My heart aches

[Cosmogirl7]

Hi ladies,

I've not really been posting on here much lately, to be honest my heart is just aching. It's been 40 days since my D&C and no AF. One of my best friends told me last week she's pregnant and I broke down and cried my eyes out. Feel like a selfish cow but she' wasn't even trying and it's killing me. I'm starting to find it so hard, and just like it'll never happen.

Anyhow pointless thread but I know there's a few of you out there who might just feel like me.

Xxx

 

[can]

hi so sorry to hear you are feeling so low and I know where you are coming from. I had 2 mc straight after each other and sunk to my lowest ever, the mc were not so painful as the months after when I was desperately trying to conceive and didn't. Believe me hun there is hope I know it doesn't feel like that now and Im sure you are sick of people saying it will be alright, but it is true just stay strong and look after yourself and don't panic as to why its not happening, I got myself into such a state believing that I wouldn't be able to have a baby, and now am sat looking at my 3 month old with the mc a distant memory. Keep looking forward and take it a day at a time. Big hugs to you

 

[Hannah142]

Aw babe I now how u feel, I had a early mc in December and been trying for 9 months, I feel there is something seriously wrong now, I haven't gone to doctors yet but I might do this month, it hurts so much seeing people get bfp and move on leaving u behind then neves come along and get bfp within first few cycles, it don't seem fair!? I feel so down today too, and even tho I want to be happy for other women I can't, it's all lies, like I am pleased for them obviously but I feel so jealous and depressed it's horrible. My cousin conceived first time (we started trying same time) she's due next week and I'm still here ;( I won't even go see her baby as it will hurt to much. I think ttc is the worst thing ever. It really messes us up. There is nothing to say that will cheer u up, but what helps me is thinking how there are a lot worse things happening to other poor women so be thankful for what you have and you are never ever alone. Hugs Hun xxxxx

 

[Elliott]

Hey you, was wondering how you were doing. It is tough when it feels like everything just works out for everyone else. I was close to tears last night when I ordered a drink at the bar thinking how I shouldn't be drinking now I should be about 8 month pregnant! Wish I could say more to help been thinking if you though so do keep in touch xxx

 

[megsmeadow]

Massive hugs Cosmo. Though I'm not sure if that ache ever goes. I've learned to live with it. I saw a lady comment on a local group I'm in contact with which really touched me. She said 'Each time we love someone, they hold a piece of our heart, to keep safe and look after. When they die, they don't hand you the piece of your heart back.' It made so much sense to me. Xxx

 

[Elliott]

That is a lovely thought megs x

 

[gemmainthesun]

Im sorry you are going through this, im also in a bad place having my D&C tue after 4 yeasrs of TTC and 2 roiunds of IVf Ive actually had 2 panic attacks and am on anxiety meds and I always throught I was so strong but this really has done my head in. My sister was going on last night saying she wants another baby and shes gonna go sleep with this guy shes seeing to get one even though he hasn't got a clue and I just felt so angry and also very insensitive. Ive got 12 embryos in the freezer so I will be trying again towards the end of the year prob sept oct time but really need to get my head straight. I hated the D&C physically it was ok but was so out f it afterwards and think it was the medication that triggered my first panic attack.

 

[yummymummy80]

Hi cosmogirl,

I too am also in a bad place atm I have to go back to the hospital on tues as my mmc didn't happen naturally and I have to get it induced the thought of losing my baby (although I know its already gone, but its still inside me) makes me so sad I don't know how im gonna cope on tues.

However I can sympathise with you its really really hard and im just wanting to try straight away too but feels like theres no light at the end of the tunnel

 

[Clementine]

Hi Cosmogirl, it is heartbreaking, after my D&C's my AF turned up approx 38 to 44 days after and then my cycles returned to approx 33 days. Since my second D&C I find myself much more emotional, the tears can come easy especially when my AF arrives. It is not a pointless thread, baby making is a rollercoaster we put ourselves through so much and the loss of a baby bean brings real grief, time does help to heal but at times it can feel like it's just never going to happen. I know that what I have been through over the last 2 years has been so much harder than I ever imagined but I also realise I'm much stronger than I ever imagined. I hope your AF arrives soon and that if you start TTC again straight away that you get your sticky baby bean. Big hugs x

 

[Hopeful75]

Hi cosmogirl,
Am writing this having spent much of the day in tears. My af finally appeared today, 52 days after my last mc. Opened Facebook to see a friend's 20 week scan pic, knowing I should be 17weeks by now. It's so hard to feel positive, but we just need to focus on being hopeful. Support from people on here and knowing I'm not the only person going through such times has been a great comfort, I hope you feel the same way.
Fingers crossed your af arrives soon and you can move forwards. Big hugs