home and bf him in my lunch hour but knowing my luck thats when he'd be sleeping!
    If I don't take this role (which they need someone for immediately) then I would have to find another job which could be miles away.

    I am just clinging to the fact I may get to see him for an hour or so am or pm :)
     
  7. Minchin

    Minchin Well-Known Member

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    you have to take it then really dont you hon? you will get to see him def for an hour euther side. will he be with family/husband/nursery? Owen goes to a childminders 2 days a week and one day with OH. I know I'm not full time but even that was soo hard to start but you honestly get used to it - you have to dont you? and then you really appreciate every single bit of time with them.

    you should be proud of yourself, its a tough place to be in and LO still so little. sound slike you have your head screwed on hon but I do really feel for you xxx
     
  8. Minchin

    Minchin Well-Known Member

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    oh and if husband/family has LO - any chance they could bring them to you at work for you to bf in your lunch time at work? then your lunch time is set by them? know that sounds but crazy but employers have to do a lot to help you bf - you have a lot of rights. they have to give you some private to express etc etc. xx
     
  9. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    At the moment OH will have him the majority of the time (which is another thing I'm very worried about - He has changed about 5 nappies since Jack was born, never got up in the night for him etc!) He will be able to bring him to me at lunchtime which I think may help a little.

    I bet even part time is awful but you are right it must make you make every second that your with them count. Just dreading those early days :-(
     
  10. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Babe :hug: sounds like such a stressful decision babe but if u will have to eventually get a job far away anyway, it would be best for u both to only be 15mins away.. Can't you return part time for a week or two to get used to it or do some work at home???
     
  11. Minchin

    Minchin Well-Known Member

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    yes the early days will be hard and you know what, the sense of dread and nervous anticiaption was worse than actually doing it, you know, like impending doom?

    My oh had owen a day a week and hadnt had that much time on his own with him but they just found their groove. and oh my goodness, my oh had a totally renewed understanding of what a hard job i was doing. it will be beautiful to see your oh find his feet and confidence and for them to have all that time together. it was fab for my oh and owen to have this, they are so close now and oh does so much. that will be a great positive to come out of it.

    so you'll be able to do one feed during the day when oh brings lo. one in the am before you go, one straigth when you get back, one at bed time and possible two bf through the night? i reckon you'll be fine hon :)

    like I said, the impending doom feeling is the worst! xx
     
  12. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    Thats the thing that really annoys me, if it had been my old job I could easily have worked from home occasionally but this is a completely different job for another business so i will have a hell of a lot learning to do when I start :-( Could mean alot of overtime too (but thats just typical of accounting roles!)

    It all sucks :-(
     
  13. dannilou

    dannilou New Member

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    Have a look babycentre website, they have some good info about breastfeeding and returning to work.
    I also have to return to work but not until my little girl is 8 months old so that will be june, so i totally understand that you feel like a bad mummy but you're not and you're only doing what is best for your family.
    After much thought I have decided to go back part time, i got promoted before i got pregnant but it was a full time position, I have been "stripped" of my manager title, but my only concern is my family.
    It may not feel like it now, but you are doing the right thing.
     
  14. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    Oh babe :( :hug: maybe once you've settled in this job you can start doing it part time and at home? I agree with Minchin it will be great for your OH and baby to bond more! Try and focus on the positives babe, you'll be providing for your family I'd love to be able to do that..
    I'm sure once you've got used to it you'll be very happy! I couldn't imagine leaving my babies it must be so hard :(
     
  15. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    Yes its definitely the impending doom feeling thats getting me down :-(
    Thats really good to hear how well your OH got on looking after your lo, its good actually that they do get to experience what it is like !

    At the moment Jack sleeps from 7pm to about 4.30 am so I feed him before he goes to bed and again at 4.30, he then wakes again by about 7...so I should be able to do all those feeds although it will be incredibly hard waking through the night and working fulltime. I guess bedtime will be 7pm for me too! lol
     
  16. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, I'll take a look at that. I think its hard whenever you have to return and also difficult to always find part time work. Good for you that you're able to go back and forget about the promotion. Its tough making those decision but we have to do what we can
     
  17. Hunnie

    Hunnie Well-Known Member

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    You're not a bad mum at all! The way I see it is you need to go back in order to be able to provide for your family and I've always seen this as the mans main role, so in my eyes you're actually a super mum. A mum and main breadwinner! Big hugs though xxxxx
     
  18. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    I will see if its at all possible to do the job part time at home, maybe I can in the future. As much as I will be providing for my family I'd very much like to be a stay at home mum at least for a couple of years but I'd probably never get another job. :-(
     
  19. Jayceesmumma

    Jayceesmumma Well-Known Member

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    :hug: :hug:
    It may be worth finding out all ur possibilities and at least you'll be able to work towards working from home u know?
    Ur in such a hard situation.. Proper supermum you are!!!
     
  20. Nat26

    Nat26 Well-Known Member

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    lol thanks, My mum was a single mum and we didnt have a lot of money which is why I am so independant and decided that I would work to be able to always bring in a good income. The difference is my mum didn't work when my sis and I were babies, she started part time when we were at school. Its the hardest decision letting someone else bring up your child xx
     

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