need to rant - Warning - long with lots of Anyways!

[PeaPod]

Last Sunday my OH invited his friend Dave to join him at beer festival today so I suggested to Dave's OH that maybe we should do something in the evening to help cheer up a mutual friends.

Anyway this friend couldn't do tonight so I said to other lass that she was still more than welcome round ours but warned her that I may be painting in the evening (as we needed to catch up from having a lazy day easter monday) and also explained that as I had gone back to work Tuesday (after 5 weeks off) I was also getting quite knackered (this text was sent Tuesday)
She replied saying that whatever was best for me and I took a day to get back to her because I was so knackered from work that day. My reply said that work was exhausting me more that I realised so could we reschedule.

Anyway, roll forward to the boys getting home this evening.... my OH is suitable drunk but still standing. Dave is wrecked and in a very silly mood and kept wanting to come and chat to me while i was in the bath!! Luckily OH made him wait and I was giggling at him in the kitchen because he was so drunk. I told him he needed to have a sleep so tried to get him to settle on the sofa while i watched TV and the OH walked our dog.

Pretty much as soon as my OH left Dave started asking why I had lied to him and his OH about the painting and what my problem was with his GF (in the past we both had issues but I really thought we were actually starting to build a good friendship - most of my issues with her stemed from her OH coming round ours and moaning about her all the time and as he was my friend I took his side on things, but over time I have started to try to be more diplomatic and can see that alot of it is him too!)

Anyway, I tried to explain to him that my intention had never been to lie as I had planned on painting this evening but low and behold pregnancy exhaustion has kicked in (all i have done to day is spent a few hours with my mate and her 2 girls, I haven't even been running around after them and this was planned around buying her daughter belated bday presents - I didn't want to cancel on a 4 year old!!)
He kept calling me a liar and became very aggressive in his body language so when he started standing up and coming at me screaming I got up and shoved him back on the sofa , told him he was drunk and needed to calm down as he wasn't listening to me. He got up again and still towered over me screaming 'why have you lied'. At this point I actually started to get quite scared so I called my OH home in hysterics as I suddenly realised that if he lashed out that he might hurt my baby ( and more important;y i got scared about how i was starting to feel as having grown up with 3 brothers i know how to handle myself and my instinct were telling me to protect my baby and all i wanted to do was kncock him out)

anyway (again!) OH came home and witnessed his intimidating behaviour and tried to calm things down but every time I tried to calmly explain what had happened he started shouting again. I'm not someone who can sit there quietly and been screamed at so I told him to get the F out of my house and he left kicking and slamming our doors so I shouted after him that he would be paying for any damage. OH went and tried to calm him down again (we are both worried about what state he is in and what will happen if he walks off) I advised OH to get him a taxi. He appeared to have calmed so came back in but i said only if he stopped shouting at me. He didn't so I told OH that i was done and he had to leave.
He has now walked off (hopefully to go to his OH's parents house where she is) - we have tried to call her and I have left a voicemail and a text for her apologising for what is basically her paranoia and insecurity and also advise her that Dave should be on his way round.

All I have heard from Dave now is a text saying 'I have and always will support you but lie to me and I will always have to and accept what my partner is saying'


Well bang goes 10 years of friendship then!! I am so hurt right now that I am numb and can't stop shaking! This cannot be good for baby!

Sorry for the rant and thanks if you have manage to read this far.

 

[cosmicgirl]

The way he behaved towards you in your own home is disgraceful.
You don't need friends like them hun, good riddance x

 

[daniph1]

Honestly, I am like you, I would have exploded had anyone dared speak to me that way in my own home, my OH on the other hand would have knocked him out and he would certainly have deserved it! You dont need people like that in your life, to intimidate you and make you feel unsafe, no no no! Tell him its over, as much as its going to her, you dont need friends who behave in such a way xxxxx

 

[willowwisp]

I agree with others, cut him out with the same emotion you would gangrene and move on.

Regardless of how his GF felt, there are a million more mature and considerate ways he could have discussed things with you. However she is feeling balling at a pregnant woman in a threatening manner is totally unacceptable on every level.

 

[Jayjay027]

Wow, Dave sounds like a major douche!! I would have done the same as u, got him out of my home ASAP, and I'm pretty sure my husband would have grabbed him by the scruff and threw him out the door!

His gf was obv talking about u to him, and he obv can't hold his drink. And that is a totally unacceptable way to behave towards anyone, let alone a pregnant woman.

Hope u'v calmed down a bit now - and I hope ur OH puts this A-hole firmly in his place!! X

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[Gayle30]

What a rat. Will text u Hun. Xxxxx

 

[PeaPod]

Thanks for the replies ladies..... I have just had a phone call from another friend - Dave has called her screaming at her that it is all her fault!!We are not sure what has exactly happened but Dave has seriously lost the plot and I have made it clear to my hubby that he is not allowed in the house if he is drunk. I will give him a chance to talk if he sober and calm. My friend has also received a call from the GF - she does not have a clue what has gone on and promised that she has not had an issue with me cancelling our plans (this girl can't lie so I believe her) - she is not sure what Dave's problem is but he has made it to her parents so it can now be her problem.

as much as i think he's a twunt right now he's my OH's best friend, was our bestman at our wedding, has spent numerous christmases with us and has been there from the beginning of our relationship - I have known him for 10 years and got into some messy states with him drinking (me and him) but never seen him this way and I'm worried that there is more going on with him than we know and he's lashing out at the people who love him the most. We will see what he says tomorrow but if the first word out of his mouth isn't sorry I'm going to ignore him until it is!

I've calmed down and am now scoffing a chocolate trifle (purely to calm the baby!). OH is stressing on the sofa (You'd think for his size,( 6' 7" ) that he'd be really agressive but in that situation all he want's to do is defuse it... im the one you have to watch, and it seems to have got more instinctive since the baby!)
XX

 

[cosmicgirl]

Dave needs a slap IMO x

 

[CARNAT22]

Wowser,

My OH has been friends with his two closest mates for over 15 years, I could not even imagine either of them (or any of his other friends) being anything other than polite and respectful towards me.

I have seen OH's mates in some states over the year's but never once have they been rude to me.... In fact just the opposite they are always like protective brothers!

Quite frankly this behaviour is just unacceptable and I'd be thinking long and hard if there is any way forward for this friendship with Dave.

He would not be welcome in my home and I'd be expecting a heartfelt and sober apology.

xxxxxx

 

[jojo3972]

yikes hope hes not got into any bother on his travels and that u all can sort it out sounds to me like there is another underlying problem but he has used this other daft thing to get mad about wen i bet my life its summet totaly difrent xxx

 

[Lolly85x]

Oh dear... Try and calm down, wonder what he will have to say to you when he's sobered up!! Eekk!!! People don't understand being pregnant unless they have been in the situation themselves x

 

[Little_angel]

Wow, don't blame ou for needing to rant! I hope you're feeling better

I definitely think you're right to explore the idea that there is something more going on here. It sounds out of character, and being drunk doesn't normally change a person, it just makes them lose inhibitions and display feelings that were there but hidden.

Perhaps once the dust has settled, he will be horrified and this will open the door to finding out what's really going on.

 

[PeaPod]

Well this morning I got a text from Dave asking if he could come round to apologise!
He came round with is tail between his legs and he was very tearful and apologetic. He said that in his life he has only ever got like that once before and he lost those friends and he was shit scared that he would be losing me and OH too.
He could only remember flash backs from yesterday afternoon/ evening and when me and my OH filled him in on the rest he was gutted. I told him that although he should be ashamed of himself for behaving so disgustingly I would accept his apology and forgive him in time but none of us should ever forget what happened. I also told him that I did not want him getting that drunk in my presence again and he accepted this. He explained that he had been bothered that I had cancelled on his GF but instead of talking to me in the morning he wound himself up during the beer festival, got stupidly drunk and then let it all out on his return. He reassured me that his GF does not have a problem with me cancelling and he accepted that it was his problem and that I hadn't actually done anything wrong.

I have made it clear though that anything like this again, I will not think twice about punching him!

 

[Loula]

wow the powers of alcohol, pregnant or nt pregnant you shoudl not have had to have gone through that in YOUR own home, hope Dave feels bad x

 

[Jayjay027]

So glad he apologized and cleared the air x

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