My last thread - Miscarriage

Discussion in 'Coping with Miscarriage & Loss' started by soffphie, Aug 11, 2019.

  1. soffphie

    soffphie Well-Known Member

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    I would have been 8 weeks today but babys died.
    I saw a heartbeat at 6 weeks and they say once youve seen that its only like 5% chance miscarriage.
    Im confused what have i done to kill it?

    Talking practical:
    What are the steps and process ill now have to go thru , scan people arranged a hosp appointment tues but wot the hell is this for?
    Can i have tests as to y ive miscarried? Wot will these be like?
    I dont wanna think abt it but i just wanna try again & get re pregnant again asap.
    Is this period basically day 1 cycle?
     
  2. Elfs Mummy

    Elfs Mummy Well-Known Member

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    I’m so sorry :( that’s awful. Miscarriage is one of the hardest things to go through. I fell pregnant straight after my miscarriage with my twins. I really hope you get your rainbow soon x
     
  3. night owl

    night owl Well-Known Member

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    You haven’t done anything to kill it Sophie it’s just awful rotten luck, I really think you should try again as soon as you’re ready, the hospital might scan you to check for any remaining tissue or anything and just check your lining is shedding etc, i would count the first day of any really heavy bleeding as cycle day 1 but you may have a super long cycle, i ovulated on cycle day 30 after my miscarriage, so sorry you are going through this xx
     
  4. soffphie

    soffphie Well-Known Member

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    Im ganna try and see a dr tomorrow just to get it off my medical records.
    feel so incredibly alone to be honest.
     
  5. Lollypop79

    Lollypop79 Well-Known Member

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    You’ve done nothing wrong. I am so sorry. It will take time to get over it but you will feel stronger. It is a very lonely thing to go through. My heart goes out to you. The scan will be to make sure everything has passed.
    You usually count from first day of heave bleeding as c/d 1.
    They say it’s best to wait for your next period to start trying if you feel up to it. This is purely for helping to date the pregnancy, Many try straight away before period and they fall others it takes time. It was 8 cycles before I fell again after I miscarried. I def would say from my experience is to take time to grieve and don’t be tough on yourself. When you feel up to it try.

    Unfortunately they won’t offer testing to why miscarried. This isn’t offered unless you have miscarried 3 times (awful I know)
    Honestly one of the hardest things to go through. Sending lots of love x x
     
  6. Alexis2017

    Alexis2017 Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to see this. It's so hard to go through. I felt so alone and sad for a long time. Reach out to your friends and family if you can. We are also here for you. X x x
     
  7. soffphie

    soffphie Well-Known Member

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    Just realised this morning i wrote a new thread in long term ttc not here!

    I did a suicide attempt this morning. It didnt work. I just wanted to wake up or be dead with them. It feels like im the only one who cared about them and what kind of mother would i have been that now after this morning ive managed to make people think of me and not the baby its like no one cares about that and only about me. Wot a actual shameful excuse i am and would have been as a mum.
    I showed my mum the scan and all she said was well nothing, how have i actually managed to do that. Not only have i killed them ive also managed to make no one care about it.
     
  8. Lollypop79

    Lollypop79 Well-Known Member

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    Have you been offered support for your mental health?

    The reason your mam was like that and why some people won’t be saying what you want to hear is they just don’t know what to say to comfort you. They don’t know how to deal with the situation.
    I’m sure I can speak for a lot of women on here who had very insensitive things said to them over their losses. It’s purely coz people don’t think. Believe me we are all heartbroken for you and also for the baby that you lost. You are not alone xx
     
  9. MoominGirl

    MoominGirl Well-Known Member

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    So sorry to read this Sophie. Reach out to others and make sure you get the support you need at such a difficult time. Thinking of you.
     
  10. soffphie

    soffphie Well-Known Member

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    Im seriously struggling with this today. Keep trying to work out how i can get hold of a knife under watch and key so to speak.
    I knoow im mad sorry guys! Ill have to come off of here soon i really will :(
     
  11. chattychar1990

    chattychar1990 Well-Known Member

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    You really need to get some help Sophie, this is serious and you shouldn't be going through this without professional help.
    You will get through the other side trust me x
     
  12. Lollypop79

    Lollypop79 Well-Known Member

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    You need help. You can’t do this on your own. You need to speak to doctors or the hospital again. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. This will pass, as heartbreaking as it is you do learn to cope with it. You need extra support to get through this. So take whatever mediation they prescribe you and get help. My heart goes out to you. You don’t have to leave putting your feelings out there will help. Xx
     
  13. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    This goes beyond any qualification we as fellow ttc/pregnant women can help you with. I agree with the others, can't you talk to someone there? I find it odd they just keep an eye on you but don't offer any counseling.

    It's horrible to go through a miscarriage but that just means that there might have been something wrong with the baby. It's nature's way of handling it. Who knows, if it had a serious defect and you had to make the choice to have it removed or keep it despite knowing it had 0 chances to survive would have been even more devastating. Now, the choice has been made for you.
    It's all very early and it will take time to heal but trying to end your life will make people around you more miserable than you think. Your parents, certainly your mum, who you seem to be close to, will be devastated. She will blame herself for not being able to help you. Your OH would be lost without you, he went on this adventure together with you don't you forget. He also just lost his future son or daughter, and you want to take away his wife as well. How will he cope?He will have to face each day knowing his baby dream was what made you want to end yourself.
    Why do you want to end this? The fact that you are hurting so much is because you loved something so much. It's beautiful in a way because you loved that unborn baby so ferociously, without fear, without gettting to know it.
    It takes time for a mother to get over this kind of loss, but don't let yourself go. Cry when it hurts, scream if you get angry, but don't hate yourself because you didn't do this. It wasn't the right mix of ingredients and sadly a lot of us have to go through miscarriages. The fact that it's a bit taboo to talk about it, makes it a bit harder to give it a place, we women feel like failures while I'm sure that if we talked about it more, it would help others which are having a difficult time.

    Everyone handles their grief and suffering differently, but don't get lost in that dark place.x
     
  14. soffphie

    soffphie Well-Known Member

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    Hi,
    As some know i was having counselling anyway so this has been stepped up but tbh ive been ignoring phone calls.
     
  15. Lollypop79

    Lollypop79 Well-Known Member

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    You need to answer the calls. Ignoring them won’t help you. You need to realise you’ve done nothing wrong and get that the help you need xx
     
  16. Rainbow1234

    Rainbow1234 Well-Known Member

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    Sophie you need to decide that you want to help yourself. If you hurt yourself then it’s final and you won’t ever get to be a mum. It’s an awful situation, lots of us have been there, some of us more than once but you need to be strong and pick yourself back up. Ignoring phone calls and looking for knives is not helping anything. Take time to scream and cry but ultimately you need to get help and take steps to move forward
     
  17. Alexis2017

    Alexis2017 Well-Known Member

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    Soff please seek help. My friend committed suicide last year and I really don't think he would have done it with proper help. His whole family and all his friends have fell apart. It's forever.... The situation you are in now is not forever. It will change and it will get better. If you take your own life you won't have that chance to feel better and move forward and have that precious baby. Please remember that even in these dark dark times there is away to find the light...

    I was where you are a few months ago, lost a pregnancy after 2.5 years of ttc and ivf. But if I had taken my own life I wouldn't be here now, pregnant. It will happen for you again, please message me to chat. X x
     
  18. soffphie

    soffphie Well-Known Member

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    Just went to my nans grave and put some flowers on the grave. Yellow ones. For the baby, i felt so shit leaving it there like guilty as hell. Like i was leaving it behind. It really was all that mattered to me and my life
     
  19. MrsS15

    MrsS15 Well-Known Member

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    Sophie, I’m following your posts and feeling sadder each time I read the next. The girls have totally hit the nail on the head with everything they’ve said. Look at the signatures on most girls who’ve replied to you here?? We’ve lost too!! It’s a painful place but it’s not lonely, you aren’t the only one. And as alexis said, if we’d all given up after the first, we wouldn’t be here now. I had two then didn’t get pregnant again and needed IVF. I spent Xmas of 2016 in the hole you’re in, crying the entire day. The following Xmas I had my 6 day old son in my arms. Literally a year later! This could be you this time next year. Please please tell someone how low you are feeling and remember you are loved, go and hug your husband and share your pain with him. He’ll be feeling it too! I remember after my first miscarriage I shut myself away for days and just cried and cried. I went down the stairs and my husbands phone was sitting open, he’d sent his mum a text saying ‘I’m trying to be strong for her but I’m cut up inside too’. My god it broke my heart and reminded me this wasn’t just my pain.

    Each day does get better Sophie but only if you let it. You’re swallowed up in your raw pain right now but it does get easier. Stay strong xx
     
    Kitana and chattychar1990 like this.
  20. Kitana

    Kitana Moderator

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    Soffphie has asked to be banned for a month, she will be able to come back in September. Hope she will get the help she needs...
     

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