Need advice, am i the father?

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Chat' started by CoreSaturn, Jul 31, 2013.

  1. CoreSaturn

    CoreSaturn Member

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    Basically here is my story. My current girlfriend who i have been with for 4 years is pregnant, but we are unsure who the father is... here is why.

    She finished her period at around 26th of april, we had sex twice in that week while on holiday and once more the week after, then a week later she had sex with another guy after we had split. I have always believed it was the other guys just through worry and all that, but she has been for a dating scan yesterday and she is 13 weeks 2 days as of the 30/07/2013 which goes back to the week we were on holiday. I know no one can give me an correct answer but id like to ask people what the probability is of it being mine? The nurse at the hospital said the scan is very accurate etc so by the dates and so on its showing to be mine. Nut ive read you cant really get pregnant 1-5 days after you period and when she had sex with the other guy it was peak time of her getting pregnant but the scan dates say different and they cant be 2 weeks out, so what am i to think? :(
     
  2. Mummybexee

    Mummybexee Well-Known Member

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    I think you need to trust the dating scan, support your girlfriend now your back with her - 4 years is a long time

    If your still not 100% then maybe after the birth a DNA test to put any doubt at rest

    Is your girlfriend aware of how your feeling about the doubt?
     
  3. CoreSaturn

    CoreSaturn Member

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    I do tend to trust the dating scan but here is whats putting the doubt in my head and may change your opinion on the situation... For the past 2 years of us being together we tend to have sex without contraception for a while then towards the end of intercourse i put a condom on, the same applied to when we were on holiday you see. But when she slept with the other guy no condom was used. This is why i doubt it so much because if it was mine wouldnt she have gotten pregnant within the 2 years of us doing this and not when she suddenly slept with another guy? Thanks for the reply. She does know my doubt and even she is worried to
     
  4. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    If she had sex with the other guy during her peak OV time it could be his. But she may have OV'd early making it yours.
    There's no way to tell without a DNA test unfortunately.
    Babies grow at different rates in the womb so I wouldn't go by the dating scan tbh.

    Tapatalking from my blackberry!
     
  5. Jayjay027

    Jayjay027 Well-Known Member

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    And also, pre-cum can get you pregnant so putting a condom on at the very end of sex isn't a very good form of contraception.

    Tapatalking from my blackberry!
     
  6. DiddlePlumbs

    DiddlePlumbs Well-Known Member

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    To me it sounds pretty likely that you're the father but I would recommend having a DNA test when baby is here, otherwise you might spend the rest of your life wondering if it is the other guys.

    And if it helps, going by estimated due date, I got pregnant 2 days after finishing my period and this links up with the day of light spotting I had on the 2nd day after it had finished (presumably it was implantation bleeding) so anything is possible!

    (Sorry if that's TMI!)
     
  7. CoreSaturn

    CoreSaturn Member

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    I understand that, we were both aware that she could get pregnant. But all this is just coming to to show it cant be mine, it just doesn't add up to be mine, the only thing i have to show its mine is that the scan date is coming out at the exact day we had slept together on the holiday

    Edit: Also her periods are not always the same, she has been known to have irregular periods. The period before lasted approx 5 days and only 1 or 2 were heavy bleeding days.

    I just dont know what to think :( I want to be there for her and the baby but its hard when i have this in my head.
     
    #7 CoreSaturn, Jul 31, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2013
  8. Mummybexee

    Mummybexee Well-Known Member

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    so

    Her periods are irregular.... so how can you think that the baby isn't yours? If her periods are irregular you wouldn't know when she ovulated?

    I understand your frustration, and can only imagine what's going through your head, but listen to the people on here

    To be honest it sounds like the chances are 50/50 so you have 2 choices

    - walk away risking turning your back on your child- could you live with that?
    - support your mrs and the baby- if the DNA test turns out its not yours- you can stay or walk with no guilt if needed
     
  9. H16

    H16 Well-Known Member

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    I agree with everything Jayjay said.

    Also I have to say that sometimes the dating doesn't make sense at all - the dates I worked out baby would be due etc did not match my scan dates by about 6 days. Obviously my baby is definitely my OH's as not been with anyone else but my point is that weird things happen with dates etc so no point stressing about it. Only way you will ever know for sure is to do a DNA test once bubs arrived and personally if it was me I would definitely go down that route.
     
    #9 H16, Jul 31, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2013
  10. CoreSaturn

    CoreSaturn Member

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    Thanks for the reply's! Yeah I have told myself that im going to be there for my girl and that baby until its born and then if i find out its mine I've told her i will obviously stick around for her and the baby and be a family like we both have always wanted. However if its not mine i could not bring myself to do it it would tear me apart. She knows this to we both discussed it and so from day one it was clear but even she is worried because she is scared of losing me if its not mine and im feeling the same. We are considering doing a DNA while the baby is still unborn, but if that doesnt happen then we are deffinatly going to do a DNA after birth, also the other potential father doesnt want anything to do with her or the baby he has no interest at all. He also has a girlfriend and a kid of his own. It's a mess i know :(
     
  11. Mummybexee

    Mummybexee Well-Known Member

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    You risk miscarriage doing that- not the most sensible option - plus you would have to pay private

    Wait untill the baby is born

    Of course the other guy isn't interested

    Edit: comment sounded harsh but wasn't meant to so removed it :)


    Has she had an STI test now your back together?
     
    #11 Mummybexee, Jul 31, 2013
    Last edited: Jul 31, 2013
  12. Iwant3

    Iwant3 Well-Known Member

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    pregnancy is dated from the womans last period - so in a typical 28 day cycle at ovulation the woman is classed as 2 weeks pregnant and at the point of her missed period she is already 4 weeks pregnant (so when dated at 13+2, the baby was conceived around 11 weeks ago) - if you use a conception calculator - put in her due date from the dating scan and it should give you the average date of conception.
     
  13. CoreSaturn

    CoreSaturn Member

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    How can pregnancy be dated from the last missed period of the scan date is based on the baby's size. She did not get asked anything about her last missed period while at the scan, isnt the scan supposed to date the baby's age by how much its grown, how would that have anything to do with the last missed period?
     
  14. lisey

    lisey Well-Known Member

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    Pregnancy is dated by the last period like Iwant3 says. When your girlfriend went for her first doctors appointment, she would have been asked the date of her last period. It is a bit confusing. It is too hard to work out from scan dates unfortunately, if I dated back from my sons scan, it was impossible he was conceived on that date. I would say you need to be fully prepared for this baby to be the other guys, I say this because you say you used a condom? Although, it is possibly to get pregnant from precum. Like the others say, the only way to know is a DNA once the baby is born. Hope it all works out well for you x
     
  15. Samantha55

    Samantha55 Well-Known Member

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    I think they date pregnancy from the date of your last period as that's when the new egg (baby to be) is beginning its formation into cells waiting to be fertilised etc. Sounds like a DNA test to be certain would be best. Good luck with everything
     
  16. Rachel80

    Rachel80 Well-Known Member

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    My scan dates take me back to conception on Xmas eve but there is no way this is right as I had an operation on the 20 Dec so definitely had no sex after the 19th for about 2 weeks! Scan dates are an educated guess based on size, most accurate calculation is from date of last missed period & this is what midwives prefer to rely on. However if your periods are irregular this makes it tricky so to give an estimated due date they go by the scan. I couldn't remember when my last period was so they've dated me back to the 24th which I know isn't accurate. I've measured a week ahead all the way through & I suspect I conceived the week before too. I feel for you it's an awful situation but you can get a DNA test at a few days of age. I know my oh wouldn't be able to be with me if there was even a suspicion of me carrying another mans child plus the strain the not knowing would cause wouldn't make for a healthy pregnancy. Could you be apart until you know the truth? That way if it was the other mans it would make it easier in the long run?
     
  17. tiggy

    tiggy Well-Known Member

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    Pregnancy is definitely dated from the day of your last period so if your girlfriend was 13 weeks pregnant by the scan she is actually only 11 weeks pregnant as they class you as being 2 weeks pregnant at time of conception. Difficult to grasp I know. Based on that and the timings you have stated it sounds like there's a good chance if the baby being the other guys, however if her periods and ovulation isn't regular this may not be the case and it could be yours.
     
  18. Tigger87

    Tigger87 Well-Known Member

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    As others have said, 13 weeks pregnant means she got pregnant 11 weeks ago. The scans are very accurate to predict a due date, but unfortunately the day you had sex is not always the day you conceived - sperm can hang around for up to 5 days. Couple that with the fact that a scan could easily be out by a week or so (The measurements they use are so small even 1mm error in measuring will have a significant impact on the due date when we're looking at this kind of time scale).

    With the 2 partners being so close together, it is impossible to suggest who may or may not be the father without a DNA test. There is no "likely" outcome, and unfortunately any calculations you could do now to work it back to dates won't be accurate enough.

    I KNOW when I ovulated, and yet my scan says baby was conceived 5 days prior, which I know it wasn't. Baby was obviously just a tiny bit larger than your "average" baby at the date of my scan.
     
  19. Vicm

    Vicm Well-Known Member

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    My scan date is a week later than I know I conceived and they have used the scan date the whole way through. I know for a fact I conceived mine 6 days before.

    It must be so hard for you, and your girlfriend too. It's good that you are prepared to stand by her, at least till you know who the father is. Good luck and I hope it all works out how you want it to.
     
  20. Pippa1703

    Pippa1703 Well-Known Member

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    http://www.baby2see.com/conception_calculator.html#ConceptionCalculator

    I just used this and by my due date, it tells me I concieved before the date that [I know] ovulated. It does also give a nine day window as to possible conception dates. ..no calculator will give you the guarunteed correct answer though , only dna will do that. Please wait til after the birth, theres a risk of miscarriage otherwise
     

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